I rang, all business,
no feeling in my voice.
I could hear you,
guessing, trying to understand.
But I wasn’t there this time —
emotional wall up.
Your actions aren’t with me.
I wonder how long my wall
will stay up this time.

At heart
I’m scared of feeling
always apart.
Do we all feel this?
Does real,
tingly, deep love exist?
I am grateful,
enjoy so much.
But what does it feel like,
that soul-deep touch?
Not the marriage’s silent,
walled anger.
When I lived with an almost-stranger.
I have people here, with me,
but often feel separate,
bedrock of uncertainty.
Are my efforts fleeting,
or a self-fulfilling prophecy?
I remember, I am lucky,
because I do love me.
Truly, really, certainly.

Grateful for the quiet,
grateful for the peace.
Grateful for the friends
that care for me.
Grateful that he’s fading
away for me again.
I’m needing to stay here
I’m needing to mend.

If your love is
an emotional barometer
then others need to measure.
The New was kind and clever;
but he didn’t bring
the right weather.

Take a step into the sunshine,
lean into the light.
Walk where the air is fine,
battle to stay where’s right.
Each heart-true step will take you
on your journey, this you know—
believe in this and trust that you’ll
get where you need to go.

Love all the people on your path,
on your journey there.
They will often show you grace
as you act with truth and care.

This feels like a stupid test
My heart cannot rest
I’m doing what is best
but, oh God,
feeling—distressed.