my mom said
that this is like someone dying.

and she's right.
because i loved you and cared for you
and i used to spend time with you

and now i can't.
because you're gone.

but the difference between this and death


is that i could make all of this pain go away

in the blink of an eye

i could make this come back alive.

i could pull you close
and whisper that i'm sorry

but it wouldn't solve anything

like a needle filled with lustlovedrugs
i could inject you into me

but it would wear off
and i would be left filled with regret

i could never use you like that.






that would be the worst thing i could do to you.
you'll find someone better for you than i was


i just wish i was that person
and i wish i knew what the **** i'm doing
when i'm not crying

let's just call this a suicide note

                  because that's
           what it should be.

If I was still who I
           was
                          a month ago

then there would be
     slits up this wrist
and an empty bottle in
       this fist

But instead I can
appreciate
                    that I don't
have more scars.

I swear
the farther you are away from me,
the more i ache.
but this is pointless.

this chase so isn't worth my time
my heart feels full
of water, breathing
is difficult
when i think about
you
because in a month,
you'll be across the country
meeting new people
and even now
i rarely hear from you

and it makes more
sense to just

                             Let go.

I should just let go of you
find other company
instead of waiting by the
phone, crying
and writing poems.

I should let you go now

So it won't hurt as much
when you leave



But, that thought
just makes me
want to cling to you

desperately.