I spend money like a drunken sailor dating a conniving cheap-skate
who flashed her 'possum in Pittsburgh alleys at ****** she did hate
God Bless all animals that were in the loving care of Lizzie Borden
'cause we are afflicted with a Jesuit pope who's always busy lordin'
In the dark all prostitutes are equal, dependin' on how you're sortin'
as gonorrheal discharges mean nothing to the babies they're abortin'
'cause amputees leaned on stuff before Lucy Ball wed Gary Morton
& hatred grew 'twixt Desi & Lucy when Lucy & Gary were courtin'
before Desi could win back Lucy's hot love which was only sportin'
even though it was with *****-***** that Lucy caught Desi cavortin'
in Cubano bars under tables tequila-drinkin' & *******-line snortin'
on the Black Isle Peninsula of boggish ol' Scotland's West Shoreton
home to sodomitically-apt girls espousing an Apocalyptical portend
that's ******* than Barb Walters' make-it-up-as-you-go-along reportin'
on a rookie L.A. pig with C-4 is preferable to a fugitive with a 4-10

CRAZY TAMMY CHEATS ON GORDON
"Oh Gordon," Tammy began, "I thought you were deeply in love with me? The way you painted my house; lifted my fat sister high above your head; punched my mother to make her stop breathing and then punched her again to make her start."
   Gordon looked astonished and amazingly **** with his long ***** and urbane mannerisms. "I'm going away Tammy to a *****-shortening clinic in another country."
   "Oh no Gordy! Please don't have your ***** shortened! I love it so much. It brings such comfort to me," Tammy sobbed while her medium-big ******* hardened like crazy.
   "Listen Tammy: my ***** is too long. Admit it. Two weeks ago a woman with a hairy crotch threatened me with birth-control pills for ten minutes. Ten minutes!"
   Tammy turned away ashamed. "That was me Gordy. I was wearing a fake crotch wig to fool you."
   Gordon chuckled at that. "Here," he said while offering his ***** to her selflessly, "take my *****. Grip it firmly. I promise that I won't have it shortened."
   That August Tammy had a baby who was so black that Gordon suspected that she'd been ******* Negroes and he was right.

The thirteenth greatest idea ever in modern tattoo history is eye-ball tattooing!

Your tattoos show people that you are tattooed.

It's cheaper, and less painful, to have your tattoos moved rather than removed. I had 7 inner thigh tattoos moved to my *** and I've never looked back.

January 14th is Brothers' Day, a day to celebrate brotherhood with your brother, but since I only have a half-brother (same mother, different father) we can only celebrate for 12 hours.

Today I scrubbed bird **** off my windshield, tomorrow I've got experimental, post-mortem brain surgery to perform on my uncle.

Throughout the series Joe Mannix was shot a dozen times and knocked out 55 times.

I want to scarf ripe bananas before driving to Negara with the sexiest chick in Jembrana.

Song by Hazel O'Connor

Hey you, standing there, what you got to stare at?
I'm not shy if your beady little eyes abuse me like some mishap
Cackling laughter behind your hand, you're so funny, you're so bland
Here's the thing you can't understand: You are just a programme
You're a programme, you're a programme
(Programme, programme, programme, programme)
Give me an inch, and I'll take me a mile
Give me the distance from your supercilious smile
Give me an inch, and I'll take me a mile
Give me the distance from your supercilious smile
Your silliest smile
Hey you, standing there, better get some clothes on
Do as you're told, growing old, and read your daily poison
Skeletons locked in the closeted mind, locked in tight, for no one to find
See the blind, lead the blind, gotta be cruel to be kind
Who is mind-blind, who is mind-blind
(Mind-blind, mind-blind, mind-blind, mind-blind)
Give me an inch, and I'll take me a mile
Give me the distance from your supercilious smile
Give me an inch, and I'll take me a mile
Give me the distance from your supercilious smile
Your silliest smile
You are a programme, you are a programme
Give me an inch, and I'll take me a mile
Give me the distance from your supercilious smile
Give me an inch, and I'll take me a mile
Give me the distance from your supercilious smile
Your silliest smile
Give me an inch, and I'll take me a mile
Give me the distance from your supercilious smile
Give me an inch, and I'll take me a mile
Give me the distance from your supercilious smile
Your silliest smile

Song writer: Hazel O'Connor
"Give Me an Inch" lyrics © BMG Rights Management,
Universal Music Publishing Group

Till yesterday I kept my scary spellings to myselff (like spelling MYSELF with two effs). Now (now that I'm a new woman) I can express myself freely like cows do at a dairy (even though they're tethered to automatic milking machines).

The violence of your violent behavior makes me puke like a woman on puke-friendly drugs. I can't believe anything you say, especially when you're violent. I saw you hitting someone with a baseball bat in the head at the concert for violent people. I was shocked!

☑ ☑ ☑ ☑ ☑ ☑ ☑
⚀ ⚁ ⚂ ⚃ ⚄ ⚅
First thing first. DESTROY & ANNIHILATE!
...oh, that's 2 things.

"But why are you crying?" The dentist asked Tammy. "Because, you filthy son-of-a *****, the laughing-gas you gave me is fake!" She exclaimed loud enough to make another dentist fall off the toilet with a loud crash. "Jesus God!" The hygienist screamed because she was religious: "Another dentist has fallen off the toilet again!"

Betty White (January 17, 1922 – December 31, 2021) ate live turtles and toads to maintain "mega-strength." Her sister, who was 78% Italian and 56% non-Italian, often chided Betty for her live turtle/toad diet. 1 day, as Betty was pulling her thong out of where thong bikini bottoms wanna go, a strange man approached her from an unlicensed live turtle-meat corporation. Betty was so hungry that she quickly ate the poor ******* raw to gain additional "mega-strength."

And so we convinced our parents to loan us, for a week, the 67 million dollars that would seal the deal. By Friday I was worried a lot because I only had 50 million left and I couldn't find my Harley keys. Bob stopped by to show us where his toes had been torn off by a walrus and he was nice enough to give me 32 million bucks from his walrus-poisoning account. "Pay it back whenever," he said while limping away.

that his toilet won't flush because it's clogged with hundred-dollar bills that he uses as toilet paper. He has so much money that he throws it out the window after using it as toilet paper because his toilet is clogged.

How would you like Ted Bundy shoved up your ****? That doesn't even make sense! How could you shove Ted Bundy up my ****? No, no, I meant Ted Kennedy, not Bundy. What?! That's even crazier! Ted Kennedy weighed 400 pounds! Okay, make it Ted Bundy then. How'd you like it if I shoved him up your ****? Fine. I'd like it just fine. Go ahead and shove Ted Bundy up my ****. Don't worry. I was just kidding.