What is it like to walk upon the clouds
or to reach the end of the Rainbow
What is it like to be able to walk on liquid
or to rearrange time

We live only to die

He's protective
He's honest
He's loyal
He's kind
He believes in God
He wants the best for his future
He knows boundaries
He's opinionated
He's responsible

He's everything
but
He's not mine

Through the years of my life
I have learned what its like to feel pain
I've had to grow up at such a young age
I've had to give so much of myself to others
And leave me with nothing
Tell me is that not what it is to be broken?
I've had to leave loved ones behind
I've had to go through so much
Yet people tell me I'm fine
That it is wrong to be upset and angry and scared
Tell me is that not what it is like to be broken?
To be loved and left
To be afraid of certain people
To cry every night
Then carry on your days and pretend you are fine
That you aren't slowly dying inside

You said hello for the first time
Had it pretty good
Until...
Until you had to say goodbye
Because they aren't in this life anymore

They tell you to go out and have fun
But...
When you do and you get into trouble it's the end of the world
They tell you to go make friends
But...
They don't approve of your new friends
They tell you to find love
But...
When you do all the sudden your too young

Can I ever please them?

I don't wanna die because I gave up
I don't wanna die alone
I want to die fighting for what I believe in
I want to die with confidence that I will live eternally
I want to die knowing that I lived my best life
more than anything I want to die peacefully

I've lost so much
I've lost my Biological family to drugs
I've lost my best friend to suicide
I've lost myself
I've lost hope
I've lost everything that matters

Where's God now?
Now that my world is crumbling
And my hands are shaking

I keep thinking that I can make it
That I can be the first on in my Biological family to go to college
That I can do this...but what if I'm wrong?

What if I haven't proved them wrong
But I've showed them how much they were right?

I am nothing... I never will be

Sometimes we feel like we aren't worth anything
Yet we are
We are worth so, so much
I promise

Our Friendship was meant to last
I loved you more than everything under the sun
Our friendship became the past
Because death has won

I'm sorry If I don't speak a lot
I let my writing do it for me
I can let the ink bleed on the paper
I can let my tears fall silently
And I don't have to explain myself to others

The air gets tight
so does the space
The people seem closer
Though they are far away
I get claustrophobic
I need out

They have rebelled
and they have paid the price

𝒜 𝓉𝒾𝓂ℯ 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝒸ℴ𝓂ℯ 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓎ℴ𝓊 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝓈ℯℯ.
𝒴ℴ𝓊 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝒻𝒾𝓃𝒹 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓈ℴ𝓂ℯ𝒷ℴ𝒹𝓎.
𝒴ℴ𝓊 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝓁ℴ𝓋ℯ 𝓉𝒽ℯ𝓂 𝒶𝓈 𝓉𝒽ℯ𝓎 𝒶𝓇ℯ, 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓉𝒽ℯ𝓎 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝓁ℴ𝓋ℯ 𝓎ℴ𝓊 𝒻ℴ𝓇 𝓎ℴ𝓊𝓇 𝒽ℯ𝒶𝓇𝓉. 𝒴ℴ𝓊𝓇 𝓁ℴ𝓋ℯ 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝒷ℯ 𝓊𝓃ℯ𝓃𝒹𝒾𝓃ℊ 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒾𝓉 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝒷ℯ 𝓉𝓇𝓊ℯ ℐ 𝓅𝓇ℴ𝓂𝒾𝓈ℯ 𝓉𝒽ℯ𝓎 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝒻𝒾𝓃𝒹 𝓎ℴ𝓊. 𝒴ℴ𝓊 𝒹ℯ𝓈ℯ𝓇𝓋ℯ 𝒾𝓉 𝓉ℴℴ

𝙸'𝚖 𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝙸 𝚠𝚊𝚜𝚗'𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚗𝚎𝚎𝚍𝚎𝚍 𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚎. 𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚠𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚊𝚕𝚠𝚊𝚢𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚖𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚗𝚎𝚎𝚍𝚎𝚍 𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝙸 𝚠𝚊𝚜𝚗'𝚝. 𝙸 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚋𝚎 𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚢, 𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝙸 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚝𝚘𝚘 𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚎. 𝙸 𝚠𝚒𝚜𝚑 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝙸 𝚠𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍'𝚟𝚎 𝚌𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞. 𝙼𝚊𝚢𝚋𝚎 𝚒𝚏 𝙸 𝚍𝚒𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚠𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚋𝚎 𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎.

They are hard to find...So when you do find them don't let go....

Something you can never get back.

The sun had tucked behind the clouds
Now all that's left is sadness
As the clouds are sobbing, there is nothing left
The days are slowly fading
The sidewalk cracks are filled
With every drop of rain
And every ounce of hurt
The dark umbrellas are opened
And the dirt turned into mud
The happiness has drowned with
Every drop of rain

Instead of leaning on my own understanding
I will turn to Christ

As we look up from the ground we lay
We see the sight of a bright gray
The clouds above us
They look so sad
They look like they
Have just gone mad

Why does everybody look down on me
They make me feel like I don't matter
They say things that aren't technically making fun of me
But they are still belittling me
I shouldn't feel like I am less than them
It hurts my feelings
But that doesn't matter does it

The things I like to enjoy are slowly coming back
Not very fast, but I think I'm gonna be okay

Why do you pretend to like me
Then go behind my back?

Why do you act like you know everything?

Why do you choose other people over me all the time?

Why do you make me feel so small?

Why do you do half the things you do?

They say home is where the heart is
that's why my heart belongs to you

Our love's     It's a game
One you thoroughly enjoyed
You let me fall into a trap
A poisonous game
Can't you see
I'm done

"Hey it's me, and I know you probably don't want to hear from me right now. That's okay I'll keep this short, but I wanted to say sorry. I guess that you never really know what you have until it's gone. I miss you and I hope you're doing okay. Anyway call me when you get a chance."

If only I wasn't afraid to try
Maybe I could've made it somewhere

We never said goodbye
I never saw you that day
Now all I do is cry
and waste my life away
I can't even try
Cause you didn't stay
I stare at the night sky
And I try to pray
But I don't know if he hears me
Or tries to see me through
Cause I will have to live
A lifetime without you

There are times when you can put into words how you feel
Other times you can't
There are days when you feel the motivation
Sometimes you don't
It's okay, that's normal

I'm not sure what I want
In someways I know for sure
In others I'm afraid
I know I have a choice
I just don't wanna make the wrong one
I feel so many things
But I don't know anymore
I'm just confused

Is it possible to hate your own birthday
Because you know that on that day
You'll be older than she ever was

I write poetry because it's healing parts of me that I thought couldn't be healed.
'Cause it gives me a sense of purpose
Even if it is something that I might not be the best at
I enjoy It
I enjoy reading poetry and trying to figure out the meaning behind the words
I write about my life in hopes that someone out there might relate to it.

"Hey, How are you doing. We haven't talked in a while."
"Fine"
𝘓𝘪𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘦

I've learned to loose
I've learned pain
But I've also learned that I still have some
I still have some who love me
I still have a few who've stayed

The day I found out you were gone
I instantly lost all motivation
I stopped caring about things
I stopped enjoying what I used to
I stopped because I was more worried about you
Then I was about myself

Through the sidewalk cracks it grew
Like a beauty brand new
Through the days of despair
It could never compare
But the flowers were you
And the beauty was too

Never will I forget the sound of your voice
Or the melody of your laughter
My friend by choice
I’ll remember you far after
Now that we are so far apart
I’ll always know a broken heart
Tell me you’ll be waiting for me
Whenever my time arrives
I’ll look for you in heaven
We’ll meet in the afterlife

He looked at her, but when he did he saw more than her physical features, he saw all the damage beneath the surface. He saw pain and heartbreak, and...emptiness. Yet he didn't walk away... he didn't leave her when she had that first panic attack and couldn't breathe. He stayed and he held her hand the whole time reminding her it'll be okay. He was there when her life was turned upside down. And he stayed. He told himself everyday how lucky he was.

She looked at him, She saw all the tears as they slowly fell down his face. Instead of yelling saying, "men don't cry." She wiped away the tears that fell from his eyes. Even though she had no clue why he was crying.

That my friends is love...

I'm so tired of this world
I'm so tired of trying
Why can't I give up

Your love burnt a hole in my heart
It left ashes and pain
When things fell a part
Hatred fell like rain

If it's meant to be
Maybe it will be
it's not
I'm glad it's not
You have to accept that

I've messed up my metabolism
Because I compared myself to other people
I didn't eat for almost 5 months
I lost hair, I lost weight, so I gained an eating disorder
I tried to hide it from other people, especially my parents
Every morning I would dry heave until I threw up or until I couldn't breath anymore
Normally It would last for 15 minutes or more
I was passing out, and I was emotionally unstable
I weighed myself 3 times everyday
I was only 150 pounds
For me that was too much
I wasn't skinny like the other girls
It's been two years since I stopped eating
I'm still facing the consequences of that
I have to be on antacid pills
I can't eat a lot in one setting
I have to be on better eating schedules
Because now my body doesn't tell me if I'm hungry or not anymore
I have to accept who I am now
I have no other choice
Because I still have an eating disorder.

I was happy
before you and with you
But now
Now I'm just empty inside

I keep trying to express how I feel
But I fear I am doing a terrible job at it

A friend who listens
one who stays
one who will
never walk away
one whose honest
and kind
genuine and hard to find

Take me there
to my home
Down that old gravel road
Where the trees line the path
And the cows mow the grass
oh bring me back
to the place I use to live
To the home that made me, me
Take me down the gravel roads
And let me feel the breeze
let me hear the buzzing of the bees
let me go back home
please, please, please

Me: Why can't I give up and just let go?
God: I have a plan for you here.
Me: I just don't understand.
God: You will see in time what I have in store for you.
Me: when?
God: When the time is right

From a young age
You have been scared of the dark
Maybe it's because you never know what is lurking there
You never know what is hiding there either
As you grow up you learn that the darkness is still there
Just in a different place
It's in your mind
And you can never get rid of it

The only way out is through christ