now i look at everything like it's you
but everything looks back at me and
it's screaming me me me
and i was so deluded to think i could escape myself through another person

you and me have our own sense of time
a night is the day's wait to turn it all off

being born again
every night
   his hands laced through
to the ends of mine
                    he's

being born again
         asking me what happens every night
       if it happens every  night
yes, every night
you're gone every night

i love you
but you've gone every night
          
he's being born again
and i'm sinking into dreampools of him telling me everything is fine
he says:
you're alright
he says:
we're alright

he says bury your face in mine
        bury your worries, it's fine
he says        i can't hold you forever
      but right now please can you please
let's just forget about stupid time

and again and again and again
i hold him like a summer love that bleeds and cracks
    and scabs

being born again
looking at each other trying not to cry
                            and here i am drowning
in thinking in feeling
oh how i wish i could hurt the night
how i wish i could hurt the night
        and how i wish i could hurt the morning

all of it in all its lying sunny glory
taking me and giving me a sick sad sob story

being born again
he's whispering
'tell me about your night'
being born again
'tell me about your night'
being born again

tonight there's only knuckles
tonight there's only jaws locking
before fights

but we'll never get to the fight
because i know you more every night
and you'll slip away again like you do every night

are you sure we're alright?
he says:
it's alright,
you're alright

then he's gone again
like every night

then he's born again
back again
with me again

he's asking
every night?
i'm trying to breathe—

yes.

every night.

i didn't think you'd be serious about never being able
to look me in the face again.
i mean i'm not mad. just look at me. i'm not mad
i'm not mad i'm not mad
i'm sad but i'm not mad

but i am. i am so mad. i am frustrated
and everything is so clear to me right now.

why are you mad?

i don't know why it took as long as it did for me to ***** this up.
but the point isn't why
it took so long but that i did ***** it up.

but you realize i did too, don't you?

i don't care what you did.
that's on you.
but what's on me, you can either hate me for or leave.

so then why are you mad?
i don't hate you.
all i wanted to do after you told me was to hold you.
isn't that what you wanted too?

stop it. again with the guilt tripping
why do you always want me to be the selfish one.
why do you make me  mistreat you? just to get some peace?
just to feel earth? just to hold onto something better in my head
i have to break something real like you?
why? why do you want me to play bad guy?
i'm mad at you. for
making me feel worse than i am by
not making me feel worse at all.
just drop it. drop me. drop the feelings.
i said i don't want you here, so stop looking at me
like i'm going to give you a punchline to that. this isn't a joke.
this is real. this happened. and what's happening is happening.
so stop looking at me like i'm going to tell you it isn't.

i said please. baby.
i'm not looking at you
any sort of way. i'm looking at you like you are.
why do you hate yourself so much.
why do you hate me so much.
just because you hate you doesn't mean i have to hate you too.

you know what i did.
so leave.
leave me for it.

but you didn't do it. you want me to think you did.
i'm not dumb.

and he said
either way i would've done it
so what does it matter?

please look at me.

i don't want to see myself

i want to see you.

i can't see you
i only see the me in you.
and i don't know why you bothered
putting so much of the better me in you
because the worse me is all i'll ever be
and you won't ever get to
be happy.
not with me.

i said if you lied to me now. i'd believe you

he said
*i really don't want you to

every interaction there is to know, there is to have
every feeling
every color in the sand
     every triple-drip, color-trip in the spilt gasoline
coming off in a faint rainbow, coming off in spilt energy
on some days just as fly ash
on other days peeling off the moon
peeling off our walls as well
and maybe this is just as well
and maybe this is just as well

please don't
i won't

please don't
i won't

please don't
this time i can't
stay

i'm sorry i'm sorry
come back

hold onto this

hold onto this

i can't
then don't.