I fell apart when
You pulled away your hand
Now I’m sinking under darkness
In the room I made my stand
So I lull myself to sleep
Under waves that you command

I thought I heard you call out
Just a phantom and a sickness
All alone in the dark now
You know I cannot do this

I screamed so you could find me
I drifted out of reach
In the ocean I created
And my phantom on the beach

Now the room it’s cold and empty
Your songs are far away
The music that you left me
Are distant echoes I replay

Kneeling at your headstone
Where nature stopped mourning
The grass has grown tall here and
Your silence strong.
I know you’re free from the body
And the sins of our fathers
Chiseled on dry bones
But my flesh begs for your return
I dreamed you are sleeping
A polarized bad dream
Where I have to let go
But  I’ll just wake you now
I’ll give you my breath
To breath in
To open your eyes
I’ll give you my all
For the chance to stand near you
And shed tears of forgiveness
But I don’t want you to fall.
You will always be safe here
Safe in this song
May you live In this poem
As the shadows grow long.

I realized I pushed too far
Inside nature
Stepping over icy boughs
Green needles frozen in time
My heart pounding
Exhausted of the cycle.
There are no birds circling above,
There are no words of comfort.
Just a quiet calm broken up
By the clicks and arthritic pops
Of heavy limbs and twisted gnarled
Fingers holding me in place.
I sit and smile at the crunching in the snow
Remembering the wonderful sound
My boots made trudging back home
For hot chocolate and warmth.

Wondering along the forest edge
Among the endless shadows
Of leaves shaking
I left the known trail into
A lower place
Stepping through dead brush
And tangled mounds of marigold
Red and copper patches,
Old witnesses stitched into a quilt
I found a stone chimney above a lost
Foundation like a worn grave stone.

The ruins called to me.
Pulled toward the lone marker
I sensed a change in the air
A cold sensation.
Without hesitation
I collected and broke branches
From nearby river birch
And built a fire.

I sat grounded in the heart
Of the Home.
Through the flicker and cracks
Of the flame, through the heated air
Breathing life into the flue
A voice from the house whispered.

The sorrows are gone.
I am what is left
A heart broken and alone.
This rooted foundation
Courting this ground
My home fell down
It’s rubble now
The earth reached up
And pulled it down.
The garden is gone.
I am what is left.

I watched the fire die
Out realizing loneliness is knowing
The spirits don’t have answers
They walk on ahead
In circles.

Every night you look like winter
Perfect moonlit landscape glow
To see you sweet relief I shiver
Like a child awaiting first snow.

Cloudless blue elastic river
Catching the morning sun
You give me strength without I quiver
Our life together just begun

Ancient myrrh in essence a sliver
Thought of captured light
Your open eyes deliver.

I’m waiting for the day to come
The winds continued through the night
I want the cleansing soft rain and wild sun to
Soften sirens crowing tired travelers into light
From the aged hotels
Weighted down in feminine wonder
They groan, light a cigarette and look off
To the sea.
Overlooking the graffiti covered park benches
Placed like museum exhibits, like mahogany patched feral chickens pecking into the deep
Cement cracks.
The old poets are long gone from this paradise. They became the homeless - surviving and mumbling in the hidden coves
Of the banyan tree
She grows roots and chokes them to sleep.

This is the place I asked you
Forever
The crisp cedar breeze
And Yards below
The pine canopy holds
Her breath as I reach for your hand
This is our world and nature
Hides her shadows amongst the roots.

This is the place I asked you for a future
The damp cedar air
And yards below
The pine canopy shudders and
Turns color as I grasp for your hand.

This is the place I asked for forgiveness
A harsh cedar wind
Bites but is fair
And miles below
The pine canopy cries and
Sheds her needles
As I search for your hand.