and once again
the need
to hide in my corner
as once again
you brought out my heart
and we dallied about
yet you don’t care
for this possible dance
same as before
it’s straight to the point

and i’m a trustworthy soul
or so you have said
but not enough
to even have as a friend
the ship we could be
is still at the dock
could we untie the rope
and the knots we made
or just continue
same as before
once again

I’m frozen
With words at my feet
And a crushed heart

I’m still
With your nightly goodbyes
And good morning hellos

I’m waiting
With impatient dreams
And a racing mind

I’m ready
With a willing spirit
And a conquering soul

If you asked
I would say yes
Because
You’ve never asked
And if you told me
I would do it
Because you never have
If you searched
You would find me
But you didn’t look

You are Living Life of
The Home Town Buffet
keeping me on this Tether
but so Far Away

do You know
what You Want/Need
I would give You
Everything and my Creed

just ask Me or Tell
what You Feel/Think
please give Me something
before I shrink

so, Pay Attention
or Reach Out
I’m Tired of The Chase
All I have is Doubt

or just let Me go
And Change/Cut those Threads
I am barely Hanging On
to things that You said

or is it Nonsense
do I need to move on
I am Hungry/Thirsty
would You notice Me Gone

I want to reveal
everything
but I am scared
scared of rejection
and you do reject me
many ******* times
disregarding me

if I was a thing
you would be on that!
all the time
I am an afterthought
and I hate it
I feel lame and unwanted
a bother
yet I keep reaching out
in this way and that
I am sure there are more
as I am a meanwhile

do you realize
or care
you are looking for
something that
you do not even know
what it is
it is not me
I accept that
it kills
every time
because
you are right
here

I must be boring
and too fat
and not pretty enough
whatever
I ******* up
somewhere
the failure and the holes
where are they
does it matter
we say goodbye
and it kills
and it will pass
they will not care
and I am an idiot
always an idiot
a failure
an ugly fat stupid woman
terrible

they are occupied
so are they and them
and so on
the others have theirs
it goes on and on
I do what now
I can not do anything

I tried to reveal a bit
to one other
they told me to stop
yet I let them carry on about theirs
do they not know
they are beautiful
charming and funny
one I could fall in love with
one I could share with
but they love a fantasy
and will not see anything else

these ones who say I am amazing
I am not amazing enough
I just am not
because
otherwise
it is always otherwise

but I learn
learn from the sting
you know that sting
HA! that ******* sting
it is right now
so I stop
and I leave
and I bury myself
again and again

I rearranged my mind yesterday
I moved people out
I changed a few locks
I put one in a room
And another in a closet
I opened up some space
To grow some flowers and trees
I asked for help
Hired new staff
My kitchen was a mess
I need a new chef
And though I was sad
Emotional and in pain
There was a sense of peace
That some right moves were made
The skies began to clear
I heard laughter in my halls
And though the bandit tried to sneak back in
He is but a flimsy flicker
Easily blown out
As I start another day

I continue on
Through the mire of life
Wading thru expectations
Having given up strife

Purposely composing
Fundamentals of words
No other distance
When facing the herds

I continue on
With your verse on my tongue
Waiting for stimulations
In a song that’s unsung