I miss writing poems
Painting pictures with my words
Condensing my whole page
of lives lived,
failed love trysts,
into sentences;

Pay witness
To memories rising
From words on a page

If this phase of life
Was a chapter in a book
You would have heard me say
That we aren't on the same page
But could you leave markings as you flip
So I can find my way to you?

Mama
I can fly
I can fly
Said little V
Arms spread apart
Mimicking a bird
As he stood on the railing
Just a light wind blast
From a fatal fall.

That day,
we established
that one of us could fly,
and it wasn't V

1
2
3
4
5
That's the number
of bottles it takes
For me to remember
I hate just how you taste
5
4
3
2
1
That's how many
seconds it takes
for me to forget
And reach out for you
Never once
Stopping to think
"You are bad for me"

How my life has gone
From hating mondays
To not knowing what day is monday
Hating everyday
Because now
They all look the same

It's okay
To be afraid of the dark.

And when I say
you are not alone
Don't worry,
it's not because of the demons
that may abound;
You just aren't alone in your fear
of the shadows
that hide behind the sun
as it sets.

I've always been afraid I wouldn't see 30. It felt like a long trek to a promise, even though for much of it I felt lost, struggled, made mistakes, Continuously tried to take my life, and caused others pain and scars in the process.

I've always looked forward to 30. It felt like a time for me to stop and take stock of my journey in life; A time for me to look forward and forgive, and hope to be forgiven too. A moment of accountability to tick off all the goals I've reached and set new ones.

Far from perfect, I'm not even trying to be. Not fulfilled, not even close to it. But that's the thing about growth isn't it? It's a continuous process and the greatest gift to myself with this new year is to acknowledge that and keep going, keep learning and keep growing.

The baricades on these bridges look so much shorter today
Jump maybe?
And the cars are going fast enough too
Jump don't you think?
The train station is empty
Surely you gotta jump?
It's the 6th floor and there's no one home
No, for real jump?
How scary is it to hear voices when no one's talking?
And when all they say is jump?

If I had to say something if I heard you were dead...
I would say...

I knew him... I think.
I'll like to think he was my friend.
The first day we met, I would never had guessed he was the founder of MANI - (I was having a ****** day and the hug he offered was needed and appreciated)

He was the kind of person I was afraid of talking to... Lol
Let me explain.
He was the kind of person that struck me as someone who you shouldnt talk to if you're not sure of what to say or made your research... And I'm the kind that will probably rather not say anything at all.

He was kind, and responsible and even with a lot of responsibilities, he was still very human... And that, that part, I really admired. I kinda always wanted to know if he was alright, it all seemed a lot for one person.

He founded MANI, and that organization changed my life in many ways than one and I'll always be grateful to him.

He inspired me in so many wierd ways and I'm glad that in my lifetime, I met such an amazing soul.

I'll miss him!

Have I mentioned his sarcasm.

He was a good one.

The majority of nights,
I spend on my bed,
and in my head.
Sleep then becomes
a luxury I can't afford,
even though I've worked all year.

Your eyes are like the ocean
On a sunny day at the beach;
I'm drawn to them
But just close enough
So I don't drown in them

The rain sounds nice doesn't it?
And all the usually pointless things
That begin to make sense
When I'm with you

I can't get it out of my head
I think it's my fault
No one person can be this wrong
All of the time

The calls
unreturned
Messages in the morning
unreplied by evening
I love you has never sounded so strange;
so forced

Yet in all of this
Why is sorry
The only thing you can say to me

Colour view;
Only just
Found out how much
This sounds like
I love you
It's convenient isn't it
For our forbidden kind of love
That we find other ways to say
I love you

Colour view too
Mouthed and air kissed to you
For all the times you feel guilty
For loving me
But deep in love
too much with me
That you can't help
But try to say it
I get it
At least it reads like
I love you

Colour view always
It doesn't matter to me
Or you, how we say it
When you are in love
The only thing that matters
Is that the other person
Knows it too
Regardless
of how it's said.

Colour view forever.

For the first time
In a long time
I looked at the mirror
And saw myself
Or a reflection
Of what's left of my shadow
And I realized
Life is a soundless song
And I have forgotten
How to dance
To its tune

One of the wildest things
About my latest heartbreak
Is the fact
That she chose
a failing marriage
Over me

I think
That the least talked about
Thing about heartbreaks
But one of the most painful
Are all the songs lost in the process
Because they bring back
Memories best left
Forgotten

The mistake
You made
Was In thinking
That I could
Live without you
And yes I Breathe
But I'm dead

the yearning, unending
the distance, unaffecting
days turning into weeks
all gone in a blur
yet it's you
you are all that I see
dream
and drown in.

The next step
isn't always the best step for you
And this I learnt with experience

Picture me
Standing in front of the train tracks
Thinking of taking a step forward...

As a child
One of my biggest morning fears
Was, having soap in my eyes
Now an adult,
Among other fears
that come with the dawn
Is that of waking up
On an utterly important day of my life
And somehow
not being able to get out of bed
Stuck, Staring at the ceilings for stars...

I learnt from Nipsey's sad demise
That most times
All it needs for your story to get told
And appreciated
Is just the mere act of dying

So I ask, is there something
You wish to say to me tomorrow
If you hear that I'm no more?

Could you share?
I shouldn't have to die
To feel like I've lived

Please

Please help with an answer...


... What does it mean for us
If my fear of losing her
Is more than my love for her?

Losing you
was like waking up
in the morning to the sun,
shining no longer,
my day has ended
before it even began

Was Like waking up
to realize rapture happened
The missionaries were right
and hell was real after all.

I stayed in the shower
for 2 hours last night,
until the running water outnumbered my tears.
Congratulations, you've brought the pain back, and with it, my poetry.

Good riddance,
Farewell
Or not.

Baby
Your fears are valid
I acknowledge them
But they hurt me still
I know he hurt your mom
So now you
Take it all out on me
That because he left
You think me already gone
But I hope that one day
I can get through to you
That
You are not your mother
And
I am not your father.

Around you,
I guard my breath,
with chains and locks,
I keep losing them;
you keep stealing them.

We are like two stones
That came together
And made a fire
Burning everything
But ourselves.

As I lay here in bed
Reminiscing about the past few days
I think of the way your voice
Cracked last night and
How it broke me to bits
As if I wasn't already shattered and in pain
Because every time you hurt
I feel it all, along with my own pain
Can we never fight?

My days are not the same when
You aren't happy; and I usually stay
Away, not because I'm enjoying it
But cos I don't want to acknowledge the fact
That again, I've made you cry
And it kills me even more because
I am not there with you, physically
To dry your eyes and kiss each drop of tear
To hug you and hold you
And kiss you with the kind
Of force and fervor
That says all of these things at once
That I love you more than life itself
That I miss you more than words can say
And I'm sorry I didn't mean to hurt you.

How can we expect love
To be perfect
When we made it?

You get me
But maybe that also means
You know just where
It hurts the most
And so you keep stabbing at it

I feel so much for you,
Yet never enough,
How much more
do I need to love you
for my heart
and yours
to be filled; fulfilled.

It's true
That
I don't know
What Love is

But I've felt it.

The first day we met
Your bright smile
Made me want to say
All the cheesy things
Like
Hi Summer
I'm autumn
And I'm coming after you

Dear HP,

This is not a poem
But a question
The answer to which
I do hope you have

Why does my lover claim to love me
But still looks for every opportunity
To let me go?

Is it that she loves me so much
But doesn't think she's worthy of me

Or she doesn't love me enough
To think I'm worthy of her?

I'm a bit tired of dreaming, can I sleep now?

Will the world change for the better?

Or worse,

Would it have been worth anything?

And most importantly, do you know?

Will I wake up in a better place?


Don't panic, I'm just tired of trying so hard.

But I'm still here.

Your dreams are valid
But first
You need to sleep.

... Because love is the opposite of easy.

Day and night,
All I think about
Is you,

Apparently
You feel the same way too

Cos all you think about
Is you.

I love that you are mine...

it makes me giggle,

Like a candy loving child

at 2 am

in the middle of the night

uncontrollably too.

You are the perfect filter

For my life's picture

You are the reason I wake up

Beautiful;

You are.

Hope
is the lengthy rope
We hang on to
That helps us cope

When all of mine is used up
And all everyone says
Is hang in there

Where exactly do they mean?

I swam all the way
To the bottom
Of the bottle
And the next
Then the next bottle
Looking for relief
But all I found was more emptiness
And then it drowned me

Disorder

I am                          the pain
            I've lived    
                       my life             running
      from,
               pain so blinding,
                                   I wasn't able
        to see it

It's not that I forgot how to write
It's that I forgot all my pain.

Mine.

For a long time
I thought
That I would never be ready
To move ahead
Again

For most that came along,
Red lights and never

For a few others I met
Yellow lights and sirens

For you,
It wasn't just green,
But go too

And here I am.

Yours.

You make me happy,

you make me better,

you make me feel all the things,

especially the good tingly ones,

you make me.

There's something very surreal about
Watching the stars with you
It's not the beautiful stars
Whose numbers don't compare
To the number of goosebumps
On both our skins
Nor is it the bird cries ringing in the soundtrack of nightfall which is only
Drowned out by the sound of our hearts
Beating as one
It's surely not the soft breeze of the night
Cos all I feel on me is you.

I'm always drawn to the ruins
Opting for the unlikely
For love where there's none
Life, where death hunts
Beauty in ashes
And for calm in the storm

But, Like attracts like
They say...

Sometimes I wish
Hearts had warning labels on them
That showed on faces

Like mine for example
"Soft and fragile
Handle with care"

And yours for example
"Hard and brittle
Don't come any closer"

Othertimes I wish
There was a hard reset
And I could choose
whatever setting I wanted
At different times