You probably have no clue
How much you hurt me
And besides
Would you even care
If you knew

Like when we were together
You did not
So now I have a deep cavern
And time fades
Memories become surreal

Edges smooth down
Remembering that
‘It wasn’t so bad’
The good times win out
Because your arms felt good

Forgetting your cruelty
The carving of my soul
Losing who I was
Becoming a droid
of your making

As I wake up
Those events were a dream
Right?
They fade into my ether
When I think of your warm body

Is that what I miss?
Just your sinew and skin
The smell of your presence
Because your actions
Did not feel good

And your inaction—
That felt lonely
Or your lack of
communication
Felt like a windowless room

I will cling to those memories
To recall your disgust
They make me stronger
In my resolve
Becoming myself again

And again

What are you thinking?
Nobody really wants you
It’s a quick **** or pic ****
Great ****… maybe ***
Look look lookie loo
And then…
Why would they really want a

Tired, single mom
Who is plain and overweight
Someone who is too much
And lacking at the same time

They will be your friend
You make a great friend
Loyal and honest—wait
Too honest
Pull back

You make a great
acquaintance sidekick/wing person

They will pass the time with you
and you will somehow get them laid
by that hot skinnier one over on the yonder

I hate being Vulnerable
as you can see
each occurrence
adds to my death

I’m ripped open
to bleed out

All over the sky
throughout my halls
splattered over someone’s walls

and I search for the stitches
that will bring me back
to some heartbeat
or even a quiver

Because somehow
I should function
In this Menagerie of Life

after you left me to rot
in the backyard zoo

of your closet

Putting effort in
Law of Returns
Diminishing
Deserving
Caring enough
Falling flat
All the…Yous
All ******* over
It. Me. Us.
But exhaustion reigns
And refills remain
Closed
Break me
From your neglect
Your words
Your mind
Your body
And…Always ok
I Am
Okay

OKOKOKOK

but i want to ….

was that a boy
running down the lane
in that awkward skedaddle
ah! but no
he comes closer
growing sure of step
increased gait
and exposing his personage
the masculinity
now dripping
of confidence
a trail of heat
down into bliss
and alas,
turning into fires
between my cheeks