"Oh Gordon," Tammy began, "I thought you were deeply in love with me? The way you painted my house; lifted my fat sister high above your head; punched my mother to make her stop breathing and then punched her again to make her start."
   Gordon looked astonished and amazingly **** with his long ***** and urbane mannerisms. "I'm going away Tammy to a *****-shortening clinic in another country."
   "Oh no Gordy! Please don't have your ***** shortened! I love it so much. It brings such comfort to me," Tammy sobbed while her medium-big ******* hardened like crazy.
   "Listen Tammy: my ***** is too long. Admit it. Two weeks ago a woman with a hairy crotch threatened me with birth-control pills for ten minutes. Ten minutes!"
   Tammy turned away ashamed. "That was me Gordy. I was wearing a fake crotch wig to fool you."
   Gordon chuckled at that. "Here," he said while offering his ***** to her selflessly, "take my *****. Grip it firmly. I promise that I won't have it shortened."
   That August Tammy had a baby who was so black that Gordon suspected that she'd been ******* Negroes and he was right.

The U.S.S. Princeton was a ***** steam warship of the United States Navy. Commanded by Captain Robert F. Stockton, Princeton was launched on September 5, 1843.

On February 28, 1844, during a Potomac River pleasure cruise for dignitaries, one gun exploded, killing six people, including Secretary of State Abel P. Upshur and Secretary of the Navy Thomas Walker Gilmer, and injuring others, including a United States Senator and Captain Stockton. The disaster on board the Princeton killed more top U.S. government officials in one day than any other tragedy in American history.[1] President John Tyler, who was aboard but below decks, was not injured. The ship's reputation in the Navy never recovered.

Jesus! How Paris has changed since my childhood! I fondly remember accompanying Father to the rabbit presser to have oil squeezed from our bunnies. Oh the squeals they'd make! 100 bunnies rendered seven imperial gallons of top-quality lepus (rabbit) oil. Papa would always relent and allow sister & I to rub rabbit oil on each other's rabbit pouches. What great fun that was! "Well kiddies," he'd say in his grand French manner, "Mama will surely burn your toes off for rubbing each other's throbbing pockets with bunny oil!' We'd all fall down in hysterics at that and then roll into the nearest open sewer and drown.

Thirty-three thousand centuries before toilet paper was invented (toilet paper that's seventy-five billion times softer than a mother's kiss) hungry farmers grew corn in massive fields that stretched for billions of miles. Those were tough times back then when women with extra vulvas were extremely popular in Pennsylvania's southwestern coal-mining sectors.

I extended my left luggage finger at the airport till I got noticed by a multi-trillionaire with a large **** and big leather luggage. He was so manly in a masculine way that I swooned like a teen beauty queen who just got her ear lobes widened. "Hello **** airport babe!" He said with his large **** bulging out like crazy. I was so excited by seeing this that I confessed to being a multi-quadrillionaire. That night we made passionate "large ****" love near a dumpster behind Pizza Hut for 10 minutes.

If I could just have 17,000 last wishes before I die, wish number 14 would be to visit the timeless death machine with my new friend cackling Kammy Harris and just after pushing her in I'd run like an African American as fast as I can.

COULD IT BE A KELTIC RELIC FROM AN ANCIENT PEA-GREEN SEA? It was in queen Lizzie's cellar for 500 years before it disappeared. WHAT WAS IT? It weighed 9,000 tons and couldn't even be lifted by 20,000 godless Egyptians. It was a gift from Elohim for modern corporators & syndicators who butchered crocodilians & alligators. It stumped the choppers and chopped the stumpers. It came with fenders and chromium bumpers. It made the king sad and fair maidens service men who were eternally bad. It was everything, yet nothing at all as it grew less popular than Sears in Sarasota Mall. WHAT WAS IT ANYWAY, this thing that made gay men pay? Who can say?

that will come at the conclusion of my prophetic testament to the luscious maidens of Sumatra before Satan plunges them into inescapable darkness because no broken spine's going to stop me from climbing Mount Everest! You can fire bazookas at me and run my mother over with a snow mobile and I won't care!

after buying for me a better purse. I felt my internal organs and they felt okay. I looked into the bomb crater and your uncle was gone, just like that. Here today, gone tomorrow. I hope that everything works out soon for you because you have a bowel problem. Please have my luggage destroyed. I can't face the responsibility of asking the garbage man for help a second time.

2 Budweiser toilet paper roll holders (1 gay, 1 normal) $6 each; long metal rod for beating people with (beat them till they die) $10; old shoe polish from Kmart (it's very hard, probably no good anymore) $4; water bed for swingers (have *** with lots of women on it who aren't very ****) $80. Contact me now for more stuff later.

is now 35%-off! Enjoy the comfort of painless ****** surgery from your home or office. Laugh, dance and sing just 20 minutes after the last stitch is stitched! Do you like women? Now, you can experience what womanhood REALLY means while enjoying 25%-off the "full-woman experience"! Ask for details.

I describe my baboon as baboon-shaped. Her name's Babs, which is
short for baboon. Sunday I pushed her to the library where we were
given a library balloon. It had snot on it, the balloon, because the li-
brarian had the Shanghai flu. I'll take my free-book-borrowing busi-
ness to Havana, Cuba, where snotty librarians are chippy chipper &
well & they never trim their dry quims & they're not bound for hell.

ᴀ ʀᴜꜱʜ ᴏꜰ ᴇɴᴅᴏʀᴘʜɪɴꜱ
Hallelujah! I will hang on and you will hang on (& we will hang on)  by the hairs of our chinny-chin chins, if only to experience the "orgasmical"~ "climaxical" ~ "orgiastical" rush of endorphins upon learning of the excruciatingly-prolonged suffering of every woogie-******* reprobate who ever ******* us over, AMEN!

Granny left me
more money
than you be-
cause she loved
me a lot, that
much is true

Mama left me
big money, 300
million more than
she left you, be-
cause she loved
me like crazy, we
both know that
it's true

Reduce eye-bag swelling and surprise hag-attack with ***** ME EVERY 23 MINUTES LOTION from Kroger. You'll be amazed and thunder-struck after rubbing this crap on. You'll see more clearly and your hearing will be 45 million times sharper than a 3-pound fruit bat. Try it now for free. Send fifty-six dollars to me right away or else!

Acquire a belt and USE IT to hike up those ratty jeans, as no one is interested in your raunchy, thread-bare, fly-blown, floral underpants. Just how many tattoos are too many? DECIDE. Cut back on the fluoridated water too as it impairs cognitive abilities & calcifies the pineal gland. Reject serums because they're preserved with mercury.

Donna hoisted her bloated *** from the large hole on the Grand Canyon trail. "******* aborticide lovers," she spat to Bobby, her sister-in-law. "Don't look at me. I don't eat shrimp," Bobby replied vindicated, exonerated, full of venereal pathogens. Later, after Jesus floated safely groundward, large bell bottom jeans became fashionable again.

When Obama was little, he wore glasses, big ones made by communists. He had a friend named Melvin who could store cheese in his ears for up to 12 days. One day, as Obama & Melvin were eating cheese, the sweet bird of paradise landed on a nearby bush. "Look," Melvin whispered with his head cocked upward like a forest ranger addicted to Dristan, "that bird looks exactly like my neighbor who was eaten by cannibal Pygmies 7 years ago."