Dad
What are you doing?
Left the misso
But you have 3 kids.

What up?

New life
New misso
Social media
N ****.

What the **** ****?

We see you for a few hours
Every fortnight
During your days off
And it's all a bit ******.

So, you're getting married?
And where are we?
Still living in the ashes
You left us in.

Dad
What are you doing?

Her alarm goes off first
She ninjas her way out the door
She kisses my brow every morning
To keep our sweetness secured.
She snaps and texts throughout the day
And I do the same
Finish our sentences with kisses
To assure one another we're ok.
She's usually home before me
We talk of our ******* day
Prep dinner, feed the crew
Share kitchen kisses along the way.
Say our goodnights to the kidlets
Curl up with our favourite show
We make love and it's always magical
She is beautiful and I let her know.
The days are much like the last
Work and bills and dinner and things
I would not have this any other way
Without my Queen, I can't be King.

Awake at 0415
Sleep still in my eyes
Bundle up crib
**** and a ****
Shave clean
Coffee on the boil
Then, on the road.
Lit ciggy
Volume still up from last night
Knock it down a notch
Until the ears can focus...

Swipe on, turnstile spins
Follow in suit
Say g'day to nightshift
As the hi-vis is donned
PPE all strapped on
Steel capped **** kickers
Helmet slap, follow the crowd
To prestart.

Sit and nod, coffee lukewarm
Handover from nights
Sign on lads and ladies
Lock on, work instruction, THA
We are all dressed the same
The same team
With the same goal
To go home...

We don't know how it all works
In our silo, doing our bit
For our 12 hour stint
For 7 days.

Just before 6
With our bodies worn and ready
For a quiet bevvy
With mates we made at work
Swipe off, turnstile spins
Say g'day to nightshift
It'll be our turn next swing
Top job, had a win.

Microwave feed
Boots at the door
TV just for the noise
Stare at the phone
They ring before bed
Let it ring out
How was your day?
Same as every other, don't bother.

Asleep before head hits pilla
Awake at 0415

No one understands
This boy, becoming a man
His needs go above anyone else's
An air of selfishness.

He cannot stay home
The rage is fuelled
So, he runs
In circles from couch to couch.

With pent up anger
And misunderstanding
He claws wildly at the world
Missing his mark.

Forcing his opinion
On those that cower
He is an unstoppable juggernaut
Unleashing his power.

As the dust settles, he sees himself
Alone, on a couch, as a child
No bedroom, no family
No place for this boy gone wild.

I entice change and he accepts
Here is a job, here is your space
Here is my love, and my shoulder to sob
Whatever you do, don't quit your job.

I see the smile I thought long gone
And the spark return in his eyes
The rage within has settled for now
And I will be there, for when it returns.

Down.

Lines of communication blur
I can't be sure
Of my ****** expression
Or body language
My silence says it all
The disinterest
The cold response
The fatigue.

With tender touch
She prys at my shell
Searching for cracks
Or a subtle tell
Tender within
I convulse and sin
I let no love out
I let no love in.

The pain is all I want
This twisted front
It's all I've known
It has help me grow,
Perhaps not
I don't know what
It is to be loved
By another so pure.

She won't let me die
Without a fight
And the tears from her heart
Fall upon mine
My poor brittle ego
Exhales all this angst
And I fall hopelessly
In her embrace.

Our little dream
Is ours alone
From a long distance relationship
To making a home
If it wasn't for the chaos
If it wasn't for the strain
This beautiful life
Would be but a dream.

She takes the time
To show her love
As tired as she is
She still manages a smile
I am fickle at best
She dotes at my being
But I am far from the man
I wish to be.

I pour my heart on her
To give her the strength
With my long nailed demons
Scratching within my head
I calm them with toxins
I sedate them with love
I comatose them with dreams
And all the above.

Where will this end?
With enemy or friend?
Only time will tell
Whether this dream is ours
Or it belongs to them.

Bitter little vices
We see as breaths of fresh air
Takes pieces of my identity
And settle there
Grind away at the every day
We're on, we're off
We have a vague plan
And we're vaguely sticking to it.

Driving in the heavy rain
Chaos peppers downs
Focus distorts
Visibility is false
There is no place
For rational thought
Just plough through
Focus on the dotted lines.

Til we traverse
Under a bridge
And for a minute
All is calm
A breath can be had
I turn to you
With your loving smile
All concern fades
Pressure to focus subsides
It is all fine
With your hand in mine
For this moment in time.

We hit the other side
And it seems as if
The rain hits harder
Both hands back on the wheel.

You are my bridge.

If you dare take the time
To acknowledge me and mine
You'll find
I have the same woes as the average Joe
Bills and rent and fines and things
Dinner and dishes and kids without wings
Some estranged, some in my midst
Some in need of a white knuckle fist
Im enraged, and I twist
Til her blessedness kiss
Instils logic
And the white knuckle tints
She calms the erratic
The fiend within
Who wants nothing but chaos
Blasphemy and sin.

She calms it all.

This beautiful missing piece
Who is trying her hardest
To be a mother, a provider
A beautiful lover.
The truth I needed to hear
Spoken ever so delicately
She tells it as she sees it
And she sees it so perfectly.

While I distort
Destroy and maim
She deflects the ignorance
And soaks in the pain,
She is my rock, my solid
My reason why
Nothing will fail
With her by my side.

Typical bloke.
Flanny, wife beater, blue jeans, work boots
Rough around the edges
12 hour shifts on the daily.

Split with the missus
A while ago now
Misses the kids
Works like a machine.

Knocks off at dusk
Sits out the back
Punchin darts and sippn bevs
It's all he knows.

He doesn't eat as well as he should
Microwaved feeds and barbecues
Saves on dishes, doesn't mind fishn
Pays his child support as required.

All he knows is work
Cutla mates he doesn't often see
He gets choked up but swallows the pain
Just to get through his work day.

He doesn't ring his kids
As he doesn't know where they're at
So, he punches darts and sips bevs
Out the back.

He reeks of loneliness
He doesn't have much to say
He just asks us questions
To which we reply, vaguely.

He tries...
But he is so disconnected
So broken and out of touch
I miss who he used to be so much.

Always on his own
With the blade to his wrist
Fate tempting the twist
But always ends up clenched fist.

He built this nest
The same place he *****
Akin to his demons
Typical bloke.

If you leave me
Please **** me
As life is nothing
Without you

If I leave you
Please **** me
As life is nothing
Without you

If I die
With you in my life
I will die smiling

If you die
With me in your life
I will live smiling

Without my best friend
Life has no meaning
So, lets never die
Ok?

Awake guilty
Against my will
I miss them, I do
The unity and history
New, bizarre characters
New, bizarre old world
If truth be told
I don't yet fit here.

I am a broken man
My worst enemy, my biggest fan
I know that I can
But, can I?

I adore her endlessly
Her beautiful particularities
Little fingers locked tight
Pinky swear.

My love will complicate
As times continues to breathe
But it will always, always
Remain.

Finding my place
We aint even kin
But the pain from the distance
Still resides within.

As the lights dim
And eyelids grow weight
Demons within
Continue the spate
There is enough love in me
To devour over a lifetime
Go to sleep guilty
Against my will.

Threads torn
Stubble shown
Wince in the eyes
Shoulders slumped
Sporadic sighs
Heels drag
Ties rust
Split loneliness.

Curl into a ball
Sadness evolves
These wretched wings
Misplaced in a drunken haze
Forget to reply
Wake up to die
Seven missed calls
With my phone by my side.

Torn apart from my kin
Through my own decisions
They'll be fine, I tell myself
But they are not, they are broken

The love of my children
Has been put aside
For the love of a woman
I don't deserve this life

They hate me
And I dont blame them
I am my father's son
And they are theirs

Accepts my indifference
Wild emotional tantrums
Uncomfortable silence
Sheer laziness
My silly human traits.

Respects space
Loves my face
And tells me
Every beautiful day.

I choose no other
Forever.

Once she awakes
From her nightshift efforts
I will remind her
She is appreciated
With a kiss and a cuppa.

Through my blurred perspective
Tinted rose iris
I will smile through plastic teeth
In doe eyed admiration
At this beautiful person
That chose me
Over all others.

Every tomorrow
Every today
That I get to see her
Is a blessing.

Until I die
I will adore
Tend and care for
My sweet Lawla,

Forever more.

I stand here before you all
As a friend, an associate,
A ***** relative, a co worker
An influence, a blood line
And a cool memory,
To solidify an actual fact...

I am, in fact, in love.

I didn't see it coming
Nor did she,
You didn't see it coming...
But, that is why we are here.

For love...
Not yours, mine.
Ours.

Needless to say, it is our honour
To share this pivotal moment in our lives
With such beautiful people
With such awesome haircuts.

You have all been a part of our timeline
And no one would have ever guessed
This girl, that I first kissed, when I was 10
Would meet me in the future
And be awesome enough to be my wife.

Lucky duck.

And she is...
She is fkn awesome.

So, good luck to us,
Because after all this ****,
It will be just us.

Going to work and cooking dinner,
Dishes and bills and dog **** to pick up,
Family stuff, you know what I mean,
Life **** but we just say...
We're living the fkn dream.

Those in earshot,
That made the effort,
To be here, in this moment
We thank you.

Thank you all.

Stained in rust
Amber and oranges
Liquor and green smoke
Tar and feathers and shame  .

I don't want to know your name
Before I knew you
Keep your secrets
They will only deter me  .

This hapless adventure
Of renewal and rebirth
May be killing me
Unbeknownst to me  .

These rose shaded gogs
May be withholding
Important information
That I have been avoiding  .

Get married and find out.

**** your life from a new angle.

I am a *******
I deserve none of this.

Smoke like a train
Drink like a fish
Can't ever focus
Gamble like a degenerate.

Starting to hide things
But, this is not the way it is to be.

You are so determined
So in love
With this piece
Of ****.

I eat poorly
Take drugs on the daily
Say, I'm not hungry
And you feel sorry for me .

Selfish lover
Under the covers
Go to sleep
During conversation.

I don't deserve you.

I want to die
Maybe suicide
But I am a *******
Still alive.

**** me
Before
I **** your
Soul.

I don't deserve you.

I say I'm sorry
But,I don't care
This *******
Has no regard.

I'm going to ruin
Your life.

I've made them believe
I am so wholesome
But in actual fact
I am a *******.

They love me
And can see no wrong
But I will destroy
All they know.

I can't change
As I haven't tried
**** me off
Before I **** your life.

You should have never wished me
Happy birthday.

Collect memories
Only to forget
Soon after

Burn myself
Just to feel
Something

Endure love
Inhale loss
From afar

Eyes ajar.

Run circles
In a straight line
Fall and climb

Cry on the inside
Outside sigh
Hurry up and die

Nothing in life
Has gone to plan
Thus far

Eyes ajar.

Lick wounds
Gaping and infested
Failures tested

This old boy
Once a young lad
Bitter and sad

Broken from experience
Whoever you were
Whoever you are

Eyes a jar.

This smile that I fake
Every day...

The mask slips aside
I cannot hide
The silly angst
Behind.

I want the best
For everyone
But let myself die
With thumbs up.

This life
Is not mine
This home
Is alone.

Hopelessly in love
Destroying all of the above.

Dinner's ready honey
Thanks babydoll.

She altered her entire reality
Picked up all her ****
And moved to the desert
For me.

She rolled the dice
On a verbal promise
That I would love her
Until we're dead.

My word
Is oak.

I left my world behind
My kids, my home, my abode
I rolled the dice
On her word.

I gamble my entire life
My heart and soul
That you are the one
I've been searching for.

Safe bet.

Roll the dice
On love.

Now
Is so different
So oblique
So new... still, after all this time .

Just realised
That I
Just realised.

Rich poor man
Still can...

Week to week
There is no weakness

Which bruises easily,
Has chalky bones

Calm chaos,
Welcome to
Door mat and exit light
Confuse, engulf, exhale.

If you lived in my mind
You'd be home by now.

Calm on the outside
Trembling within
Strength of a man
Heart of a child

Why didn't they teach me
About life in school
Why didn't they advise
It could be so cruel

Just grow up and realise
You're on your own
Fumbling with emotion
Swim or drown

They all seem in control
Like they have it all
While I smile and struggle
With no idea what to do

Life, may just be
Pay bills and die.

Today I am not ok.

The demons within
Are getting their way,

They gouge and claw
Scratch and score
Embrace and adore
My beautiful pain,
I hear their screams
From beneathe paper skin
I turn up the music
In an attempt to muffle them.

I stop my day
To renounce their rein
With this wee poem
In hope it will slay,
Vent their angst
Through dancing word
It is my only defence
Against the hate they incur.

This anguish in time
Silences at last
Until next time they grow strength
And run rampant within.

Today, I'll be ok.

Silent strength
Behind a smile
Struggling heart
Give it a while.

Half a heart
Around her neck
The other half
Around mine.

She will always
Be beautiful
In my dusty eyes.

Calm, hard to find
In a productive mind
She only stops
For my embrace.

She tries
With tears in her eyes
She is the only soul
I want by my side.

Ignoring little scenarios
That will one day explode
Into epic sagas

Calm in my cage
They can't get me
Time will heal all wounds
I'm hopefully sure

Break my own secret rules
Ignore consequence
At this moment in time
It made sense

I love you, but
*******.

Pieces of my puzzle
I cut to size
So they fit
To suit my mind

Create chances
Jump fences
Alter instructions
Open book inductions

Ignore epic sagas
That will one day explode
Into little scenarios

It is 5am
My alarm, as always chimes
The theme from Lion King
I reach over and down and swipe.

Reach over and kiss your brow
You are always awake
You advise that I have a good day
And from that moment, I do.

You tell me you love me
As I close the door ajar
Pack smoko and knock off sweetener
Be careful with the creaky screen door.

I go to work
I do my thing
I text and snap you
And you do the same.

Work does not matter
But, the money does
It helps fuel our future
So we can focus on us.

These family ties
These oddities and trials
Are a drop in the ocean
Of this beautiful life.

These pressures and perceived aches
Are beneath you
You're better than this
You just have to believe it.

My work day ends
But work is still to be done
Sort dinner, improvise
Give kisses and gaze into your sweet pixie eyes.

You get home later
I am a few beers deep
As per usual
You're used to it.

All the ****
But it's all good
Goodnight my love
I'll see you in the morn.

He plays his games
On playstation and phone
In the morning he is sober
But not in the afternoon

The illusion of him
Is so engrained
It must be love
I must be insane

Tonight, he walked away
With nothing to say
He just sent me a text
To advise

I thought he was strong
Able, confident and coherent
But, he is as broken as the last man
And I have only just seen it

All my eggs are in this basket
I am too old to start again
He loves me, and treats me like no other
We are still figuring out this new life.

Where am I? What is this place?
All that I know with a new found face
A new freedom and opportunity
Why don't you play games on your phone?

These kids, strange and relative
I cannot be their mentor
I am too far gone
I am not their father

Many moving parts
Many broken hearts
This maybe the straw
That breaks the camels back

Doubt it.

Defensive mechanism
Still engaged
Perhaps it's just me
But, a soft escape without a word

Seems to work.

Circling winds
Stand within
Remnants of adoration
Unsure footing.

Movement where there was once none
It all twists and becomes
A life once wished upon
Unfortunate for some.

Blending worlds
Through ebb and flow
It is what it is
What will be will be, you'll see.

Luxury of love
The silk and the scent and the humble
The angst and the crush and the crumble
Privileged to be involved.

Blessed with morning kiss
Caring head on chest
Someone to assist with mess
A friend to miss.

It will all make sense
After the storm
For now, just stand within
Circling winds.

All is quiet for now
But in the distance I can see
A threatening storm
Beginning to form.

On the horizon
It fuels its rage
Flexing its strength
Setting the stage.

With might and fury
It will unleash its anger
Engulfing all in its path
And just getting stronger.

I will stand
As it passes
Beer raised high
In curious laughter.

As the dust settles
And the storm subsides
I will be standing
Right by her side.

I will give her a peck
And help out with dinner
As this storm has nothing
On the love I have for her.

She is my rock
And I am hers
And we will withstand
Any force that confronts us.

See you in the kitchen
For slow dances
For dishes
My turn to dry
You choose the song
Don't forget I love you
And if even the song is crap
I'll still think you're ok.

We have bills
Beyond our means
You're beautiful
And I love you more in those jeans
Hold hands as we walk and skip
Stop, just for a wee kiss
I wished for this
And there she is.

Early awake to sleepy kisses
To super gross morning breath
I don't wanna fukn go
But off I go
Have a good day
Seeya after
For slow dances
In the kitchen.

Pent up rage
Spitting as he curses
What ever is close
Is destroyed

He is chaos personified
Testosterone screams
And he digs deep
To spray his wicked hate

The world is to blame
For his angst
His eyes, so shallow
To his own actions

It hurts
But I allow it to pass
As he is 15
And his words are not his

He screamed at me
And advised me
Never to call him my son
For the things I've done

He must be destroyed
To be rebuilt
He must find himself
In the blood he has spilt

I fight tears and fear
In seeing him in such a state
He is my son, my boy
My 15 year old mate

Bitter little feelings
Tighten my skin and muscle
Scrunch my face
In momentary feels.

This angst will pass
It always does
It always has
Time to feed the angels.

Eat
Sleep
Dream
Repeat

See you later
When you text
Can't wait
Till the next time comes next.

We'll talk
Once these bitter little feelings
Lose their momentum
Best friend.

This moment in time,
Right now,

Is what we have.

How will you cope
With now?

Smiles are coming.

You have my word.

Breaking into bits and pieces
Parts and chunks
Flakes and mist
I am always missed

Every division
Requires description
But I am too far gone
To muster words you'll believe in

Auto pilot life
Wait until last minute
To act
To complete the puzzle

No intent
Didn't mean what I may have meant
Depending on your response
Smoke bomb! Disappear

There is only so much of me
To share
This angst so bitter and obelisk
Only time will shift

Bloodless stone
No moss every grows
As I can only stay still
When I'm gaming

I'm killing them all
With every day of absence
Which has altered to months
Which has evolved to years

The love, now coarse and abrasive
To touch, only to lose layers of skin
Which I have taken so long
To fit within

I'll apologise when I die
For becoming that guy in your life
Till I fade into flakes and mist
I am always missed.

If the pain you feel is deep
Eat and sleep.

Refuel.
Swich off.

Disconnect
To reconnect.

Vegetate.
We are mammals.

Things can wait
This is only one day
**** the world
Do you.

Music
Poetry
Draw
Paint

Do nothing.

Life will wait.

Eat.

Don't forget to eat.

Your future you will thank you.

Dream sweet.

The silence
Is unerring.

TV on
Just for the noise.

Check my phone
To see if I missed anything.

I can hear myself
Blink.

Hours crawl by
Hours smell the roses
Grind into a day of lethargy
To create a null memory.

Another day
That is all.

Soak in the serenity
Of nothing at all.

The silence
Is exhilarating.

It's gonna be ok.

We'll get through this ****
This is not a sink or swim
This is a win win

One day, you'll look back
And wonder
Why you worried at all

We will fix
Everything

With love.

They change colour.

When I kiss her.

I hesitate, when I kiss her
To savour the moment
To remember every
Fingertip dance.

An adventure
Over vast hills of soft flesh
Inhale as I pass
Dropping sweet kiss mortars.

Soft claws backstroke
Leaving fields of pin ******.

Still don't know
What love is.

She lets me
Take us to a place
We've never been
Or will go again.

She lets me be,

As I gaze
Into pretty pixie eyes...

They change colour
When I kiss her.

Go to work
Get paid
Play sport
Get laid
Pay bills
Socialise
Alarm is set
For tomorrow.

Stay in touch
Moving forward
100 percent
Living the dream.

Full time
Annual leave
Happy Friday
*******.

It never ends
Until your end
This system we're in
You'd best hold on.

Curl into an anxious ball
Wrapped in cloth strewn
On the mattress dragged
To a silent tomb

Numb the phone
Lay and stare at the flickering pixels
Change position once bones creak
Awake still asleep

Salty deluge with no emotion
Perhaps just fatigue and disinterest
No time is now
There is only existence

No sustenance required
As no effort is made
But the mice in my mind
Swarm upon one another

The calm is electric
Letting reality die
Close my eyes one more time
To feel the embrace of my emptiness

Nothing is spoken
But the whispers to myself
Everything that I own
Stays where it is shelved

A crisis of nothing
A catastrophe of bliss
Coiled in angst and self pity
Goodnight my sweet prince

I was there first
So I get the room with the ensuite.

Dave soon moves in
1 of the other 3 rooms
He is clean, he is loud
We find a common ground.

He does the same job I do
But he's coordinating the civil crew
He drinks his Jameson neat
He is a broken man, finding his feet.

Youngy, the concreter moves in
He is simple, and pure and giving
He often tends to the garden
Straight after work, with a pint.

We share a fridge
He likes lego, and toys and things
The rubber egg trick
Will forever be in my memory.

The young lad Shannon, takes the last room,
A chippy, who knows his ****,
And he tells us this
And doesn't shut up.

A sweet kid, slightly annoying
He knows it all, so,
We changed his name to Google,
You can't choose your nickname.

We all work for the same company
Dave wakes up at dawns crack
Google showers at night
Youngy is always home first.

Dave cooks every night
Google meal preps and microwaves
Me and Youngy... well...
We get by.

All of us away from family
12 to 14 hour days
We are at work
More than we are at home.

All from different worlds,
We make it work
Google moves out next week,
Due to upsetting the herd.

We are here for the money
We are here for our family
Dealing with our own ****
And sharing it occasionally.

I wish them success,
As I know this is temporary
All the best
To Dave and Google and Youngy.

We drive down the hill
I drop them off home
I drive up the hill
On my own

On the way up
The sadness creeps in
The lonely embrace
The kiss of depression

Silent sighs
Deep breaths
The weight of it all
On my chest

I am not doing my best
I am failing

The very thought of trying
Drains me

I pull in the drive
Shut the gates
Pour a drink
Sit on my own with my mates

Only a fortnight
Til I see them again
Til I can drive down the hill
Again.

I don't lock my doors
You are always welcome.

You look at me
With eyes of pixie
Through a reflective phone
Made of glass,
Through filters and text
We have planned what comes next
Invites, meal preparation
Rings and dress.

Everything online
Due to the pandemic
Living separate lives
Just dealing with it,
We are not prepared
For the unforeseeable
But who is?
Just gimme a kiss.

Shotgun hope
This is our last chance
To find happiness
Amongst our torrid past,
My children may sigh
At the decisions that I
Make without their input
It is what it is.

I will leave my door open
To discuss current matters
I will keep your heart in mind
To ensure none shatters,
It is not my intent
To break your heart
But, to repair mine
A tad selfish, I know.

The dust will settle
And we will all find our place
I will show you through time
This is not a mistake,
To who you are now
To where you came from
I don't lock my doors
You are always welcome.

Hope to nest, just to weave a web,
Outstretched digits
To memories 6foot in the head,
Caught in baby talons, rose thorns;

Ripped to shreds.

Hindsight too late,
Cherubs on shoulders mute,
Strategic management of emotion,
To be filed amongst John Doe.

All dollars and sense.

Loneliness fleeting,
Months trickle to days,
How does one cope,
Amongst the phase of the days layers?

Eat the elephant...
One
Day
At
A
Time.

I apologise
For the things I may say
For the lack of ***** I have
On the average day
I love you.

For the ******* I give
We're just trying to live
For the animosity you sieve
I can be an *******
But, I love you.

For the tension I bring
For that uncomfortable feeling
For that squirmish *******
I dont mean it

I will come back around
And smother you with rose petals
That I stole or I "found"
Just to to show you
I adore you

I will prove that you're wrong
Do a dance, sing a song
Gloat and be a *****
For no reason

Then I'll subside and regret
Letting my trigger finger sweat
When I see the angst
That I've caused you

I apologise in advance
For ripping off your pants
And dancing around
Like the fool I am

Just know it's not me
Just an intoxicated fool
Wavering my ego
Like a caveman

I'm a ****
I'm a tool

But, **** me,  I love you
And I'll show you I do,

Just bare with me.

I promise my love
Will never grow rust
This is stainless
Gimme ten years, and I'll show you.

Wandering ghost
Cellophane happiness
Anxious bites and nibbles
Of exhausted duress

Spinning in spirals
Cartwheels up hills
Reality nipping
At worn cardboard heels

Hilarious funerals
Darkness glows to a tint
Poverty clown shoes
Without spending a cent

Reek of the stains
Splintered in the veins
There ain't no brakes
On this backwards train

Feed the deluge
With experience and growth
Caged in a carcass
Wandering ghost

She cries when we part
The weakness in my heart
Is incomparable
To any pain ever felt.

At best, I am a ghost
Haunting the world
Then disappearing
Without notice or warning.

I remember, our faces pushed
Her out of focus green eyes
Looking deep into mine
On bedding strewn.

I remember, holding her in my arms
Feeding her my calm
Making her mine
And allowing myself to be hers.

She cries when I'm not there
Knowing, what she has is afar
Out there, in the world, somewhere
Living, without her.

I stay silent
As to not sway the tide
Yet I have a boiling ocean of angst
Inside.

The weakness in my heart
Is incomparable
To any pain ever felt.

She cries when we part.

I was once young
Tomorrow I'll be 41
What have I done
With all this time?

I have regrets
Choices I wish I changed
Decisions hastily made
Rushing to live.

I have felt the things
You have all felt
I have worked the hours
And slept in.

I will spend this birthday alone
Perhaps a drink or four
I will blow out no candles
Nor make a wish.

This life is not done with me yet
I wish to die at 84
Happy birthday kid
You'll never be 40 again.