Love is a fickle thing
Forever is a myth
Love, forever
Is a promise birthed
To die

My grandma
Always had a way
with words
She once said to me
Child,
Don't go proving love
With words
It is not a thing that's hidden
It is clear as day.
Love may be blind
But you aren't
And neither is she.

... YOU ARE
THE SHOOTING STAR,
YOU MAKE IT POSSIBLE
FOR ME TO WISH

YET STILL
THE ONLY WISH
I WANT TO MAKE
IS YOU

Just how long
Did it take you to learn the reality
That
The sky doesn't turn black
The sun doesn't stop giving light
And it's you that's moving
Around the equator of life
It's just how nature will have it
Does that make it more acceptable?

As we travel the path of life
Dawn is assured
No matter how long
The dark of the night lingers
And no one person
Is a monopoly of
Good and bad days
It's just how nature will have it

I love you
And so
I miss you
But you?
You only love me
When you miss me

Love is a verb
More than just
A thought
Best seen
In every day actions
Not in the gestures
Far and few between
A feeling
Best shown
Than said
So
No matter how much
Someone tells you
They love you
Pause
Listen
What do their actions say?

You know
Love is a crazy thing
Each time I'm roped in
I become a better version of myself
I've only been in love 3 times
The first taught me empathy
A deeper kind of feeling
An Understanding of oneself beyond pity
The second taught me patience
Not the enduring kind
But the type
that has made me who I am today
But with you
I've learnt to love myself
A feeling I thought of
as an inbuilt transient sensation
And one I now find most important
You see
It's saved my life countless times

I don't plan on falling
For someone different everytime
Just so I can learn
So
I just need to
keep on finding ways
To fall in love with you
Over and again

Who knows what else I will find

Years and years
Of living
Through the many
Versions of love
Has taught me
That, Love,
If true,
Is light
And no one
That has it to give
Hides it under a bushel
Left to the imagination
Of the one
It was meant for

That love, is loud
It was created
To be seen,
Heard
As much as it is felt.

When I was a child
I saw dark clouds gathering
For the first time in my life
On a hot afternoon
Shielding me
From the sun's unforgiving heat
I thought it so beautiful
And a miracle
Even though seconds later
The rains came
And the thunder too

Now an adult
The only dark cloud I see
Is you
Dark
Beautiful
A miracle even
But with as much rain
maybe; even more thunder

At night
I dread the empty space
On my bed
That you left
But Dawn
Comes with a reminder
Of the dread
That your existence
Assured

How my life has gone
From hating mondays
To not knowing what day is monday
Hating everyday
Because now
They all look the same

It's okay
To be afraid of the dark.

And when I say
you are not alone
Don't worry,
it's not because of the demons
that may abound;
You just aren't alone in your fear
of the shadows
that hide behind the sun
as it sets.

I've always been afraid I wouldn't see 30. It felt like a long trek to a promise, even though for much of it I felt lost, struggled, made mistakes, Continuously tried to take my life, and caused others pain and scars in the process.

I've always looked forward to 30. It felt like a time for me to stop and take stock of my journey in life; A time for me to look forward and forgive, and hope to be forgiven too. A moment of accountability to tick off all the goals I've reached and set new ones.

Far from perfect, I'm not even trying to be. Not fulfilled, not even close to it. But that's the thing about growth isn't it? It's a continuous process and the greatest gift to myself with this new year is to acknowledge that and keep going, keep learning and keep growing.

There a couple of things
I'm torn about
And they hark on my senses
Like, all the time
Even now as I write

I'm allowed to fail
I am
And bad days are normal
They are

These aren't excuses
Not to try to succeed
They are facts
That we constantly have
To contend with

It's the sort of thing I need
Framed,
On my bedroom wall
That to fail is normal
And bad days are allowed

Everyone talks about
Love and its effects on them
For some, love has made blind
For others, it's the euphoria
For me, it's something unusual
It's made me eat more
And not in the stress eating kind of way
Loving you triggers my hunger hormones
But it's not just the food I want to eat

If this phase of life
Was a chapter in a book
You would have heard me say
That we aren't on the same page
But could you leave markings as you flip
So I can find my way to you?

I've never claimed
to be the kind of strong-
Who stands
in the face of someone
That has caused them pain
And asks, why?
Why do I hurt?
And why are you the source?

All my life,
I've only known
how to withdraw from pain
Like hand to fire
Burnt
but not scorched
Hurting
But hopefully not for long
And that's why I disappear

Mama
I can fly
I can fly
Said little V
Arms spread apart
Mimicking a bird
As he stood on the railing
Just a light wind blast
From a fatal fall.

That day,
we established
that one of us could fly,
and it wasn't V

1
2
3
4
5
That's the number
of bottles it takes
For me to remember
I hate just how you taste
5
4
3
2
1
That's how many
seconds it takes
for me to forget
And reach out for you
Never once
Stopping to think
"You are bad for me"

The baricades on these bridges look so much shorter today
Jump maybe?
And the cars are going fast enough too
Jump don't you think?
The train station is empty
Surely you gotta jump?
It's the 6th floor and there's no one home
No, for real jump?
How scary is it to hear voices when no one's talking?
And when all they say is jump?

I miss writing poems
Painting pictures with my words
Condensing my whole page
of lives lived,
failed love trysts,
into sentences;

Pay witness
To memories rising
From words on a page

How long did it take
For you to realise
The only demons
That were real
Were the ones
Within you.

If you hear me speak of home,
It is of a place small and tidy:
A desk of half-a-dozen half-read books,
Of neutral colored sheets and cottons,
Of a barely drunk can of water,
Just beside empty cans of cider
Of a mostly empty bed,
My PlayStation and my workstation
A place where my comfort
Is not up for negotiation

I had a really bad argument
with my other half today
And in the middle if it
she said,
Angrily
I hope
"I know we love each other,
but love is not enough"

A statement which I found so strange

"Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy,
it does not boast,
it is not proud.
It is not rude,
it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs."

Love is anything but not enough

Even the Holy book agrees