I look down and around,
Only to see him smiling at me.
It's the type of smile that screams run, but I stayed.
Maybe he isn't so bad after all.
I gave him a chance, and in seconds, the betrayal happened.
He took me by the arm and watched me scream in pain until it was over.
Until there was nothing more he could take.

I hope you're doing ok.
I havent heard from you for a while but maybe it's meant to be this way.
In the sense that you moved on without me.
Without telling me that's how it's going to be.
I'm still waiting for a text that may never come.
A phone call that won't go threw.
I hope you're ok because it seemed like you don't want me Anymore and that's fine.
I'm better now.
Only if I could say that without crying

I need you back in my life.
The pleasure that makes everything worth it again.
Hurt me and I won't tell anyone.
I promise to keep it my little secret.
I need you back in my life even with everyone disagrees.
Take my secrets and spread the lies all over my name.
Burn the little things I still have left.
I need you to make me a player in my own life.

What if she leaves again?
I'm not ready to say goodbye.
My heart will tear into it, but maybe that's for the better.
Maybe it wasn't meant to be in the end.
What if she never wanted me?

Why do I crave you after a while?
I don't want you back in my life, but at the same time, I do.
The memories haunt my dreams of the past.
Of everything you did to me, did to my body.
Why do I want you back?
I guess I miss the pain and the love that no one else can give me.

What if it was my sister?
My best friend?
The day you died, my heart turned up aside down.
I couldn't think of you for two years without crying.
There were many days I had to stop myself from visiting.
What if it was me?
Would people finally care that one of us was gone?
I told my self when it snowed, it was you saying hi to stop myself from breaking down.
What about all the memories?
The stories that we had together.
No one will meet you again.
I wish it could have been me, not you.
I wish it were all a bad dream.
I wish I didn't miss you.
I wish I could have gone with you.

I’m drowning in my thoughts,
Hoping one day I can finally be with you