Dakota

Dakota Oct 2021

Anxiety

Eyes darting in and out of focus
Heart pounding over the sound of my thoughts
Lungs screaming to take deeper breaths
Ears ache as her voice drones on
Mind filling with more and more fog
Heat takes over, breathing more difficult
Fearful that sirens will soon be in the distance
DO NOT FALL DOWN
DO NOT GO TO SLEEP
The cold returns, as does breath
Shivers scale the spine and fall again
Fog continues rolling in
Clear thoughts not a possibility

Dakota May 2021

Late Night Thoughts

I feel like writing poetry,
but I don't know where to begin.
So I'll let myself ramble,
and see which thoughts win.

I'm thinking lots about "love",
and what that word means to me.
I'm thinking lots about Him,
and the other He.

And thinking of Them.
Is their "love" still there?
I don't know,
but I'm glad they don't have to go anywhere.

I'm thinking about homes,
and how lucky I am.
The others aren't so lucky,
so I try to lend a hand.

Dakota May 2021

Untitled

An organized chaos
I tell myself quietly
Looking at my room
The disaster I hide beneath

Dakota May 2021

Dream voice

The voice that speaks is no longer the one inside my head.
Instead, it's the way I'd dreamed it'd be:
Soft and low,
Gravelly but controlled.
The voice inside my head is no longer the one heard.
When I speak there's confidence,
Something previously unobtainable.
When I think about what I sound like,
The voice in my head still squeaks.
When I hear my voice in recordings,
It's startling to hear it so low.
It creates a strange disconnect from the me I've known and the me now.

Dakota May 2021

To my Starboy

Stary eyes and soft smiles
Stutters and rambly conversations
Reading to each other and learning languages
Loving competition ending in kisses
"old man games" and throwing knives
Secret playlists and secret poems

These are the things that make us, us
I want that list to keep growing and changing as we do

I love you, my Starboy,
ate a estrela mais distante da galaxia e de volta

Dakota May 2021

Space

Alone
Floating in darkness
No one to speak to
I am
Alone

Lost
Among nothing but space
Nowhere to go
I am
Lost

Empty
The void swallows my thoughts
Space consumes me
I am
Empty

Lost in empty space, I am alone

Dakota May 2021

I wonder

I wonder if you feel the way I do after our conversations.
I wonder if you feel like your chest was torn open and your heart was stolen.
I wonder if you feel the same collapse of your chest into that void.
I wonder if you feel as heartbroken and exposed as I do.
I wonder If you also feel like you poured out all your heart and love, just to have it stomped on and be told you're wrong.
I wonder if your love feels the same as mine.
I wonder if you still love me the way you did before, or if you keep me around to take care of you.
I wonder if you're trying to push me away.