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2 Budweiser toilet paper roll holders (1 gay, 1 normal) $6 each; long metal rod for beating people with (beat them till they die) $10; old shoe polish from Kmart (it's very hard, probably no good anymore) $4; water bed for swingers (have *** with lots of women on it who aren't very ****) $80. Contact me now for more stuff later.

Till yesterday I kept my scary spellings to myselff (like spelling MYSELF with two effs). Now (now that I'm a new woman) I can express myself freely like cows do at a dairy (even though they're tethered to automatic milking machines).

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Live life to the fullest by saying "Good-bye!" to high car-insurance payments and "Hello" to disease-free prostitutes. Say "*******!" to one-armed prostitutes and "Go to hell!" to Walmart garden department assistant managers. Scream "I love you Queen Liz!" even though she's dead and "I hate you King Bucky!" to buck-toothed Chucky while you dine like a pasha: ******* back brandy & wine; hiding in a rickety shed slapped together with pine.

BRAVE Fraternal Order of Police Officers, who feared for their safety, tear gas & shoot to death 107-year-old man. Fraternal Order of Police Officers, who feared for their safety, shoot to death 93-year-old woman.

Tuesday 8:30-11:30 p.m. Updated: Wed 5:55 PM, May 07, 2014 ~ A 93-year-old woman is shot and killed by a police officer at her home in Hearne. Pearlie Golden was pronounced dead Tuesday night at St. Joseph Hospital. The elderly woman was rushed there after being shot by a male officer at her house on Pine Oak Street. Multiple witnesses tell us she was shot at least five times. Hearne police are not ready to say whether Golden was armed or why the officer felt threatened. "All I know is that they were called out here,” said Robertson County District Attorney Coty Siegert. “They were dispatched out here to address the situation. Again, I'm not sure exactly what that situation was, but it was not a random encounter." Residents are questioning why police would shoot Golden who they described as a sweet, sweet woman. “Even if she did have a gun, she is in her 90’s,” said Lawanda Cooke. “They could have shot in the air to scare her. Maybe she would have dropped it. I don’t see her shooting anyone. Siegert says the case will eventually be presented to a Grand Jury, which is standard procedure in officer involved shootings. The Texas Rangers and Robertson County District Attorney’s Office are investigating. The Hearne Police Department says they are working on a news release. We'll bring you that information as soon as it is released.

9/7/13 : Pine Bluff, Arkansas : ACCORDING TO POLICE: They arrived at Monroe Isadore's residence in response to reports of a disturbance. Mr. Isadore confronted them with a handgun and retreated into a bedroom, firing on them when they attempted to enter. S.W.A.T. officers arrived as backup and, after failed negotiations, released gas into the room and broke down the door. Mr. Isadore fired on them as they entered, and they returned fire, killing him. Mr. Monroe Isadore was 107 years old.
WEB: In the long run, routine deception by the police tears at our social fabric, and undermines the law enforcement system. The more police lie, the more skeptical juries are going to be, even when police are telling the truth.

A neighbor had me for egg nog, then she closed the curtain, scaring
me a little like water on electric fans scared the monk Tom Merton.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WIKI: Death
On December 10, 1968, Merton was at a Red Cross retreat center named Sawang Kaniwat in the town of Samutprakarn near Bangkok, Thailand, attending an interfaith conference between Catholic and non-Christian monks.[31] After giving a talk at the morning session, he was found dead later in the afternoon in the room of his cottage, wearing only shorts, lying on his back with a short-circuited Hitachi floor fan lying across his body.[32] His associate, Dom Jean Leclercq, OSB, states: "In all probability the death of Thomas Merton was due in part to heart failure, in part to an electric shock."[33] Leclercq made no mention of the fact that there was no autopsy and that there was a bleeding wound in the back of Merton's head that has never been explained. [34] Arriving from the cottage next to Merton's, the Primate of the Benedictine Order and presiding officer of the conference, Rembert Weakland, anointed Merton.[35]

Hugh Turley and David Martin note that Thomas Merton befriended and inspired such radical peace activists as Martin Luther King and Daniel Berrigan, and conclude their investigation of his death with the following words:

The best evidence indicates beyond any serious doubt that Merton was murdered. . . . The story that a fan killed Merton is so preposterous that a series of fantastic stories have had to be invented to make it believable….Who did it and why? The CIA had the motive and the means.”[32]

Granny left me
more money
than you be-
cause she loved
me a lot, that
much is true.
Mama left me
big money, 300
million more than
she left you, be-
cause she loved
me like crazy, we
both know that
it's true

CRAZY TAMMY CHEATS ON GORDON
"Oh Gordon," Tammy began, "I thought you were deeply in love with me? The way you painted my house; lifted my fat sister high above your head; punched my mother to make her stop breathing and then punched her again to make her start."
   Gordon looked astonished and amazingly **** with his long ***** and urbane mannerisms. "I'm going away Tammy to a *****-shortening clinic in another country."
   "Oh no Gordy! Please don't have your ***** shortened! I love it so much. It brings such comfort to me," Tammy sobbed while her medium-big ******* hardened like crazy.
   "Listen Tammy: my ***** is too long. Admit it. Two weeks ago a woman with a hairy crotch threatened me with birth-control pills for ten minutes. Ten minutes!"
   Tammy turned away ashamed. "That was me Gordy. I was wearing a fake crotch wig to fool you."
   Gordon chuckled at that. "Here," he said while offering his ***** to her selflessly, "take my *****. Grip it firmly. I promise that I won't have it shortened."
   That August Tammy had a baby who was so black that Gordon suspected that she'd been ******* Negroes and he was right.

The thirteenth greatest idea ever in modern tattoo history is eye-ball tattooing!

Your tattoos show people that you are tattooed.

It's cheaper, and less painful, to have your tattoos moved rather than removed. I had 7 inner thigh tattoos moved to my *** and I've never looked back.

January 14th is Brothers' Day, a day to celebrate brotherhood with your brother, but since I only have a half-brother (same mother, different father) we can only celebrate for 12 hours.

Today I scrubbed bird **** off my windshield, tomorrow I've got experimental, post-mortem brain surgery to perform on my uncle.

Throughout the series Joe Mannix was shot a dozen times and knocked out 55 times.

I want to scarf ripe bananas before driving to Negara with the sexiest chick in Jembrana.

Lesley Stahl on U.S. sanctions against Iraq: "We have heard that a half million children have died. I mean, that's more children than died in Hiroshima. And, you know, is the price worth it?"; Secretary of State Madeleine Albright: "I think this is a very hard choice, but the price--we think the price is worth it." — "60 Minutes" (5/12/96)

Our neighbor suffered 6 apoplectic episodes. He bled & crawled about the house till the floors & walls were more red than blue. He farted his last in the kitchen. Beside him lay his courageous dog Minnie, whom he'd beat to death an hour before.

One day a ton of women will be more than 5 women. In the future people will wear underpants because they want to, not because the underpants Mafia forces them to. In 50 years 500 million Negroes will own the unemployment business: being unemployed with pride; ******* back orange Faygo; eating dog food. Before Jesus returns, ****** promiscuity will ******* the Mormon church as **** Mormons become a million times more sexually promiscuous than they are right now.

to hike up those ratty jeans, as no one is interested in your raunchy, thread-bare, fly-blown, floral underpants. Just how many tattoos are too many? DECIDE. Cut back on the fluoridated water too as it impairs cognitive abilities & calcifies the pineal gland. Reject serums because they're preserved with mercury.

The Rockefellers do not espouse Judaism. The pogroms in Russia, Poland, Czechoslovakia, Germany & Poland, and throughout Europe, specifically targeted middle- & lower-class Jews for destruction. Judaism is a religion, not a nationality and not a racial designation of Man. An infant cannot be born Jewish, any more than he can be born Pentecostal or Baptist. Religion is philosophy and all philosophies are learned, not inborn.

Pish posh, **** ***, candy floss, dreck & dross, profit/loss, Hoss re-
mains Little Joe's boss. I ate a tuna fish when I was young. It jump-
ed into my mouth when I was asleep after I made it with the mother
of Little Bo Peep, pleaser of leased sheep & a creeper in a sea deep.

A DIVINE MIRACLE OF AVIATION IN OLD NEW YORK CITY - Tim Browne flew his mighty airplane directly into the Empire State Building at 400-miles-per-hour. “Is everyone alright?!” He asked as wreckage was still hitting the pavement. “We're okay back here!” A young woman yelled from the rear. “I've never felt better!” Another passenger reported. “That's odd,” Tim said to his pretty girlfriend at his side. “I thought that crashing directly into the top floor of a very huge building at 400-miles-per-hour would surely have killed us all, considering the mega-extreme impact!” Later, it was determined by the federal aviation inspectors that Tim was pretty lucky to be alive 'cause crashing a plane at that deadly speed always kills everybody!

OFF THE TOP OF THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING - I love food that's freeze-dried and abounding in fish-swimming & bird-flying hormones. But unfortunately, I got a bad batch that was full of these hormones in the wrong order so now I fly like a salmon and swim like a wren.

Jesus! How Paris has changed since my childhood! I fondly remember accompanying Father to the rabbit presser to have oil squeezed from our bunnies. Oh the squeals they'd make! 100 bunnies rendered seven imperial gallons of top-quality lepus (rabbit) oil. Papa would always relent and allow sister & I to rub rabbit oil on each other's rabbit pouches. What great fun that was! "Well kiddies," he'd say in his grand French manner, "Mama will surely burn your toes off for rubbing each other's throbbing pockets with bunny oil!' We'd all fall down in hysterics at that and then roll into the nearest open sewer and drown.