I wanna write but my words are empty
I can’t breathe without not wanting too
I can’t sleep knowing who you’re next to
I can’t eat because my stomach won’t let me
I can’t scream because my lungs refuse
I can’t stand the sound of my own heartbeat
Is this normality?
To shake at the thought of leaving my home
To hate the feeling in a crowded room
Even if it’s the people you love the most
I’m only comfortable when I’m alone
I’m just trying to get by
But when there’s nothing to keep you breathing
No glue to stop you breaking
No **** can make you high
No alcohol can make you forget,

Nothing but what you remembered from the fall through December back again to in mid spring then your mind went to somewhere in July when the sun was high and together you soared above every and anything that you both saw, took every chance made every mistake but you did it so gloriously you made it painlessly and you survived with them by your side but now it’s gone
And you both know it went on for so long
But the thought that somewhat it went wrong still it haunts your head so full of now grief and sorrow but for the person you lost so quickly and it felt like less than a year but a entire lifetime because some part of you refuses to let you believe it was real, the aftermath of it all keeps you realising it was real it was a living nightmare
when they left
you remember how suddenly your nights got cold and your days short, the weeks started feeling like months and 5 days in to the month you felt it had already dragged about 7 years, but you kept going even though you’d lost yet another light, not even that but two
I somehow managed
Alone
Broken
Scared

But alive
I am alive

Titles make me weird
I mean how do you word what your words are trying to explain
It’s confusing see words just flow with me I don’t think I just write and type until I look at the screen and I stare and ponder I just let my hands write that which they choose  whenever my eyes red and full take in my soul when my body’s in harmony because I’m slightly too intoxicated but it’s fine, because it’s making me feel alive, listening too old acoustic songs that make you feel like your flying and that’s where I write, I write when I’m in the deepest cave at the bottom of the endless sea, where there is little oxygen or room to breathe, my soul will break through the rock and let me float away through and across where no human has gone before, that’s where I see my minds creations is where my heart belongs it’s where my soul breaths it’s my home eternal and true
But let it not be said that my perfect home no matter how old my soul seems to be, is with you with your arms around me,
They are my ultimate perfections,
You were
No are
The most important thing to me
And that’s where my heart truly beats
Where my soul can break
It’s final resting place
I’ll lay it all on you if you just once promise me forever and always
I will genuinely vow
Because if you genuinely feel that way I think I’d know
So I think in time we could
Because right now I love you more than words can describe

A thing people should know about my work: I can start a piece about one thing sounding one way and by the end of it you forgot what you were reading about because my words make you confused yet they make sense see I read my work and I know what I was thinking when I wrote it but other people just see a mess of a paragraph using words that don’t mesh together or things that shouldn’t be put together but to me they work, I could describe to you the way I see the sky, but you’d never see the same sky, my words will tug at heartstrings maybe a word or two will send you on your own set of emotions but every word meant something
And that’s what you need to know
I may dramatically show it
Using words I can barely spell and my fingers shaking I’ll type and I’ll make it sound worse than it is
But that’s how I see it
I spend hours watching rain, see it coming from miles away the clouds which fade from a bright white to a dark grey and I watch as they break
As they pour down upon the city’s and streets as the mountains pierce them they crumble and turn into rocks
But somehow city’s and mountains stand
Rain can’t wash the concrete and stone away
I haven’t
I’m from a town, no big city’s near, I live away from the mountains and next to the coast, so truth be told I’ve grown up watching the sea
In a town where everyone knows everyone and news can travel fast
When a person gets stabbed you know in the next 3 days
When a kid goes wrong it’s apparent to all the families that live around
But still
To me this place is a city

“I’m just so depressed” and that’s all I could tell him I wanted to tell him that I was fine that I’m not fully broken but I feel oh so nearly done I’m already so hollow my insides don’t feel the need to carry on my minds only okay when it’s gone and my eyes just can’t stop flooding I need to find a way to cope because I’ve never felt so alone and I know you’d do anything for me and I’m sorry that there’s nothing you can do I’m just done I’m so ******* sorry but I actually cannot keep it together anymore and I’m literally breaking with every moment I’m awake I feel the need to not bother because everything’s becoming more and more pointless every day and I’m not sure how much more I can take cause I’ve been falling apart for so long that I can’t remember how to feel complete anymore, I can’t remember what my life was before depression and I can’t remember a time I wasn’t bullied or abused, born a fighter and a light for others and I’m slowly genuinely feeling the flame disappear I can just feel myself loosing myself I don’t know me anymore it’s like I’ve just become someone I’m not in such a different way, I’m the same and more normal than I’ve ever been yet at the same time I’m so lost I just don’t know what to do about anything anymore I’m forgetting everything that made me me and it’s just slowly slipping through my grasp I ******* hate change and I feel myself changing every day it hurts cause I used to care and love everything now I hate mostly everything there is little I cherish and much I now despise and I hate it I hate how I hate and it’s becoming so hard to bear...