love washed over me
an ocean of emotion
providing a shore

desiccated leaves
I crunch in my weary steps
sound of journey’s end

We have evolved, you and I.
When first we met, we were merely cartoons.
Now we are portraits.

From silhouettes to textured shadows,
We have added colors and hues to our relationship.

We have managed to jump the branes to different dimensions.
We live in a different world from other people, private and intimate.

Did we at first skate past each other on icy ponds, before we felt the warmth of one another? Did our images and souls meld in the chill air?

How have our wild neurons grasped the reality of our love?
How did we roil up our emotions to break the impassive surface?

Are you merely an extension of my dreams and delusions?
Do we love each other or only love the perception of each other?
As the philosopher George Berkeley conjectured,
the only reality may just be a perception.

But if that is so, I don’t care. My only reality is here with you.
Whether it’s a dream or not, it’s the world I want to inhabit forever.

Mirror, where has youth fled
Is it hiding in this wrinkled head

trapped in dream
can’t dictate theme
often, a silent scream

is this altered reality
flashes of history
hyperbole in mundane potpourri

it’s as if the sun is sleeping
its fearful tears are leaping
the sound of staccato weeping

running at the pace of fear
got to get out of here
make no sound lest they hear

The gray sky weeps because the summer sun
waved goodbye with sunburnt hand
Now, winter reaches in with icy fingers
to numb the land

All the summer bounty will be washed away
by this winter’s rain-sloshed earth
Giving birth to months of dearth

So too my love you have deprived me
inner warmth even as you depart
Leaving me with shivering heart

Is there good reason for such dreadful season
Do you plan an annual return
Lest I learn to fathom what you yearn

Tell me what I need to do
To retain the heat of you
Are you just a fair-weather friend
Have you brought our summer to an end

time for me in sight
born in water, die in sand
a blink in God’s eye

tree winds rustle through
the bleakness of the winter
the sound of dying

paper in the wind
wasted words unseen unread
found, a poet’s dream

Dare I swing higher than my head
Seek a thrill, avoid the dread
Walk along the perilous edge
Or cower on comfort’s ledge

Shall I let loose laughter like a loon
Or purse it as a reedy tune
Should I sob on heart’s bitter break
Or quell it with chocolate cake

Shall I love with passions full
Or restrict a feeling’s pull
Shall I sail on music swells
Or row tone-dead between buoy bells

Shall I reveal my deepest self
Or tuck it away on a shelf
Shall I wander in the field at large
Or park myself in my home’s garage

Bam Bam Bam
Mary shot a ***** ram
Unfortunately, caught on videocam
To save her cosset, now SHE'S on the lam

Oh my dear, please tell me true
Perhaps I’m just feeling blue
But is my fear undue
Am I loved by you

I admit I have no clue
Maybe it’s the fifth brew
But I sense we’re through
Tell me, am I loved by you

It’s not just a point of view
There’s not been a recent *****
Forgive, it’s not the way to woo
But, am I loved by you

Not as if I caught the flu
We used to be like Elmer’s glue
Now you prefer eschew
For god’s sake, am I loved by you

It used to be “those two”
Most everyone knew
We were a crew
Don’t delay your answer, am I loved by you

Has a secret lover scored a coup
Is it time to say adieu
Is this an affair I’ll forever rue
Please, am I loved by you

Tell me true

life outweighs my years
it resides inside like sap
memories drying

Rose early, fixed me a cup of coffee
Sitting on my back porch
Watching the awakening sun
Filter through the grove
Bringing light and a trace of warmth

Once again miss your sleepy snuggle
And sweet morning kiss
My arms felt especially empty today
Would have been our 40th
Vile cancer took you some 5 years ago

Sometimes, I wish I had not risen
Just lay in bed with dreams of you
But life screams the futility of that
Rue we had no children
But a few friends remain

Am I becoming more like the silent trees
Less able to speak with others
Lonely citadels to the noise of the day
Half-seeing and half-feeling
If only I could pull up the covers of night

Gulls squawking complaints
against the ocean
washing o’er tasty sandcrabs
with its perfunctory motion

On barefeet, I trod the damp
and crunchy sand,
drawing closer to the water,
smelling the kelp infested land

Someday I’ll travel far
Sail to distant places
Wash off this grit and tar
Find what another shore replaces

In the meantime,
breathe deep the morning air
Feel the awakening of day
Subdue this wanderlust prayer

The horizon will be there tomorrow
No urgency to flee
The ocean e’er eases my sorrow
I’ll always yearn for the sea

the dark night blinds me
yet I see not in day’s glare
my eye needs shadows

fly atop my hand
brings a brisk reactive slap
oh merciless god

summer laughter sings
until winter brings its chill
icy silence forms

time for me is near
born in water, die in sand
a blink in God’s eye

Not any choice of word
Can capture song of bird

Oh bountiful joy tumble down.
Cascade to my heart
and roil up my soul.
Fill me to the perimeter
and strain me to burst.

I know you are ephemeral
and may never come again,
so know that I’ll relish you
like the firefly you are.

It’s not just remembering
It’s so much more
Those moments unspoken
When I should’ve said adore

Now an inability to share
Any sudden burst of laughter
Any glimpse of beauty
Sleepy embraces the morning after

Not just minutes but whole days void of you
Can no longer reach you by telephone
Realizing now you’re not at home when I’m away
Without my queen, an empty throne

I pray that in another life
You’ll again become my wife

please don’t tie my hands
no love, just violent thrusts
be kind, genetics

bless my child

if love begets love
what does violence beget
does a bad seed grow

does hate spawn more hate
is that evolution's role
just steps from jungle

is there balance here
between predator and prey
is the produce mixed

since the birth of man
savagery slow to change
what hope is there

empathy was mine
before that fateful nightmare
is it still alive

bless my child

The morning sun squinted bloodshot rays
through the eastern clouds

Let's hope today doesn’t produce
the same hangover tomorrow

Yesterday’s woes often linger
It’s funny that joy doesn’t last as long

daylight scorching close
draining last remnant moisture
let’s drink from the night

It was a placid scene
So serene

I was transfixed between
The why and me
The sky and sea

Between blue and green
Aquamarine

Not sharing morning coffee
Chatting about the coming day
I miss the warm laughter
Over the breakfast tray

The hours ahead seem empty
Sunshine a waste of time
Does it really matter
The sun's daily climb

Perhaps a random dream
Awakened this melancholy
Hard to find a purpose
Today seems empty folly

It’s been three years
Since fate stole her life
Ripped my world apart
And robbed me of my wife

Tomorrow is beyond my view
A wallowing in pointless grief
No longer have a “you”
Even her memory seems too brief

blue of our planet
birthplace depository
we must fathom

silent library
those unspoken words on shelves
I ache to voice them

OK, do your worst
Open the earth and spew lava burst

Wrench land between my feet
Split houses and concrete

Howl your wind across the land
Hurl animals and man

Melt snowcaps and ice packs
Raise water levels to the max

Now surge oceans and the seas
Let us drown with weakened knees

Wash the mountains with drying tears
Weeping into wadi spheres

Let loose toxins from below
Poison wells and river flow

Fly insects who gobble farms
That spread disease and raise alarms

All these things I anticipate
I know the power you create

But hear me, we will survive

I carry analog collections of myself
From moment to moment
With imperfect memories
And slightly altered desires

Now here’s the mystery
How much of me
Must there be
To retain my identity

dewdrops on dead leaves
windblown seeds on rock debris
not everything grows

I dropped it in the wishing well
May it sink straight to hell
Inside my heart an anguished yell
No romantic knell of wedding bell
Only an engagement ring fell

Floating like flotsam in the space-time-continuum,
tethered only by a gossamer sense of self,
how important could I be?

All right we had a row
That I won’t disavow
Between me and my lovely frau
God, she had a cow

Over some silly matter
I didn’t say she was getting fatter
At least it wasn’t directly at her
Just mentioned she could use a bigger platter

Get out, you coldhearted *******
Go out again and just get plastered
Too much pride to see a pastor
This marriage's a total disaster

It’s freezing outside
And that’s not just the downside
I know at home she has cried and cried
And I admit that I lied and lied

What has happened to our loving way
Perhaps I can’t ignore any distressful day
Felt compelled to drag it home in full display
Whine about the unjust pay

I swear I’ll turn things around
Focus on the home ground
Remember what once we found
Recreate something profound

Can’t go home with so much anger
Swimming in a sea of languor

A clenched fist can’t find home in a glove
But an open hand can touch fingers of love

With this ring I thee wed
Until I'm dead
Did you hear what I just said
I must be out of my head

fill this black space with light
bring your day to my endless night

pour your feelings into this empty jar
enter my firmament as a star

caress my soul with loving grace
comfort me to another place

let me reunite with my trusting youth
have faith again in eternal truth

see afresh the morning promise
destroy in me the doubting thomas

bring calm to hidden rages
help me through the final stages

assuage all the lingering pain
return sanity to this fevered brain

I want to live with you forever
to be full partner in joint endeavor

Most think of knowledge as light
But it really thrives at night
When thoughts flow like comet flight

A spark unseen has no meaning
Memory soon after its birth is weaning
The mind is ever cleaning

Only at night can ideas unite
Sometimes in nightmarish fright
They clash to provide insight

An abnormal mixture of bric-a-brac
May upset the normal track
Cause a forgotten flashback

A juxtaposition of random visions
Provides meaningful collisions
Will form constructive revisions

So, submit to the fearful dream
Give in to its varied scheme
You may find life's underlying theme

I see you from afar
At a dance or at a fair
Even here in this bar
Could be anywhere

You’re in a different class
We’re vast worlds apart
I drink you in my glass
You’re ever in my heart

You’re the girl I’ll never get
Too pretty and too nice
It’s the longest shot, and yet
Maybe one day you’ll think twice

Vile, vile proteins corroding her brain
Synapses misfiring, ego down the drain

Heartbreaking to see her disappear
Bit by bit, especially the last year

Traces of her charm still come and go
Changing but dreadfully slow

First it was, “Where is my coat?”
Then, “How do you use the remote?”

Mood swings from laughter to tears
Eroding into halluncinatory fears

Angry transferences from caregiver to caregiver
What was an emotional ocean, now an unchecked river

No longer wakens with the dawn
Where has this lovely lady gone

We all want her back
But slipping through the proverbial crack

Alas, I know the end is near
Perhaps in this very year

She’s becoming paper thin
A mask over empty skin

I miss her and my fading memory of her
Now mere fragments and a diminishing blur

sorrow flows full force
down through inner valleys
awash o’er empty days
unstopped by pleasant moments

I feel it at times
when the evening is hushed
when I hear you in a distant room
pass a picture longly hung

I see you in my children’s eyes
will often envy another’s hug
yearn to ease this persistent ache
sometimes pray for death to reach your side

Oh lunar beauty don’t go
You rarely visit in the day
You’re often gone when I awake
You shine when I’m away

You dance among the stars
While I must dance alone
I seek your reflected wisdom
So we can share heaven’s throne

We’ll rule with blended passion
From cool blue to heated yellow
All on earth will benefit
From despondent lass to hopeful fellow

I’ve loved you from afar
I know our worlds align
Please don’t ignore my plea
We're fated to be divine

I see you from afar
At a dance or at a fair
Even here in this bar
Could be anywhere

You’re in a different class
We’re vast worlds apart
I drink you in my glass
You’re ever in my heart

You’re the girl I’ll never get
Too pretty and too nice
It’s the longest shot, and yet
Maybe one day you’ll think twice

First, there is the inner world,
a wild electric universe of neurons
that miraculously grasps the reality of me.

Then there is the world of you and me,
an intimate involvement of emotions and senses;
a world within worlds, where I long to stay as long as possible.

And, of course, the world of family and friends,
whom I view in imperfect reflections and impressions,
in prisms of biased, fragmented judgments, memories and feelings.

Then there is the world of others, most of those like distant planets as Pluto, are assuredly not what they first seem to be.

All these worlds are shaped by my perceptions, schooled by unfinished studies and ignorant appreciations of art.

Am I totally adrift in these universes? Should I cling to comfortable worlds where I can find solace and absence of fear?

A comprehension of these various worlds is unsettling and beyond my limited ability. I am spinning and orbiting among dark energy and dark matter and I will never fully understand the light.

In the shallow of my sadness
At the outer edge of madness
I remember you

I see you laughing in the rain
You’re forever singing in my brain
I remember you

Can’t forget the warm texture of your skin
You invade whatever mood I’m in
I remember you

My world capsized when you died
I fled but could not hide
You’re so very deep inside
I remember you

E’er the Side of the Pane Where Raindrops run
Neath Frigid Moon or Searing Sun

Out of Focus in a Crowd
A Null A Void A Nameless Shroud

An Unread Map with no Relief
No Mountains of Joy no Vales of Grief

Spent Items in a Grocery Cart
Hunger Pangs and Aching Heart

Trepidations and Chilling Frights
Nightmares in Perilous Nights

Robotic Sounds of Traffic Whine
Background Noise to Self Decline

A Wine Soaked Erosion of Young Ambition
A Numbing of all Volition

My Sullen Steps in Alleyways
Endless Nights and Endless Days

Will I ever see a HUE in Grey
Will I ever find a YOU in They

Grab a line and hold on tight,
The ocean’s screaming in the wind.

The salt is stinging my blurring eyes.
My wet body is numbing my bones,

The ship is moaning with the strain.
Its bow is dipping in the waves.

The halyards are whipping against the mast.
Sails are shredding.

But wait, I’m here on the beach.
There is no storm, no ship in sight.

Is this my mind in dreadful turmoil?
Do I fear an impending fate?

Can I secure myself to an inner core?
Can I save myself?

I love to hold you near
Kiss your throat
Kiss your ear

I can feel your inner self
Can find your impish elf
When we tumble from our daily shelf

We strip away perfunctory grace
I can trace your wondrous face
We reach an enchanting place

In quiet moments of the day
Sometimes, when we’re at play
We anchor in this intimate bay

But it’s really in the night
In the dimming softness of the light
That troubles oft take flight

It’s the greatest of life’s pleasure
It stretches wide our love’s full measure
It’s a place I’ll always treasure