I was young and lost. I was
unable to keep up when he
went in the bank. I saw him
leaving across the street and
ran after him and a car hit me
and broke my heart and leg.
He was the god I disappointed,
the man I was always chasing.

I write this sonnet for you
purer than our midnight
full moon, *** act one, in
the dead bed in motel 6,
you left for other tricks.
Afterward I got my fix
the purest of any mix
I ever shot up for kicks.

I wrote my soul word for word
on a grain of rice big as Mars
and called it my Suicide Note and
plastered it on windows of my bars
they took my ashes once they cooled
packed them to sell in Jelly jars.

I was lost inside myself. I was at
  a party, loud music and beer a
tiny madness tugging at my mind all day.
  I walked naked from the bathroom.
  They wore costumes.  I was
  the only one to come as you are.
  Only that not understood
  is truly irresistible.

Last night's debauchery is washed away.
   The front stoop drenched in morning light.
   Blood fades into a stain that looks like Jesus
   with a wink and smile. That happens in Queens.
  
I wake from dark dreams in a room deluged
   in sunlight so bright I'm blind to my ugly
   truths from last night. I could eat a horse.
   I find the diner. That happens in Manhattan.
  
The heat is long shut off and I light Sterno
   to melt some ice for a spot of Dreamtime tea.
   Sunlight won't come this far north past 96th st.
   It knows better. This happens in East Harlem.

She's troubled and twisted
    my earth bound mistress
    offers me all my dreams
    without faulty promises.

    She lives in constant rain
    but loves without any pain
    and reaches me in places no
    honest woman could ever do.

You have to be brave in this world. It can all feel like a bad dream. All the blood, all that pain. Your heart will break again and again. You'll have to journey through it all. Protect the ones you love, no matter the cost. Be honest, be loyal. Work hard. Read. Learn. Tell her you love her, everyday. Don't promise tomorrow, it's not yours to give. Don't just survive, live. Beware of the man on the money, He's in it for himself. If it feels wrong, it probably is. Open your eyes. Create. Don't be shy. It's never too late. Don't wait. Travel the world every chance that you get. Don't stand for cruelty of any kind. Speak your mind. Be on time. Give her space, take some for yourself. Drink to good health. Knowledge is wealth. We all must play the cards that we're dealt. It's not what you're given, it's what you gave. Don't be the master or the slave. Spend all your time, it's not something you save. Be happy my friends. Be strong. Be brave.?

    - Maximillian

There's a terrible storm in my heart.
    It's fire and ice. There's no in between.
    I live the best I can in the middle of it.
I floor it before I lose all my nerve.