As I write
Streams down my face
A silent cleansing
Of thoughts
Times and roles
I can’t do it
I want to scream
Rage and …
**** my anxiety
Like a tsunami
Drowning my sanity
I hold on
To some electron
Of hope
Waiting for it
To purge out
This exasperating
Existence

I pretend it’s you
little message
Was for me
That tiny splash
The hearts and trees
A couple of teases
Beneficial friend
Or a ship with trails
But really
It’s just a fake hang up
Cuz if you did
You would

I know I’ll be ok

But right now it hurts

I miss that ******

My bro
My confidant
My best friend
My lover

What happened?

I’m looking everywhere for you
Some hint…

It hurts when I find that sliver of you
It’s a slice into my soul

I know we had something real

Finally having a person that likes you
for all of you…
And I mean ALL
It changes you.

He wanted to see my smile and face.
He remembered things about me.
He wanted to know how my day was.
He looked at me and saw ME.
He saw my flaws and still came back around.

And then…

I don’t know what happened.

His pain got in the way
Life struggles

I must move on

But it hurts

And I’ll be OKAY

You **** me off so much
I don’t like that you control me
I don’t think you even realize
What it is that you controlled

And why?
Why is it all based on you?

You are selfish.
You are confusing.
You don’t even know what you want.

And *******
*******
*******
*******

I have to wait

I don’t like it

I should have said no

I should say no

Why am I doing all this ******* crap?

I want to escape from you

Because you **** my heart

Every time.

Why do I forget who they really are?

Or what box they put me in?

That’s your role
Stay in your lane

And I forgot they only like certain questions

And they will always say
“what do you want from me?”

That’s the coup de grâce if I ever saw one