I think I've gone really mad.

Everyone is busy knocking on  the door
That they know it will never open to them.

I don't play *****
Because I'm not the mad woman here.

I'm at your mercy
when you call out my name.
And I pray
these words of yours
is 'I love you'
one day.

I'm confused with your language.
I don't wanna overthink
because I'm just looking for ways
to believe another reason.

My rationality tugging me-
as I'm standing in the borderline of
doing all the work.
I wish I know what you're feeling.

You were my world.
The reason for my motivation.
You feel like you must step on my dream
because they take time to bring dollars.

You want me begone-
away from the world
away from all, I treasured.

Yet, I had hope
I really had hope
that one day
you would change and
see me as a human.

I'm wrong.
You will never.
Goodbye, my precious tears,
to grief that's useless to others.

Let's go our ways.

My thoughts are confined in the empty space.
I wanna escape from the thoughts that drown me,
break down the boundaries that bar me
and will mark a day of victory for the sleepless nights.

Every night I toss and turn,
lying awake in my seamless worries-
turning my black silky hair to silver hair.

It's better if my heart stays inside my body
It should know the truth.

It's better if you leave me alone
because I'm not the person who you think.

I would rather allow the pain to swallow me
so that I will still hope with trust

Hug me like a dog would to its puppy
Tear my heart so that my heart isn't snatched by the blood-thirsty demon

Hide me, please
The reality is in me.

All the significant things and people
are big
because we treasure them.

Don't push your loved ones;
instead, pull them close up to your heart
and let them know your love.

The wooden planks we trod on
to reach my childhood friend's house
are now rusting from spewed blood
whose life was deemed less than a stray dog.

The rain that day was like a downpour of evil
unleashed from the pit of hell,
crushing my friend's mother strength to be alive
because she just received a dead body
of  
my childhood friend in her arms
whom she loved with her life
was taken by evils.

When I was by her
crimson-stained body,
She said in a very soft voice :
'Promise me,
take my mom away.
Please take care of her.'

The cool rain and
everything around us
don't mean anything anymore.
She is gone.

Heaven will receive you, my dear friend.
Your virtue shall be lived forever and ever.

You didn't turn on the headlights
Because you didn't want to see me.
I've been giving myself false hopes
That you would eventually turn around and notice me.

The memory-the pain-the suffering
If they were meant to happen
It's so painful to carry on...

I don't feel like I'm home
Every littles is a payback of the sins I committed
So I die guilty free.

A dagger gashes a small flower
in a desert by a devil-follower
because he couldn't look into her eyes
and says,' he cares for her'

The bullies feel thrilled and sip on a whiskey,
sit in a circle and worship the small flower,
because time is running out
for the real game to start.

For 19 years
I've followed you like a puppy.
For nineteen days, you have kept me at arm's length
even though you know my feelings.
In just nine days, I'll be  the witness
of your vow for her.

I look up the ceiling
My body wouldn't get up
I feel scared and mortified to the core
I feel so wrong.

What could I have been done
If I made another choice:
My, younger self would have been surprised
If I 'm unhappy .

Being an imperfect human,
It hurts when I fall
I am joyful when I experience sweet.

I cover these  unkindness words
That have been told to me
I pretend strong until I have been ripped in the inside, thoroughly and repeatedly.

Maybe I spent my time so much looking for things on the other side of the room
that I actually forget everything-
almost everything.

A lot of things influence me.
and I know things would get better
if I believe good things would come
to the battered, shattered and desperate for
a broken person likes me.

I kept replaying the conversations we had
on a rainy day.
I wished I could drown out the words along with the merciless rain
beating against the windowpane.

I won't let the pain meddle in my future
I promise I'll get every better,
I promise I ll be strong
I promise I'll take care of them as long as I can

I feel like I'm strolling around the city
to get the attention.
I have the look of 'I need your attention badly' words
written over my face
so I could get to be in the centre of Paris.

Chestnuts shoot out of seeds fire,
begging my attention for a while.
I have to embrace
the change, for its better.
Being a volcano, wouldn't help a lot either.
Unlikely I will accept
when I have it in my mind.

I regard you highly
And I don't expect anything from you.
I wish you appreciate what you have,
learn to love
as you grow older and wiser.
I have nothing else to say, anymore.
So goodbye.

It takes more than wisdom and courage--
to owe up who I am.

I may not be the person
whom you think I should be;
I rather want to live my life my best.


Gravity tests everyone's limit and patience.
Being able to be candid, vulnerable and humble,
Are my enemy of pride.

While I can change,
I want to make it right,
Before my soul is in peril.

I can feel my heart whimpering in pain;
yet, changing my mind every time that
I'm doing well.

Just To see and to know,
and to know everything,
ignore everything else around me
and
I 'm off the track.

A spark of this curiosity
flames up after so many trials
and errors.

One moment, after one,
in a never-ending  cycle of hard,
I admit:
I ain't have reason.

It's hard to feel beautiful inside and out,
feel positive,
And not worried about anything.

The pleasure you get is unfathomable.
The look and the shame;
the rich and the lame;
will bend your morale until you burst into a flame.

Sometimes,
you have to get drowned in a well
so the other person can treat you well.

Oh, and
you have to be a stoic sculpture
so people can focus on the sun.

The midnight sobs and screams
so you hear their passionate deams!

I don't want to go to the finish line
Can I just curl up in a corner
with my favourite book?
And I'm lazy.

I try to fall in love with myself
before I love another.
I want to know the feeling of love
so I know what I'm giving to you.
Love can turn inside out
because it's fake:
because I haven't take care of my heart for a long time.

I'm glad
That I'm not being delusional that
demons are bad.

I'm glad
I don't have any regrets
And memories of you
in my heart.

I was born a flower.
Now I feel bare and threatened,
holding on to the last things
And hoping the hours to justify me.


Everything and everyone--
can be blown away by anyone.
I can't stop and stare,
Hoping everything is the same as yesterday.

How long can the fire burn ardently
If the passion is missing in the embers.

Can the dying air whisper her to wake up,
And she just nods and accepts to renew her vows of life?

I want to see her walking down a road,
With elegance, grace and confidence
That will make her smile effortlessly.

Fake it until you smile for real;
Cry until your eyes give up
and don't hurt yourself with cynicism.

Our blood is close,
Yet mine is so cold
Against the warmth from the mother's *****.

Time flies by so fast
that It's so tiring to be fit in
a humanity that is so pressuring on
her children to be the same.

I scribble
thousands of words
in your diary.
You read them when you have no choice  to accept,
You read them when you're without them,
otherwise, I'm just a scar in your memory.

A mutual exchange of affection
is so hard for us
when we know we have a diary for fantasy.
A thousand of unspoken thoughts of yours,
change the way I see the light.

Stars brightly shinning, against your past.
Blushing of the thoughts
you think more of me
than the other exes,
who left you in the grim light.

Will you walk in the woods with me?
You said you ‘re leaving everything behind for me
You said I’m a beacon for you
In your darkness.

I see my soul dying
In the anguish, flaming , painful fire of death.
I’m triumphed over
But you should know
You can never, ever have me.