Juggle the wants and needs
In a spotlight for all to see
Laughing and pointing
From the grandstand at me
Applauding and hissing
An extra in your movie
Just passing through
Nothing to see here
The blood is just tomato sauce
The tears are only rain
The scars are all clay and make up
The mask hides all the pain
I only feel the bad
The angst, anger, fear and hate
Desensitised to love and adoration
From the world I chose to create
When we talk
You're not talking to me
I am shell of who I used to be
A husk of a human entity
It has all gone amiss
I cannot juggle anymore
Exhausted and ready for hospice
This jester, in the spotlight, on the floor.

She's quiet tonight
After our conversation
I had an opinion
Then she went quiet.
Her responses are weak
Her mannerisms timid
I can feel my anger building
But I internalise the demon.
I do not sleep well
Nor does she
I can hear her breathing
I know when she's asleep.
She wakes me unintentionally
I feel I barely slept
She apologises and leaves for work
While I listen to every footstep.
I cannot concentrate at work
Basic responses to trivial questions
I do just enough
To defer any suspicion.
I want her to say I'm wrong
That she doesn't agree
But she internalised her demon
Just like me.

Our struggles make us who we are
The blatent cracks in our armour,
The pain we breathe on our own
Must be exhaled with eachother.

Accepting flaws is human
No one owns perfection,
Take a breath, take some time
And come back when you're ready.

It's ok to be wrong
It's ok to feel out of sorts,
Control your reactions
Control your thoughts.

The answers are there
If you choose to seek,
Share your pain with those you love
Cry, eat and sleep.

I miss them.

Secretly, selfishly I want to return,
To be a part of their broken lives,
Which I had a hand in breaking.

I miss the familiar chaos,
The insults in jest,
The tears and the depth,
I just miss it.

I am so alone now,
Living two lives,
With a family I have no history with,
But with a woman I am so deeply in love with.

I need a common ground,
A painful compromise,
I am missing out,
On being a father to my children.

They need me,
And I need them,
They have gone so astray,
As have I.

They have grown up,
They are growing up,
And I am just a fortnightly event,
Never really present.

No amount of apologies,
Can make up for my vacancy,
I cannot be myself here,
Not fully.

I love my wife,
I love my new family,
I married into this,
But, the vows didn't represent reality.

I feel I am breaking,
I feel I am losing them,
I feel I have no control,
In raising them.

I will have to change this,
They will gain a day,
And she will have to sacrifice a day,
I'm sorry (again), but I need this.

Hanging by a tendon.
Feelings have teeth,
Isolate the soul,
To feel... something.
No reasoning,
Irate simply because.
Prickles behind shallow eyes...
Something is wrong.

Just need a minute
To exhale.

May have been here before,
The same feelings of angst,
Familiar internal screams,
Writhing and twisted within.
Tense, blank, and fickle,
Lost in a world under skin,
Greying out the love,
To feel... something.

Just need a minute
To exhale.

Alien home,
Out of place,
Skin doesn't fit,
Like once hoped.
Unsure how to continue,
The mask is back on,
Deep breaths,
Just get some sleep.

Just need a minute
To dream.

I wish you all the best in your endeavours.

May it all fall in your lap
With minimal effort,
And desired results.

May you sleep sound with a clear conscience.

Undisturbed, at peace with your past.
May your trauma be slight and easily managed, making your life exciting and full of love.

I wish you this, as I battle against icy winds, adorned in old blankets, weeks unwashed.
Addictions unbreakable as the ignorance is bliss, social interactions often threatening and violent, lips blistered and skin weathered, all my belonging together in a shopping cart I stole last week. A hot meal is just a dream, but when achieved, is enjoyed in the shadows of the city, often eaten with my buckled, white knuckle hands. I don't ask for money anymore, as the colour has drained from my eyes and hair, and the strangers don't care, they are always in a rush somewhere, with everything but nothing to spare. When I die, noone will be notified, noone will cry, I will be simply a gross memory for a medic, having to drag my corpse from wherever I am, reeking of misery, loneliness and feces.

I wish you all the best.

20 years fade away
Memories evade
Due to choices
Made.

Take a larger slice
I can handle it.

Shake the bottle
Breathe deeper
Get brave
Just to feel something.

Yesterday catches up to today
Memories evade
Due to choices
Made.

The pain was temporary
Until it stayed
Until it took a slice
Of the cake I made.

Click click, click click
Scroll the wheel
Move the mouse
Click click, click click
Stare at the screen
So close to my face
Load bearing pole
Directly behind my chair

Scope, quote, execute, invoice
Click click, click click
Archive, delete, red flag
Corporate buzz words mean nothing
Click click, click click
I am living this insanity
To stay alive
And out of jail

Life becomes repetitive
Leave the office, to the pub
Click click, click click
I only talk to you because you work with me
Good weekend? Go **** yourself
This is not a life
We are prisoners, unable to escape
Due to the threat of poverty

Two days off, sleep in
Turn off the alarms
Wander around lifeless
With no cause, no drive
Unsupervised, barely alive
No direction that I can derive
Weekend's over as a new night dies
Back to the grind.

Click
Click
Click
Click

Tomorrow
I'm gon exist
Just play the fukn game
Grind n twist
Extinguish spot fires
Do my job
It doesn't matter
Take the money
She loves me
Hit the vape
Too many
Cutla bevs
Not enough
Tomorrow
Gon get it done.

Stay employed...

Every second bat of the eye
The dreams creep
Of who I should've been
And the disgust of who I am now
This silly simple man
With stupid silly answers
To your overly intelligent questions
Go **** yourself
As my ending argument...

I am not this
This stupid fukn job
It's just what I do
To pay the the government
I am full of bitterness
I am full of love
I am full of everything beneath
And everything above.

I'll be there tomorrow
Maybe a bit late
Maybe a bit hazy
But, I'll be there...

I will give
As much of me
As I choose to give
As much as I feel you require,
You won't get my fire
You haven't earned it
I leave that as backup spare
To those that actually fukn care.

*****.

Life.

This is it.

Have a sip
You're done
Votes are in
Fail to win.

The end game is on its way
Routine chores are here to stay
Every day is every other day
Work and bills, too old to play.

Every penny has its purpose
Discussions deep on every purchase
No need for surplus
Within the adult circus.

Grey hairs coloured brown
Every ache now makes a sound
Playlists come back around
Swim to retirement or drown.

Birthdays, Christmas every second week
Facebook posts so we don't have to speak
Floorboards and bones have the same creak
Eat, ****, drink, work, **** and sleep.

Soon enough, we can retire and die
Tears will well and children will cry
Photos kept will fade as time goes by
Front bar of the afterlife, drop in and say Hi.

She awakes at 4am
Tiptoes around the house
Just to allow the sleeping babes
To continue dreaming
Takeaway tea, crib sorted the night before
There she goes
Out the door.
Extras this swing
Perhaps 16 days all up
She grinds against the world
A woman in a mine.
Oranges on, PPE off her hip
Prestart, handover, warm tea to sip
Always smiling, even if defeated
Crib in the fridge, hopefully has time to eat.
Incidents, meetings, head up girl
The perceived pressure weighs heavy
On your sweat soaked shoulders
You've got this kid.
She gets home, shopping under arm
Straight to the kitchen
Cooking up a storm
Weary and worn, still smiling
She deals with kids issues
Alert, focused and attentive
Giving her all until she gets cold
Ready to rest her unbrushed head.

And there I am
In awe.

Goodnight my love
I will sort what you could not
Look after yourself tomorrow
Be safe, sweet dreams.

I've seen a strong man cry
Break down in my arms like a child
Then **** it up like all is fine
Beaten down by this cruel world.
The system is broken
And so are the men
We toil just to numb the pain
Drink and smoke to forget.
No annual leave left
To sleep in and organise life
No sick leave to watch a movie
Knock off and fall asleep.

The kids don't call
Nor do I
I miss being in their life
It kills me inside.

I'm a good liar
Showing a strong exterior
But I am breaking
It has taken some time.

Laziness and poor sleep
Turn off the car, almost weep
Take a breath, go inside
Say hello to the wife.

The pressure mounts
I feel it within
Not long now
Not long now.

You work at the mines mate?
You must be raking it in?!

"Awake at 5, sometimes before
Hivis and boots then out the door
No one to kiss goodbye
Just go.

Give a nod and half smile to nightshift
Sleep still in the eyes
Roll on in for prestart
A dingy container powered by a loud generator
Say g'day to the boys and the supervisor.

Get in trouble, for not being clean shaved
Apologies, forgot, all good, here's a razor
Dry shave, water lubricant
Try to complain but the money's too good.

8 more days, just push through the heat
Worn out boots and swollen feet
Paperwork galore, but wait, there's more
There's been an incident and my feet are sore.

The misso didn't text
The kids are a handful
She's 2 flights away so carry on
Just stay strong.

Head in the game, eyes on the job
We must prevent complacency
With reiterating the same thing
Over and over and over again.

We all dress the same
"King Gee" orange overalls
We all smell the same
Except for the supervisors.

Sulpher and acids and alarms and things
Risks and controls and signatures
Old mate forgot to sign on
He won't last, cos he forgot to sign on.

Eyes on task, line of fire, rah rah rah
Just get the job done
With an itchy face
And an idiot that won't shut up.

12hours of push
Crib breaks with strangers
The misso still hasn't touched base
Miss her touch and beautiful face.

Just realised, the shift is over
As the sun sets over the smelter
Pack up, *******, couple beers at the mess
Too tired to realise, she still hasn't text.

Boots and hivis left by the door
(**** my feet are sore)
Fast asleep before my head hits the bed
Awake at 5, do it again."

Yeah mate, it's not too bad...

They never loved us back

Our previous partners
We loved
But
They never loved us back

Miraculously we stumbled
Into eachothers path
I express my unique love
And you express it back

It feels so beautiful
So correct
To be loved back

The fridges in a line, their backs against the wall, test tags in date... probably.
They shudder in sync, making their contents jiggle just a bit.

Microwaves with coffee stains, you don't cook tuna in the crib room.

Baby packets of coffee and sugar, paddle pop sticks for a stirrer.

Food and sweat, cooked and fresh. The packs shuffle in, looking for phone charging points.

The scaffies play music, louder than they should, but the music is usually good... except when it's not.

Truckies boisterous, forked tongue, consume vendo pies, dead horse and a Coke on the side.

The pretty sentries, with eyelashes bolted on, stop to take selfies and add to their online stories.

Bosses stroll in, obligatory shoulder pats and one liners, confident and all knowing.

Cranies slow, but they know where to go, pre-packed, brown bag smoko.

Cheeky games of poker, money sorted later, boredom and sleepers, old school and keepers, green hats and newbies, fuckwits and legends... all gather, to the crib room, as if on queue.

For a feed, a graze, a nibble, a chew...

Cos a 12 hour shift is a fukn hard slog.

We grind the day, we achieve and fail,
Every day the same ****, but it's not,
Mornin old mate, lets go **** **** up
We'll catch up again during smoko.

Who would have thought
When I was 10
My first kiss
Would be my wife.

We are experiencing life
Its highs and lows
Blended family
Chaos and serenity.

The photos she shows me
I acknowledge and accept
As a time she wasn't mine
But would be.

Her memories in boxes
And in data on her phone
She shares with such passion
Of a time without me in them.

But, as we grow together
Her memories do too
And I get a place
In her data.

I see in her eyes
The beautiful girl
I kissed first in this life
I made her my wife.

Her strength and frailty
Her wisdom and idiocy
Are all beautiful traits
That I will be in awe forever more.

She projects her love
Like no other before
But she was the first
That I would adore.

I miss her after hours
Of not seeing her face
She has the most comfortable heart
And I have the most comfortable space.

There is no concern
Nor past instances of mistrust
Who would have thought
My first kiss would be my last.

I miss them
That is all
I just want the opportunity
To be their father

She twists my words
Confuses my focus
Belittles my strength
And diffuses my light

She tells them things
That we have spoken of
Adult conversation
Fed to children

It is killing me.

This loneliness
Has teeth and wings and muscle
It compresses and crushes
Filters and flushes.

I hope time heals this
I assume it will
Just flatten the line with poisons divine
When they arrive, ensure you're alive.

Brittle strength
Patient haste
Take a photo
Of your face
It will age
And you will forget
Who you were
And what we meant.

Conversation
Bounces around erratic
We still laugh
We still understand
No matter
How we live
Or how unclean
Our house is.

You are my friend
And I don't care
How much money you make
Or what you have saved
As long as the handshake
Is as solid as it was back then.

I never know what to write
Confronting the blank page
Many thoughts dance and swirl
I could write what I think, or what I feel.

It's up to me.

The freedom imprisons me
Locked up in my own wings...

Sometimes...

I just don't know what to write.

There are so many angles
So many feelings
So many thoughts
Just being an average human...

But if I write it to let it out
To inspire or perhaps incite
What right or wrong will be achieved
I'll just charge my phone goodnight.

Love is no longer an issue.

Now, others things must take precedence.

This is the go...

I left a destructive relationship,
I started again, and I chose wisely,
But, my children, left to go wild
Somehow, still love me.

Now, I reside in a household of 9
A broken family, we are the ties
We cook and clean and tend to them
We expect money for bills and rent.
Common areas are tidied
The dog is fed
We got them all jobs
To expose them to the cruelty of life.
Kids from 25 to 14
We have set them on a path
And we are there, to guide and confide
As long as they use their manners.

But, I left 3 behind...
It burns my heart and soul
As they are left to their own devices
Without me to shield from the cold.
So, with my love, we have a plan
To build a home for all
For freedom and growth and mistakes
To learn from and evolve.

It pains me, but, this is life
It is cold, and mean and unforgiving
Time will tell if these wounds heal
And this, is the point of living.

With ruthless adoration
And violent embrace
You will be loved
You have no choice.

My curious insanity
Will make heads tilt
Hate will be spilt
To make room for affection.

Silly womble
No need to be troubled.

Explosive caress
Wings in full bloom
Right now is the reason
Never soon.

Soar and scream
Life and dream
Will finally entwine
With our life combined.

Remember when
Early days
We'd speak for hours
On the way to work,
In carparks
And places
We'd never been together.
I moved and moved
And showed you it all
I left my children
To escape to the hills,
My failing relationship
Had such a wrath
You deflected the pain
That I couldn't grasp.
At the airport, I saw you
Our very second kiss
We retreated together
Eggs benny and *****.
I went to where the sun always shines
Met your fatherless family
As broken as mine
I introduced myself with embrace,
You came to me
And I fell for you
Perhaps we were rushing
Perhaps it didn't matter.
Half a heart
Announced my love
Allow the flood gates to open
We can say it whenever we like,
And we did, we said "I love you"
After every conversation
Sometimes in the middle
And we meant it.
I dropped a knee
I vaguely recollect
But, I wrote it down
And these words, you collect,
So, we were engaged
Rings exchanged
Lock in a date
Send out invitations.
Leave all you know
Pack up your home
Prepare the kids for change
They just went with the flow,
Move to the desert
Save all out coin
To spend it all
To be together.
Organise dresses, photographers
Meals, venues, drinks
Hire suits, write speeches
Cut out leaves into hearts,
Say our vows, entwine families
Lock in this person
I will love eternally
Forever more.

And here we are...

Married, together, your kids
In the desert
Trying to help them
Support their lifestyles,
Working to keep our heads above water
Paying off our wedding
It is a fickle affair
And, we are just getting started.
There is so much to come
It is difficult and we are worn thin
Tonight, you are silent
So, I let you sleep alone,
You'll probably text me tomorrow
With apologies and such
But, I missed you tonight
No love lost.

Remember when?

This life
This ******* life
I made this nest of ****
Curl up kid.

Agressor push the placid away
Mixed emotion, let them sway
I have come to play and die
Nearly done playing...

Too much time between drinks
Failing at trying to try
Just wake up at five
Go to work.

Inch thick mask
Eroding and revealing
Angry eyes and heated speak
The cracks are beginning to show.

I don't want to clean up
After lazy fools that I don't know
Their **** is their own
In my way.

Lose sleep, try to keep
A solemn smile, keep it sincere
A new internal personal fear
This was all, perhaps, a terrible mistake.

Decisions of the heart
No consultation with the mind
May be my undoing
May hasten this slow suicide.

Just set the alarm
Wake up at five
Contine the charade
I am alive.

2 days of 14
Is all I get
To see my kids.

48 days of a year
They grow up so quick
I miss everything.

My daughter doesn't stay anymore
But she messages me
When she wants money.

I've always worked
Start early, finish late
Until love went to ****
I had to vacate.

So, I pay child support
To my ex, to my kids
But, I am too poor
To do anything when I see them.

The system is flawed
I am lonesome and poor
Because of my decisions
To be a work horse.

I thought, if I worked
I would get in front
But, the system is broken
Like this silly old ****.

I started again
Got married, fell in love
I adopted her kids
A daughter, and 2 sons.

I keep working, everyday
In hope, it will all work out
But I am broken and poor
And in constant self doubt.

Life is not fair
The system is ******
This is mine, and for yours...

Good luck.

My own little space
With my personal effects
Creates a second skin
To curl within
A shell to stretch
A waterslide of thoughts
Swirl like dust in a dance
Safety glasses may be required.

Liberated imagination
It may crawl, it may gnash
It may do what it desires
As it is free.

My own little corner
I may be who I want
The mistakes do not count
Only dream exists here
As the toxins grasp and release
It is a feast
Of a cartoon man in a lean-to shed
Splashing paint and rambling rhyme.

The colour is brighter
When the eyes are blurred
The filter is removed
And the real becomes absurd.

Snake back inside
To embrace and kiss my beautiful wife
She knows where I've been
She knows who I am
Just a man
Unleashing the fire and the coal
Venting the demons
To embrace the angels.

She loves me.

She wanders in with curious intent
With her little swagger that she does
Insanity locks of hair upon her head
Doe eyed, and ready to smile.

The room ignites with her presence
Like it was dim the whole time
Like we had tints on our eyes
She brings an ongoing light.

As my soul, (only coals) she brings them to life
Now embers, alive and willing
In her embrace, all is forgotten
Every pain, every ache, every whim
She pours her whole soul in.

When we're alone, just her and I
We dream beautiful dreams
She is all that I selfishly need
But, I must share her with the hoard.

Her tones of voice, waver and dance
I can pick her mood, and at every chance
I affirm my love, just so she knows
We are both not at all alone.

Synchronised affection, we understand
The pains and gains of a love not planned
She is my rock, my island, my secret
My wish upon a star completed...

And the best part is...

She loves me.

❤️

Young man
You ok?

Everything's on top of you
I'm sorry to say
It gets worse as you get older
Middle class front liner

Just save money
Don't spend it on ****
Moderate your vices
Or they will own you

Be your own boss
Buy a house early
Invest wisely
Educate your world

Don't marry early
Travel, see the world
Fall in love
With a million girls

Be a gentleman
Be honest, don't steal
Do what you say
Say what you feel

Life is hard
Unrewarding and mean
No one gives a **** about you
Not even me

You're on your own
It's all in your hands
You ok?
Young man?

Take a breath
Leave for the weekend
Find an enemy
In a friend.
Float to the surface
Like the crud you are
Become sediment
And sink.

See another side
Saw in myself
Dislike the resemblance
Mask up.
Just sleep
Roll over
Go cold
Become reborn tomorrow.

Your pulse will calm
Emotion will exhale
Try again another day
Just get ****** up to refocus.

Move
Crawl
Slither
Digest.

**** me
Before I **** myself.

Put my eyes
Upon the shelf.

Leave my heart
To the dust.

Swear if you must.

Old emotes
Come back to haunt.

No control
Unleash the hound.

This is not what
I though I had found
Just die
Just go
Just drown.

She cried into my chest this morn
Buried her head as deep as she could go
Kissing her brow
I told her, I know, I know.

Her fatigue is my anger
Her kindness is my militant manner
I dare not oppose her
In fear of breaking her brittle heart.

She is stretched thin
Only frays of twine remain
My opinion is wicked and muddled
Stay calm boy, stay calm.

We have a complicated life
Me and my beautiful wife
This nest we chose together
To curl into eachother.

As she drove away this morn
Tears, still, on her cheek
I waved goodbye and blew her a kiss
It will chase her until I see her again.

I was once like you
Wild and untamed
Music, drugs, no plan.

Concerts, mosh pits
Ripped jeans
Bad hair
Thinking I was the ****.

Living from week to week
Live like a king on payday
Almost homeless 6 days later
Microwaved meal diet.

**** school
Just a social gathering
Girlfriends and gossip
Popularity and talking ****.

**** and acid
Alcohol and cigarettes
Music, love and ***
Lets get ****** up.

Then, the hangovers hung on
And the drugs made me ill
I'd lose my edge, my intensity
I was aging... ******.

Get a job, get a haircut, comply
Every day, just get up and go
Save the money, buy a house
Wise investments.

Get married, have kids
Go to work, every ******* day
Just to support these kids
I helped to make.

So, these kids I made
Bad hair, attitude
All they want is music and drugs
Little devious homeless thugs.

It didn't matter
The wrong they did
I was just like them once
A thoughtless little kid.

So, it has all gone full circle
I am an old bloke now
And these kids, not giving a ****
Come to me when they need me.

It's not all bad
I see my kids happy sometimes
And I see who I used to be
With my kids, who were just like me.

God speed.

Gettn older
Eyes take longer to focus
Rust between knees
Cobwebs muster in my mind
Patience thins
Years seems quicker
The habits I still have
Are full blown addictions
Bones once tender
Now withered and chalk
Time is now an issue
And is fleeting
Crows feet smile
Plastic teeth
Still a child inside
But the outer is fragile and weak
Awake to an aching spine
Short of breath
I just need a minute
But I am running out if time.

Gettn older.

Tainted perspective
Mother led you astray
With her venomous games
You had no choice but to play.

I often wonder, how you are.

An unanswered phone call
No reply to text
Silence  hurts more
Than any verbal flex.

I often wonder, if you're ok.

She has what she wants
To manifest her prediction
Just so she can say
She was right.

I often wonder, who you are.

She has taken all my money
To try to break me
But, the love in my heart
Makes me the richest man alive.

I often wonder, if you're still my daughter.

I can only bide my time
In hope you will see through the lies
Which you had no choice but to believe
You'll understand why I had to leave.

I often wonder, if I'll see you again.

Fickle little feelings
Celebrate the decline
Of this roller-coaster
Called life.
Muster the motivation
To sew these open wounds
Rather than sprinkle band-aids
On limbs lost from decisions made.
This simple man
Lost in the light of his phone
Back to back cigarettes
Feet up, in his quiet spot.

This is what he prefers.

The silence is his company
Loneliness, his strength
Masked in jokes and one-liners
Painted as per scenario.
Lost all time
To evolve passions
Only addictions
Get the time of day.

Puff puff pass.

They all want his focus
Leech off of reputation
Which is tinted at best
**** in his nest.
If only he could focus
If only for a while
He could celebrate his victories
And share his smile.

Vent or implode.

His muse beside him always
Even in restless sleep
To share and adore and dote
On passions and poisons.
She will push his eclectic
She will drive his esoteric
Of the roller-coaster
Called life.

What has he done?
Fell out of love with your Mum
Met another one
Remarried.

You listened to her woes
She said more than she should've
You took her angst
You made it your own.

So, you left him
While your brothers did not
You left him
To rot.

He tried
To give you the space he thought you wanted
But, as time passed
You made a decision not to love him.

So now, it is awkward
Tears well when we say goodbye
Because we never said
What was on our mind.

Will it ever change?
Or is this how it is?
Forever ever?
I cannot live like this.

I miss you,
I hope you miss me too.

The hardest thing I ever did
Was tell your mum,

I don't love her anymore.

I'm so sorry
That it has turned out this way
I desperately hope
It won't be forever ever.

This time of year
Close to Christmas
Thoughts of family
Flood the lonely mind,
The twisted complexities
Which attaches us
To one another...
We are bound.

Whether you like it or not
We are bound.

*** holes.

So, I got married on a Friday
She was as beautiful as always
We traded vows, photos aplenty
Blended two crazy families.

It was a wild week
Find a meter squared to sleep
One bathroom between thirty or so
My poor house mate, just dealing with it.

Late dinners, drinking til midnight
Only my son and a mates missus had a fight
A beautiful scene up in the hills
With family, mates and my wife.

I have this ring on my finger now
Clunky and uncomfortable
I don't wear jewellery
But, I am told, I'll get used to it.

I have a new found sense of pride
And I reek of love all the time
As we dance and kiss in the kitchen
Me, and my beautiful wife.

She will always be my truest of loves
Always beside me, except on nightshift
And, I cannot word the feelings I hold
Just for her.

She accepts this wild man
This silly lost boy
And I will forever be grateful
For loving me.

For those who don't know the story...

I had a girlfriend when I was 10 years old
We held hands, as 10 years olds do
She was my first kiss
In a little SA town called Two Wells.

We wrote letters to eachother
I made her mixed tapes
She was so beautiful
But, unfortunately, she moved away.

She moved to QLD, with her family
And lived her life
And I lived mine...

She had 3 kids
And so did I
And we just, lived our lives...

30 years later,
I got a happy birthday message
From a girl I knew
When I was 10.

Back and forth, we messaged eachother
Explaining our lives and what happened
A spark soon developed
Which ignited soon after,
Into a ****** raging bonfire.

Months went by, we finally met
She flew to me, back to where it all began
And this bonfire, fukn exploded
Into a mother fukn forrest fire.

Back and forth, we flew to eachother
We counted the days between visits
We met one anothers family
Until one day, I told her I loved her.

There were no brakes on this train of love.

Sometime in this story, I dropped a knee
Devoting my heart to her
I cant remember exactly what I said
But, I'm pretty sure she said yes.

She packed up her entire life
Her kids, her memories, everything
She threw caution to the wind
All for me.

She moved from QLD
And moved her entire life to Roxby
She followed her heart
All for me.

We have made a life now
We are making our own memories
And this forrest fire...
Brings new life and new beginnings.

This girl that I first kissed
Will be the woman that I last kiss
She has saved my life
And I will be forever grateful.

Love ya darlin x

Gentlemen,

You have all been hand picked
To represent me today.

You have all had an impact
On my life.

You all have a place
In my heart.

Your genuine friendship
Has help create awesome memories,
Some of which were so awesome
I am unable to remember.

With you blokes, by my side
While I am reciting my vows
Gives me such pride
And I thank you, for being my mates.

You are all such different fellas
A motley crew, some might say,
The one thing you all have in common,
Is my respect and friendship.

A toast, to my groomsmen,
My boys, my lads, my friends,
Let's make another memory together
This one, I'll try to remember.

Cheers

Home...

Where is home?
With the people you love?
And the couch that you know?
And the things that you own?

No.

Home is within,
Beneath your stretched skin,
The calmness you feel,
When you are alone,

This is home.

Where you can relax,
Amongst all the chaos,
Home is where you,
Can be you.

Removal of ones mask,
It is where you can bask,
In you individual oddness,
This is home.

Have a good day,
I'll see you at home,
I will start dinner,
See you there.

**

I don't want to go to work
I just want to sleep
I don't care what needs to be done
I detest responsibility

Bring me food
In my bed
Let me watch tv
All day

Let me stink
Let me snack
All day long
On my back

Brush the crumbs
From my chin
The phone keeps ringing
But I'm not listening

Just one day
Is all I require
To regather my motivation
Tomorrow I'll try again

Off the grid
In my bed
Is all I need
Just leave me be.

This broken crayon
Still draws.

Succeeding with flaws.

Terrible foibles
Kept under wraps
Moderation of over indulgence.

Fickle human
Tricking you all
With niceties
And courtesy.

Under skin
Screaming within
On the exterior
Work place superior.

You have to guess
As I won't tell
And if you guess correctly
I'll change the subject.

Just another
Just like you
Dealing with life
Learning to shuffle.

Dad
What are you doing?
Left the misso
But you have 3 kids.

What up?

New life
New misso
Social media
N ****.

What the **** ****?

We see you for a few hours
Every fortnight
During your days off
And it's all a bit ******.

So, you're getting married?
And where are we?
Still living in the ashes
You left us in.

Dad
What are you doing?

Her alarm goes off first
She ninjas her way out the door
She kisses my brow every morning
To keep our sweetness secured.
She snaps and texts throughout the day
And I do the same
Finish our sentences with kisses
To assure one another we're ok.
She's usually home before me
We talk of our ******* day
Prep dinner, feed the crew
Share kitchen kisses along the way.
Say our goodnights to the kidlets
Curl up with our favourite show
We make love and it's always magical
She is beautiful and I let her know.
The days are much like the last
Work and bills and dinner and things
I would not have this any other way
Without my Queen, I can't be King.

Awake at 0415
Sleep still in my eyes
Bundle up crib
**** and a ****
Shave clean
Coffee on the boil
Then, on the road.
Lit ciggy
Volume still up from last night
Knock it down a notch
Until the ears can focus...

Swipe on, turnstile spins
Follow in suit
Say g'day to nightshift
As the hi-vis is donned
PPE all strapped on
Steel capped **** kickers
Helmet slap, follow the crowd
To prestart.

Sit and nod, coffee lukewarm
Handover from nights
Sign on lads and ladies
Lock on, work instruction, THA
We are all dressed the same
The same team
With the same goal
To go home...

We don't know how it all works
In our silo, doing our bit
For our 12 hour stint
For 7 days.

Just before 6
With our bodies worn and ready
For a quiet bevvy
With mates we made at work
Swipe off, turnstile spins
Say g'day to nightshift
It'll be our turn next swing
Top job, had a win.

Microwave feed
Boots at the door
TV just for the noise
Stare at the phone
They ring before bed
Let it ring out
How was your day?
Same as every other, don't bother.

Asleep before head hits pilla
Awake at 0415