I want to so bad
I just want to feel the pain
To feel the suffering that my sins bring
To see the heartache my actions sing
To know I am in control
To understand that I am normal
To hear the world my lips speak
To understand the silence that no one brings
I want to know why I do this
I want to understand what goes on
I want to be able to stop myself
When the time comes again.

"Mommy, why are they so cruel?"
"It's in their blood."
"Who put it there?"
"The ones that we will never love."

Kick everything you know..and kick it into touch
It's what you want to do
But the question is..
How much?

Would you lay waste to words..
..leave untasted tested fomulae
Free the inner creative soul
Dig a hole in which to hide..beside me?

Fashion sentences from scimitars
Cut the ties that bind us up in silken sentiment
Use excrement to describe our slide into the bowels of earth..
..or is that outside your comfort zone?

If so..
Then I suggest you stay at home and watch the soaps.
Fill your mind with suds...for whatever good that will do.
Leave change alone
And change will leave you too
Stew behind those lacey nets
For you all bets are void.

But bouyed up by the travesties that weigh down our communities..
..if you can't fight...
..then Mister....You ain't worth a light.
Don't want to call you dim ..but here's the thing
With you around..it's hard to get up off the ground.
Just stay at home
I'll fight the battles on my own..as I have always done..
Not often won.
But I don't give a ****..I use my words like a battering ram.
It's who I am...it's what I do.
Who and what are you?

Words flow out of me
like rivers,
like rainbows,
splashing colors across pages
and illustrating the nooks
of my brain
that don’t bear explaining.

Asking for permission,
for justification,
asking for answers.
No spark behind their eyes,
no understanding.
Venting my frustration,
only blank looks in return.

I retreat to my lines
and my ink,
scrawling,
not bawling,
saying,
not letting my heart
go unspoken.

Not this time.

Day of pollen.
The birds have no *******.

BULLYING

I was sad
and he was mad
he did not care about me
so what do I do now?

He says I look like garbage
and I always wonder
"What do I have to do
on this earth?"

School is not cool
because of what he does to me

Now when will we be happy,
he never stops bullying me.
I want to be friends
but we don't have a chance.

We will never have a friendship
because he does not care about me.

We are World War Three
A sinking ship, is me
you are the captain
of the ship that made me sink.

He is my nightmare
where did my dreams go?
My friends have disappeared,
I'm in a little box.

I know what to do now,
I have some friends to help me through,
the BULLY will be STOPPED at once,
I will tell him what I feel.

I want to be FRIENDS not ENEMIES.

I saw the butterfly,
Fluttering in the wind.
I wanted to know its story,
So I followed nature's gift.

I knew it intended for me to follow,
And I did.
Into the sun's bright rays, I did.
It went almost no where, that spirit.

But then I knew it.
It was my butterfly.
My angel.
There to make my day better,
And it did.