I’m chasing that feeling of being numb
That sensation when I’m slipping under
Where I could either float or fall asleep
Can I get back? I can’t help but wonder.

A place that is better than happiness
‘Cos happiness is a place that won’t last
But the numbness can just keep on coming
And it can block out the pain of the past.

The weightless sensation of nothingness
Is such a blissful way for one to go
The gradual fading of the world around
Promises to banish your lowest low.

So can I be content to barely be?
I argue it’s greater than being free.

Yesterday I looked out at the view
Planned to climb mountains, buy houses, make friends.
Today I don’t open the blinds.

Yesterday I put on my trainers
I stretched, I flexed, I ran.
Today my lambskin slippers are chafing.

Yesterday I called a friend
We talked, I listened, we laughed.
Today there is not a number in my phone.

Yesterday I spent the day living
I dreamt, I pondered, I planned.
Today I am not sure I am breathing.

Yesterday was a million years ago
It went by in a blink, so fast, unstoppable.
Today is going to last forever.

A line once drawn with dignity
Its edges fade away
Yesterday she would have left
But tomorrow she will stay

Her dreams now out of reach
Were once at finger tips
Before she would have called them back
But the cry won’t pass her lips

A voice once unwavering
Now hesitates and sighs
Given up on fighting
Accepting of the lies

Wake in the morning
And roll out of bed
Breathe in a deep sigh
Put my hands to my head

Pad to the bathroom
Take my sweet time
Get showered and dressed
To be in before nine

Tap on some keys
Answer the phone
All the while wishing
It was time to go home

Lunch time, eat pizza
While I wish to be thinner
Then curse driving home
And curse making dinner

Sigh at the dishes
Frown at the mess
Too tired for leisure
Time to undress

Put on pyjamas
Bed time and then
Set my alarm
To do it again

Sometimes the trouble seems worthless
And the pain just keeps me down
But I will claw ‘til I’m blood and bone
To try and keep this crown

Sometimes I fall and I can’t get up
And I just lie on the ground and cry
But I’ll still crawl 100 miles
To keep alive this lie

Sometimes my robes are heavy to wear
And I long to shed this skin
But I would wear a suit of lead
To hide from what’s within

This crown has become my burden
My robes they are all for show
But I’ll fight to the death to keep them on
Because this is all I know

A drop can open up the soul
It can dull the heavy heart
Each small morsel, like a portal
It helps the pain depart

Touch it gently to your lips
Let out a heavy sigh
A loyal friend until the end
A sin you can’t deny

Let it flow and fill your veins
Allow your mind to sleep
Now not so raw, can shut the door
You don’t have to feel so deep

At last it has taken over
The body numb to the bone
The more I sink, the more I think
This darkness is my home

She ripped her wings on an olive branch
Now tattered she tries to fly
Halo crooked on her head
Torn image in the sky

She used to glow with purity
Now fooling no one but herself
She takes off her only gown
And puts her halo on the shelf

She tries so hard to smile
But her lips won’t hold it there
She’s sick of living up to
A name too hard to wear

She sees her body naked
And the image makes her cry
Handprints scar her body
Torn image in the sky