I think I’m a line
and you’re a squiggle.
When I met you,
you talked—
self-made audition —
and I looked to see your
real.
You professed yourself
happy
to support me
in my steady line
whilst I supported them,
the little ones.
Things worked,
but you ironed yourself flat
just to sit alongside.
Then your line bent,
became tired
from pretend.
It wanted bold and unpredictable swirls,
jagged edges!
Mine wanted to
gently sway at the most,
glide like a calm, smiley river
for them.
We would have been easier
with the real
you-shape
from the beginning.
If our lines
went in the
same direction.
Why contort yourself?

Oh lovely one!

Singing in the shower,
dancing in the kitchen,
bouncing, tapping,
hugging, smiling.
Exciting news and friends.
A journey from last year,
that strained year,
with that sadder, trying smile.

Oh lovely one!
My heart.

In case I’ve said the wrong thing
just in case
my adrenaline will peak
and crest
and fizz.
In anticipation
of past consequences
from a partner
of long ago.
One that, seemingly,
my trained response
remembers.

A bit tired
Casting for inspiration
Soul in there
Soulful
Sad
Separate
From everyone
Trying hard to say something
Acceptable

Is this a safe place
are you a safe place
for me to set down
the race, the pace,
to unburden?

That’s still challenging to do.
And what about you?
Am I those things too?
Perhaps we could be that for each other.
Except, what exactly am I unburdening?
I think you have depth there
for me to hear.

I always feel that I am solo.
Always need to be prepared,
not to rely on the other.
You are, actually,
the closest to me,
but also, you’re quite far.

You’re away in action.
Or, through inaction.
And I have so much to set.
So I resort to self.
It feels stark,
but,
reliable.

I’d been accumulating stress
Body tense,
flight pending,
erratic heartbeat,
sped up breath.
Transferred this feeling
onto you.
Repeated patterns.
Unresolved issues
building stress
and making my body
and mind, at times,
believe I was back there again.

The pit of my stomach
a low lying hum
churning and heavy,
my body is strung.

Anxious something will happen,
imagined danger arise
my body is ready,
awaits nasty surprise.

Just breathe, little body.
Find a moment, take a breath.
Calamity’s not here today,
you are safe; please de-stress.