that his toilet won't flush because it's clogged with hundred-dollar bills that he uses as toilet paper. He has so much money that he throws it out the window after using it as toilet paper because his toilet is clogged.

Before Johnny Pencil invented the first pencil, writers had to **** zebras to acquire pure zebra blood to compose love letters to maidens with budding *******. These love letters were often sad. Here's one: "I had to **** a zebra a few minutes ago to write to you even though you're fat and fugly. Did the zebra deserve to die? Time will tell." A century later it was divulged that the letter's author was George Washington's grandfather, Hector Z. Washington.

Till yesterday I kept my scary spellings to myselff (like spelling MYSELF with two effs). Now (now that I'm a new woman) I can express myself freely like cows do at a dairy (even though they're tethered to automatic milking machines).

Le NN on
M CC artney
Ha RR ison
Sta RR

to anyone who wants it. This is no ordinary dog mat. This one is autographed by Jay Leno and Tito Jackson with big hand-drawn red hearts on it and a smiley face that looks like Tito. I'm giving it away because I've become lame in my left leg. I'm having a doctor look at it in 3 weeks so I can't keep the dog mat. My uncle says that he would watch the mat for me till I'm able to walk normally again but I told him to ******* so that's that. Anyway, the dog mat's pretty nice and if you take it within the next 45 minutes I'll throw in a magazine with 3 ex-lesbians on the cover.

A birthday gift! I put a lesbian in a box & nailed it shut for you. For me? You're so nice. I know. I drilled air-holes in the side so the lesbian wouldn't suffocate. You are so wise. This is a wonderfully-thoughtful gift for any lesbian.

But what about the rest of us? Is it wrong for me to have a few superfluous ******* removed? Is it self-delusional to want 3 inches cut from my "monkey arms"?

who are practically innocent. Me too. 1 Friday night I'll go there & they'll be super sorry a lot. Maybe the pope will command Jesus to put a terrifyingly-powerful death-grip on their Stalin-loving throats till they crap-out in agony?

Many things. Gynecology isn't just for dentists who like women. It's for men who enjoy big-game fishing and bowling-pin setting. It's for ex-lesbians with bullet scars on their butts.

Will you play "Temporary Lady" by the Ex-Walnuts? I sure will! "You sat in the back of the bus where it was pretty **** shady my temporary lady! Oh yeah, temporary lady! You're so mysterious with your pink hair and stubby mustache like you're really Max Klinger from that crazy-*** T.V. show called 𝓜-𝓐-𝓢-𝓗! I dream of you in a **** strap speeding through an obvious highway patrol speed trap, my temporary lady..."

that will come at the conclusion of my prophetic testament to the luscious maidens of Sumatra before Satan plunges them into inescapable darkness because no broken spine's going to stop me from climbing Mount Everest! You can fire bazookas at me and run my mother over with a snow mobile and I won't care!