Here I am again
Hiding from the world again
Watching Joy smile in the distance
While Empty keeps me company

Far away Life laughs on
Would I be safe with her?
From Pain who follows me
Where Anger is a stranger

I've seen people abandon Sadness
And cross to the other side
Where Greener tends his grass
I watch start to end and still can't comprehend

Did Chance teach them how?
Was it Faith who boosted them over?
I'll bet it was Love who held off Fear
If I listen close, maybe one day, I'll hear Hope

I wonder,

For those so talented and so seen

That they seem to stand above and apart

Do you wish the distance between

The world and stars, wasn't quite so far?

Would that I could see the world
Where the wind wields its power

I'd spin with the sprites in the leaves
And sway with the tricksters in the trees

Find friends in the fairies wrecking fences
And follow wisps that whistle from windows

Hitch a ride on a hippogriff in a hurricane
And be blown back home with a history nobody will believe

You'll never see tomorrow's sunrise.
Were you afraid it wouldn't come?

Was the darkness too empty?  
Or the night too long?
Was last night for you this lonely?

Would this horizon have made you smile?
Or one more worry for the list?

Were the demands on you too great?
Was there a tipping point I missed?
Or something that could've made you stay?

He takes my hand,
I feel and I don't
I feel pressure and warmth
Not the butterflies or glow

He is trustworthy
I let him in and I don't
I open my soul because he'll respect it
But I'm on edge in case he won't

We talk like time is expendable
I get lost in him and I don't
Because it's so easy to let go
But I've lived all this before

And I know that something is wrong
But don't know what it is because

My heart feels numb
My head feels hollow
I hold back like everything depends on it
I lead, too afraid to follow

Because my last flame was so bright
That it ended with me burned
I hope I'm still just healing
Scars fading into lessons learned

And if that is not the case
Then the damage is deeper
Than skin, tissue, or bone
Making every sensation cheaper

That means it's down to the nerve
And my heart will never quite feel
That I'll never be the same
Because nerve damage doesn't heal

Nobody want their life to fall to pieces
But if the space wasn't cleared
Where would you build
The person you want to become?

I wish I were an evergreen
My faith never withering
My hope bright and alive
With needles stretching heaven ward

Instead I am deciduous
Fleeting, changing, temperamental
So affected by the world
So changed by my environment

Bursting forth in green and flower
In beautiful spiritual moments
Shriveling in the cold bitterness
Of sin's frigid wind

If I am trapped in my nature
Bound by my genetics
Then let me at least fulfill
The measure of my creation

Let my springs be eye-catching
So others can see Thee in me
Let my summers be long
Leaves wide as I soak in the Son

Let my autumns be short
And let my sins fall fast
Let my winters be teachers
Help me to prepare and endure them well

Until I stand before thee
Full of good fruit
Until I can spring up into everlasting life
Purified and made perfect by You

I love the flaws on my body
Freckles, scars, and stretch marks
And wrinkles are my favorite
Some are from frowns
And many more from grins
I love them all because
I never thought I'd have any of them

I never thought
I'd make it this far

But I did
So I'll add
And add

Until my collection of stories
Marks me
From head to foot

And then I think
I'll tell all my children
How wonderful wrinkles are

I used to think the worse thing
Was feeling my mind dying
In the blackness, in the pain
But there's something worse than that bane

It's the shifting gravel below me that begins
   To trickle off the cliff, into the wind
       Knowing that I will follow in stride
         And nothing I can do will turn the tide

Everyone fears pain and death
And after it's over, what will be left
But don't forget tragedy
Can bring us some clarity
About what really matters
When the whole world shatters
Because nobody could care about
The color of your skin if they believe
They will never see you again
We can't argue about sexuality
When we are worried about mortality
We can't put work before family
In the midst of this anomaly
There's no fight, democratic vs republic
When hospital beds are the home of the public
How could we ever fight a war with guns
When a virus is killing us all, old and young
When the war is inside our very lungs
I think we can afford to bite our tongues
Because to strip away contention
Is to leave only compassion
How much good could we do as a whole
If only we thought with the heart and soul
We're born to do good and live to be better
So when we die, we rise with a soul unfettered

You watch for shooting stars
You look so hard
That the stars seem to shift

Once, twice, thrice,
You see their tails from the periphery
Till you turn and nothing's there

Maybe you imagined them
Per chance they were never even there
Probably just a trick of the light

Then a bright one streaks across the sky
And you know the others with fiction
Now that you've seen the real thing

This is how shooting stars
Are like true love.

We hope for "once in a million" loves
We envy  "once upon a time" romances
But no one knows how to find them
Because really what are the chances?

Ah but we know the chances!
So don't give up at one or two
Or twelve or three thousand and six
For a million tries is worth a love that's true

In all that is worth seeking
I've never sought for greek love
For they warn of the heart as
They warn of Tartarus

The price of you grew
But at first it was only a little drama
I can still hear the Fates' laugh
As I pulled out my drachmas

But I didn't mind
Because we were an epic
Of laughter and adventure
Of struggles and magic

Oh but this is Greek love
And I didn't know it
But you were Pandora and her box
You opened it and wreaked havoc

Suddenly I was Atlas
Holding up my world and yours
In endless pain
I was Prometheus, empty at the core

You flew for the sun
Believing yourself Pegasus, not Icarus
When you began to plummet
I dove after you fearless

You fell far under the world
Surrounded by mistakes egregious
I chased you to Hades but tell me
Am I Hercules or Theseus?

Have you ever fit a *****
Only to find it tweaked?
Have you ever replaced a door hinge
Only to find the new one squeaked?
Or fixed a concern with another?
Because I'm afraid, right now, that's me.

I filled my head with helium
And it keeps trying to float away.
My hands shiver as if cold
On this warm and sunny day.
My heart kicked up its tempo
Though my body only sways.

I think might be dying,
At the very least I'm green.
How long can it freeze my brain,
Clogging up my blood stream?
Until finally I wonder how much
Is too much when taking in caffeine?

You look great!
You lost a little weight
Even prettier than before
Don't hold out on us anymore

What is your secret?

What do I say now?
Diet? Kale instead of cow
Exercise? A little sweat on the brow
Should I share a hard truth or easy lies?

What if I said

Anxiety actually
Destroys my skin, my sleep
The last sheds of my sanity
But hey, at least I'm skinny

God said, I need your hope to be stronger

I thought, He wants me to believe in this relationship harder and longer.

I knew I was wrong when He said walk away.
Now I know, he meant believe you can get through the grey.

He meant, believe you can love again and that I have a better match

But I don't think I'll succeed,
I think I'm burned out at last.

I know that I did this
That I chose to leave

But while it only took an hour
To pack up all my things

It will take longer to fill in
The places, where you used to be

To remember it's not worth it
Even if now my heart's a little empty

There is no space with enough space
And certainly no beauty or grace
In these knee-buckling bouts of anxiety
When sanity comes apart at the seams
And crazy doesn't seem a description too extreme

Crazy must be what I am
Because how did I let my life get so far out of hand?
That I'm here, now, melting down like a nuclear plant
Radioactive but not like the hulk or superman
Just hoping I have strength enough left to stand

I believe I'll make it out eventually
But until then
I am the enemy, the survivor
And the battle they fought in

Some people believe that there is only a body
There is no soul that can exists once a body
Has given its last breath
Has said it's last farewell
But I know that there is

I know because my body is weak
I know because my body is broken
Because when I am faced with a challenge
And my body is ready to quit
And even mother nature says stop it

Something in me won't give in
Even when my thoughts are trying
To pound their way out, out, out
And higher thinking is going, dying
I fight on dragging my body with

I blend in
I bloom by the wall
I fade into the background
At the edge of where the spotlight falls

Enough light to survive
To be seen by some eyes
Who stop and care for a moment
But only give out goodbyes

I'm not flashy
Not fabulous
But still worth seeing
And knowing I promise

I have good to give
Maybe unconventionally strong
I'm just afraid that to be known
Means also to be stepped on

I don't how you traveled the space
That exists between us now
You left no footsteps in your wake
Or maybe your stride was far too great

But we still talk you and I
At a time that others trade for dreams
I tell you of how my days go by
And you show me the stars in your sky

We find ways our nights to fill
You working and listening
While I sit and talk on my window sill
Fighting the exhaustion eating at my will

Because dawn breaks soon
And the day's needs are close
Goodbye until the sky's maroon
I'll miss you today my man in the moon

I love you enough to be honest
Even when it's hardest
And to let you close when I'm weakest
Though I'd rather you not see this
Because you've come and you've stayed
Through the blackest nights
And the longest days

I love you enough to have listened
With judgement suspended
And to push you to grow
And hold you when you're low
I love you enough to see your demons
And not see you differently
Because you really aren't them

I'll love you with my words
Until you believe what you've heard
And when my words aren't up to *****
When they don't say enough
I'll have my actions speak
And pick up the trail
Where my words ceased

Dear You of the spotlight
At the center of everyone's view

I hope that among the glamor and glitter
There is someone who sees what's true

That in your endless music they hear
The piece of you that you've disguised

That while every loves the perfect you,
They'll love the real you you hide inside

That when you trip along the way
They'll be there to catch you at those times

That as you wonder, "can I do it all?"
"You can and you're not alone", they'll chime

And finally,

That as everyone takes something from you They'll give their everything to you

From: The shadows
To: you of the spotlight
At the center of everyone's view

I think I would have fallen for you
Even if I were blind

Because your laugh
Makes me grin like a fool

Because even in blackness
Your character would still be visible

I think I would have fallen for you
Even if I were deaf

Because nothing quite steals my breath
Like the way you smile

And nothing quite melts my heart like
Watching you care without a speck of guile

I think I would have fallen for you
Even if you were mute

Because we still would have talked the night away without a single phrase

And been bound together by the adventures
That came along the way

So I don't think there was a way that I wouldn't have ended up right here

Watching you tell me another story
And falling without a moment of fear

I loved you but not like you deserved
So I left, hoping you'd find a girl
who could love you without reserve

Today I met her,

And left happy, confused, and speechless
Because my face broke into a smile
But my heart broke into pieces

How can I not love
the God who gave me wings?

And then

How can I not change
when all He asks is this one thing?

Tomorrow, for me, was scary
The root of all my worry

'til you traded your tomorrows
For the high price of "it's all over"

So now I spend every one of mine
Loving those who think of trading time

Trying to give them moments you missed
Hoping somehow I can make a difference

Icy fire covers the ground
As the light fades away
The wind holds it's breath
On top of a high cliff place

The horizon, a smear
Of red, orange, and yellow
Black shades divide the sky
Night trees and a dark fellow

Crunching breaks the silence
The sound follow the shape
A small, round stone
Shadow kneels next to grave

The heavenly fire burns down
Leaves the broken man
And his forget me nots
Clenched tight in banded hand

Choose your words wisely

To capture a heart wholly

For they wander easily

Unless love anchors them firmly

I was lost in the worry
That should be here but it's not
Trying to believe and be happy
But waiting for the other shoe to drop

I was ready with an umbrella
A wind breaker and sunscreen
Sunshine daily but you don't call me silly
You just ask if you can carry anything

I'm learning to trust the ground we walk on
Because maybe not all ice is thin
Winter days don't have to be bitter
And nights can just be for stars and wishin'

And new days are new adventures
Not a game of dice or roulette
And walks are for long talks
Not for escaping and secrets

Because my definition of love wasn't wrong
Just the connotations
And you wrote over them in red ink
Giving me back a better edition

And while my eyes still drop
When that song comes on
And I have to disappear to deal
With memories I'd thought were gone

You wait and you're patient
As I heal from all the heartache
Still I'm sorry you have to be careful
Because of the mess someone else made

But I'm learning from you that love can be good
It doesn't always break, not always made of glass
Sometimes it's made of rubber
It may fall but it's durable, forever bouncing back

There's a storm in my head
A torrential downpour of pain
With flashes of rage
And thunders of despair

The streets are flooding
And the night is getting dark
And I can't turn the tide
I can't stop the heartache

I feel every emotion but joy
I know hundreds of thousands
Of words that mean pain
So why do they all feel hollow

My hand hovers useless
Above the empty page
Waiting for the storm drains to clear
So the words can flow free

But until then I drown

I broke your heart
So you tore out mine
That's fair, I guess
Even if I'm not fine

That's all she wrote
This is the end
Or wait not really
But it should have been

You were the worst part
Of my life, It was over
We ruin and walk away
I'm not longer your lover

But you can't let go
You chase me down
Just stop trying to add pages
To a book already bound

You ruined my life
And I ruins yours
So move on please
Let me shut these doors

Let's wipe the slate clean
Walk away from your danger
So one day we can past by
Each other as perfect strangers

Have you ever been hurt so bad,
That the thought of it all,
Causes an emotional relapse?

And you live the nightmare over again,
Because the small thing in your life now,
Reminds you of diaster of then.

A 99% difference in everything,
But it's enough,
Just that one little thing.

So you tear up your growth,
You hide in the dirt,
From the possible futures good, bad, or both.

Because in your periphery you see,
What looks like the past catching up,
And you'd do anything to be free.

You'd cuts ties with the good and the new,
Ruining it all because,
Survival clouds your view.

And you would have ruined it all
Except you take back the reins
Far too strong to fall

You've made it too far
Become something different
And moved up the bar

A pheonix in creation
You'll always come back better
From relapse to rehabilitation

The walls are made of plaster
And the bench is made of stone
The music made of nothing
And red cars are made of metal

But no they are all made of sponge

The walls hold your words
Ones that bounces off on their way to me
The bench holds your shape
Huddled broken against the cold

The music traps your voice
I feel it break my heart with every note
Red cars send me running
Thinking you must surely be inside

Your shadow selves must be paint
Spattered on every place you touched
Because how else can everything
Remind me of you so horribly

How can I hear that song
Or lean against those walls
Without coming away soaked
Covered in memories of you

This moment is precious
To someone who no longer has many more

So hug your mom
Who spent her moments caring for you

Conquer that fear
That makes you feel trapped today

Call a friend
And memorize the sound of their laugh

Take a deep breath
And be grateful for this perfect second

Kiss your sweetheart
You'll never regret one more I love you

Because this moment is precious
To someone who longer has many more

On your marks...

Get set...

And the gun fires

Some start the race fast
Others slow
But you can bet that the runners
Around you will change
As the race goes

I've gone fast
And slow
I've tripped, fallen
and even stopped walking.
I was ready for everything

Everything but this
We ran side by side
Not always talking
But always there

Then you were gone
You quit, you left
The race for you is over
But I must run on
Even as my heart breaks
And my feet ache