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HOW TO BE HOT FRIENDS WITH STRING-BEAN GROWERS
Never take NO for an answer. String-bean growers are normal
like you & me, although not really. When a string-bean grower
attacks you politically & medically with his “special string-
bean-growing-knowledge,” simply remind him of your
willingness to shoot anyone who gets in your way.
“Good-bye! One of you is the father of my unborn child.
Please don’t beat me like I beat you, because my
brother could **** me if he wanted to.”
Winston Churchill (November 10, 1871 – March 12, 1947) was an American best-selling novelist of the early 20th century.

He is nowadays overshadowed, even as a writer, by the more famous British statesman of the same name, to whom he was not related.

Early life
Churchill was born in St. Louis, Missouri, the son of Edward Spalding Churchill by his marriage to Emma Bell Blaine. He attended Smith Academy in Missouri and the United States Naval Academy, where he graduated in 1894. At the Naval Academy, he was conspicuous in scholarship and also in general student activities. He became an expert fencer and he organized at Annapolis the first eight-oared crew, which he captained for two years. After graduation he became an editor of the Army and Navy Journal. He resigned from the U.S. Navy to pursue a writing career. In 1895, he became managing editor of the Cosmopolitan Magazine, but in less than a year he retired from that, to have more time for writing.[1] While he would be most successful as a novelist, he was also a published poet and essayist.

Career
His first novel to appear in book form was The Celebrity (1898). However, Mr. Keegan's Elopement had been published in 1896 as a magazine serial and was republished as an illustrated hardback book in 1903. Churchill's next novel—Richard Carvel (1899) — was a phenomenal success. The novel was the third best-selling work of American fiction in 1899 and eighth-best in 1900, according to Alice Hackett's 70 Years of Best Sellers. It sold some two million copies in a nation of only 76 million people, and made Churchill rich. His other commercially successful novels included The Crisis (1901), The Crossing (1904), Coniston (1906), Mr. Crewe's Career (1908) and The Inside of the Cup (1913), all of which ranked first on the best-selling American novel list in the years indicated.[2]

Churchill's early novels were historical, but his later works were set in contemporary America. He often sought to include his political ideas into his novels.


Churchill at his home, Windsor, Vermont
In 1898, Churchill commissioned Charles Platt to design a mansion in Cornish, New Hampshire. Churchill moved there the following year and named it Harlakenden House. From 1913 to 1915, he leased it to Woodrow Wilson, who used it as his summer residence. Churchill became involved in the Cornish Art Colony and went into politics, winning election to the state legislature in 1903 and 1905.[3] In 1906, he unsuccessfully sought the Republican nomination for governor of New Hampshire. In 1912, he was nominated as the Progressive candidate for governor but did not win the election and did not seek public office again. In 1917, he toured the battlefields of World War I and wrote his first non-fiction work about what he saw.

Sometime after the move to Cornish, he took up painting in watercolors and became known for his landscapes. Some of his works are in the collections of the Hood Museum of Art (part of Hopkins Center for the Arts at Dartmouth College) in Hanover, New Hampshire, and the Saint-Gaudens National Historic Site in Cornish, New Hampshire.

In 1919, Churchill decided[why?] to stop writing and withdrew from public life. He was gradually forgotten by the public. In 1923, Harlakenden House burned down. The Churchills moved to an 1838 Federal estate, part of the Cornish Colony called Windfield House (now called Hillside) at 23 Freeman Road in Plainfield, furnishing it with items saved from the fire.[4] In 1940, The Uncharted Way, his first book in twenty years, was published. The book examined Churchill's thoughts on religion. He did not seek to publicize the book and it received little attention. Shortly before his death, he said, "It is very difficult now for me to think of myself as a writer of novels, as all that seems to belong to another life."

Death
Churchill died in Winter Park, Florida, in 1947 of a heart attack. He was predeceased in 1945 by his wife of fifty years, the former Mabel Harlakenden Hall.[5] He is featured on a New Hampshire historical marker (number 16) along New Hampshire Route 12A in Cornish.[6]

Churchill and his wife had three children. Their son John Dwight Winston Churchill was married to Mary Deshon Hand, daughter of Judge Learned Hand.[7] Another son Creighton Churchill was a well-known writer on wines.[8][9] Journalist Chris Churchill of Albany, New York is his great-grandson.[10]

The British statesman
In the 1890s, Churchill's writings first came to be confused with those of the British writer with the same name. At that time, the American was the much better known of the two, and it was the Englishman who wrote to his American counterpart about the confusion their names were causing among their readers.[11]

They agreed that the British Churchill should adopt the pen name "Winston Spencer Churchill", using his full surname, "Spencer-Churchill". After a few early editions this was abbreviated to "Winston S. Churchill"—which remained the British Churchill's pen name. The two men arranged to meet on two occasions when one of them happened to be in the other's country, but were never closely acquainted.[12]

Their lives had some other coincidental parallels. They both gained their tertiary education at service colleges and briefly served (during the same period) as officers in their respective countries' armed forces (one was a naval officer, the other an army officer). Both Churchills were keen amateur painters, as well as writers. Both were also politicians, although the British Churchill's political career was far more illustrious.[13]

Works
Novels
Mr. Keegan's Elopement in magazine format (1896)
The Celebrity (1898)
Richard Carvel (1899)
The Crisis (1901)
Mr. Keegan's Elopement in hardback (1903)
The Crossing (1904)
Coniston (1906)
Mr. Crewe's Career (1908)
A Modern Chronicle (1910)
The Inside of the Cup (1913)
A Far Country (1915)
The Dwelling-Place of Light (1917)
Other writings
Richard Carvel; Play produced on Broadway, (1900–1901)
The Crisis; Play produced on Broadway, (1902)
The Crossing; Play produced on Broadway, (1906)
The Title Mart; Play produced on Broadway, (1906)
A Traveller In War-Time (1918)
Dr. Jonathan; A play in three acts (1919)
The Uncharted Way (1940)
Filmography
The Crisis (dir. Colin Campbell, 1916)
The Dwelling Place of Light (dir. Jack Conway, 1920)
The Inside of the Cup (dir. Albert Capellani, 1921)
"I promise," Tammy promised, "the next time I **** a *****, I'll tell you and your cousin about it right away. No more will you have to wait a long time to find out." Gordon smiled at that, confident that when Tammy humps her next *****, he won't have to be in the dark about it.
"Oh Gordon," Tammy began, "I thought you were deeply in love with me? The way you painted my house; lifted my fat sister high above your head; punched my mother to make her stop breathing and then punched her again to make her start."
   Gordon looked astonished and amazingly **** with his long ***** and urbane mannerisms. "I'm going away Tammy to a *****-shortening clinic in another country."
   "Oh no Gordy! Please don't have your ***** shortened! I love it so much. It brings such comfort to me," Tammy sobbed while her medium-big ******* hardened like crazy.
   "Listen Tammy: my ***** is too long. Admit it. Two weeks ago a woman with a hairy crotch threatened me with birth-control pills for ten minutes. Ten minutes!"
   Tammy turned away ashamed. "That was me Gordy. I was wearing a fake crotch wig to fool you."
   Gordon chuckled at that. "Here," he said while offering his ***** to her selflessly, "take my *****. Grip it firmly. I promise that I won't have it shortened."
   That August Tammy had a baby who was so black that Gordon suspected that she'd been ******* Negroes and he was right.
Barbi Benton's love for Hugh Hefner (founder of 𝘗𝘭𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘰𝘺 magazine) made 14 million ex-lesbians furious. Once, while she was waxing her arm pits, there was a tremendous explosion in the master bathroom. Hugh had been pulling hand grenade pins when one fell on his *******. Emergency surgery was performed and Barbi happily donated skin from her ***** for grafting purposes. While convalescing, Hugh wrote a beautiful song about Barbi's ****-skin and Barbi did likewise about Hugh's maimed testicles. Fifteen years later Richard Gere inserted a greasy gerbil up his ****.
Your go-cart is *****. What are you going to do? Burn it, I guess. Hey! I've got a better idea! Better than burning it? Yes! Why not rent a go-cart scrub brush?! I don't know. I heard those things are too expensive for poor people. Not at all. For just $45 per week, which is $15 per day, you can rent one and use it as much as you want even on your girlfriend. My girlfriend? I don't have a girlfriend. Why not? Because I'm a homosexual. Oh? Back up then. Why? Because I wouldn't want you touching my **** or anything.
MY CHIHUAHUA has gone deaf so now I'm legally required to take a comprehensive canine sign language course for 3 months in Bangor, Maine at the Deaf Dog Institute with my brother Kyle and his wife Kim. With my luck, my chihuahua will die from a heart attack before I get back. The standard tuition cost of fifty-six thousand dollars seems like a lot to a lot of people but when you compare it to the cost of hiring a team of hit men to **** everyone within a three-mile radius of my house, it's pretty cheap.
Betty White (January 17, 1922 – December 31, 2021) ate live turtles and toads to maintain "mega-strength." Her sister, who was 78% Italian and 56% non-Italian, often chided Betty for her live turtle/toad diet. 1 day, as Betty was pulling her thong out of where thong bikini bottoms wanna go, a strange man approached her from an unlicensed live turtle-meat corporation. Betty was so hungry that she quickly ate the poor ******* raw to gain additional "mega-strength."
THE STRONGEST CANADIAN IN MANITOBA and his wife drove their Subaru to the edge of the steepest cliff in the province's northern quadrant to commit suicide. They sat side-by-side and romantically kissed one another when suddenly a phone call came in from Big Nig McJohnson, a close friend, begging them to reconsider. This only angered the couple who nastily told Big Nig to "*******!" and "Shove it up your ***!" and "Your mother wears army boots!" Undeterred, Big Nig told them a story of a ****** birth that happened 2,000 years ago near Afghanistan but it made no difference and the next day the strongest Canadian in Manitoba and his wife were found at a bowling alley violating the Will of Jehovah and everybody in the weight-lifting community were so let down by this un-Christian behavior that they ate worms and took off their underpants and moved to Haiti to live in the jungle and eat mud.
JOE BIDEN TOOK 10 TESTS PER DAY FOR 8 MONTHS TO PROVE THAT HE'S NOT SENILE (not even a little bit). Jill was there and so was Hunter, each of them witnessed how well Joe did. He answered all of the questions with ease. He's very sharp, like a spinal surgeon or a Subaru mechanic.
I care, but not much.
I walk, without a crutch.
I ****, just for the thrill.
The wrong pill will make you ill.
Tammy died for Tommy's sins.
It ain't a catfish without the catfish fins.
BILL GATES is so rich that his toilet won't flush because it's
clogged with hundred-dollar bills that he uses as toilet paper.
He has so much money that he throws it out the window
after using it as toilet paper because his toilet is clogged.
BIG BOB'S FREE ONE-DAY MONEY-CLEANING SERVICE
Simply drop off your moldy paper money and tarnished coins
at Motel 6 (room 27) by I-95 and come back the next day and
by then Tina (Bob's old lady) will have expertly cleaned
each bill and coin so thoroughly that they'll look new again.
Feb 25 · 18
MY FIVE COBRA TATTOOS
AND THEIR PROFOUND SIGNIFICANCE:

(1) the small cobra above my left ****** signifies defiance (2)
the medium-sized cobra on my left ankle tells the tale of
a fallen snake that was rejected by the boss of cobras
that resides above my left ****** (3) the "anti-cobra"
on my lower back is a cobra of unknown destiny,
which is why its color is safety-cone orange
(4) the cobra on my crotch is dead, killed
by God (5) my newest and final
cobra tattoo is of a ghost snake
that haunts my inner Being;
a cobra tattoo that is 100%
invisible to the naked eye.
“𝗪𝗌𝗺𝗲𝗻 — 𝗯𝗮𝗵! 𝗛𝗲𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺 𝗻𝗌𝘁 — 𝗳𝗌𝗿 𝘁𝗌𝗱𝗮𝘆'𝘀 𝗜𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗵 𝗶𝘀
𝘁𝗌𝗺𝗌𝗿𝗿𝗌𝘄'𝘀 𝗜𝗿𝘂𝗻𝗲!” ~ 𝗙𝗿𝗌𝗺 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝟭𝟵𝟮𝟲 𝘀𝗶𝗹𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗳𝗶𝗹𝗺,
𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑺𝒐𝒏 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑺𝒉𝒆𝒊𝒌, 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗎 𝗥𝘂𝗱𝗌𝗹𝗜𝗵 𝗩𝗮𝗹𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗌
-------------------------------
“𝗔𝗹𝗹𝗮𝗵 𝗰𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗱𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗶𝗻𝗎-𝗎𝗶𝗿𝗹𝘀. 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗵𝗶𝗜𝘀 𝗳𝘂𝗹𝗹 𝗌𝗳 𝗮𝗯𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗌𝗻,
𝗺𝗮𝗞𝗲 𝘆𝗌𝘂𝗻𝗎 𝗺𝗲𝗻 𝗳𝘂𝗹𝗹 𝗌𝗳 𝗻𝗌𝗻𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗲!” -- 𝗙𝗿𝗌𝗺 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝟭𝟵𝟮𝟲 𝘀𝗶𝗹𝗲𝗻𝘁
𝗳𝗶𝗹𝗺, 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑺𝒐𝒏 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑺𝒉𝒆𝒊𝒌, 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗎 𝗥𝘂𝗱𝗌𝗹𝗜𝗵 𝗩𝗮𝗹𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗌
------------------------------
LESBIAN TABLE FOR SALE! It comes with a booklet. Be the life of the party with this table! "Trixie! Is that a lesbian table?!" A lesbian guest might ask, and you'll say": "It sure is Minnie! Would you like to 'eat' from it?!" and then she says: "I'm a lesbian so of course I'd like to 'eat' from it!" and you answer back: "Let's take off our tight clothes then!" and she giggles and before anyone can stop you the ghost of Jeffrey Epstein shows up with a big bag of lesbian lubrication cream and you say: "Oh no!" It's Jeffrey Epstein's ghost!" and finally the ghost exclaims: "I am the spirit of president Zachary Taylor, not Jeffrey Epstein!" and everyone starts taking their clothes back off.
Feb 23 · 99
KISS
We kissed on the porch
that you set afire with a torch
as my only house burned
that I bought with Mexican
pesos that I earned in
Venezuela last spring
where I had gone to sing
sad songs about my
mixed-gender heritage
On Mount Washington proto-Pittsburghers were drunk on Iron City Beer. Negroes laughed at them and made funny faces like they were in Africa. Rocks were thrown and windows were smashed into a million sherds. Large women who looked like Rosie O'Donnell knelt before a statue of Fred Pittsburgh (Pittsburgh's founder) and threw up slimy chunks of cottage cheese. It was sickening.
Déjà vécu wiped out my selfless sense of self-doubt when whatever
happened yesterday happened like stuff that'll happen on Sunday &
Monday. Ringo sang “it don't come easy” when he was terribly sea-
sickly queasy. A dollar teases me, as a dollar is a sum that's measly.
Song by The 6ths ‧ 1995

I was happy
Which is not like me at all
For an hour
I was feeling ten feet tall
And I had myself a ball
I was heading for a fall
I got all dressed up in dreams
And I waited by the door
But you never even called
To tell me you don't love me anymore
You're so pretty
Everybody falls for you
In this city
It's the only thing to do
So I cried for 16 days
And I cried in 16 ways
I got all dressed up in dreams
And I waited by the door
But you never even called
To tell me you don't love me anymore
You said you'd arrive at 8
But you're 17 days late
I got all dressed up in dreams
And I waited by the door
But you never even called
To tell me you don't love me anymore
So I wander in the rain
As I slowly go insane
I got all dressed up in dreams
And I waited by the door
But you never even called
To tell me you don't love me anymore

Songwriter: Stephin Merritt
It's never too late (unless you're senile) to experience intimacy with a woman of the opposite ***. Now, and for a limited time, you can attend church weddings and funerals in total comfort! Lift heavy women high over your head and throw them off bridges! It's fun! It's amazing! It's like being a super man with the largest ****** in the world! Run, jump and tumble like a Yugoslavian! Don't worry about ****! You're mega-rich with huge ******!
Feb 17 · 38
???
???
LOW-NIG BOOSTER INSURANCE - Claudia, my nig's running
high. I fear that it'll get bumped off into the water as the ship
de-docks. Here, place this ***** bag under it and extend
your longer leg till your toes warm up. Got it!
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