She is a friend
Nothing more
But more importantly
N o t h i n g
Less

A friend

And I’m glad
I still get
to listen
To her voice
And see
Her smile

Because

Even with her
Having a partner
I’m allowed
to smile back

Even without her
Being more than
her
I’m still allowed to enjoy
her presence
And that’s
exactly
what I’m going to do

thank you
\
-meet rubber

your capacity for compassion
Alludes and astounds me
Every
Day

When I see you
even
If only platonic
My heart
Still
Pounds for you

I could hold you
For hours
With no
ulterior
Motives

I want nothing more
than to care for you
The way you already
have for me

I cannot thank you enough
Thank you for being you
Thank you for being a friend
Thank you for being a beacon of light
Through a long stretch of tunnel
With nowhere
Near
Enough
Daylight

You
And your
beautiful passion
Exceed
And transcend
All preconceived notions
Of the human experience

the way you look at me
after each song we share
The way you let me rest
My weary head
On your shoulder
The way you
press
The dimples on my face
Stretch my lips
and pin my brows
The way you form
The most authentic smile
I’ve had in years

You really are a
work of art.

-I did say your smile was infectious

Words cannot
describe
How profoundly
I need a hug

I need an embrace

A warm harmony
A love without ***
A platonic valentine

I want a
Connection
that goes
d
   e
      e
         p
            e
               r
                 Than
                    S k i n

I want a meaningful conversation
over coffee and tea

I want someone to sit down with
In a room full of our favorite music
But no words
A quiet bond
Over the words
we read
The life
We lead
And the air
we breathe

I don’t know who you are
but I love you

And I want you to hold me
Forever

Nothing else

No expectations
No intentions
No lust

I just want you to hold me
until the tears stop

-platonic lust

Dear Sam,

I
am taking back
my tank top
I
Am  wearing it
without
fear
And
I will
continue to wear it
until it
loses your scent

This is how I finally put an end to your memory

These poems, these words are how I finally
end this chapter in my life
And move the **** on
because I have plenty
of pages left in
my
book

-final remarks on the man who ****** me(over)

I want these waves to swallow me whole

building a catalyst from your own cataclysmic life events
Often resolves the ****** of your will to live
Leaving less than there’s ever been
Ergo
I want these waves to consume me

They’ve already flustered my mind
Shouldn’t they also remove this body

I want to get rid of this tote bag
This rough and tumble canvas bag with defective straps
Woven with a little less love than the rest
It is only home to old words I’ve already read
And old wounds that haven’t healed
This body contains too much yet it is null and void of anything useful

I don’t want these broken pieces

Ergo
I don’t deserve them
They hold no use to me but
Someone else can make better use of them

So cut me up
Into small chunks and pieces
Limb by limb
Take my heart that never properly loved
Take my lungs that struggle to breathe my dense air

Give my heart to someone who will pass on what love it can hold
Give my lungs to someone with thinning air
Give my limbs to someone with working joints
Give this tote to someone else
Let them read the books I already have
Let them fill
this tote
with new stories

give my parts to someone who needs them

I don’t want them anymore

-experimental suicide

I still can’t catch a scent of vinegar
Without smelling your house

again

I still can’t walk across a tacky, veneer floor
without being trapped

Again

Like a rat

prying myself out of this glue trap because
I fell for the little chunk of cheese
you dangled in front of me

I still can’t wear that
Tight
Grey
tank top


Without feeling your bare arms
wrapped around mine

Your lips
pressed against mine
I might have kissed you

but
I
D i d
N o t
W a n t

What Came Next

I told you
we should slow down

I told you this was a mistake

You said:

“We’re
teenagers,
We make mistakes
That’s what high school
is for,
We do stupid ****.”


I guess we do

-pouring the gasoline

The social contract
****** me
Even harder than you

I had time to put clothes on
before the hour I spent
curled up on your couch
Before falling “asleep”
Two feet away from your side
of the two couches
we conjoined
To feel
“Attached”

We got
Too
*******
close

Clothes didn’t matter
Laying on that couch
I felt more naked than
I
ever
had

No matter how many layers I wear
how many blankets I wrap myself in
how many pillows I hug
to clutch anything other
than you
I still feel naked
every day

-wrong reasons