A boy loves a girl
How touching.
A boy loves a boy..
How disgusting?
Why don't you dig down
The bones.
Everything's the same.
You say,
" It's complicated "
How can you be repulsed
By what you don't understand.
I beg and plead
Don't be scared of what you are not familiarized with.
Embrace it.
Just because the bones are alike,
Does not mean the heart is.
Let the heart be free.
Be one with itself.

Laying still in my bed, I do not recognize who is laying there
Unrecognizable to my eyes, pulling a blank in my mind
Someone who once looked so familiar is now a stranger.

There’s a sadness where it once was happy
A pessimist that once was positive
A person that I used to enjoy.

The unaccepting stare is not welcoming
The negative thoughts are not comforting
The utter confusion is all but wanted.

Time goes by and no help is asked for
No changes occur
Nothing.

Finally change hits me, but still no better
For this confusion is now frustration
And this person is growing more distant.

Anger for having expectations
Anger for not caring anymore
Anger for giving up on them.

Falling off the bed, hitting the hard floor below
The only place to go is up
Until the floor falls from underneath me.

I try to stand, but don’t have the strength
I try to speak, but don’t have the courage
I try to listen, but don’t have the patience.

Finally at the bottom I look up
The eyes of the stranger are staring,
Peering inside of me.

Trying to make sense of it all
Understanding who this person is
Though difficult, I recognize them

Denial hits, I cannot accept it
I refuse to admit what I see
Because what I see is me.

From the beginning i knew
That what we had wasn't true
The sound of our laughs still echoes in the back of my mind
Bursting with the lightning of your memories;
Yes, they must be one of their kind
They never fail to draw a smile on my face
That smile that you used to love and praise
That smile that is useless if not reflected on your gentle face
Truth must be said
We were both just living on floating clouds
Surrounded by the beauty of our wandering eyes
So why settle for reality
That is in fact just a lie
When we can spread our wings and fly
With the power of our unconscious desire?

You see I can't really explain
Inarticulate, and never one to complain
But what you were saying is just plain lame
And then nothing since then was ever the same
Wish you'd take my hand til this problem is slain
I promise you now that I will take all the blame

A black stiletto lost in the throws of passion, kicked to lie far under the bed. Poor shoe forgotten in the heat of love making, forever separated from the perfect smoothness of your slim left leg.
The soft kisses, your arms holding me tight, a simple shoe left bereft at the end of the night.
Come morning the stiletto eluded us.
“It doesn’t matter” you said your soft lips finding mine. Full of the joy of our love making you left your face radiant a single shoe clutched in your hand.

---

You stand perplexity giving way to anger, A slim black stiletto points straight at my heart.
“What is this? It isn’t my size. No lies. Who is she? You *******”.

i  don't want  to live in  the
                            s p a c e s
between   your   words,   i
want to be  found in every
syl-
                    la-
                                     ble

When I was a kid happiness wasn't a decision, it wasn't something you learned from textbooks or teachers, it was a given. And it wasn't given to you by some magical means you just had it.  But as the years slip by, we find we too are slowly slipping, and more and more we have to try to reach for that something we were not given we simply got. And as our fingers brush bravely along the line between bliss and destruction, the definition of happiness is lost.  We read the news in reverse, so the man with the gun removes bullets from the chests of 20 children and their teachers. And the man returns home and becomes a boy in a time when mistakes were forgiven.  Because it seems as we get older the world gets crueler and if its unbearable now, how will ever survive? Because reading the news in reverse won't make those children alive, but perhaps if we open our eyes we will see.  We will see the reverberating effect of hate but don't let anyone tell you its too late for kindness.  The day Kyle decided the world wasn't ready, we finally were.  According to Newton's third law: for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, but  when his body made contact the ripples eventually stopped.  And I guess emotions can't be bound by laws because the ripples of pain in the hearts of people he touched never did.  Its been 57 days, 1 hour and 22 minutes but the seconds keep passing as if nothing ever happened but it did.  So smile like there's no tomorrow because time cannot be borrowed and you can't give it to someone who's gone so make it your own.   So rise and shine.  Make this world a better place, even though we are just particles floating in space, we’re gonna be here awhile.  Because maybe happiness is a decision, but I’ve chosen.

I'm not okay without you,  because missing a moment of you is just too hard,
and because my whole world revolves around you; you could destroy me at any moment.
I keep going through your pictures as fast as my fingers will allow,
partially because I want to kiss your face, frozen in every moment.
and mostly because they're all perfect, and I can't pick just one I adore.
It hurts to see that you were happy before me, but then again you're happy now.
At least that's what I tell myself. You're happier with me.
Yes, it hurts to see you with someone else but that was before me.
I tell myself you're mine now.
That every fiber of you comes alive for me but I don't really believe that.
The notion of true love is romantic but the scientist in me won't believe;
that you never loved before me.
that you could give it all up for me.
That your life came to a stop and I walked right in the middle of it.
The pieces left from all my past selves are aching for you to touch me and love me,
for you to declare you want to make me whole again. They wait for you to fix me.
To pull me close in the center of your world and set me on a pedestal.
for this, I would give up anything. I've laid on my bed every night and wished for you.
everything I've seen since I met you has been a mere shadow of the actual representation.
My eyes are blurred by tears and fears, like what if you're just a dream meant to leave me alone.
I can wipe the tears away, but your memory lingers.it always comes back because it belongs here,
and I feel like I belong in your arms.
I hold on to you and you're tearing me apart.
I would die for you. Not an actual death,
but a little death where every part that knew you won't work without you.
Everyday, I would die, and everyday I do ,because I love you, I always have.
I have loved you not only in this life, but in all the past lives. See i didn't have to learn to love you.
My heart and soul and body were all in sync cause I was made for this;
to give you every part of me the way it was meant to be.
My body fits perfectly with yours like the missing piece.
I am yours, when you hold me. when you kiss me. and when you need me.
A part of me knows I will always be yours.
I was made to love you.

You're the man I could stare at and  say nothing,
because the type of nothing you have means everything.
You could break me over and over, and it always hurts like hell, but each time I heal is for you.
You come with me to my dreams where my soul meets yours.
I think I scare you, by revealing a love your mind could never fathom.
I dream of you,but you are so real you make my chest ache. with things I didn't know I needed,
till I met you. Things I only dreamt of now within my grasp.
I write of you because you fill my soul with words bursting to come out.
I see you and I can't speak, from beauty and pain piercing the insides of me.
I hold it all in and it flows out on paper.
I need you to live, breathe and be.

You make everything in this world matter more than it did, I've never loved  before,
and I've never missed a set of lips so much. That's why I'll always love you.
I do love you, more than anyone could love another, because I fell in love when we met.
I fell in love when you spoke to me and held me, and then I fell in love when you looked into my eyes.
The kind of love I only saw in farytales. I tried to walk away and your gravity pulled me back to you.
I nudged you awake when you slept cause I counted every hour I spent with you.
I fell in love with the way I love you, and a part of me can't give that up.
I fell for every part of you, one at a time, over and over I got ****** into your presence.
I gave myself to you and every part couldn't wait to be yours.
I am yours. Now and forever.

No one said it would hurt this much,
the living and letting go of things you love.
See nothing lasts forever, that's just a dream.
Misty colored rainbow fading to pale gray.


They never taught me to shut out the whispers,
from bitter voices in my head that had had enough.
All i knew was reality was a sham,
covering up the peeling paint with patchwork.

I wrote the lessons in between the pieces,
but the words faded like star dust.
I made the same mistakes over and over,
and got myself broken like a worn out string.


So now am here tattered and frayed,
Piecing life together a day at a time.
I need to build a person that is whole,
so am starting to collect my emotions,
bind them with honesty and truth.
Am learning to accept imperfections,
and coat them with effort and good faith.
Am learning how to be human again.