To what end can we possibly be?
Why do we exist? Give me answers
or I'm left no choice but to decry
god and satan and every reason for
anything in this demented dream of
mine. All suffering is in my mind.
Wars were fought in my frontal lobe
and peace reached in my temporal lobe.
I'm a madman in madness I'll never know.
I pray to godless gods until I die again.

Where all our monsters live
in luxury with wads of cash
if you stab a back or slit a throat.
Sell your soul pennies on a yuan.
Give the rubes a buck or two and
promise them what they need
to survive another term. You
retire a billionaire and they sell
businesses pennies on a dollar.
Suicides keep morticians rich.

I'm just pretending to be alive today.
I died years ago when I abandoned you
and the kids. I betrayed more than our vows.
I betrayed myself and there's no forgiveness.
I live in fragments between drinks and pills
when I see the top side of my world that
should have been but is a lost paradise.
Christ! I loved you so much back then.

Christmas vacation and promises
of  presents leave us frenzied for Santa's
magical visit on the Eve of
our holy child's birth.
We hover on the upstairs
at 4 am whispering.
Who will wake mom and dad?
The short straw descends in the dark
to their door. Knock Knock
and they stir and grumble
and prepare for the explosion
of 6 kids upon treasures.
Lights are lit and we stampede
down the stairs and think,
"Is that all there is?"
That's all there is.

Wheels spinning and lovers sinning
   in the dark of the tunnel of love.
   Kids giddy on wooden horses while he
   wins her heart with a stuffed unicorn.
   Guess your age. Guess your weight.
   See the freaks for your amusement.
   We live among acres of corn, slaves
   to it dawn to dark, too tired for love.
   Endless winters making children to
   bring another crop to market and we
   live for the same things we all do.
   Moonshine in lemonade at the Fair.

To be or not to be?
   I paint a black halo around
   your blond hair at midnight
   while you hide the moon from
   me and I wonder at your games.
   It's all intense; music, acid,
   *******, the beautiful things
   I've known, but  not seen lately
   We wait naked in the dark for
   dawn's first vague glimpse of
love in our eyes. We stare blind
and reach into the dark for lovers.

If I were a younger me
I'd steal you from your
so called life and show
you how we could live
without the fences. Lust
would be our guide to an
ending we'd always regret.
The wonders we'd know on
the way would be worth it.
The kids would never forgive.