i didn't think you'd be serious about never being able
to look me in the face again.
i mean i'm not mad. just look at me. i'm not mad
i'm not mad i'm not mad
i'm sad but i'm not mad

but i am. i am so mad. i am frustrated
and everything is so clear to me right now.

why are you mad?

i don't know why it took as long as it did for me to ***** this up.
but the point isn't why
it took so long but that i did ***** it up.

but you realize i did too, don't you?

i don't care what you did.
that's on you.
but what's on me, you can either hate me for or leave.

so then why are you mad?
i don't hate you.
all i wanted to do after you told me was to hold you.
isn't that what you wanted too?

stop it. again with the guilt tripping
why do you always want me to be the selfish one.
why do you make me  mistreat you? just to get some peace?
just to feel earth? just to hold onto something better in my head
i have to break something real like you?
why? why do you want me to play bad guy?
i'm mad at you. for
making me feel worse than i am by
not making me feel worse at all.
just drop it. drop me. drop the feelings.
i said i don't want you here, so stop looking at me
like i'm going to give you a punchline to that. this isn't a joke.
this is real. this happened. and what's happening is happening.
so stop looking at me like i'm going to tell you it isn't.

i said please. baby.
i'm not looking at you
any sort of way. i'm looking at you like you are.
why do you hate yourself so much.
why do you hate me so much.
just because you hate you doesn't mean i have to hate you too.

you know what i did.
so leave.
leave me for it.

but you didn't do it. you want me to think you did.
i'm not dumb.

and he said
either way i would've done it
so what does it matter?

please look at me.

i don't want to see myself

i want to see you.

i can't see you
i only see the me in you.
and i don't know why you bothered
putting so much of the better me in you
because the worse me is all i'll ever be
and you won't ever get to
be happy.
not with me.

i said if you lied to me now. i'd believe you

he said
*i really don't want you to