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Mar 22 · 21
Idling
Left to my own devices
I try to eat at suitable times
Try to keep up the routine
But idle hands are the devils plaything.

Stay busy, talk to people
Socialise to stave off the sadness
But, these people don't know me
And I'm tired of explaining.

The house is clean enough
Footy on in the background
Just for the noise
Just for the sound.

7 or so beers later
I just walk into the desert
No rhyme or reason
Just to move and do something.

I return home, nothing has changed
Everything remains the same
So I sit, and I stare
At the top of my empty beer.

She'll be home in 3 sleeps
I could be dead by then
Funny, how dependant I am on her existence
I miss my wife, my best friend.

When she's gone, I'm so lost
Wandering around doing nothing
No drive, I just don't feel alive
No identifiable characteristics.

I should probably eat.
Mar 15 · 24
Weekend away
Disconnected temporarily
Write off the identity
Just to forget
Just to select, another option.

Love from afar
Eyes and heart ajar
Deep breath swallowed
Hold it during the changes.

Texts and missed calls
Do not disturb
Just let a soul rest
In this duvet nest.

Evolve momentarily
Fatigue deep and clinging
Sigh a decision
Continue the mission.

Fill the void
Moving pictures and noise
Distractions are a curse
But life could be worse.
Mar 5 · 19
Alright
Hold my hand
Hold it tight
Even if I twist and stir
Through the night.

I should be alright.

Question my intent
Not what I meant
I should've said
What wasn't in my head.

I think I'm alright.

Distance myself
For no reason
Ball into uncomfort
Maybe from envy.

I'm not alright.
Feb 24 · 21
Class clown
Silly boy
Making jokes
Making faces
Making them laugh at your expense.

Now look at you...

Overly sensitive
Overly attached
Easily broken
Ridiculously outspoken.

Lost in a dream
Self made scenarios
Killing yourself
With laughter.

You launched to a height
And plateaued
Unhappy with what you have
Unhappy with who you are.

Do them a favour
And shut up
Do them a favour
Just leave.

Silly man child
Dressed up like a clown
Fill a room with your tears
And drown.
Feb 24 · 25
Work in progress
In my stomach, something churns
I feel it, wanting to evolve
A pressure, a nerve
A pain I need to resolve.
Something amiss
As I half clench a fist
And I wish
For this angst to cease and dismiss.

I try to keep it to myself
But I can't keep a secret
I feel I must be patient
And it will go away.
Just forget
The sleepless nights
Just forget
The petty fights.

Just apologise
Just look in her eyes
Just give her the space
She never wanted before.
Sit with your demons
Feed them their poison
Let them consume you
Allow their embrace.

She said "it's just weird"
So, I listened and switched off
All notifications
As she deserves her freedom.
Perhaps I don't understand
Perhaps she couldn't explain
Perhaps I have to find a middle ground
Where we can reunite again.

Give it time.
Feb 18 · 26
Fake Spate
They work differently than we
Their indifference bores me.

I'm on my own,
All the time.

What have I done?

I don't get replies
She's too busy
And when she replies
She doesn't get it...

I feel this way.

I didn't think this would be the way
It would be
When I said
I do.

No fine print to read
These kids, so fukn clingy
Tough as a pensioners ****
They're **** all.

Got myself loose
On my own
Cos she was working
Cos that's her poison.

She'd rather do extras
And assist her crew
Than help us evolve
Me and her and them.

I watch her, and I don't know why
But I have a degree of mistrust
Maybe it's her, maybe it's them
Maybe it's me.

Heavy hate in my heart
Sleep will be difficult
But, I will try
On an empty mattress.

I predict she'll never read this.
Feb 14 · 26
10 to 40
We found eachother when we were 10
She became my sweetest friend
I always moved house and so did she
Then we moved again and again

We lost touch, she became a memory
Fading away to the back of my mind
I was in mining, she was a carer
But really, I knew nothing of her.

She made a family, as did I
Children to tend to, money to make
Living our lives, doing our thing
Separate worlds, never to entwine.

Then, things went to ****
In her world and mine.

I soon turned 40, I was online
A message recieved, it was her
To say Happy Birthday
And wish me all the best.

I couldn't resist.

I replied, with joy, excitement and humour
I couldn't believe I was conversing with her
Sentences spilled onto my phone
Back and forth, day in, day out.

Weeks passed this way, until the day
We decided to meet once again
Already awe struck, intent was assured
Coals, turned embers turned raging inferno.

A repoir like no other I have ever felt
Soon became an addiction
I had to be with her, she was all I wanted
And she felt the same, she felt the same.

So, she moved from what she knew
Her children close behind
To the middle of nowhere, just for me
I was in mining, she was a carer.

We married, hopelessly in love
Our families accepted our bond
3 years later, I can't wait to see her
Everyday, after work.

Coffee and conversation
Good mornings and endless affection
Support and admiration
I was in mining, now she's in mining.

Any alteration to scenarios before we met
Could have changed the result
But, life has a way, as does love
Any other life would be an insult.

Happiness is a choice
And I choose her
Every day, for the rest of my life
I choose my wife.
True story
Jan 22 · 30
1 minute
Give me a minute
To set my mind straight
So much has happened
I just...
Need a minute.

Let me soak it in
Let me compute
Just... let me realise
How I feel about this.

My first response will be wrong
Untrusted, irrational and hasty
Just, let me take another bite
To see how it settles inside me.

This is how I operate
I've spent so much time alone
So, I need some time alone
To hear the lyrics of this scenario.

I just...

Need a minute.
Jan 22 · 34
Spill
Lately
I've had a lot going on
In my head

Self created self hatred
Self doubt mystery complications
Being an absolute fool
While she's been on nightshift

Left to my own devices
Self destruction ensues
Create scenarios in my stupid head
Unworthy, idiotic male
Everything to date has been a fail
So why not this, why not now?
Grow up boy.

Flick and click my fingers
Uneasy in my skin
For reasons silly and immature
Stories I create and twist and spin.

Wake up.

Shut down your ego
Slow your train of thought
Calm and moderate your habits
They are the devils playthings.

You're not thinking straight.

Idiot.

Curl up in a cold room
But, you have control
Sleep in a shiver ball
Fool.

If you had the time
I could explain
But, I'd get sidetracked
And I wouldn't get my point across.

What I want to say
What I think
What I feel
And what I say
Is a poor ratio.

I can't say I won't be this way in the future
As I am a mere male
But... I will try.

Without this understanding woman
Her beautiful particularities
And knowing full well
She married an idiot

I would be a terrible mess
Of paranoia and stress
Unable to apologise
Stupid righteous ego.

She was right
I was mistaken
Without any particular scenario
As it was all a dream.

Sorry,
Not sorry.
Jan 6 · 26
Guard down
Sick in the stomach
The demons are twisting, entwining
Gnashing and grinding
Clawing at my weaknesses.

Screaming inside me
Bellows from beneath the skin
Thriving on my insecurities
The demons, they feed endlessly.

I fall prey to their strength
Allow them to nest within me
As I sit alone...
Dreamless and pitiful.

**** it,

Let them feed.
Nov 2024 · 31
Sleeping Holiday
kromwellfarkus Nov 2024
Ready to go.

Bags packed,
The time is nigh,
Leave the phone
On charge, history deleted.

Wallet in the top drawer,
No note.

No rhyme or reason,
No destination,
My life expectancy
Is one.

Relieve the pressure,
On an amber sand dune,
Spill the angst,
Amber turns crimson.

Wait and reflect,
Fatigues embrace
Takes its icy hold,
Embed the husk, dead sand angel.

Pass on my condolences
To the family.

Ready to go.
Nov 2024 · 32
Demon residency
kromwellfarkus Nov 2024
Growing strength within
Clawing from the inside
Numbing the feeling
Dulling the colour.
Devour the drive
Manifesting the hoard
Feast on the love
Inexorable hunger.

I smile, I say I'm ok
In my cast iron mask.

These demons want out
I am too weak
Too feeble
Too far gone.
Nov 2024 · 250
Cotton
kromwellfarkus Nov 2024
Fingers entwined
As we walk
Adoration gazes
In peripherals.
Security squeezes
Stopped in the hallway
For the sweetest kiss
On the way to the kitchen.
Comfortable silence
On the couch
Never too far away
From my love.
Second year wedding anniversary
Nov 2024 · 63
Circus
kromwellfarkus Nov 2024
Juggle the wants and needs
In a spotlight for all to see
Laughing and pointing
From the grandstand at me
Applauding and hissing
An extra in your movie
Just passing through
Nothing to see here
The blood is just tomato sauce
The tears are only rain
The scars are all clay and make up
The mask hides all the pain
I only feel the bad
The angst, anger, fear and hate
Desensitised to love and adoration
From the world I chose to create
When we talk
You're not talking to me
I am shell of who I used to be
A husk of a human entity
It has all gone amiss
I cannot juggle anymore
Exhausted and ready for hospice
This jester, in the spotlight, on the floor.
Nov 2024 · 104
Internal
kromwellfarkus Nov 2024
She's quiet tonight
After our conversation
I had an opinion
Then she went quiet.
Her responses are weak
Her mannerisms timid
I can feel my anger building
But I internalise the demon.
I do not sleep well
Nor does she
I can hear her breathing
I know when she's asleep.
She wakes me unintentionally
I feel I barely slept
She apologises and leaves for work
While I listen to every footstep.
I cannot concentrate at work
Basic responses to trivial questions
I do just enough
To defer any suspicion.
I want her to say I'm wrong
That she doesn't agree
But she internalised her demon
Just like me.
Nov 2024 · 40
How to
kromwellfarkus Nov 2024
Our struggles make us who we are
The blatent cracks in our armour,
The pain we breathe on our own
Must be exhaled with eachother.

Accepting flaws is human
No one owns perfection,
Take a breath, take some time
And come back when you're ready.

It's ok to be wrong
It's ok to feel out of sorts,
Control your reactions
Control your thoughts.

The answers are there
If you choose to seek,
Share your pain with those you love
Cry, eat and sleep.
Oct 2024 · 48
Decision incision
kromwellfarkus Oct 2024
I miss them.

Secretly, selfishly I want to return,
To be a part of their broken lives,
Which I had a hand in breaking.

I miss the familiar chaos,
The insults in jest,
The tears and the depth,
I just miss it.

I am so alone now,
Living two lives,
With a family I have no history with,
But with a woman I am so deeply in love with.

I need a common ground,
A painful compromise,
I am missing out,
On being a father to my children.

They need me,
And I need them,
They have gone so astray,
As have I.

They have grown up,
They are growing up,
And I am just a fortnightly event,
Never really present.

No amount of apologies,
Can make up for my vacancy,
I cannot be myself here,
Not fully.

I love my wife,
I love my new family,
I married into this,
But, the vows didn't represent reality.

I feel I am breaking,
I feel I am losing them,
I feel I have no control,
In raising them.

I will have to change this,
They will gain a day,
And she will have to sacrifice a day,
I'm sorry (again), but I need this.
Oct 2024 · 45
Just a minute
kromwellfarkus Oct 2024
Hanging by a tendon.
Feelings have teeth,
Isolate the soul,
To feel... something.
No reasoning,
Irate simply because.
Prickles behind shallow eyes...
Something is wrong.

Just need a minute
To exhale.

May have been here before,
The same feelings of angst,
Familiar internal screams,
Writhing and twisted within.
Tense, blank, and fickle,
Lost in a world under skin,
Greying out the love,
To feel... something.

Just need a minute
To exhale.

Alien home,
Out of place,
Skin doesn't fit,
Like once hoped.
Unsure how to continue,
The mask is back on,
Deep breaths,
Just get some sleep.

Just need a minute
To dream.
Sep 2024 · 46
Guy in the corner
kromwellfarkus Sep 2024
I wish you all the best in your endeavours.

May it all fall in your lap
With minimal effort,
And desired results.

May you sleep sound with a clear conscience.

Undisturbed, at peace with your past.
May your trauma be slight and easily managed, making your life exciting and full of love.

I wish you this, as I battle against icy winds, adorned in old blankets, weeks unwashed.
Addictions unbreakable as the ignorance is bliss, social interactions often threatening and violent, lips blistered and skin weathered, all my belonging together in a shopping cart I stole last week. A hot meal is just a dream, but when achieved, is enjoyed in the shadows of the city, often eaten with my buckled, white knuckle hands. I don't ask for money anymore, as the colour has drained from my eyes and hair, and the strangers don't care, they are always in a rush somewhere, with everything but nothing to spare. When I die, noone will be notified, noone will cry, I will be simply a gross memory for a medic, having to drag my corpse from wherever I am, reeking of misery, loneliness and feces.

I wish you all the best.
Sep 2024 · 50
Cake
kromwellfarkus Sep 2024
20 years fade away
Memories evade
Due to choices
Made.

Take a larger slice
I can handle it.

Shake the bottle
Breathe deeper
Get brave
Just to feel something.

Yesterday catches up to today
Memories evade
Due to choices
Made.

The pain was temporary
Until it stayed
Until it took a slice
Of the cake I made.
Sep 2024 · 63
Corporate cage
kromwellfarkus Sep 2024
Click click, click click
Scroll the wheel
Move the mouse
Click click, click click
Stare at the screen
So close to my face
Load bearing pole
Directly behind my chair

Scope, quote, execute, invoice
Click click, click click
Archive, delete, red flag
Corporate buzz words mean nothing
Click click, click click
I am living this insanity
To stay alive
And out of jail

Life becomes repetitive
Leave the office, to the pub
Click click, click click
I only talk to you because you work with me
Good weekend? Go **** yourself
This is not a life
We are prisoners, unable to escape
Due to the threat of poverty

Two days off, sleep in
Turn off the alarms
Wander around lifeless
With no cause, no drive
Unsupervised, barely alive
No direction that I can derive
Weekend's over as a new night dies
Back to the grind.

Click
Click
Click
Click
I hate my job. We are not designed to sit in an office while the sun shines... I can understand how people become homeless.
Aug 2024 · 68
5 minutes late
kromwellfarkus Aug 2024
Tomorrow
I'm gon exist
Just play the fukn game
Grind n twist
Extinguish spot fires
Do my job
It doesn't matter
Take the money
She loves me
Hit the vape
Too many
Cutla bevs
Not enough
Tomorrow
Gon get it done.

Stay employed...

Every second bat of the eye
The dreams creep
Of who I should've been
And the disgust of who I am now
This silly simple man
With stupid silly answers
To your overly intelligent questions
Go **** yourself
As my ending argument...

I am not this
This stupid fukn job
It's just what I do
To pay the the government
I am full of bitterness
I am full of love
I am full of everything beneath
And everything above.

I'll be there tomorrow
Maybe a bit late
Maybe a bit hazy
But, I'll be there...

I will give
As much of me
As I choose to give
As much as I feel you require,
You won't get my fire
You haven't earned it
I leave that as backup spare
To those that actually fukn care.

*****.

Life.

This is it.

Have a sip
You're done
Votes are in
Fail to win.
Aug 2024 · 59
End game
kromwellfarkus Aug 2024
The end game is on its way
Routine chores are here to stay
Every day is every other day
Work and bills, too old to play.

Every penny has its purpose
Discussions deep on every purchase
No need for surplus
Within the adult circus.

Grey hairs coloured brown
Every ache now makes a sound
Playlists come back around
Swim to retirement or drown.

Birthdays, Christmas every second week
Facebook posts so we don't have to speak
Floorboards and bones have the same creak
Eat, ****, drink, work, **** and sleep.

Soon enough, we can retire and die
Tears will well and children will cry
Photos kept will fade as time goes by
Front bar of the afterlife, drop in and say Hi.
Mar 2024 · 110
The unstoppable Lawla
kromwellfarkus Mar 2024
She awakes at 4am
Tiptoes around the house
Just to allow the sleeping babes
To continue dreaming
Takeaway tea, crib sorted the night before
There she goes
Out the door.
Extras this swing
Perhaps 16 days all up
She grinds against the world
A woman in a mine.
Oranges on, PPE off her hip
Prestart, handover, warm tea to sip
Always smiling, even if defeated
Crib in the fridge, hopefully has time to eat.
Incidents, meetings, head up girl
The perceived pressure weighs heavy
On your sweat soaked shoulders
You've got this kid.
She gets home, shopping under arm
Straight to the kitchen
Cooking up a storm
Weary and worn, still smiling
She deals with kids issues
Alert, focused and attentive
Giving her all until she gets cold
Ready to rest her unbrushed head.

And there I am
In awe.

Goodnight my love
I will sort what you could not
Look after yourself tomorrow
Be safe, sweet dreams.
My wife, she is such a weapon. Her strength and vitality is immeasurable. In honour of her, she is the most inspiring woman I have ever met.
Feb 2024 · 65
Truth be told
kromwellfarkus Feb 2024
I've seen a strong man cry
Break down in my arms like a child
Then **** it up like all is fine
Beaten down by this cruel world.
The system is broken
And so are the men
We toil just to numb the pain
Drink and smoke to forget.
No annual leave left
To sleep in and organise life
No sick leave to watch a movie
Knock off and fall asleep.

The kids don't call
Nor do I
I miss being in their life
It kills me inside.

I'm a good liar
Showing a strong exterior
But I am breaking
It has taken some time.

Laziness and poor sleep
Turn off the car, almost weep
Take a breath, go inside
Say hello to the wife.

The pressure mounts
I feel it within
Not long now
Not long now.
Jan 2024 · 152
The miner
kromwellfarkus Jan 2024
You work at the mines mate?
You must be raking it in?!

"Awake at 5, sometimes before
Hivis and boots then out the door
No one to kiss goodbye
Just go.

Give a nod and half smile to nightshift
Sleep still in the eyes
Roll on in for prestart
A dingy container powered by a loud generator
Say g'day to the boys and the supervisor.

Get in trouble, for not being clean shaved
Apologies, forgot, all good, here's a razor
Dry shave, water lubricant
Try to complain but the money's too good.

8 more days, just push through the heat
Worn out boots and swollen feet
Paperwork galore, but wait, there's more
There's been an incident and my feet are sore.

The misso didn't text
The kids are a handful
She's 2 flights away so carry on
Just stay strong.

Head in the game, eyes on the job
We must prevent complacency
With reiterating the same thing
Over and over and over again.

We all dress the same
"King Gee" orange overalls
We all smell the same
Except for the supervisors.

Sulpher and acids and alarms and things
Risks and controls and signatures
Old mate forgot to sign on
He won't last, cos he forgot to sign on.

Eyes on task, line of fire, rah rah rah
Just get the job done
With an itchy face
And an idiot that won't shut up.

12hours of push
Crib breaks with strangers
The misso still hasn't touched base
Miss her touch and beautiful face.

Just realised, the shift is over
As the sun sets over the smelter
Pack up, *******, couple beers at the mess
Too tired to realise, she still hasn't text.

Boots and hivis left by the door
(**** my feet are sore)
Fast asleep before my head hits the bed
Awake at 5, do it again."

Yeah mate, it's not too bad...
Ive worked in mining for over 20years. It is not as cracked up as it sounds...
Jan 2024 · 205
Reciprocate
kromwellfarkus Jan 2024
They never loved us back

Our previous partners
We loved
But
They never loved us back

Miraculously we stumbled
Into eachothers path
I express my unique love
And you express it back

It feels so beautiful
So correct
To be loved back
Thanks darlin x
Jan 2024 · 100
Smoko
kromwellfarkus Jan 2024
The fridges in a line, their backs against the wall, test tags in date... probably.
They shudder in sync, making their contents jiggle just a bit.

Microwaves with coffee stains, you don't cook tuna in the crib room.

Baby packets of coffee and sugar, paddle pop sticks for a stirrer.

Food and sweat, cooked and fresh. The packs shuffle in, looking for phone charging points.

The scaffies play music, louder than they should, but the music is usually good... except when it's not.

Truckies boisterous, forked tongue, consume vendo pies, dead horse and a Coke on the side.

The pretty sentries, with eyelashes bolted on, stop to take selfies and add to their online stories.

Bosses stroll in, obligatory shoulder pats and one liners, confident and all knowing.

Cranies slow, but they know where to go, pre-packed, brown bag smoko.

Cheeky games of poker, money sorted later, boredom and sleepers, old school and keepers, green hats and newbies, fuckwits and legends... all gather, to the crib room, as if on queue.

For a feed, a graze, a nibble, a chew...

Cos a 12 hour shift is a fukn hard slog.

We grind the day, we achieve and fail,
Every day the same ****, but it's not,
Mornin old mate, lets go **** **** up
We'll catch up again during smoko.
Smoko = lunch break.
Working in the mining industry, in Australia, we call the lunch room a "crib room". You get all sorts of characters durin crib (smoko)... best part of the day
Jan 2024 · 73
Future Past Reminder
kromwellfarkus Jan 2024
Another dart to edge the thoughts
To feed the idle hands
Another sup to ******* the angst
Of a bitter and twisted old man.
The toxins ebb and flow
And slow
The time which fury paces
It is only he who tastes it.
Cracking slap of now and then
Needle into flesh of sudden memory
Shake the sepia to ashes
Back in the fickle stem.
Bellows of old echo
It is only he who hears it
Abyss breath allows the forget
Age allows to control it.
Choose between venom green
Or amber coals of liquid
Nicotine dreams manifests the scene
The constant, past and forgotten.

It will all makes sense when nothing else does.
Jan 2024 · 77
30 years later
kromwellfarkus Jan 2024
Who would have thought
When I was 10
My first kiss
Would be my wife.

We are experiencing life
Its highs and lows
Blended family
Chaos and serenity.

The photos she shows me
I acknowledge and accept
As a time she wasn't mine
But would be.

Her memories in boxes
And in data on her phone
She shares with such passion
Of a time without me in them.

But, as we grow together
Her memories do too
And I get a place
In her data.

I see in her eyes
The beautiful girl
I kissed first in this life
I made her my wife.

Her strength and frailty
Her wisdom and idiocy
Are all beautiful traits
That I will be in awe forever more.

She projects her love
Like no other before
But she was the first
That I would adore.

I miss her after hours
Of not seeing her face
She has the most comfortable heart
And I have the most comfortable space.

There is no concern
Nor past instances of mistrust
Who would have thought
My first kiss would be my last.
My wife Lawla, she is the world to me. She takes precedence on every action and decision I make. I didn't know love until I met her again... 30 years later.
Dec 2023 · 69
The kids I had and lost
kromwellfarkus Dec 2023
I miss them
That is all
I just want the opportunity
To be their father

She twists my words
Confuses my focus
Belittles my strength
And diffuses my light

She tells them things
That we have spoken of
Adult conversation
Fed to children

It is killing me.

This loneliness
Has teeth and wings and muscle
It compresses and crushes
Filters and flushes.

I hope time heals this
I assume it will
Just flatten the line with poisons divine
When they arrive, ensure you're alive.
Dec 2023 · 70
Old friend
kromwellfarkus Dec 2023
Brittle strength
Patient haste
Take a photo
Of your face
It will age
And you will forget
Who you were
And what we meant.

Conversation
Bounces around erratic
We still laugh
We still understand
No matter
How we live
Or how unclean
Our house is.

You are my friend
And I don't care
How much money you make
Or what you have saved
As long as the handshake
Is as solid as it was back then.
Dec 2023 · 66
Unwritten
kromwellfarkus Dec 2023
I never know what to write
Confronting the blank page
Many thoughts dance and swirl
I could write what I think, or what I feel.

It's up to me.

The freedom imprisons me
Locked up in my own wings...

Sometimes...

I just don't know what to write.

There are so many angles
So many feelings
So many thoughts
Just being an average human...

But if I write it to let it out
To inspire or perhaps incite
What right or wrong will be achieved
I'll just charge my phone goodnight.
Sep 2023 · 86
Love Muscles
kromwellfarkus Sep 2023
Love is no longer an issue.

Now, others things must take precedence.

This is the go...

I left a destructive relationship,
I started again, and I chose wisely,
But, my children, left to go wild
Somehow, still love me.

Now, I reside in a household of 9
A broken family, we are the ties
We cook and clean and tend to them
We expect money for bills and rent.
Common areas are tidied
The dog is fed
We got them all jobs
To expose them to the cruelty of life.
Kids from 25 to 14
We have set them on a path
And we are there, to guide and confide
As long as they use their manners.

But, I left 3 behind...
It burns my heart and soul
As they are left to their own devices
Without me to shield from the cold.
So, with my love, we have a plan
To build a home for all
For freedom and growth and mistakes
To learn from and evolve.

It pains me, but, this is life
It is cold, and mean and unforgiving
Time will tell if these wounds heal
And this, is the point of living.
Sep 2023 · 208
Womble
kromwellfarkus Sep 2023
With ruthless adoration
And violent embrace
You will be loved
You have no choice.

My curious insanity
Will make heads tilt
Hate will be spilt
To make room for affection.

Silly womble
No need to be troubled.

Explosive caress
Wings in full bloom
Right now is the reason
Never soon.

Soar and scream
Life and dream
Will finally entwine
With our life combined.
Jun 2023 · 113
11+11=22
kromwellfarkus Jun 2023
Remember when
Early days
We'd speak for hours
On the way to work,
In carparks
And places
We'd never been together.
I moved and moved
And showed you it all
I left my children
To escape to the hills,
My failing relationship
Had such a wrath
You deflected the pain
That I couldn't grasp.
At the airport, I saw you
Our very second kiss
We retreated together
Eggs benny and *****.
I went to where the sun always shines
Met your fatherless family
As broken as mine
I introduced myself with embrace,
You came to me
And I fell for you
Perhaps we were rushing
Perhaps it didn't matter.
Half a heart
Announced my love
Allow the flood gates to open
We can say it whenever we like,
And we did, we said "I love you"
After every conversation
Sometimes in the middle
And we meant it.
I dropped a knee
I vaguely recollect
But, I wrote it down
And these words, you collect,
So, we were engaged
Rings exchanged
Lock in a date
Send out invitations.
Leave all you know
Pack up your home
Prepare the kids for change
They just went with the flow,
Move to the desert
Save all out coin
To spend it all
To be together.
Organise dresses, photographers
Meals, venues, drinks
Hire suits, write speeches
Cut out leaves into hearts,
Say our vows, entwine families
Lock in this person
I will love eternally
Forever more.

And here we are...

Married, together, your kids
In the desert
Trying to help them
Support their lifestyles,
Working to keep our heads above water
Paying off our wedding
It is a fickle affair
And, we are just getting started.
There is so much to come
It is difficult and we are worn thin
Tonight, you are silent
So, I let you sleep alone,
You'll probably text me tomorrow
With apologies and such
But, I missed you tonight
No love lost.

Remember when?
Jun 2023 · 111
As it was
kromwellfarkus Jun 2023
This life
This ******* life
I made this nest of ****
Curl up kid.

Agressor push the placid away
Mixed emotion, let them sway
I have come to play and die
Nearly done playing...

Too much time between drinks
Failing at trying to try
Just wake up at five
Go to work.

Inch thick mask
Eroding and revealing
Angry eyes and heated speak
The cracks are beginning to show.

I don't want to clean up
After lazy fools that I don't know
Their **** is their own
In my way.

Lose sleep, try to keep
A solemn smile, keep it sincere
A new internal personal fear
This was all, perhaps, a terrible mistake.

Decisions of the heart
No consultation with the mind
May be my undoing
May hasten this slow suicide.

Just set the alarm
Wake up at five
Contine the charade
I am alive.
May 2023 · 108
The tip of the dick of life
kromwellfarkus May 2023
2 days of 14
Is all I get
To see my kids.

48 days of a year
They grow up so quick
I miss everything.

My daughter doesn't stay anymore
But she messages me
When she wants money.

I've always worked
Start early, finish late
Until love went to ****
I had to vacate.

So, I pay child support
To my ex, to my kids
But, I am too poor
To do anything when I see them.

The system is flawed
I am lonesome and poor
Because of my decisions
To be a work horse.

I thought, if I worked
I would get in front
But, the system is broken
Like this silly old ****.

I started again
Got married, fell in love
I adopted her kids
A daughter, and 2 sons.

I keep working, everyday
In hope, it will all work out
But I am broken and poor
And in constant self doubt.

Life is not fair
The system is ******
This is mine, and for yours...

Good luck.
"The tip of the **** of life" ,meaning, life hasn't even begun to *******.

God speed
May 2023 · 120
Breather
kromwellfarkus May 2023
My own little space
With my personal effects
Creates a second skin
To curl within
A shell to stretch
A waterslide of thoughts
Swirl like dust in a dance
Safety glasses may be required.

Liberated imagination
It may crawl, it may gnash
It may do what it desires
As it is free.

My own little corner
I may be who I want
The mistakes do not count
Only dream exists here
As the toxins grasp and release
It is a feast
Of a cartoon man in a lean-to shed
Splashing paint and rambling rhyme.

The colour is brighter
When the eyes are blurred
The filter is removed
And the real becomes absurd.

Snake back inside
To embrace and kiss my beautiful wife
She knows where I've been
She knows who I am
Just a man
Unleashing the fire and the coal
Venting the demons
To embrace the angels.
You need time out, just you, on your own.
May 2023 · 139
Queen Lawla
kromwellfarkus May 2023
She loves me.

She wanders in with curious intent
With her little swagger that she does
Insanity locks of hair upon her head
Doe eyed, and ready to smile.

The room ignites with her presence
Like it was dim the whole time
Like we had tints on our eyes
She brings an ongoing light.

As my soul, (only coals) she brings them to life
Now embers, alive and willing
In her embrace, all is forgotten
Every pain, every ache, every whim
She pours her whole soul in.

When we're alone, just her and I
We dream beautiful dreams
She is all that I selfishly need
But, I must share her with the hoard.

Her tones of voice, waver and dance
I can pick her mood, and at every chance
I affirm my love, just so she knows
We are both not at all alone.

Synchronised affection, we understand
The pains and gains of a love not planned
She is my rock, my island, my secret
My wish upon a star completed...

And the best part is...

She loves me.

❤️
Apr 2023 · 151
When the bow breaks
kromwellfarkus Apr 2023
Young man
You ok?

Everything's on top of you
I'm sorry to say
It gets worse as you get older
Middle class front liner

Just save money
Don't spend it on ****
Moderate your vices
Or they will own you

Be your own boss
Buy a house early
Invest wisely
Educate your world

Don't marry early
Travel, see the world
Fall in love
With a million girls

Be a gentleman
Be honest, don't steal
Do what you say
Say what you feel

Life is hard
Unrewarding and mean
No one gives a **** about you
Not even me

You're on your own
It's all in your hands
You ok?
Young man?
Mar 2023 · 92
Woe
kromwellfarkus Mar 2023
Woe
Take a breath
Leave for the weekend
Find an enemy
In a friend.
Float to the surface
Like the crud you are
Become sediment
And sink.

See another side
Saw in myself
Dislike the resemblance
Mask up.
Just sleep
Roll over
Go cold
Become reborn tomorrow.

Your pulse will calm
Emotion will exhale
Try again another day
Just get ****** up to refocus.

Move
Crawl
Slither
Digest.
Mar 2023 · 100
Curious goose
kromwellfarkus Mar 2023
**** me
Before I **** myself.

Put my eyes
Upon the shelf.

Leave my heart
To the dust.

Swear if you must.

Old emotes
Come back to haunt.

No control
Unleash the hound.

This is not what
I though I had found
Just die
Just go
Just drown.
Mar 2023 · 125
Load bearer
kromwellfarkus Mar 2023
She cried into my chest this morn
Buried her head as deep as she could go
Kissing her brow
I told her, I know, I know.

Her fatigue is my anger
Her kindness is my militant manner
I dare not oppose her
In fear of breaking her brittle heart.

She is stretched thin
Only frays of twine remain
My opinion is wicked and muddled
Stay calm boy, stay calm.

We have a complicated life
Me and my beautiful wife
This nest we chose together
To curl into eachother.

As she drove away this morn
Tears, still, on her cheek
I waved goodbye and blew her a kiss
It will chase her until I see her again.
Feb 2023 · 82
God Speed
kromwellfarkus Feb 2023
I was once like you
Wild and untamed
Music, drugs, no plan.

Concerts, mosh pits
Ripped jeans
Bad hair
Thinking I was the ****.

Living from week to week
Live like a king on payday
Almost homeless 6 days later
Microwaved meal diet.

**** school
Just a social gathering
Girlfriends and gossip
Popularity and talking ****.

**** and acid
Alcohol and cigarettes
Music, love and ***
Lets get ****** up.

Then, the hangovers hung on
And the drugs made me ill
I'd lose my edge, my intensity
I was aging... ******.

Get a job, get a haircut, comply
Every day, just get up and go
Save the money, buy a house
Wise investments.

Get married, have kids
Go to work, every ******* day
Just to support these kids
I helped to make.

So, these kids I made
Bad hair, attitude
All they want is music and drugs
Little devious homeless thugs.

It didn't matter
The wrong they did
I was just like them once
A thoughtless little kid.

So, it has all gone full circle
I am an old bloke now
And these kids, not giving a ****
Come to me when they need me.

It's not all bad
I see my kids happy sometimes
And I see who I used to be
With my kids, who were just like me.

God speed.
Feb 2023 · 88
Old n Grey
kromwellfarkus Feb 2023
Gettn older
Eyes take longer to focus
Rust between knees
Cobwebs muster in my mind
Patience thins
Years seems quicker
The habits I still have
Are full blown addictions
Bones once tender
Now withered and chalk
Time is now an issue
And is fleeting
Crows feet smile
Plastic teeth
Still a child inside
But the outer is fragile and weak
Awake to an aching spine
Short of breath
I just need a minute
But I am running out if time.

Gettn older.
Feb 2023 · 134
Eyes on Task
kromwellfarkus Feb 2023
I will never have to ask,
I will never have to question,
I will never have to doubt,
Our love.

When my eyelids drop,
She has her hand in mine,
When I awake, twisted quilts,
She is closer to my side.

Call when I've finished work,
Call when she's finished work,
Just to ask,
Do need anything...?

Half way through conversation
I say I love her,
She tilts her head and smiles
Doe eyed, in her embrace.

Morning tea then coffee
Feet up, sharing memes
And that smile...
Gets me every time.

My inner strength
My secret weapon
My best friend
My beautiful wife.

Thank ****
We found
Eachother.
Thank ****.
Feb 2023 · 110
Ten Four Ten
kromwellfarkus Feb 2023
Tainted perspective
Mother led you astray
With her venomous games
You had no choice but to play.

I often wonder, how you are.

An unanswered phone call
No reply to text
Silence  hurts more
Than any verbal flex.

I often wonder, if you're ok.

She has what she wants
To manifest her prediction
Just so she can say
She was right.

I often wonder, who you are.

She has taken all my money
To try to break me
But, the love in my heart
Makes me the richest man alive.

I often wonder, if you're still my daughter.

I can only bide my time
In hope you will see through the lies
Which you had no choice but to believe
You'll understand why I had to leave.

I often wonder, if I'll see you again.
Feb 2023 · 124
My muse
kromwellfarkus Feb 2023
Stubborn boy
Allowed to grow moss
Smoking all your time
Drinking all your memories.

She passes me and brushes against the back of my hand and kisses me ever so softly on my furrowed brow.

I hear her, singing the words to a beautiful song, in the kitchen...

Backs of my eyes light up, waves of ideas deluge across the South side of my mind, her beauty and unselfishness, bring life into this desert fish.

Generator energises,

Triggering the lightening, the will and able.

Stubborn boy, you're waking up, she has stripped you of all your moss, you may roll as you wish.

You're free.
Feb 2023 · 123
Louvre
kromwellfarkus Feb 2023
Fickle little feelings
Celebrate the decline
Of this roller-coaster
Called life.
Muster the motivation
To sew these open wounds
Rather than sprinkle band-aids
On limbs lost from decisions made.
This simple man
Lost in the light of his phone
Back to back cigarettes
Feet up, in his quiet spot.

This is what he prefers.

The silence is his company
Loneliness, his strength
Masked in jokes and one-liners
Painted as per scenario.
Lost all time
To evolve passions
Only addictions
Get the time of day.

Puff puff pass.

They all want his focus
Leech off of reputation
Which is tinted at best
**** in his nest.
If only he could focus
If only for a while
He could celebrate his victories
And share his smile.

Vent or implode.

His muse beside him always
Even in restless sleep
To share and adore and dote
On passions and poisons.
She will push his eclectic
She will drive his esoteric
Of the roller-coaster
Called life.
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