Isolated and secluded,
Paranoid and confused
Getting some peace and quiet
Without appreciating the view
The trees they sway above me
While I sit here alone
In the thickening silence
I just want to be heard
The world’s not crashing down,
I’m just falling up
Searching for a sign in the sky
To find some piece of mind
Not to say it isn’t nice
Getting some time to myself
It’s always fun inside my head
Staring off into thin air.

I watched a film today
The film was about love
But it wasn’t a romance.

It had a bittersweet ending,
That left me wanting more
But also full of closure.

I understood the characters,
I lived and breathed their pain
And contemplated their melancholy.

I wish I could find love
But I have to bear the weight
Of a bittersweet ending.

Sometimes I forget who I am
And then I cry
Because I never remember

I hate conflict, but I’m always looking for a fight. I just run away when it’s my time to step into the ring.

The curtains are drawn tight in the windows of my soul.

Creativity eludes me in the imperative moments, yet comes in waves when the time is so inconvenient.

The people who are the most cynical are the people who have been hurt the most. So why am I so cynical?

You changed my mind
How could it be
My heart that you find

I no longer feel pain
A single droplet you see
In a maelstrom of rain

I watch you on the movie screen
you're shining face I've only seen
in my head with hills of green
a landscape only in a dream.

A soft melody I heard you play
You’re fingers danced along the fretboard
A ballerina of song
Your voice was jagged and hoarse
The voice of hurt
But you sang with such beauty
Your fingers bleed as the dance
Spills onto the wood
The steady tempo
Begins to quicken
Your jagged voice cuts deep in my wrist
As the melody grows frantic
And swells to a volume so loud
I wept with joy

Words are a gift I seem to abuse
notebooks and pens all strained with misuse
my speech is fragmented, a point is not given
yet somehow words cause me to just keep on living

a text from a friend, an email from you
a post from a person who knows what to do
I read an article about people like me
and pray to a god that I'll someday be free

to write what I want and to write it so well
and in such a way that no one can tell
That I'm trying to hard, or I'm just spit-balling
That I cling to these words to keep me from falling.

A seed without water
a creek without rain
the emerald of your eyes
brings nothing but pain
I seek without finding
a creed without devotion
not even God can stop
what you've set in motion

faithless and empty,
while lacking no cruelty
quiet and dead
while stuck in my head
rhythm and rhyme,
while disregarding the time
chords and melodies
while desperate for levity

a dye without color
a vein without blood
I painted a canvas
as we lay in the mud

I used to have a very good friend
But one day he decides to press send
To a text most frightful
Which caused me to spiral
All good things come to an end.

I don't feel like I can identify
when all my feelings go awry

I don't feel like I can conform
when nothing else feels warm

I don't feel that I'm safe
when I'm confronted with my face

I feel this, from the bottom of my soul
So I say ***** your gender roles

A mess of colors spill

On this blank canvas

A multitude of pages unfilled

A horde of ideas dead

I put the mess into a frame

Hoping to gain a new perspective

All I really found was pain

And incomprehensible emotions

A quiet stream
a flurried hush
Without a scream
as you lie dying

I need to try
to dress the wound
need not ask why
the wound is there

these self inflicted memories
are nothing but whispers
of past unfulfilled fantasies
how did they become weapons

We're all passed out on the floor
another lonely night
need not ask what came before
we all decided to die

I don't pretend to know
what it's like to use that knife
I tried once, and thought I could grow
But I threw it into the water

A quiet stream
a deadly blood rush
I cry and try to gleam
your true intentions

I saw you walking on the street
In a plain gray shirt that seemed unique
And seeing you made my heart beat
Tapping out a rhythm only you can play

Wait a minute, hold the phone
this is a boy that has made me prone
under his dazzling smile my heart is shown
Jesus Christ, I think I'm gay

A whisper in the wind
that's what you say to me
always in the back of my mind
always in the pit of my stomach

You wear a sick grin
one only I can see
you always feel the need to shine
whenever i'm in public

Wherever I go, you're under my skin
and I am never free
you always want to cross the line
and just make me your puppet

Why?

Echoes in my mind.

Why, Why, Why,

I want to like you.

Smart and cute and loyal,

but I do not.

Flirt, Smile, and loving the feeling of being loved.

While knowing I can never feel the same.

It''s hard sometimes
you send me the invite
without proper foresight
I don't understand
nobody sees me
I'm no longer free
to sing what I need

I see them when I close my eyes
At night when I dream or in day when I turn my head
I know they hear my desperate cries
When I see them fade away into nothing again
I hate to admit that I try
To see your face in their crowd, and to talk to you
My head compulsively lies
Telling me that they are there and that they care

I wish I had wings for arms
and could fly free in the air
But I'd probably fly too close to the sea
and my wings would loosen and tear

You make my want to curse
why can't you let me in
I tried so hard to get through
your loud and horrid din
I mean *******
can't you take a clue
why the hell would I be here
If I didn't want to talk to you
No I don't want to get food
Or go out and chill
I want you to tell me what is wrong
or someone else will
I'm sick, I'm tired
and I want you
to tell me what is going on
so I can help you through

I know this is harder
than I will ever know
It's not my right to get mad
It's not like I'm a pro
I just want whats best for you
and for you to talk to me
so I can help you through this
and for both of us to see.

"I only cry over things that aren't real,"
she says with a soft frown
"It's the only thing that I feel
I relate to more than reality."

I nod and watch the wall
"It seems whenever I need to cry
Nothing comes at all
and all my strength is gone."

she smiles and speaks
"I find I cry to easily
and my laugh is always weak
And not as frequent."

I fiddle with my knife
"I laugh to much, and at the wrong times
but can't cry to save a life
even when I want to."

Words
fountains of colors
as you toss your coin
flashes in the midday sun
a swath of silver
a tinge of red
as it lands in the rainbow

where
are
you

cobblestones seem soft
as you sink through the floor
into your tomb
the torch extinguishes
as tears fall
in a river of blood

where
are
you

it seems sometimes They want me
as They hand me a trophy
Gilded Gold
Shining Silver
Crowning Copper

where
are
you

the walls close behind me
as They watch with smiting eyes
and lips curled in song
as i fall down

where
are
you

trees grow but you die
time goes but I stop
life ends but you haunt me

where
are
you

it's time to go
not yet

where
are
you

I'm here

Melodies flow with every step
As your feet slam down a beat
Your song flows and ebbs
As you smile so discreet

It may seem like another walk to class
But I hear so much more
My demeanor changes as we pass
And my heart begins to roar

Guitars play and trumpets sound
As your voice floats up high
It's hours past and I'm on the ground
Seeing you in the sky

You hate me for me
Not for what I did, said, chose
Not for who I love, hate, listen to
You hate me for me
And it feels nice

You say your moving on
I'm happy for you, I guess
But I'm unfulfilled and lacking closure
And that's when I'm at my best

Words come difficult to me
Especially when I speak
But I can't leave the past behind
and move on to what I seek

So many questions
So little answers
And we're running out of time

We lied to much
Didn't cry enough
While we act like we're all fine

A soft breeze
Moonlight cuts through the dark
As a soft layer of snow sits
"Look," She says
Staring up at the stars
Pointing to the constellations
"Look," He says
Staring through the window
Pointing at the warm, bright fire
They get up
She glides through the snow,
He trudges towards the house
"Come," They say
I long for Her curiosity
I envy His self-preservation
"Choose," They say
I glance between the two ghosts
No longer a peaceful night

A smile on the lips
And ****** on the mind
**** someone with words
While looking so refined
I walk right past you
Not sparing but a glance
I don’t care for love
But you gave me a chance
“Why do I need you”
You laughed and quietly said,
“You love to love me
But only in your head”
And with that a sigh
I stare back into space
My lonely mind wanders
To some forgotten place