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Jana B Mar 2021
Welling emotion
a rising up.
Am I rushing myself
Pushing myself
Moulding myself
Pleasing yourself
Losing myself.
Poetry —so helpful for processing
Jana B Mar 2021
This exploring life—
modern woman.
Not judging myself—
modern woman.
Embracing desires—
modern woman.
Without censoring eyes—
modern woman.
Did ‘right’ for so long—
modern woman.
Lost my internal song—
modern woman.
Now I explore the new—
modern woman.
Emotionally confused—
modern woman.
Work this phase through—
modern woman.
Jana B Mar 2021
You are optimistic,
cautionless—
enthusiasm personified.
I am circumspect,
tentative—
still healing inside.
You wanted no drama,
sounded good to me.
Then we met and you declared yourself
there by the sea.
I worry I’m damaged,
emotions impaired.
I seem to need time
before I get there.
What if I hurt you
by letting things grow?
I’m wanting to learn you,
that’s when I feel that I’ll know.
I love your smile
your focus on both of us
the words that you whisper—
you want to be in love.
Your touch is so skilled,
it’s a revelation.
I want this to unfold,
but no need to hasten.
There are things that scare me—
your restless history,
financial rebuilding,
for some reason the loss
of that second kidney.
We like talking for hours
connect effortlessly.
Your care, commonalities,
joy, sensuality—
they make sense, they catch me.
I feel like you match me.
Jana B Mar 2021
Riverbank and sushi,
balmy air and sun.
Birdlife and people watching
with you, new one.
Conversation unstopping
sharing this and that,
winning smiles and glances.
You want no caveat.
You’re seeking smiles,
you’re seeking truth,
you’re seeking commonality.
With me. Let’s see.
Jana B Mar 2021
I rang, all business,
no feeling in my voice.
I could hear you,
guessing, trying to understand.
But I wasn’t there this time —
emotional wall up.
Your actions aren’t with me.
I wonder how long my wall
will stay up this time.
Jana B Mar 2021
At heart
I’m scared of feeling
always apart.
Do we all feel this?
Does real,
tingly, deep love exist?
I am grateful,
enjoy so much.
But what does it feel like,
that soul-deep touch?
Not the marriage’s silent,
walled anger.
When I lived with an almost-stranger.
I have people here, with me,
but often feel separate,
bedrock of uncertainty.
Are my efforts fleeting,
or a self-fulfilling prophecy?
I remember, I am lucky,
because I do love me.
Truly, really, certainly.
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