I let you in
to pin my hair
and pick out a party dress.
I let you know my
deepest
darkest
secrets.
You said I was safe
in our shared space.
If, however, I'd have known
for one second
for one inkling
of that one second
the thoughts
that were your thoughts
I never would have let you
come near me anymore.

Anxiety.
Like a cup of hot coffee.
Spilling. Forward. Flowing.
Debilitating from inside out.
Cursing through my body.
The only one I have.

How intent you were as you typed my complaint
Every few minutes you had to stop and wait
To contemplate
Whose crime was it
His or mine
What was I wearing
or not wearing
At the time
To describe my state of mind
Why didn't I fight, run or scream
You put me under scrutiny
Consensual or not
In a parking lot!!
The pain of blame
Over shame
But, today the survivors
And the rest of the world
Should take one step
Outside the dark shadows
Of all boys and girls
And the disgraceful boundaries
We are caged in
Like our **** is our sin
And make it that
Once a year
For one part of that one day
People all over
Shall face what we face
The painful existence
Of a survivors days
Before those last three words
They always say......"Are you sure?"

How intent you were as you typed my complaint
Every few minutes you had to stop and wait
To contemplate
Whose crime was it
His or mine
What was I wearing
or not wearing
At the time
To describe my state of mind
Why didn't I fight, run or scream
You put me under scrutiny
Consensual or not
In a parking lot!!
The pain of blame
Over shame
But, today survivors
And the rest of the world
Should take one step
Outside the dark shadows
Of all boys and girls
And the disgraceful boundaries
We are caged in
Like our **** is our sin
And make it that
Once a year
For one part of that one day
People all over
Shall face what we face
The painful existence
Of a survivors day
Before those last three words
They always say....."Are you sure?"

Why did you do it?
     I didn't know it would hurt you so much.
So, if it would hurt me a little bit then it would be alright? Now, come this time every year I can't do anything. You are my can't do anything.

Anxious
Vanxious
Very very anxious
Corona you got me dead to rights
Taking my anxiety to greater heights
Clothes laid out the night before
Notes of inspiration at my door
Mask making hard to breathe
Already almost an impossibility
Down the stairs
Cross the street
House still there
For me to see
Easy, Easy
Slowly I breathe
Corona, you won't get the best of me

I don't want to be lost
Even though I am
Please, send a search party
Don't stop till I'm found
I may be wandering
Or hiding well
I may have gone to a familiar place
And gotten lost on the way
I ran for good reason
Fear swooped me away
My bones aged
I live in pain
Please, come out to find me
I want to be saved
I'm still trying on my own
Come meet me halfway