Will i remembered when I am gone, will it be for the right reasons or the wrong.                         When my body is derelict and cold and you think to yourself he wasn't that old, but you've never seen life thru these eyes.                 All of the conspirators with their tricks and their lies pulling sheep's clothing over their eyes.    Will you remember me with love or hate I can't do much about it now it's all to late.                              Will i meet Jesus at the end of the tunnel or Will I get ****** down that dark fiery funnel.                       Promise me that you won't forget me and that i will always be here even though it may cause tears.          Maybe tears of joy or possibly resentment if the latter is true it wasn't my intention.

Looking down to the one you love, all that pain all that  hurt is all to much.                      
No movement, still as the night, screaming and shouting please you need to fight.
But its no good they can't hear, blood caked in tangled hair,no movement not even a twitch the docs saying we will have turn off the switch.
In all the years and all the days hearing that doc left me in daze, reeling about inside my head,
I don't believe that their brain dead. So tell me am I selfish for not wanting to switch that machine off , my eyes streaming while I sputter and cough.
I tell myself the docs know best while I kiss your forehead and let you rest.

Why do I keep clutching my chest, I need to give that lennie and bud a rest, Or its a definite CARDIAC ARREST.
I know this well in my life, but I get weak around my demons, they always come when I,m weak around life.
What would you do to break free I tried most ways trust me but the demons come always on my bad days, sad ways.
I can be good for months on end then I meet one of my friends thats the devil in disguise,
Believe it or not I will die if I don't make new friends and at least try.
I get stuck in quick sand, its like I,m playing poker and always throwing my hand.
I had chances now I,m going to make a stand.
Because I know that with the love my kids bring really I should be singing and dancing.

Eyes so deep you could fill a pit, don't stare to much you could easily slip, into this hell where I reside, two black pools i have for eyes.  
Can u hear the screams from within, the light shutsdown and the hurt begins, its only my mind I tell myself, I don't want anything like material wealth I would be happy but I can't because of mental health.
There's plenty of professionals who tell me where I,m going wrong, they say take the medication and be strong.
But seems like the years are not letting up,
But seems like the medication is making me stuck in this deep spiral I call the abyss and though I try to be brave sometimes all I hear is my grave.
If my beautiful children were not around I would surely be six foot in the ground.

Today's the day I get really low,     I know people say hey you should be over that by now and let things go, but when u lose your DNA you can't see anything in front of you not even a day, not even a second not even a way.  Life took that laugh , that frown ,that always being a clown that peice of jigsaw it still leaves me raw but i smile still *** my DNA lives

As you lay in that cold dark morgue, like a antique vessel that can't be restored, I told you to leave that shank at home nothing came of it just a boys gravestone.  Nothing comes from it except pain and hurt and one young lad in a blood stained shirt. I don't blame the kids it's all they know the government thru them under the bus a long time ago.

If I were true to thee, you could at least be true to me.
I said it before u walked out the door, we can,t be together anymore.                                               So I take solace in the quiet of pain, dust myself down and start again no more sunshine just rain. But thru the dark clouds of life I see a shimmer of hope and no it's not hanging by a six foot rope, I am strong in life but weak in love.  I beat my self up all the time the only way out is when I rhyme.

Envy is a dangerous thing it breeds away deep within, jealous thoughts start to stir inside my head it starts to whir.                         Can I control the thoughts of greed of wanting more of what I need, when all my brothers and sisters bleed.                                          Material things have no feelings like capitalism and consumer dealings, god help my brothers and sisters hungry starving and cold, their mothers and fathers are to old to carry the can so why can't the world make a plan and help their fellow man.

Why do I cry, turn myself in side out. Can u see the screams in my eyes no I doubt it, but life goes on when all this traffic in my brain serves to cease then sustain.  What's the root of my life is it to have children and find a wife, I've done that already and it caused me strife but I don't regret anything in my life. Mistakes i don't regret karma's abait, sometimes we have to leave it to fate.

When we die where do we go does any one care or any one know, will it be fast or will it be slow.                                                         I pray it will be fast so the pain won't last, when I,m layed out on my death bed taking my last gasps.                                                 As this old heart starts to palpitate my mouth gets dry and my pupils dilate, my vision clouds over now I can't wait.

I pray for tomorrow, because all I have today is heart break and sorrow, because time on this earth is only borrowed. We are just vessels of skin and bones floating thru this realm. I know one day I will be with you at the helm, sailing up to another life no more pain, hate, or strife. I can feel the love washing over me, and one day will be with thee. A spiritual rapture waiting to come where I will see my lord, sister, mother and son. The hurt starts to subside when u my lord are by my side.when I stretch my arms out wide I know this love is deep inside, the father, the son, the holy ghost you've always been there when I needed you most

In my dark days of pain every day was the same, every week I was drunk and messed up on skunk. In the dark days of my emotions drinking mad men's potions wracked with guilt and self pity thoughts of moving to another city, but better the devil my dad used to say, I wish he were sat here beside me today.       He gave me strength when I was weak and gave me memories and love to keep. Another thing he used to say was if I could put my head on your shoulders we'd go a long way. So when I get angry and try to control the rage I just remember my dad and turn the page.

Wrestling with my self respect things I could of done but chose to neglect all the hurt and self regrets. We've bin together now for many years you cloud my brain and cause me tears. She wrapped me up in a warm fuzzy glow, no matter how  hard I struggled she wouldn,t let me go. So **** I gotta wrestle free thru that doorway that was given to me. Every day that we're apart jus serves to ,strengthen my heart  my mind and my resolve.you ruled my soul and you ruled my life it's like I,ve bin married to an abusive wife, I can't take your ******* any more so I tell you what I,m posting these papers thru your door were no longer married any more.

When I awake from drunken slumber upon my hand a unknown number, as I cast my memory back no it's no good it's all gone black. As I lift myself from my pit I glance  in the mirror two black eyes and smashed up lips did I get jumped or was I acting a ****. When I get drunk I can hardly see so you probably know more about last night than me. My brain cells are dying at a alarming rate but my body is saying it's not to late.  Now it's time the shakes take hold starting to sweat then going cold, the panic attack makes me stumble and start to fall smash my head against the wall. At times like this I feel really rough I tell u what I have had enough. Looking thru red red eyes all the heartaches and lies if I would have known from the start that alcohol eats away at your heart, clouds your brain and stops your start. Would I change it if I could yes yes yes I would.