wide eyes
empty
cold
crazed

I'm scared
cowering
nearly crying
small

Quick movements
sudden actions
no thought
no control

fear stricken
frozen
uncertain
forced smile

neither of us are okay
neither of us can help
All we can do
Is get past this moment

I went camping alone
Supposed to be pleasant
Reconnect to myself
Disconnect from the present

I went camping alone
Rocks in my back,
Drinks in my bag
How long til I crack?

I went camping alone
I missed your face
It'd been a few years
I craved your embrace

I went camping alone
It felt so wrong
Stars high above
Memories strong

I went camping alone
Drinks in hands
Begging the stars
For another chance

I went camping alone
You didn't know
Stars shot above
I didn't let go

A hole forms as a gap in my chest,
It comes apart when I'm alone.
No.
It doesn't come apart,
It's uncovered.
I use people like patches to cover up my scars,
and yet, here I am.
Alone again.
The hole in my chest painfully grows.

A painful unsilence
Every whisper sounds a cannon
Screams and shouts
Only heard from within
Soft cotton
Turns to velcro on my skin
The floodlight from the sky
Washed colour off my face
And I still wonder
Why my heart begins to race

I don't Want to be trans
Don't Want hormones and surgery
But I couldn't go back
That's not an option for me
I don't want to be a girl
Thats not what I mean
Being trans is exhausting
And I just want to sleep
I don't wish I was dead
I just wish I was me