What's that thing? It's a chicken watering can. Simply place it under each dry chicken that needs watering and the electronic sensor valve will do the rest. What about ducks? Will it water them too? I don't know. Let's try it on a nearby duck now. Okay, let her rip. Oh no, the duck has been shredded into moist mulch. I didn't know that would happen. Let's use a pigeon. I have one in my pocket. You have one in your pocket? Yes, and a gold coin worth five million dollars. It's from the Roman Empire and it's the only one left. I found it in a *****'s purse when I was a helicopter mechanic 6 years ago. I was desperate for a job as a helicopter mechanic so I applied at Fred's Excellent Helicopter Repair Company and they hired me on the spot. Later, I married Fred's ex-wife who has enormous labial ***** and I've never been happier.

ANYBODY WHO PRAYS TO JESUS begging for Tom Selleck's death is sick! What's wrong with people like that? "Dear Jesus! Please let Tom Selleck get eaten by a herd of rabid beavers while he's eating pizza! Thanks a lot!" Tom Selleck's a great guy who's made his mom proud, and his aunt Mary and her husband Ralph and Ralph's gay lover Murray, and tons of other people all over the place, even in Hawaii where Tom lived for 12 years many years ago when he was a bachelor who enjoyed the intimate company of beautiful women with blonde hair on their heads and ***** (also known as bikini zones). One day, while he (Tom Selleck) was rescuing children from burning cars and speed boats, there was a horrible explosion at a gay underwear factory, but Tom didn't care about himself, he just rushed in there, pulling smoke-dead **** out by the dozen like he was the Incredible Hulk or Billy Joel or any number of mega-brave men.