Fairy Terry Jones died for the good of all trollops because Heaven's
horrid at its north peak because sea snails freeze in an Arctic creek.
Terry Jones is dead & 1 fewer Terence is good because the world is
colder at the northern peak where no slush melts in an Arctic creek.

A DIVINE MIRACLE OF AVIATION IN OLD NEW YORK CITY - Tim Browne flew his mighty airplane directly into the Empire State Building at 400-miles-per-hour. “Is everyone alright?!” He asked as wreckage was still hitting the pavement. “We're okay back here!” A young woman yelled from the rear. “I've never felt better!” Another passenger reported. “That's odd,” Tim said to his pretty girlfriend at his side. “I thought that crashing directly into the top floor of a very huge building at 400-miles-per-hour would surely have killed us all, considering the mega-extreme impact!” Later, it was determined by the federal aviation inspectors that Tim was pretty lucky to be alive 'cause crashing a plane at that deadly speed always kills everybody!

A DIVINE MIRACLE OF AVIATION IN OLD NEW YORK CITY - Tim Browne flew his mighty airplane directly into the Empire State Building at 400-miles-per-hour. “Is everyone alright?!” He asked as wreckage was still hitting the pavement. “We're okay back here!” A young woman yelled from the rear. “I've never felt better!” Another passenger reported. “That's odd,” Tim said to his pretty girlfriend at his side. “I thought that crashing directly into the top floor of a very huge building at 400-miles-per-hour would surely have killed us all, considering the mega-extreme impact!” Later, it was determined by the federal aviation inspectors that Tim was pretty lucky to be alive 'cause crashing a plane at that deadly speed always kills everybody!

A DIVINE MIRACLE OF AVIATION IN OLD NEW YORK CITY - Tim Browne flew his mighty airplane directly into the Empire State Building at 400-miles-per-hour. “Is everyone alright?!” He asked as wreckage was still hitting the pavement. “We're okay back here!” A young woman yelled from the rear. “I've never felt better!” Another passenger reported. “That's odd,” Tim said to his pretty girlfriend at his side. “I thought that crashing directly into the top floor of a very huge building at 400-miles-per-hour would surely have killed us all, considering the mega-extreme impact!” Later, it was determined by the federal aviation inspectors that Tim was pretty lucky to be alive 'cause crashing a plane at that deadly speed always kills everybody!

GOD TALKS TO PEOPLE A LOT - Why do you love God so much? Because He's really nice. How nice? I just told you. Does He protect you day and night? Yes. He always has. What about Jesus? What about Him? Oh, nothing. Pull out a ride-hiking finger and let's hitch a hip trip to Toronto where 43% of Canadian women are living lives devoted to free-love & casual-*** giving. I got a rheumatic disease that kills nobody. Now that I know that I won't do THAT anymore unless I'm forced by the force of law to do that or if I'm conned into doing that, or lured by hussies who aren't real hussies into doing that. Debbie Watson's rotten dreams haunted her lover Kyle Yarborough's coma-deep slumber while he was attached to hospital machines. He had a career in car-racing to return to if his brain-reduction surgery was successful. "Dear Lover," Debbie whispered through a feeding-tube, "one day we'll make love in a motel room in France a lot." Suddenly, like a miracle, Kyle's eyes flew open like a helicopter stalling out over the Teton Dam. "Oh Kyle! God does grant prayer requests!" Debbie exclaimed like she was Kammy Harris opening a bag of new knee pads. Debbie, why are you crying? My mother was just eaten by cannibal Pygmies. Oh, is she going to be alright? Yes, I think so. Mom? Are you okay? Yes darling. I'm just a little sore.

CRAZY TAMMY CHEATS ON GORDON
"Oh Gordon," Tammy began, "I thought you were deeply in love with me? The way you painted my house; lifted my fat sister high above your head; punched my mother to make her stop breathing and then punched her again to make her start."
   Gordon looked astonished and amazingly **** with his long ***** and urbane mannerisms. "I'm going away Tammy to a *****-shortening clinic in another country."
   "Oh no Gordy! Please don't have your ***** shortened! I love it so much. It brings such comfort to me," Tammy sobbed while her medium-big ******* hardened like crazy.
   "Listen Tammy: my ***** is too long. Admit it. Two weeks ago a woman with a hairy crotch threatened me with birth-control pills for ten minutes. Ten minutes!"
   Tammy turned away ashamed. "That was me Gordy. I was wearing a fake crotch wig to fool you."
   Gordon chuckled at that. "Here," he said while offering his ***** to her selflessly, "take my *****. Grip it firmly. I promise that I won't have it shortened."
   That August Tammy had a baby who was so black that Gordon suspected that she'd been ******* Negroes and he was right.

The thirteenth greatest idea ever in modern tattoo history is eye-ball tattooing!

Your tattoos show people that you are tattooed.

It's cheaper, and less painful, to have your tattoos moved rather than removed. I had 7 inner thigh tattoos moved to my *** and I've never looked back.

January 14th is Brothers' Day, a day to celebrate brotherhood with your brother, but since I only have a half-brother (same mother, different father) we can only celebrate for 12 hours.

Today I scrubbed bird **** off my windshield, tomorrow I've got experimental, post-mortem brain surgery to perform on my uncle.

Throughout the series Joe Mannix was shot a dozen times and knocked out 55 times.

I want to scarf ripe bananas before driving to Negara with the sexiest chick in Jembrana.

BECOME COLDER day after day with BLOCK-ICE UNDERPANTS SEALER! Are you tired after riding a donkey to the bottom of the Grand Canyon every day? Are you full of beans after a major bean-eating contest? Fear not big bony one! Life's about to ingratiate you with 15 winning lottery tickets! Receive 60%-off on your next order.

I knew you before the exploratory surgery that you had 5 years ago in Lichenstein when your rib cracked after the train hit you hard head-on. I thought you were dead till I saw your large ***** move ever so slightly like a small dog on a train or under a larger dog.

I knew you before the exploratory surgery that you had 5 years ago in Lichenstein when your rib cracked after the train hit you hard head-on. I thought you were dead till I saw your large ***** move ever so slightly like a small dog on a train or under a larger dog.

Hello! I am Nancy. I have large fish in my brain that eat a lot of my
brain. I get paid every 27 years & so I'm short on money today after
I gambled 8 million dollars and lost but tomorrow is a **** day for
nudies, freaks, weirdos, deviants & homosexual perverts. Let's give
each other back problems. Let's roll with the punches in swamps of
total dissatisfaction as we bathe each other in the big glow of Jesus.

Hello! I am Nancy. I have large fish in my brain that eat a lot of my
brain. I get paid every 27 years & so I'm short on money today after
I gambled 8 million dollars and lost but tomorrow is a **** day for
nudies, freaks, weirdos, deviants & homosexual perverts. Let's give
each other back problems. Let's roll with the punches in swamps of
total dissatisfaction as we bathe each other in the big glow of Jesus.

COULD IT BE A KELTIC RELIC FROM AN ANCIENT PEA-GREEN SEA? It was in queen Lizzie's cellar for 500 years before it disappeared. WHAT WAS IT? It weighed 9,000 tons and couldn't even be lifted by 20,000 godless Egyptians. It was a gift from Elohim for modern corporators & syndicators who butchered crocodilians & alligators. It stumped the choppers and chopped the stumpers. It came with fenders and chromium bumpers. It made the king sad and fair maidens service men who were eternally bad. It was everything, yet nothing at all as it grew less popular than Sears in Sarasota Mall. WHAT WAS IT ANYWAY, this thing that made gay men pay? Who can say?

BRAVE Fraternal Order of Police Officers, who feared for their safety, tear gas & shoot to death 107-year-old man. Fraternal Order of Police Officers, who feared for their safety, shoot to death 93-year-old woman.

Tuesday 8:30-11:30 p.m. Updated: Wed 5:55 PM, May 07, 2014 ~ A 93-year-old woman is shot and killed by a police officer at her home in Hearne. Pearlie Golden was pronounced dead Tuesday night at St. Joseph Hospital. The elderly woman was rushed there after being shot by a male officer at her house on Pine Oak Street. Multiple witnesses tell us she was shot at least five times. Hearne police are not ready to say whether Golden was armed or why the officer felt threatened. "All I know is that they were called out here,” said Robertson County District Attorney Coty Siegert. “They were dispatched out here to address the situation. Again, I'm not sure exactly what that situation was, but it was not a random encounter." Residents are questioning why police would shoot Golden who they described as a sweet, sweet woman. “Even if she did have a gun, she is in her 90’s,” said Lawanda Cooke. “They could have shot in the air to scare her. Maybe she would have dropped it. I don’t see her shooting anyone. Siegert says the case will eventually be presented to a Grand Jury, which is standard procedure in officer involved shootings. The Texas Rangers and Robertson County District Attorney’s Office are investigating. The Hearne Police Department says they are working on a news release. We'll bring you that information as soon as it is released.

9/7/13 : Pine Bluff, Arkansas : ACCORDING TO POLICE: They arrived at Monroe Isadore's residence in response to reports of a disturbance. Mr. Isadore confronted them with a handgun and retreated into a bedroom, firing on them when they attempted to enter. S.W.A.T. officers arrived as backup and, after failed negotiations, released gas into the room and broke down the door. Mr. Isadore fired on them as they entered, and they returned fire, killing him. Mr. Monroe Isadore was 107 years old.
WEB: In the long run, routine deception by the police tears at our social fabric, and undermines the law enforcement system. The more police lie, the more skeptical juries are going to be, even when police are telling the truth.

WITHOUT NURSES ~ Wake up Daddy with hope and joy because all of the nurses have been ground into a large mountain of fertilizer! Oh joy and rapture! Finally we may all dance and sing without having to worry about nurses murdering us!

by David Bowie

Please don't tear this world asunder
Please take back
This fear we're under
I demand a better future

Or I might just stop wanting you
I might just stop wanting you
Please make sure we get tomorrow
All this pain and all the sorrow

I demand a better future
Or I might just stop needing you
I might just stop needing you
Give my children sunny smile

Give them moon and cloudless sky
I demand a better future
Or I might just stop loving you,
Loving you, loving you

When we talk, we talk to you
When we walk, we walk to you
From factory to field
How many tears must fall

Down there below
Nothing is moving
Oh
I might just stop wanting you

I might just stop needing you
I might just stop loving you
I demand a better future
I demand a better future

I demand a better future
For I might just stop loving you,
Loving you, loving you
I demand a better future

I demand a better future
I demand a better future
For I might just stop loving you,
loving you, loving you
I demand a better future

by David Bowie

Please don't tear this world asunder
Please take back
This fear we're under
I demand a better future

Or I might just stop wanting you
I might just stop wanting you
Please make sure we get tomorrow
All this pain and all the sorrow

I demand a better future
Or I might just stop needing you
I might just stop needing you
Give my children sunny smile

Give them moon and cloudless sky
I demand a better future
Or I might just stop loving you,
Loving you, loving you

When we talk, we talk to you
When we walk, we walk to you
From factory to field
How many tears must fall

Down there below
Nothing is moving
Oh
I might just stop wanting you

I might just stop needing you
I might just stop loving you
I demand a better future
I demand a better future

I demand a better future
For I might just stop loving you,
Loving you, loving you
I demand a better future

I demand a better future
I demand a better future
For I might just stop loving you,
loving you, loving you
I demand a better future

to hike up those ratty jeans, as no one is interested in your raunchy, thread-bare, fly-blown, floral underpants. Just how many tattoos are too many? DECIDE. Cut back on the fluoridated water too as it impairs cognitive abilities & calcifies the pineal gland. Reject serums because they're preserved with mercury.

2 lesbians who didn't know the meaning of "Stop it because it's against the law!" stumbled down the dusty road hand-in-hand to meet Jesus because they were dead tired. "There He is!" Martha exclaimed. "I don't see Him!" Jan responded. Tragically later, Jan's baby (conceived by secret lesbian impregnation methods) would grow up to look more like Hillary Clinton than was normal for a child who wasn't exposed to major radioactive impurities. "I'm tired and my lesbian parts are killing me," Martha stated like she was the queen of forever. "Soon we'll be at Motel 6 enjoying the treasures of our lifestyle," Jan whispered while her chafed thighs bled spottily like 6 employees of Dairy Queen in a car wreck.

without a day off all I want is 32½ hours of sleep 91½% big Pygmy-free 'cause I don't want to sleep with little Pygmies “a little bit” and I don't want gerbils “tunneling to Egypt” through my ½-shaved ****** for 9 snow-bound weeks in a row either!

Our neighbor suffered 6 apoplectic episodes. He bled & crawled about the house till the floors & walls were more red than blue. He farted his last in the kitchen. Beside him lay his courageous dog Minnie, whom he'd beat to death an hour before.

conceived Gerty F. Stein

Jane Birkin's Bare Bush
Chablis is number 2 in wine
White is the cheapest of pine
Bauxite is the hardest to mine
Careful, Natashka, your fork's got a bent tine
Nylon screening comes with substandard spline
Prostrate yourself to digitize my spine
Let us sup as we communalistically dine
No one proceeds to ten without acknowledging nine
Though ivory be bright—ebony do shine
Alice Babette Toklas conceived Gerty F. Stein
Vitamin B17 renders cancer curably benign
Words long-neglected grow hard to define
Around a willing neck is strung a line;
  around the block: electronic soup line
If it be not yours—it be not mine

In the movie Don Juan (1973): Bridgette Bardot held a lit cig 3'' from Jane Birkin's bare bush. It happened in a ***** yet no one died; no hairs were singed; no men were implicated; no courses were diverged; no plans were scotched; no blood was transfused...

Jinsei Iroiro
Catch a ship, one that won't tipple
Get a grip, one that's metagrippal
Poison without sincere apology
**** as a practitioner of cancrology
Steel yourself to the futility of frustration
And feel the freeze of useless cryo-ablation
Have cannibals taught us nothing?
Nothing that McDonald's hasn't disproven
Over a Happy Meal, Ronald preaches the word of Lord Jesus
Honesty was the policy of Murray Humphreys
Let us sway beneath the palms
Sing of Christ through hymns & psalms
On the backs of Jews we exploit their good will
Tricking them into paying for everything

Cup my bra while I snap your *******
On the backs of farmers ride the urbanites who target to pillage
Leftwardly along the left-handed path bores not a missed turn
Through a borough, a hamlet, a class-2A city and a dumpy village
it's legislated to fluoridate each brook, well, spring & cistern
without regard to code, codex, exception or percentage of millage
Should I lance, squeeze, ablate, extirpate or let this cyst burn?
Helpless dejection, abject poverty, silken hose put me in a mood
to wring the necks of stolen chickens; to raise cats on dog food
I rise not by the sun in perigee, nor by the tolling of a church bell
not by Nicky of Cusa on squaring circles or the harrowing of hell
Dermatologically, chiggers and mites nourish by parasitic function
So unlike priests & bishops who decree extreme Catholica unction
It's the affront, prayer-toil & misery what feeds a cold compunction
Hydrogen peroxide is keen for punctured wounds & blisters busted
For disinfecting Negroes and Hebes who muse with brown mustard

*** Phillips has crapped out!
With what shiftily amounts to disgustingly sycophantic loyalty
The teleprompter readers drool over themselves praising royalty
When Lizzy scratches her fragrant, pocked *** to satisfy an itch
Brown-nosing T.V.-types stoop & curtsy to the devil-loving rich
Who better to rut, whelp & back-scuttle than a back-alley *****?
Who better to cut the throat of, eviscerate and toss into a ditch?
Who better to ****** than a ***** in an alley as black as pitch?

is now 35%-off! Enjoy the comfort of painless ****** surgery from your home or office. Laugh, dance and sing just 20 minutes after the last stitch is stitched! Do you like women? Now, you can experience what womanhood REALLY means while enjoying 25%-off the "full-woman experience"! Ask for details.

***-FREE NIGHTS WITH FIFI - I recently met a nice ***** man who sleeps under a tarp beneath a bridge on interstate highway 95. His name is Tyrone and he has 14 children to 10 women. We shared a can of pinto beans as he told me about his interesting life: "I was born to a multi-billion-dollar family who founded Canada and three-quarters of modern America. Each morning our French maid {who was always naked} prepared luscious soul food that made our large penises harder than bauxite. I wanted to grow up quickly and make her have babies until she couldn't anymore. Her name was Fifi Alabama, and I loved her more than dogs love having themselves euthanized. She was a lovely woman with large knobs that could tell you how fast the wind was blowing when we were cruising on my dad's 300-million-dollar yacht. Anyway, she was in love with my cousin Jamaal who was of ***** descent. Fifi preferred ***** men because she was crazy. I often marveled at the way her labials sparkled in the moon-glow like a thousand nurses eating tuna fish on top of the Empire State Building during a hurricane and even if it takes 20 years, I'll possess Fifi's body and impregnate it a lot. Amen and so help me God and Merry Christmas."

SLAY THE MONARCH & THE PROGRAM whilst ***** smokes
shadows upon walls indebting ***** to plucky seven vinegar strokes
I see no point projecting unlaid, lay-about chicks from routine coax
of Kabuki theater flim-flamming quackery that's a penny-ante hoax
wrecked banjaxed on grimy floors sudsed-in crap in which it soaks
I'll never see Cleveland alive as Mother is making it with some fly
whose stolen Detroit dives to hell under ***** bucks who are high
on fed cheese that is curdled & matured on the Chinese ****** lie
broadcasted across seas placid by radio hoo-hoo below half-life sky
tenting fortified wines blended with hops, barley and mildewed rye
in bath tubs devoid of naked wenches morally-wonked and gun-shy
working the angles on de-lousing Camden: old New Jersey's pig sty
because the sight of immorally-uncivil plans blind the Lutheran eye
Subhan Allah, David & Goliath, Samson & Delilah must wilt & die
as cities ***** & Gomorrah substituted fruit cake for pumpkin pie
legions of sodomites patrolled all alleyways as curfews didn't apply
when crusaders knighted moralistes Chrétiens were in short supply
& negroids unarmed had no choice in whitey nations but to comply
'cause guns over butter win the body-count, nobody alive can deny,
while prisoners without tongues are so stuck-up, they will not reply
till they overcome their dispositions as amputees tongue-tied & shy
about swift kicks to those Chaz Bono regions that cause men to cry
in an ionospheric register that shouldn't emanate from a normal dye
except in incorporated Amìr̃kà where each prison fry cook must fry
or suffer the fate that ruined commanding lieutenant William Bligh
whose sympathy was such that he'd have done better not to even try
tasteless breadfruit diplomacy upon a sweaty-palmed Christian guy
as it was a tipsy, get-go endeavor like herding cats & feeding slaves
or burying a whacked **** in any of Idaho's tourist-attracting caves
opposite a funky monument to governor Butch Otter making waves
without his buck teeth, quaffing ****** from barrels lacking staves
to enshrine an ape-scraped pate or picnicker's litany of close shaves
from the living, dying by demi-godlike, semi-doctors' clots & raves
in the bowels of the A.M.A. & the C.D.C. for Luciferian conclaves
while suppressing experiences of saving at Equibank in olden days
before gay Pittsburgh was inundated with homosexual lesbian gays
who imbibed ****-soaked chicory quenchers on pap-smeared trays

I saw a baby at Walmart in the baby section in a baby stroller laughing and carrying on like babies do so I tell the mother and she's like "So what?" and I'm like "I was just sayin'" and she's like "I bet you can't even have a baby!" and I'm like "Here's my cell number" and she's like "I don't wanna call you" and I'm like "That's my prison cell number. I just escaped!"

We were feeding an elephant and then I went to the bathroom and when I got back my sister was in the elephant's stomach because he ate her. I stuck 2 fingers down the elephant's throat to trigger his gag reflex but he just ate my arm. I was going to try my other arm but then I remembered that I have plenty of sisters at home.