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I think, in essence
What I'm striving for
(Eservescence)
Is sitting on the face of luxury

At least, that's what it feels like
My compass is off
And as many have probably asked
Where am I going, St. Anthony?
Can God find me here?

The answer's always yes,
But there are times
Where I feel like I don't want to be found
And I don't want to talk to you or the next person or the next person or the next person or the next person

So I sit with a stone jaw
And a steel resolve

I'm done.






Find me here, someone,

And take me to someplace nicer than this.
There's got to be someplace nicer than this.
Mr. O'Leary spoke to the wooden spoon
I don't quite remember what he said
But he looked at me with queer eyes
And never spoke again

I remember that day vividly
As the cat fell atop my forehead
And the sky turned gray
As no one danced, that day
And something fell into my vat

A child, a child!
Made of potatoes and rye
Fell into a vat, and like a child, did cry

I flipped the bird's nest
And broke the camel
To save that child's face

But nothing, alas nothing could this day, erase.
Nonsense poetry at its finest?
My somber heart that desires a bond that binds
Our exhausted hands feeble like the mind
As the hours grow near  
It begins to consume my core
Time is not a friend of mine
Behold this love of mine
Shaken and frightened  in the dark
A gasp of  hollow air
As a quiet beauty reflects time
Floating in circles through a hidden dream
Inspiring  paradisaical into a mystical place
The scent of your sin still lingers in the air.
Clouding my thoughts like smoke from the flames.
The flames of the passion that we once shared.
Now all is left are the embers of despair.
Now here I hang my head in shame.
"Was it something I said? Am I to blame?"
I refuse to continue being a pawn in your childish game.
I'll burn all memories of you and extinguish the flames.
And let you drift away like the smoke in the air.
Her hands are folded across the back of her neck
headphones cover her ears.
She sits at a table with three other girls
but they don't talk to her
and she shrinks lower in the chair
her already small form shrinking into a ball.

I should walk there
only fifteen feet away
and sit there next to her
I shrug the blazer off my shoulders smiling
"It fits" I say
the joy in my voice apparent.
He turns, smiling and hands me a hanger.
"Good luck man" he says
"I've known you for so long, 6th grade, when you were in 8th
It's been great watching you change
watching you grow
and sharing life with you.
You come visit after you leave
even if I'm gone you know the kids will pull you inside
you're like family man, don't go disappearing forever.
I hope you go far
and I'm excited to see what you do"
These words hold so much truth
that I can't even face him,
I study the tv stand
"thanks man, I will
I'll be back someday
and I know that if I sit outside somebody will come eventually.
Thank you for everything you've done
All the memories we have
and the place to stay when I'm bored and I can.
Thank you for your family
that has slowly grown to be like mine.
Thank you.
I'll be back sometime
Sometime"
a hunger strike without cause,
you don't care how much weight i've lost
finally my unhealthy tics are not your problem
jut your fault,
i wish i was free
but they never cease to haunt me
my parietal lobe is home to a phoenix
and each time i awaken in thought,
he burns brighter than type II supernovae,
littering vitalizing ash throughout
the entirety of my internal,
over incongruous cobblestones
and grooved floorboards
bearing all the signatures
and singed residue of rebirth.
-
the ashes multiply and collect
filling me gaunt with each muse lost,
and fifty times the sun is just enough
for him to wither into a black hole,
rendering my mind little more
than an event horizon,
and my life little more
than an expression
denoting eventuality.
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