I tend to act as a whiteboard
with each person I meet
I wipe clean
hand them the marker
and ask what they want to see

"I just want to know You"
and unfamiliar response
"I'm not sure what you mean,
this is meant to be about Your wants"

"I want to know your favorite color, or your favorite place to eat"
I give my default replies
but they don't really belong to me
they're curated lies
based on what others have liked to see

I say "my favorite color is blue"
my friend and I shared a favorite color
she told me to pick a new
my answer then was pink
but i "couldn't choose that too"

As for where I like to eat,
I don't give a straight answer
"it depends on the day"
or "I'm good with whatever"

I forgot what it was like
when the marker stays with me
but I've got nothing to write
so I'll leave it empty

hyperaware of every movement and sound
pencil scratching paper turns to metal on glass
voices to piercing needles
footsteps to a sledgehammer

light feels blinding
burning like the sun

the brush of a fingertip
tears into me like barbwire

internally screaming but making sound hurts
shaking so hard you'd think I'm freezing

please stop talking
please stop moving
please turn the lights off
but I cannot express these requests

Stars
The thing that we seem to bond over most
Stars
The lights in the sky that I wish on to be with you
Stars
What we stood under as you jumped with joy learning that I loved them as much as you
Stars
Could never shine as bright as your eyes did when you found out I knew Remember When
Stars
We watched them shoot by, so close we could see the smoke trail
Stars
What I look up at to remind myself that, no matter what,
We're under the same sky

I thought I would be fine, but I was wrong
I stayed up crying for so long
Thought I'd never be happy on my own
Spent so much time wandering alone
Went up and down streets and all around first lake
but the thought of you with him was one I couldn't shake
I want to be the one by your side
I can't move on, gods know I've tried
But I know you love me and I know you care
so I don't want to move on, it feels unfair
I'm just afraid you'll leave me behind
and you'll remain forever on my mind

I love in a lot of little ways
I love in baking shortbread
And pancake brunch
I love in cuddling pets that i am So allergic too
But they're too cute to resist
I love in midnight drives
Late night talking
I love in answering any questions you ask
I love in staring from across the room
Admiring your freckles and the most contagious smile
I love in trying to learn your favorite song on the piano,
Though I don't play very well, but I know that's not what matters
I love in Photos of my friends,
Blurry and dark but I know who it is
I love in playing my favorite songs for you,
And remembering what songs you say i might like
I love in shooting star wishes
And a gentle hand as I pass by
I love in drunken cuddles and soft sighs
I love in closeness and in distance,
Whether you're next to me or in the stars
I love in looks that say I love you when I'm too afraid to speak
Listening to gentle snoring as I fall asleep
I love in picking dog fur off your lips
Going for freezing dips
Laying on the beach half naked
Opposite halves as we would have it
Whole in our differences and I love that about us

I haven't told you I love you yet,
I wonder if you too lay awake at night thinking about the ways you love
I hope to you, love is like poetry the way it is to me

Today was amazing and that hurts so bad
I'm afraid of losing you and everything we had,
the nights we spent up late
Talking and baking bowl cake

I missed us
and i got to see it again
Dancing in the kitchen,
Cuddling on the couch,
The way you get So angry
When you're losing a game

I missed your smile,
Not the closed mouth smile,
The toothy smile
Its gorgeous,
When you get a text or see something on your phone
You think I'm not looking at you,
Just for a second
Your lips curl into the most beautiful smile

I wish I had the words to tell you how I feel
But instead I leave it unsaid
Because I've said so much
That you didn't want to hear

I'm too attached
and I know you are too
but in a different way
and I just cant get that clue

Well, I get it
I ignore it
In the hopes that you'll forget
and come back to loving me
Maybe the way you did

We Are much closer now,
and you do love me
I know that
But it's in a different way

And sometimes it's perfect
Like today,
We sat at the table,
Where just a small distance can feel so far,
But then you reach out and take my hand
We're as close as ever, maybe closer
We've grown so much
and we've still got a lot to do

I've missed you
I hope you've missed me too