i'm surrounded
by all of these people
but for the first time
in a very long time
i don't feel alone

these people
they understand me
with just a look
with just a touch
they know my mind

and while i sometimes wish they didn't
it's easy to find comfort in them
these people
who have hurt so much
but have still managed to survive

i see myself
reflected in the eyes
of these people
and i know
that i can live another day

what is an apology really worth?
if you think about it,
all an apology really is
are some meaningless words
from someone's mouth

anyone can say an apology
and not mean a single word
how can you tell
if they're telling the truth?

if you ask people this question,
they'll reply simply with
"you'll be able to feel it"
but that's not an answer
not really

and sometimes
an apology isn’t quite enough
there will be times
where you **** up so badly
a simple “sorry” can’t make it all better

well then what do you do?
even if you really truly mean it
that apology is useless, meaningless
to the other person

so what’s an apology really worth?
the times when you mean it most
it’s worth the least
some things just can’t be fixed
by saying “sorry”

how is it
that i’m most creative
when i least want to create?

i fall down a pit
i get stuck
i get sad

but when this happens
i get inspired
i do my best work

what kind of sick irony
is the world playing on me?

i want to create
i want to make art
but i can only do so if i’m sad?

i don’t want to be sad anymore
it’s become too much for me
but i worry
if i’m no longer sad
can i still create?

oh what to do?
you are so important
to me
to our friends
to the world

and i hate to see you sad
it breaks my heart
imagining that i could be the one
to make you feel that way

so for now
i’m holding on
for you
for our friends
for the world

because i want to see you
grown up
happy
stable
and i never want you
to worry about me again

and so i’ll stay
for you
for our friends
for the world
but really
for you

i would go blind
just to see you
shine your brightest

you are a brilliant light
but right now
you’re dimmed
you’re covered up
you’re not you

i want you
to become the bright light
that i know you can be
that i know you used to be

and i wish
oh so dearly
to see you at your brightest
even if it blinds me
even if i won’t ever see again

i could be happy
remembering that one glimpse
of you
shining

a beautiful color
a beautiful flower
a beautiful name

light and airy
peaceful and pastel
with a calming aura
and subtle hints of passion
i find lavender to be
a color to rival the rest

long and narrow
with tiny florets
a soothing fragrance
with the ability to heal
i find lavender to be
a flower to rival the rest

a beautiful girl
who i have yet to meet
a child that i will never
come to know
i find lavender to be
a name to rival the rest

you are
the best thing
to ever happen
to me

you make me feel
so loved
so important
so worthy

you treat me
so well
and i know
i will never
love anyone
as much as i
love you

the day i met you
really was
the first day of my life

but of course
nothing that perfect
could ever last

i ****** it up
i made a mess
of our beautiful
love story

i'm impulsive
i'm irrational
i'm selfish

and you deserve
so much more
than what i
can give you

i know
i need to stop
hurting you
and so

i love you now
and i will love you
always

you were
the best thing
to ever happen
to me