To the mum that never was.
You gave birth to me.
You should have raised me like the precious gift that I was.

Instead you took that gift,
Threw it in to the darkness.
Threw me right into the lions den.

So so little. I was easy prey.
To the enemies inside our home.
You allowed them to destroy that precious gift you were given.

So to the mum that never was.
You will never  have that gift back.
That precious little called gift called me.
Has now grown.
I choose that gift.
I choose me.

I'm trying to do the right thing,
Cut the ******* out.
Invite only the most honest people,
No one in between.
No half measures,
You're loyal or your not.
I KNOW I AM

I wish I could call you,
Hear your voice,
Just one more time.
I wish I could call you,
Tell you that I care,
Tell you that I need you.
Oh god, I wish I could call you,
But i cant,
You're not there.

Sometimes there is a sadness in me,
One I cant explain,
Like a dark cloud,
On a cold stormy night,
My eyes weep tears,
And my breath becomes deep,
There is a sadness in me,
One I dont want to keep

You were the one,
The only one,
I felt safe with.
The only one,
I truly trusted.
The only one,
Who knew the real me.
I messed it up,
Broke your trust.
Know it's me,
Who think only of you.
The one true person,
The only one I miss.

I might not be a poet
And my words wont always rhyme,
But, they come from my soul,
My inner most thoughts,
My darkest dreams,
All tumbling out,
In words just as you see.

You took that from me,
You took my soul,
You took all that I was,
I have no identity now.

I dont know who I am,
I dont know what to do,
I want to find myself again,
Find the little girl I once was,
You took that from me,
Now I have to try set her free.

You took my innocence from me,
Made me a woman, before my time.
I was only a child.

You made it our secret,
Said there would be trouble if I said,
So I kept your secret,
I was only a child

For years I kept that secret,
Till I could no longer keep it,
I should have been believed,
I was only a child.

Now I'm grown,
And the secret is out,
I dont feel so better,
I'm still only a child.

Most days I'm okay,
Others,
not so much,
Others,
I'm crying for help,
Others,
I wonder how I will survive,
Others,
I wonder if I want to survive,
Others,
I wonder if anyone realizes,
How delicate I really am.

When I look at me,
I don't see the same as you,
I see me, with an honest view,
You could pretend to love me,
But that's just not true,
Cause you don't see me,
The way I do.
I know who I am,
A broken mess,
You can control,
Because honestly,
You think you fool me,
But you won't, because the one thing you never counted on.
Was I know me, I know what I'm capable of, I know what I can achive.
I KNOW ME

I wanted you,
I finally had you,
We were intimate,
As you said,
I should have trusted you,
Should have shown me,
In the end I destroyed it,
My own insecurities,
They win again,
I wasn't good enough,
That's what I thought,
The hardest thing,
Letting you walk away that night,
I'm not sure you understand,
I won't show me,
I wasn't good enough,
Never was,
Never will be be

I never had you,
27 when me met,
You were supposed to save me dad,
Instead you broke my heart and left,
I know it wasn't your fault,
And god called you,
But I really wish you were here

40 years old and still not loved,
It must be me,
I'm broken inside,
God made me unloveable,
So here I am am,
40 years old,
And the only love I've felt is that of a child,
It should be enough,
I know,
But I'm broken inside,
And all I want is to be mended

As I sit here alone again,
I feel like such a fool,
I fell for your lies,
Fell for your charm,
My heart is hurting inside,
My god I want to cry,
Surely I can't be that bad,
Why, would you hurt me like that,
I believed your lies,
Like I do every time,
I can't blame you,
Just the fool
That I am

I write because it hurts,
I write because I have no words,
I write because I can't tell you how I feel.
I write because it's all I can do,
Putting pen to paper,
is my therapy.

My child

As you lay there fast asleep,
Oh my heart just skips a beat

As I watch your chest rise and fall,
Oh my heart just skips a beat

I listen to the sound of your breath,
Place my hand upon your chest and feel your heart beating.
Oh my heart just skips a beat.

For as you lay there my child, all innocent and sweet.
It will amaze me that you are mine to keep.