after buying for me a better purse. I felt my internal organs and they felt okay. I looked into the bomb crater and your uncle was gone, just like that. Here today, gone tomorrow. I hope that everything works out soon for you because you have a bowel problem. Please have my luggage destroyed. I can't face the responsibility of asking the garbage man for help a second time.

after buying for me a better purse. I felt my internal organs and they felt okay. I looked into the bomb crater and your uncle was gone, just like that. Here today, gone tomorrow. I hope that everything works out soon for you because you have a bowel problem. Please have my luggage destroyed. I can't face the responsibility of asking the garbage man for help a second time.

who are practically innocent. Me too. 1 Friday night I'll go there & they'll be super sorry a lot. Maybe the pope will command Jesus to put a terrifyingly-powerful death-grip on their Stalin-loving throats till they crap-out in agony?

to anyone who wants it. This is no ordinary dog mat. This one is autographed by Jay Leno and Tito Jackson with big hand-drawn red hearts on it and a smiley face that looks like Tito. I'm giving it away because I've become lame in my left leg. I'm having a doctor look at it in 3 weeks so I can't keep the dog mat. My uncle says that he would watch the mat for me till I'm able to walk normally again but I told him to ******* so that's that. Anyway, the dog mat's pretty nice and if you take it within the next 45 minutes I'll throw in a magazine with 3 ex-lesbians on the cover.

that will come at the conclusion of my prophetic testament to the luscious maidens of Sumatra before Satan plunges them into inescapable darkness because no broken spine's going to stop me from climbing Mount Everest! You can fire bazookas at me and run my mother over with a snow mobile and I won't care!

Granny left me
more money
than you be-
cause she loved
me a lot, that
much is true

Mama left me
big money, 300
million more than
she left you, be-
cause she loved
me like crazy, we
both know that
it's true

But what about the rest of us? Is it wrong for me to have a few superfluous ******* removed? Is it self-delusional to want 3 inches cut from my "monkey arms"?

I was driving through the fiercest global-warming-spawned blizzard ever, returning to my favorite gun-free zone, when an avalanche (like the one that killed Michael Jackson) buried me. I suspected that I would die soon (or soon enough) if Christ didn't intercede chop chop! I remembered several Bible verses and the Russian adage: “pray to God but row to shore.” I thought of my mother, Mather (Pa.), Jerry Mathers and the logic behind injecting pigeon **** to remove tattoos. Suddenly and unexpectedly out of nowhere demons pulled my car (with me in it) to safety. “Hey, where's Jesus?” I asked. “He'll be here in five minutes,” they answered. “Five minutes?” I guffawed & pshawed. “He may as well not bother!”

Live life to the fullest by saying "Good-bye!" to high car-insurance payments and "Hello" to disease-free prostitutes. Say "*******!" to one-armed prostitutes and "Go to hell!" to Walmart garden department assistant managers. Scream "I love you Queen Liz!" even though she's dead and "I hate you King Bucky!" to buck-toothed Chucky while you dine like a pasha: ******* back brandy & wine; hiding in a rickety shed slapped together with pine.

Pish posh, **** ***, candy floss, dreck & dross, profit/loss, Hoss re-
mains Little Joe's boss. I ate a tuna fish when I was young. It jump-
ed into my mouth when I was asleep after I made it with the mother
of Little Bo Peep, pleaser of leased sheep & a creeper in a sea deep.