no one asked us to draw each other
but it happened as though someone did.

just doing what we usually did
and loved to do
or so we did
or so we do

this time we don’t hide that we want to stay longer

which in the nighttime especially
wasn't the easiest thing
to stop from wanting to be doing.
so i can't complain

when we were on the grass
with no shoes.
you look at an old star i
think of the old swear jar
in the kitchen,
i was barefoot then too

but silence took ahold of time
or so it reached for it
in a way that said to us that every moment here in peace was stolen
and undeserved

but you say don't worry
we could do this forever
we could do anything forever.

time was hungry but time got its fill
and our honest wanting channelled into a still

we look at the other wanting to turn faces into stills too
hold onto cheeks smudging in a glow
coming from the moon
a moment cast from ghost of stronger love past
asking us to lift the mask

so raise brush, so i do
so raise brush, so do you
to lift the mask, transference task
from moment to leave to moment to stay
forgive the days we went away
i forgive the days you went away
but more there's more i want to say
so took hold of hands they were yours
and spoke to you of emotional cores

knowing  eyes drift
and eyes implore
and you look at me like you did once before
you say be with me. be with me like we used to be
before
but this time it'll be less like this i promise and more like more

so i paint. and again, no one asked me to. but i wanted to
if i had a brush i could
somehow conjure a scene that feels enough
like putting down the mast
here i promise you it'll be safe to walk over it at last
past past
backs back

no one asked me to compose but i
wanted to listen to it again


to feel like i've finally sent aging grudges into spaces
alleys and other dark places

you asked me to do one thing and it was to sew
something i wasn't even sure i would really know
when i thought of us broken but in my hands a needle and thread
it felt like you were right here instead of just in my head
and like this i understood what you meant
if i could just fix us instead

rain gets carried away when
I pray a new kinda gray
into my life the
one where all the black kinda faded away
but stuck around in the residue, stuck around
behind everything I do
she screamed about the holy and I told her it wasn't the right day
to ask me again to pray to ask me again to pray to ask me again to get closer when I was the closest I've ever been in a while and none of it was something I'd ever tell
none of it was something I'd ever tell but I got hurt the last time
that I fell so I told her in pieces about
the peace I was trying to know

can we go back to the days when white seemed too grey can we go back to the days when happiness was more than just a conceptual name can we go back to the days when the old people in the old world come about again hoping screaming and hoping, wishing well, wishing well, all these good tides washing upon us. we were hoping for a different kind of frosty night but this is what ended up happening and we ran with it. ran as our feet pattered the floor ran as our hands tackled the door and this is our makeshift guess for reality's sake.

required home this was our required home
we decided
this was a place we couldn't let go
we decided
this was a place we'd bend
and crack
hack like a lumberjack
till pores erupted in the wood
and we filled this place we couldn't let go
with moonlight glow
seeping in the most
standing on the edge of the moment like a ghost
at the very last hour in the very first night
when we began to call the wood with us in it a home
our dearest home when we
recognized the need for home when we
recognized the need for a place to shelter
when we recognized the heat the swell and the swelter
when we laid in concentrated comfort
in morning sun
baby this is the unloading of a spiritual gun
and you said it could be the most fun. if we stayed
if we prayed. if we
let go of each other.
and then like you said in the script
you started to talk about departure and leave
and you said you had to take yours
but before you did
you said your hands need a place to stay and here
is the place i promised
and here i am not sad to leave you in this world.
and here you can't be in a rush to leave.
and then you took my hands out of yours and placed them on the tree
and then i turned around
and it was only me

softer you said
softer softer softer.
you can't be so hard
you don't have to be so hard.
not on yourself
not on me
not on this

and you say
i know you're clinging with your life to that victim card
and you can and you should
and i can't and won't stop you

but we rage together, on that lifesunk mission forever
i promised that much to you and i swear again that we always will.
i can't keep pretending there ever was another person for
who i'd ****
what hole are we trying this time to fill

here we stare out at that big volcano we nicknamed little hill

and in all those ragers i hear you speak
the same thing again

so here i am saying back to you
   softly      i promise you we'll stop before we break him
here hold my hand i'll say it louder
i promise you we might still live happy without him

and as we lay in my bed
you'd suggested instead
that we rage, rage, rage hard together
against the sorry night
and i'm begging you please fix that broken light
cause i'm a victim of all these stolen nights
in this bed where sleep couldn't cross me even if i had it in me to try
        cause here i lay here i lie
to remember
that this is far too close to where i felt it begin

here you suggested
to fight against the happy time
to hang in the stars
to stare at the new moon
and fly with it back

and i convince you to sway with me
and i convince you to stay with me
and the dance is all ours
and so is the world

and we made it rhyme
every single time
till the love we had for crowds was clear
till they screamed at us    we want you here
all over again till all appointments fell in stacks
hung them over ***** dish racks
here they were screaming for us
turning their backs

we want you back
we want you back

so all the time
all the time, every time
we stand the test
if coming together was trying, then we were trying to stand the test.
and i wonder if all this oblivion would finally put me to rest

would i finally be able to admit
who i'd love better at my best

could you let me have a thought can you let me have a think
in time for when
your next comment takes me to
the brink
of newly oldened short story chapter
that relentless horizon
continuing like they say it will
but always going with a promise
to break off in unforeseeable ending.

here i am on this dawning chapter and i wish i had the certainty to call it ending
because here on this edge all that i see is that
all my life principles
and rules are breaking and bending

here i am on this dawning chapter in awe
of all the system so quickly gone to dust
in awe of all the people for whom i've lost all trust
in awe of all the sorry looks i got that led me to this edge
and encouraged me to stay.
away
from the truth
i am happier, think
away
is where i don't have to hear anything you say.

so let me grow, let me grow, let me grow
further apart till you finally know
that i don't have to know
how pathetic i'm being
how much more truth you're seeing

because this is the only truth
i'll ever reconcile
and i'm going to stay on this edge
a while.

things in our blood things in our skin
poor vein's discarded oxygen
here you are superficial, artificial
on the surface creep
but the rumor's that you also come in deep