Along the Maas and
down the Binnenweg
to the pub to not meet
our used-to-be
friends cos this was
a long time ago
When I still loved you
Yet I still do love you
Nevertheless I still love you
Hence me following your tracks
our walks and all daily routines
from coffee as breakfast
to playing music all day long
The most insensitive thing to
do to myself but hey,
I've never been that good to
me anyway, have I.
Like you in a way.

Remember going to
the pool and your hair
all damp and the smell
of the water?
Some things still unclear
cos the swimming teacher
made me do backstrokes
Don't like that
I'm perfectly fine
a butterfly in waves

As long as I stop thinking,
Nature stays with me and
Future stays away.

The leaves whisper
an ocean in my ears
The drops dripping
rhythm in my vessels
The damp soil leaves
a fresh scent in my toes
These salty tears
an impossible future 
in my opinion.

To look at these two together
at the beer garden
table. She's dressed up, he in shorts,
the disappointment. She says I don't think
I'm going to eat. He orders pizza. She looks away.

May I wish myself
all the happiness in the world
all that's truly valuable
Treasures as such
Beaches and trees
Mountains and forgiveness
and good coffee
exceptionally good coffee

She just cannot start something
and then continue
and / or finish it
A compulsion to look for newer
better faster more-r louder
All reflexes properly apple-pie
A good mood goes a long way
An allergy to keeping
All and ego interfering
desires versus capacities
very disappointing all in all
Others thought she was intelligent
The image others shape, right?
She found it in fact a short sense
of willing ambition drive...
So she started to exist for the others
and played along the intelligent line
wondering whether to feel shame / guilt
and then deciding on neither
on nothing
The trees were indeed never silent
Her energy was indeed an actual gift