she sang

slow
deep
****

hypnotic
lines

a spell

all
eyes
exposed

she moved

slow
subtle
****

stretching
all
her
parts

she was
part
animal

a siren
longing
for
pleasure

a partner
to
please
her

I thought I
understood

or at least
I could

she didn’t think
it possible

she thought

at most I
could feel

empathize
with the life

of another

that was not
like mine

she spoke
of the

limitations
of shoes

and walking

and I think
I understood

but perhaps
I was just

empathizing

made a list
and kicked it
twice

steel
toes
crushing
dreams

futures are bent

like
the
universe

we were not meant

to
live
this
long

civilizations spent

all
their
savings

on crap like rent

we cover
not to hide

we have
an enemy

sort of
at least a
common threat

to our lives

it is not
conscious
or willful

it exists
to exist

it is more
an entity

than a thing
it doesn’t

know itself
or what it does

and what it does
is spread
within us and

then across us
and within us

one way to
stop it is

to wear a mask

yes it’s that
simple

wear a mask

I know these people

they create sounds
from deep inside

so deep

they sing to me
their magic spells

make me feel
deep inside

so deep

and in these
shorter days

too many of my
favorite stars
have died

so soon

I did not laugh today

my mouth was the
shortest distance

between two points

I was not unhappy
I just wasn’t happy

you said words
and laughed

but I did not think
they were funny

they were just words
you linked together

and I couldn’t understand
why you laughed

this happens
more often
then I care to admit

I do not hate you
I just don’t love you

I am tender
to the touch

a fruit fallen
from a tree

bruising easily

you want to
cut out my

damaged parts
and discard them

believing enough
will remain to

satisfy you
but you don’t

know me
the damage runs

deeper than you
can see

I am tender
to the core

he drank to
disinfect his soul

he felt corrupt
hearing voices

from the past
generations of

drink calling
to him

zombies on
the same path

dead before
they were alive

killing the spirit
of all who

loved them

the sun sets
goes to rest

somewhere
I cannot see

it is peaceful
knowing it

will rise again

and I am
left alone

in the dark
I cannot sleep

I am restless

not knowing
what comes next

I was there for

the birth of
the universe

the passionate
kiss of chemicals

the chaos becoming

the morphing into each other
then into something else

still existing as themselves

at the same time being
part of something bigger

than themselves

purpose exists
inside and outside

of everything
and everyone

I lost my words

they are small
and easy to hide

I don’t think
anyone stole them

maybe someone
is playing a trick

on me or

maybe I just
misplaced them

this is the worst
time with all

that is going on
all the feelings

that want to be
expressed

I need my words
where are you

when I need you

pain is human

nothing hurts
without nerves

or words

I have never lived
with angels

we all walked
crooked paths

and sometimes
we learn

everything breaks
and most things

start out broken

she plays
with so

many things
a skinny

beautiful
creature

with a first
class

mind and
imagination

a puppet
master

creating
sights and

sounds
we follow

to our death
if we have to

but I don’t think
that is where

she leads us

you tip-toe
through this

world

living on
an arched

soul

bent not
broken

you want
the world

to hear you
but you are

scared your
speech will

quake the
earth

and nothing
will ever

be the same

we walk at night.  street lights.  and knuckle fights.  blood splatters.  and nothing matters.  we keep our distance.  from the educated.  from the edified.  we are calcified.  parts.  of other civilizations.  the leftovers.  the artifacts.  addicts of the past.  not memories.  you want to forget us.  you want us to forget.  we are bugs.  that itch.  you don’t scratch.  for fear.  of what it is.  of what it says.  about you.

we disappear.  and you think.  we are gone.  but you know.  better.  so enjoy these.  few moments.  of calm.  

the night is long.

they call it news
but it isn’t

no matter where
you turn

left or right
you hear talking heads

bouncing opinions
off each other

absorbing nothing
from each other

there is nothing new
in what they say

so many words
working so hard

to mean so little

a life lived
high

above
our
individual
pains

we were
together
forever
forgetting

days and
nights

months and
years

and when
we hit

the rock at
the bottom

we landed
in a desert

and you cried
for the

first time
creating

our oasis
or was it

a mirage

the rage.  the spark.  the flame.

you set me on fire.

and waited.

as I turned to ash.

I am not phoenix.

I will not rise.

you had one chance.

and you blew it.

your ball point
pen is a knife

black the color
of my blood

so sharp I
don’t feel

you enter me
and take from

me so many
pieces I

am missing
but I don’t

notice they
are missing

until I see
them over there

in your creation
and realize

you are my
autobiographer

tiny pains
add up

a microscope
sees inside to

another layer
of life

living beings
feeding on me

these creatures
creating their

own lives
spreading their

perfect children
throughout me

they are not
bad

in the human
sense of the word

but

they are bad
for me

I am a shadow
I am a crow

you create
my nights

when longing
for you

is my occupation
my eyes close

but I do not dream
I obsess

strangling any
other thought

that enters me so

there is one thing
left in this world

when I am
hiding in

my blues

the ocean
and the sky

aren’t deep
enough

for me to
disappear

I still feel
so vulnerable

the enchanted land
sweet fairy dreams

and soft ice cream
all sound is pleasant

and all people are
peasants

sharing the land
with each other

growth is measured
in understandings

and we listen
to each other as

if we have two ears
and one mouth

and all humans
live as if

they are humane

there he is again
dancing in my brain

he jumps so high
and tries to hide

the skinny boy

always running
playing games

taking jokes
making jokes

getting into fights
he mostly lost

but he never quit

and he could be quiet
and he could think
and he could cry

I remember him
he was so silly

the skinny boy

each night.  blackbirds congregate. on the roof.  below me.  I want to join them.  their religion.  or maybe they are still a cult.  as all religions are.  at the beginning.  until they get enough.  believers.  until they get enough.  power.  and influence.  to convince.  others to at least.  tolerate them. and then maybe.  join them.

I want to join them.

the blackbirds.  are still small.  in numbers.  but they look so peaceful.  they don’t move.  for hours.  they must be in.  prayer or meditation.  I know devotion takes time.  and I am willing.  to devote my time.  to whatever they worship.  to whatever they believe.  I want to be a blackbird.  congregating on a roof.

it exists for its
own sake

not for others
and those who

seek it for its
own sake

spread their
disease to

others for
their own sake

six feet.  apart.  
six feet.  under.  

we live in
what remains

of life

carrying two
yardsticks

as a measure
of ourselves

air hugs and
kisses

to everyone

I know you
from your eyes

today

we do not know
the future

we do know

it will be different
than the past

ice is melting
glass is shattering

the pain of
the planet

matches

the pain of
the people

none of us
are perfect

but we need
to learn how

to heal if
we want to

live as

the people
on this planet

there were
these creatures

in the woods
they would crawl

into my hands
I named them

and made them
a family

hoping they would
stay together

but whenever I
released them

they would scatter
I guess that’s just

the way things are

I sit on a rock
and speak

not a speech
a conversation

with the wind
speaking through

the trees

she tells a joke
and I laugh

feeling

the warmth of
her touch on

my cheeks
we have been

friends for
as long as I

can remember

oh science!

your job is to
understand

but you do not
understand me

you have made me
in the image of others

wanting me to be
the image of you

thinking you
understand life

you have taken
life apart

and collected it
in multiple pieces

that you think
can become a whole

believing you
only you

can put them back
together in a way

in whatever way
you want

that you can create
not from scratch

but from the leftovers
of others

oh science!

you are not a god

your job is
to understand

but you don’t
understand me

an incessant itch
in my brain

it can smell
it can taste
it can touch

it sends signals
down my spine

extends itself
everywhere

it is looking for
something but

it can’t tell me what

it has a voice but
it has no words

it just grows and
takes over

everything until
it is satiated

but I don’t know
what it wants

so I try everything

it is not a trick
I am not a magic man

just one day
I am not there

I am somewhere
just not there

not where I was
I am here

but you don’t know
where here is

and I don’t tell you

sometimes I don’t know
where here is

and sometimes I want
to be there

and sometimes I don’t

a confused
word

a mindless
word

when it
becomes
human

constant
unwavering
support

to another

puts you
beneath
them

why would
you want

to always
be

beneath
them

be loyal
to an
ideal

and make
the human

live up
to them

always

make them
earn your
support
daily

only you
own your
loyalty

don’t give
it away

they don’t
have as

much power
as they need

you to believe
they have

what is a
leader

someone
with followers

so who has
the power

I blow out candles
before I sleep

the flames try
to fight back

then turn to smoke
and disappear

I am alone in the dark

I am one of those
who think too hard

I break so many things
with my thoughts

some might have
been valuable

I don’t know

it is hard
for me to know

I am holding on
by a frayed thread

I can hear the
tearing

one by one
as I fall deeper

the door was locked
the sounds behind the door

were loud

voices of people in the room
and on the records

wicked words mingling with the

sweet fragrant smoke escaping
like a genie from

a magic lamp

my pre-teen mind
listening at the door

for my name or
any other reason to enter

I was nevermore
living in less than

I could not feel
in the dark

the walls were
made of smoke

you did not
build me up

the way others
did for their

sons

I never had
that secret image

of myself

that made me
believe I could

be better than
the cards I

was dealt the
sad secret is

I never learned
to count

falling deep
into calm

where waters
sit still

and wait
to be tasted

the flavor
of flowers

rose petals
that float

and move
quietly

to the rhythm
of the ripples

caused by
a lover’s

whisper

the sky is dark

I am high
above the world

lying alone
on the floor
almost asleep

purple wine
coloring
my lips

outside the lines

I am listening to
the wind whip
against glass

there was a
warning tonight

gusts reaching

the windows
shake but they
do not break

just strong enough
for now

I turn away
and pull the
blanket

over my head

I reach deep inside
and feel my soul

it has another
small crack

it is just strong enough

not knowing
its place

who asks why
he scolds her

saying you
should not be

concerned with
reason

you are too
pretty for that

I am not
invisible but

I do not take
up much space

or sound

I like to leave
room for you

whoever you are

feelings can be
subtle if

you let them
they have a

lifespan like
a dandelion

flower to dust
then disappear

we had this conversation.  before.  you and I.  well not this exact conversation.  but something similar. when you ask me a question.  and I don’t really answer you.

I am not being rude.  or obstinate.  I really don’t have an answer.  so this time.  I will try.  to answer it.

yes.  sometimes.  I am happy.  

if I don’t think about it.  if I don’t notice it.

choose any color
or any combination
of colors

I don’t care if I match
or if I make sense

slap it on thick
make me drip

and don’t wait
until I dry

to slap on more

use a brush or
your hands

I don’t care if
I’m not finished

I would rather be
the canvas you
experiment with

than the one you sell

only 26
(and usually less)

that’s all it
takes to make
all these words

to make all
these words

that help me
make all this

meaning from
all this feeling

of the things
I love in this world

the alphabet

is right at
the top

it has helped me
more than

most people

it happens
and sometime

later we notice
we left

where we were
and it feels like

we can’t stop
and even if

we did

we are so
far away

we could
never climb

out and get
back to

anywhere near
where we were

we start to
remember

the voices
warning us

the voices
we couldn’t

hear when we
started to fall

when we didn’t
know were

falling

I like a
little with

my music

I hate it
with my

information

we follow the wet
into the wilderness

we collect raindrops
on our tongues

and hold them
as long as we can

we savor nature
she is our mother

we dip our heads
in cold water streams

and wait until
we can’t breathe

we love the color blue

when he sings
he is me

or that is what
I think

they could be
my words

he sings

they are my
feelings

I feel

or that is what
I think

when I listen
to him sing

he knows
my pain

he is smart
and lonely

he is raw
and naked

or that is what
I think

when I listen
to him sing

he lived in the
deep place

where darkness
edged out light

by a little
but he thought

it was a lot

there was pain
in his soft voice

the pain of too
many ******

the loss of
blood grew

slowly so his
impending death

was not obvious
to most

as his words
hid their meaning

from most

all the little ones
spread like love

across the planet
tickling bare toes

scratching an itch
we all have

clean people try
to destroy us

but we were here
before them

and will be here
after them

spreading