Before Johnny Pencil invented the first pencil, writers had to **** zebras to acquire pure zebra blood to compose love letters to maidens with budding *******. These love letters were often sad. Here's one: "I had to **** a zebra a few minutes ago to write to you even though you're fat and fugly. Did the zebra deserve to die? Time will tell." A century later it was divulged that the letter's author was George Washington's grandfather, Hector Z. Washington.