life seems tasteless
as yesterday’s donut
all greetings are heartless
devoid of empathy

hard to find meaning in a universe of stones
there’s no pulse on the moon
why chase answers in physics or math
if all is relative, where’s the truth

is the life of a beetle
less important than mine
at what level is self
from the viewpoint of quarks

and yet deep within
I have a desire to understand
I yearn for sensitivity
And requited love

fly below tree tops, lest hawks espy
but learn to soar before you die

must you bring a ***** to term
before a butterfly, save the worm

who says save the fetus
the puritanical male elitist

returning to back-alley surgeries
forces craven perjuries

who should call this shot
the one who's pregnant or not

Isn’t it the ultimate irony that as the universe is expanding,
I am shrinking?
Am I devolving into my own black hole?
My memories of past friends and loved ones are sadly fading.
I am constantly relearning old facts to refresh my perception of the world.
My present is consuming my past with inexorable appetite
Why plan for the future when I’m doing all I can to cling to the present?
Is my sense of self imploding?
Am I becoming Ozymandias without a reputation to boast?
Don’t pity me because all of you will suffer the same fate.
Know only that I feel for you and mourn your loss.

wintry fingers probe
numbing low meadow grasslands
creatures huddle close

Time falls with the indifference of rain
Pelting my consciousness with scattered memories
Dampening enthusiasm for tomorrow

Without permission, it links my past to the present
Making me an unwilling chronicler
Providing transient purpose and meaning to an uncaring universe

bursts of fluttering
sparrows perk the morning sky
great start summer day

randomness is key
else universe is a clock
chance disrupts balance

life outweighs my years
it resides inside like sap
memories drying

she sees and watches
reflecting my history
stretching her vision

if could capture the setting sun
stop the day from being done
send it back where it begun
I could relive this time of fun

the sun arose late
admiring its reflection
in the lunar night

As I looked at you today,
I realize that I do not see you as a whole.
It’s as if I’m studying a mosaic.

Although I love you totally,
I really study you in segments
which I color-in with memories and perceptions.

Do I require the multitudinous eye of an insect
to fully capture your image?
Must I always encapsulate you in past and present feelings?

Then it dawned that this is the way
In which I see all of reality.
In this universe of mysteries, I’m always filling in.

We swim in a murky sea of ignorance
Where nothing is crystal clear.
We must always daub vision with our imagination.

We always combine our senses to augment
the imperfect images we see,
otherwise, all are smeared and tapered at the edges.

We've learned to live with this partial blindness,
like crawling creatures of the inky deep.

is your ***** in heat?
you talking to me *******?
no, ma’am, to your dog

I just love laughter
moments when pain’s forgotten
joy bubbles from soul

I must confess, I've always loved you from afar.
Obviously, not far enough.
No, seriously, I dream of you.
And that's the only way you'll ever sleep with me.

I carry analog collections of myself
From moment to moment
With imperfect memories
And slightly altered desires

Now here’s the mystery
How much of me
Must there have been
To retain my identity

my regrets collect in my heart
like acid rain
engulfing and destroying
the nice memories

Am I but a shadow, a silhouette?
If I step into the light, will I reveal myself
Or will I disappear?

Do I exist between worlds of light?
Am I just a bookmark betwixt meaningful pages?
Or do I inhabit a unique world of my own?

Has my ego been fabricated
By life-long skewed narration
Were analyses properly weighted
To account for complex variation

Can one know if such revelation
Is possible to discern
When id dictates self-adulation
Deception lies at every turn

I suppose I must accept the inevitable.
I’ll never fully meet myself,
ever a stranger to me and others,
an unread book upon the shelf.

- But in retrospect, I was never up to *****
  Of all the stuff
  I never loved enough

I carry analog collections of myself
From moment to moment
With imperfect memories
And slightly altered desires

Now here’s the mystery
How much of me
Must there be
To retain my identity

burst from white cocoon
imagine you have black wings
quite different flight

Who's using all of the toothpaste? Why so much blood in the sink?

Jesus Christ, man
I'm talking to you
pay attention

Perhaps I’m skating over an icy heart
Will she ever feel my warmth

There’s a madness within
that roils my soul,
and entreats me beyond safe confines.

What is it that pushes me to the edge of the mountain
tempting me to jump
and end the uncertainty?

It’s not just wanderlust,
not just a desire for peril.
It’s a quest past aching to outright pain.

Let me jump the brane from internal peace to the terror beyond.
Can’t wait for unknowable possibilities.
Can no longer sail with prevailing winds.

I must hurl myself into the typhoon.

sorrow flows full force
down through inner valleys
awash o’er empty days
unstopped by pleasant moments

I feel it at times
when the evening is hushed
when I hear you in a distant room
pass a picture longly hung

I see you in my children’s eyes
will often envy another’s hug
yearn to ease this persistent ache
sometimes pray for death to reach your side

I reflect on my life as episodes
a broken strand
just a handful of beads

was never one to settled in
never one to create an abode
ever seeking a new home

perhaps my loving was too sporadic
lacking a steady current
leaping from spark to spark

always looking ahead
seldom stopping to savor the moment
foolishly ignoring the love of others

we’ve chosen our crops
now come turn the fields with me
our bounty will grow

the arrogance of power
the humility of service

dewdrops on dead leaves
windblown seeds on rock debris
not everything grows

Why such a reluctance to speak?
Do I fear the damage I’ll wreak?

Am I just too lazy,
my thoughts too hazy?

Do I avoid a revealing,
to share a shameful feeling?

Do I do it to be polite,
or afraid to air insight?

Is it inability to articulate,
emotions too difficult to particulate?

Is my life too internal,
an unwritten journal

Will I die a stranger to all,
my existence in tacit free fall?

Is my life a secret scrawl,
scratched in eternal stonewall?

starlights in the dark
passing visions of cosmos
without us, blindness

Doubt seeped into our "Love"
through momentary crevices
Was that a bad thing
or a necessary respite for passion
- Did she love me
- Did I love her

"Like," however, is an easier terrain
Warm and comfortable
But, even here, doubt can corrupt
- Did she like me
- Did I like her

Is doubt a sudden lack of courage
or a necessary safe check
to jar the sense of reality
and test a relationship

I should not have expressed my doubt
Some thoughts are best hidden
Our relationship was severed
I could not mend it

Doubt should be contemplated in silence
It's often a temporary condition
Best not allow it to force an emotional decision
A sleeping dog can ruin even puppy love

I’ve learned my lesson
Doubt can cause the deepest hurt

you stole my heart like an eagle
will you take it to your aerie
to rip in shreds and devour
my final ecstasy

Inhale all my love
If you can find me in the wind
if I but whisper
can you hear me in the din
Find me among the strangers

you are a sun
erasing all my shadows

you are a river’s run
tumbling away stony pain

you are summer fun
warming winter games

you are the only one
who completes me

A fire turns to red
Just before it starts to end
Has our love reached so
Has our passion passed through blue
Is it the cooling of us

yesterdays, crumpled, tossed away
littering my life

the sea winds ******* kisses
promise exotic isles
please kiss me
and just promise me you

hushed patter of rain
filtering through canopy
morning breathes awake

Your love, mine at last
Captured from moon shadows
My heart is now filled with sunlight

When first we spoke
Your voice was but a whisper from afar
But every day since, I've heard your private words

You soared so high above me
I never saw your back
Now together we share the sky

If you but knew
How today my joy is so complete
I never lived till now

If ever I dreamt you stopped loving me
I would never sleep again
You must know you sustain me

The sea reflects a silver trail
To that vast starry envelope
An unrequited yearning

shadows erasing sunfilled day
inking in the night

You have me walking on love’s keen edge
Teetering on a perilous ledge

I fear I’m near insane
Head’s bursting with fevered brain

I’ve been hurt before
Dare I relaunch from safety’s shore

Am I strong enough to weather storm
Shall I cower within a certain norm

Am I still a babe seeking breast
Is there a hero’s heart in my chest

What’s wrong with me to have such fear
Is it want or need in my deepest sphere
If there’s one thing clear
It’s that I ache to have you here, my dear

On the feast that is romance
In my father’s day, it was spooning
Nowadays, it’s forking

memories floating inside me
realities and fantasies
rational schemes, exotic dreams
depressions and ecstasies

thin boundaries betwixt sane and insane
betwixt outer worlds and imagination
my life yet subject to questioning
has it all been scattered fragmentation

have I really been the driver
or merely an altered passenger
have I dined and feasted in life’s meal
or merely been a scavenger

am I ee’r recreating my biography
do I even remember what was true
perhaps not best to query
fore I will have lost the love of you

photo in my mind
can’t put away in album
love has pasted it

Rip the cassock from your body
Tear the robes asunder

Is it a spell you’re under
Or just colossal blunder

full moon, a mirror for the sun
would that it also be a reflection of my love
the stars your glittering necklace

our orbits have conjoined
comet interludes
forever linked in time and space

let us together travel
this universe
a magic magnetic journey

When I awoke this morning, I slammed the door on yesterday
It could’ve happened at any moment
You know how every moment fights for survival,
Wants to create its own memory
Well, I decided to **** it dead and all of the other moments
Erase the disk, maybe get a new hard drive

This day will be my own creation
Not shaped by my yesterdays
My future is for once truly my own
I will knead my imagination
And sculpt a new me
I don’t need historical form blocks

You know what they say
The sculptor carefully removes all that shouldn’t be
To find the perfect statue that remains

early morning barefoot walk
hear the drumming ocean waves
smell the scattering of kelp

see whiteheads floating out
hear the squawking gulls
hear breaking waves seething ashore

feel cold sand crunch neath toes
burrow them in for a little warmth
you and your board are primed for briny sprint

In placid setting of field and sky
A windless moment be stills my time
I think of you pasted to the scene
With but the depth of a silhouette

Is our love just as shallow
A coating on pastoral image
Penurious daubing
Of an artist’s afterthoughts

I want to shatter through
Shout in the stillness
Puncture the protective colors
Feel the other side of me

Is this just momentary doubt
Is my mind suddenly deadlocked
Or is this a dreadful insight
Into a frightful reality

A breeze unexpectedly occurs
Clouds are moving
Grass is waving
A painting becomes a movie

I immediately inhale the vision of you
With a renewed vitality
Floods of emotions fill me
We’re again in joyous sync with the world