she said it
wasn’t her

looking back
she went outside

to find herself

she loved her
shadow more

she said

it was always
honest with her

I was afraid
of this life

the next step
is off the cliff

I don’t know
where it leads

or if I will land

we don’t all
survive long

enough to
become more

than we were
given

to become all
that we could

have been

I was afraid
of this life

I always wanted
another

I saw her fold
it slowly

carefully

pressing her
thumb over

each fold
making sure

they were
perfect

lifting and
extending

her left arm

releasing the
plane into

the air and
walking away

she didn’t
know I

was watching
waiting for it

to land

she called
herself

maybe
someone

called her
first

but now
she called

herself
doll face

porcelain

delicate
breakable

painted lips
puckered

posing for
pictures

discovering
pain lives

in paint

we exchanged words

the speed of bullets
pinging off walls

luckily we had
bad aim

or maybe we
didn’t want to ****

each other
we were young

we didn’t know how
to form complete

sentences

I can relate

escaping to
your hole

we can never
dig deep

enough

we can never
create enough

holes

to feel safe
can we

she smokes naked
at night

believes the rain

is not real
likes when the

sky is dark
wants to be

struck by lightning
believes it is

eternal inspiration

she laughs when
I say sorry

and forgives me
when I sleep

she is a scavenger
living off the

dearly discarded

only appears when

searching for
satisfaction

touching everything
it meets

saying life

is luscious
spilling over

it is too much
it needs more time

to explore

petals plucked
I ask the stem

do you feel
the pain I do

I think you
must feel more

even though my
answer is not

I still have the
chance to

grow from this

I was hiding

this skin my
perfect cover

who would
look for a

soul so soft
and beautiful

radiant and
forgiving

inside this skin

I love the
way it sounds

so many
syllables

it is more
than a name

it is musical

it plays
with my
tongue

it begs to
be sung

I wish I
knew someone

named penelope
so I could

sing it
everyday

we speak
but we do

not speak to
each other

we are dogs
looking for

our own
old raggedy

bones to
chew on

on the first day
we breathe
fresh air

our minds
come to life

we sense the
movement of
small things

inside and out
the connecting

of two neurons
the twitch of

an ant’s leg
before it moves

it is like the
beginning of

love when

we drop our
heavy weights

and hold hands

I cut up
the world

open it
to only me

it has to be
only because

it is up to me
to share it

I **** up
its essence

a potion
a poison

let it move
through me

let it change me
as I change it

I give it back
to the world

and hope I
have created

more than I
took

there is a virus
biological

it is new
it is information

our bodies
cannot process

it replicates
rapidly

to survive
not to **** us

there is a virus
cultural

it is not new
it is information

our minds
refuse to process

it replicates
rapidly

to **** some
of us

which one is
more dangerous

which is one
is really making

us sick

they ask me
if I am lost

I shrug and think
about it

I say

lost just happens
something that was

isn’t there

eventually
I notice the space

in my mind
in my heart
in my soul

sometimes it is dark
sometimes it is light

I have learned

it isn’t always
a bad thing

to be lost
they walk away

I’m not sure
if I answered

their question

I am fall
the first

bite of
knowing

noticing
asking
taking

exploding with

the sensations
of hunger
and thirst

not belonging
to anyone

leaving with
nothing

but all this
time & space

to fill

wind is music
as the yellow

flowers dance
the rhythm of

love

spreading seeds
into the sky

sparkling like
little suns

sometimes life
is easy

I felt the
darkness

move in
a welcome

guest I made
a bed for us

to rest

I watched
the clouds

cry on my
window the

the most
perfect tears

misshapen circles
about to bleed

I had to capture

them before
the light returned

and they disappeared

smoke then ashes
what is left behind

after I disappear
memories are made

of soft putty
meant to be

manufactured by
our minds

we are all sculptors
or perhaps

magicians or
better yet

manipulators
trying to mold

the past with
a future

into something
we can live with

at least for a moment

angel crush
into dust

a fallen dream
evaporates

like smoke

the sky wants
to cry but

there are
no more tears

we are all
unborn fruit

dried vines
with nothing

left to give

I turned off
everything

on the outside
sound and light

creating dark silence

the shadows
slow danced

teasing

first alone then
together

they have
mystic rhythm

without sight
or sound

casting spells
inside of me

my mind starts
to whisper

all its voices
in unison

a choir

reminding me
of those things

I tried to forget

so many of you
will never know

distance

to be somewhere
not too far away

but far enough
that you can’t

be reached

when I was a child
I would leave

the house early
and wander

aimlessly

no one knew
where I was

and no one
worried about

me

the seeds spread
on a breeze

like dandelion
whispers

where they land
is planned

they found a
home in us

so we could find
each other

we speak a
special language

only the broken
know the words

she was by
herself again

eyes closed
floating in

blue thoughts
they comforted

her and carried
her away

to a safe place
I closed my eyes

and looked for her

but I could never
find her

my thoughts are
always gray

playful letters
tease me

they come
together

make me
see things

make me
feel things

make me
laugh

make me
cry

make me
believe

in something
more

make me
doubt

anything
is real

what would
I do without

my playful
letters

last night she
held herself

buried herself
in blankets

and comforters
she did not

want to be found
in the morning

she needed more
than one night

lost beneath
the surface

to heal

we cross boundaries
and love our neighbors

as ourselves

intermingling ideas
like spider webs

stronger because
we are connected

he could never
understand this

his book was
written as a child

his brain and heart
were frozen

and never grew
larger than himself

even the grinch
learned how to grow

I had a monkey

he was yellow
and black

with a plastic face

he held a banana
I held him

he was soft

I carried him
everywhere

he helped me
sleep in the dark

he let me cry
and didn’t

shush me

I break myself
in half

to find the pit
the *******

that holds the
soft parts

together I want
to remove it

I want to destroy it

I don’t want
to be whole

I want to be
a juicy mess

that drips
off chins

and stains
everything

does it leave fast
or does it

linger in place
soaking in

everything
one last time

will I feel it
leave and

will it take with
it the memories

of me

will I hear it
say goodbye

will I know
where it goes

and will I care

the tall grass

in the wild field
was filled with

tiny stars
creating a

dance of light
and singers

creating sounds
with their legs

it was a free
performance

as long as I
kept quiet

which was
fine because

I had nothing
to add

the color of
some collars

don’t complain
about sweat

stains they
are tattoos

on my clothing

signifying I
gave a fair

day where is
my fair pay

you promised

we laugh when
the dark clouds

form

we do not melt
in the rain

sometimes
we dance

naked like
the stars

water is magic
H 2 O

defines it but it
does not explain it

water seeds life
and heals bodies

we are young
in the universe

of time

barely part
of history

but we think
we created

the modern world
that we are the

definition of good
in this complex

of worlds
I look in the

mirror and
ask myself

why five times
to find a cause

at the root

as I listen to
david sing

about being
afraid of

americans
I see generations

of myself
looking back

and I am
afraid too

in the land
of misfits

we speak
in code

travel on
waves in

the sky
asking

questions
that unsettle

the nature
of things

we close
our eyes

so they
can’t see us

but they
feel our

impact they
try to

understand us
define us

by the changes
we cause

the tongue of
a magician

entering your
imagination

teasing your
little neurons

free from
their connections

form a
crooked line

and follow

the tongue
anywhere

it leads to
a new set

of beliefs

I walk amongst you
I want to say

I am you but you
never let me get

close to you

I want you to know
I am skittish

like you I am
afraid of being seen

I want to run to my hole
climb my tree
fly to another branch

when anyone gets
too close

but you never
let me get

close to you
to tell you

how I feel
close to you

something inside
was eating her

it grew as she shrank

but I don’t think
it could reach her

soul

her eyes never
lied to me

and when her
body shook

like the earth was
quaking and my

eyes leaked like
my heart was

breaking

she laughed and
said relax little

one

angels
feel no pain

we never
asked for

each other
we each

prayed for
another type

this was
never meant

to be (in
some grand
scheme)

but it wouldn’t stop

no one
can resist

the pull of
the opposite

pole of a magnet

these awkward
moments

when we don’t
quite fit

something feels off
at least that is what

we are saying
to ourselves

the brain bugs buzz
and if we try to swat

them away they
will sting us

and people will
think us crazy

when we scream

a brain that
doesn’t still

shivering
from life

in a

cold water
shower

paint the
rain blue

so it matches
my soul

we are those
lost in the

the pain
of early

loss

broken before
we grew all

our parts

so we never
felt whole

we asked
mother

for silence

the wind
to calm

the birds
and the bees

to sleep

we just
wanted

to see
to take in

each other

clearly and
completely

and maybe
believe in

a future

you did not mean
what you said

your words were
caged monsters

escaping from
your mouth

you did not
know their form

they were mutations
of what you

meant to say
they had these

small sharp teeth
that cut me in

so many places
you still can’t see

I am bleeding inside

I am afraid I
will never heal

you paint
beyond your

place and
time

reaching into
souls you will

never meet
making us see

more than ourselves
more in ourselves

is that what
it means to

be eternal

I am simple
an idiot

like Dostoyevsky
described

straightforward
you cannot

understand me
I am outside

your scope
and scale

I do not want
from you or

to be you

I do not absorb
your threats

or insults
I am immune

to your world
I know

you want me
you know

I can’t be

power is the root
money is that which

flows through it
poison not water

the desire it spreads
grows exponentially

it has a smell
that gets into

your skin

rub all you want
once it’s there

you can’t get it out
it is a tattoo

on your soul
marking you

you might get
what you want

but you’ll never
get what you need

I cannot sleep

tonight
there is something

out there for me
something more

than this
I can hear its

voice when I
close my eyes

it is deep
like a well

wishing me well

something in the
sky wants me

I heard the

god Jupiter
is bright

tonight

each day

a colorful
array

laid out

one after
the other

with
scientific
names

I can’t
remember

each day

a colorful
array

I swallow

one after
the other

if I remember

I like a
little with

my music

I hate it
with my

information