Instant enlightenment
That is, is it
All a lie
Are you, am I
Dressed to the nines
In trendy design
With no place to go
And nothing to mind
You read it here first
For better or worst
A modern-day phenomenon
Packaged perfect to know
Just add water
You’re good to go
Generational gibberish view
Who spurned the denim devils
In you
Bluejean blueprints
Attached to the past  
Of patterns and hues
Sleeve Sloppy revealing
Dribble drool feeling
Seer suckered
Taube tuckered
Unrealing

Take your patchwork punch
Take my cameo role
Handheld scroll
Gently
Poked in a fire of woe
Battle wounded warrior
Drowning to
Federations of fear
Leagues of sometime,
Somewhere
Donuts of denigration
Looking through the whole
Of integration
On a scout mission
Wizards of wondering why
Epiphanies abound.
And in the morning light
Silence is the only sound around
Why wait to get it right?

Oh, preachy poser
Pedantically put
But please just shut-up
If you can’t walk the walk
Don’t talk the talk
  
Up a crazy lazy river
Without a paddle or clue-
And who
Like instant pudding, I do
Instant coffee, too
Instant cake in a cup,
Microwave ready
Brew

Fear I’ve left something out
And nothing will ever do
The instant never needs  
To make-up to something new
And you who
Instantly knew
  
Don’t believe the story.
It’s all a lie
Even if it’s true
Makes a good story
But none of it’s you
Story characters in drag
In a romance novel or two
Only love is real
Or so I’ve been told
Playing a part
That never gets old
Address the unaddressed
Storied mess
Behold

Shakespeare in a silk shirt
Romeo is such a flirt
Juliet’s without regret
And yet
While  
Lost in a speeding train of thought
Took the window seat I bought
Watching the living loving world
Pass by

And I
See waving at me
Michael with a golden sword
Protection from the lord.
Up high
How can this be?

Terrible, terrible low-down lying lizard
Am I
What of it?
Pop-ups  
Worse than infomercials
Role-playing rehearsals
Characters complaining
Insanely blaming
Always trying to please
Never at ease
Never understanding
But, I do
But I lie.
Commas go
Commas die
And
Always a busy but.

I know I should
But, I won’t
I know I could
But I don’t
So, go away with your stuck-up sail
It really is to no avail

Have you seen the broken bandage?
Wrapped around your battered finger
Bleeding
******* breaking
Bad blood oozing
From your packaged refusing
Never mind it was a nice story but was it true  
I never lied to you
I never lied to you
I never would
    
I conjured you
Like genie in a bottle of *****
Intoxicated by a vision of you
  
I know you aren’t doing well
Do tell
You won’t let anyone help
Don’t balk in blue
Think it true
Because you think you are
Only you
Because you are
Scared of what might be
Scared the story might be true
You could be me
Or I could be you  
  
Because the story and the storyteller are one
An Escher drawing
Drawing itself
In two
Two peas in a prissy pod
Pleasing

Have you reconciled your fiction?
Or is this an addiction
Affliction come true
  
Your magical silver moon swaying
Your chalice of still stars staying
Cups of fantasy flowing
Sun spraying days
Tiptoeing
Ways
Neither
Friend nor foe
I’ll never know

Remember the story  
Do you remember
I remember
Nothing’s changed
Tempestuous tweets
Trilling thoughts of verses sweet
For better or worse
If you follow me forever
I will follow you. +-
Forever
Feels like a tall story
It’s a leap of faith
Not a leap off a ten-foot story

Better wait till the morning
Light.

Down, down, down I went
Like Alice on the rebound
Perchance, said I
Down, down, down I wept
Like Lucy in the sky
NoTime to think about it
NoTime to ask why
Is there even a shred of love
Lost?
A LostLove  alibi
Quite honestly,
I’ve NoTime to cry
And if I’m being quite honest
Which I don’t know if I am
It was quite a rush, but hush
It wasn’t a wabbit I chased
Or a well into which I fell
But a feeling that I have never, ever felt
While tumbling down the back stairs
Out of a dream, it seems
I kept falling
Deeper and deeper  
I fell
Where and then and there
I thought
How unfamiliar
How dreamlike, it was
Then I paused in mid-flight
Waiting for a hammer to strike
We were so alike
Would I find
Would I find myself
On the shelf
Besides
A jar of disembodied hearts
Teetering on the high
Impossible to deny
Up there and then
a talking, out of character story
Perhaps the mad hatter
or simply mad as a hatter
am I
Which of course couldn’t be me, you see
I suppose it could be I?
Could be or not
Maybe my lie is a lie.
How much deeper could I fall
Where and then and there
Would I
How to know you know
How much deeper
Did the NotWell
go?

Go, go, go
Said I
Before I died.
Not sure my words
Like bad little soldiers
Complied.
Staying true to the moment
In time.
Means NoTime at all.
I may be the sanest person I know.
Yes, I believe that’s
True
Even if it’s a lie
If the shoe fits
I may have found my prince
(At the ball)
And it may not be
You.
After all.

I Got the News Blues

Heard them say
It’s an information explosion
A veritable feast from the chosen
Implosion, corrosion symposium

Round the clock news coverage
Underage plunderage.
Thunder-age,
Hunger-age.


Got you on the edge of your seat
Waiting for one to press delete
Wondering about tomorrow?
Here today, gone to sorrow

Got you on the edge of your seat
It’s the enemy we need to defeat

We’re all up in arms
Not with guns or mortar
About something some reporter
Importer, distorter
Coming to you from headquarters
With script in hand
Smiling faces, showcases
This is breaking news

Heard it all before
Give me the blues
They go well with the news.

Got you on the edge of your seat
Fears quite an aphrodisiac
Even for a maniac
Manias its’ own brand of crazy
Upsidaisy, theocracy, hypocrisy
Raised on the flavory
It’s awesome savory

Hear, Hear
Breaking news here
Take a seat
It’s about to begin
Kingpin, Lynchpin,
No spin, we win

Hoorah for our side
Upside, war bride
Goodness is out of sight
Please, don’t get upset
It’s just a staged set
Take a seat
It’s about to begin

It’s justified genocide
Said the distorter reporter
Only a few have died.
And

We’ll be back
After this intermission
Said with precision
Without a hint of derision

Waving from the bleachers
Behind all the preachers
Teachers, truth seekers
With a wink and a nod
A short message from our sponsor,
God,

And now for more news.

I didn’t know
You could love someone like this
I didn’t know
You could squeeze the life
Out of the ones you love
I didn’t know
I wish I had known
I’d of let it go
A long time ago
I just
Didn’t know

I’m letting it go. My love
It’s for another time
When the past catches up to the future
You’re home free
Arrive as destiny
A time when
When you’ve slain your demons
Traced them back to the very first baby hurt
A time when
It was all play
I was you
And you were me
Inseparably
I’m letting it go.

An unmoved silence fell
Palpable and surreal,
empty swept streets
of billowy notes
frightful notes
making no comforting sound
pestilent in part and unfamiliar
the worst part.
part earth
part mystery
part necessity
part curious destiny

From up above
the birds had
momentarily had
mad had
stopped.


Then had
Wild with a fabulous fury
Unfurled a hurried
Frilly crescendo
a thrilling rage
a medley  
a melody
a harmony
a coming of age
Released cage fury outrage.
A warning whistle
To take flight
I have Felix insight
We all have our nemesis.
The chorus continued.
Then quiet.

The dawning of a new age
A warble in the fabric of time
A fluttering in the unflappable
Felt for and across time
You couldn’t put your finger on it
It was untenable yet real
As if
Time had collapsed
Like a wave function
Like you had flatlined
Like a thousand deaths and counting
Somehow still existing
but existing somehow still.
In the silence.
Of the now.  

Listening
To the unsung silence
Somehow.

Artists are always trying to configure the landscape with invisible ink. So, it seems. The kind you can't see at first (a thought, a wish, a desire)  and with an incredible thirst for life. Maybe survival may be because they're afraid, maybe afraid to be swallowed up by some demonic invisible force. No filter to tune out all the little things you see.  You're fed up with all the analysis. You need to purge. Uh- such an ugly word. Well, I guess that’s one way to put it. Try purify, justify, express, clean up, cleanse. remove, sanitize, vent, erase. On and on.  Morph it, whatever it may be, into some form of art. Some of it splatters, some of it matters, some of it doesn’t.  Not art for art's sake. Too difficult. Too contrived. Too much work, but mostly the art of necessity. A flow or a push, whatever the case may be. An inexorable need, a hunger, a vacuous perpetual emptiness that cries out for needing.  The expression of something lacking in me. Oh, poor, poor pitiful me.  Control was never the issue. No issues were ever released before they're time.

Such a need to get in touch with my possessive adjectives or am I just possessive. So how does this relate to you? Everything does but you like me. I could leave it there. I won't. You like me don't like some parts of you. Yes, that's it.

Try it on for a fit.

Does it fit?
It should fit because I feel it fits and then moments come.

They're excruciating.

They’re despairing

They’re painful.

They hurt.

They drive me to my knees.

I think I'm possessed.

I hide.

I hide behind my invisible ink, with you.

Yet I am never alone.
I know you're not there but really does it matter.
You always have something to do, somewhere to be and then something else to do, to be, to do, to be, inexorably. Why do I use this word continuously?
You have turned your moments of reverie into a painting, a song, a poem, a dialogue, a whatever and ever. Never and never to just let it be. I scream but no one hears.

Can anyone tell me why I wrote this terrible scenario?
I thought I was the authorship of me, of my life, my script.
Can anyone tell me why I can’t write you back into my life?
Someone has sabotaged my authorship.
Not to sound paranoid, but I think negative entities have taken up residence in me.
I have cast them out invisibly with prayer and intention, but if nothing changes, I’ll know it was me.
I’ll post this now just to see if anyone can relate.
I don’t want to be all alone - with a poem I can’t write.
I don’t want to be all alone with just me.
I miss my doggy.
She loved me unconditionally.

The morning woke
The world woke
The sun woke
He, she, they
We all woke
Conjugating the morning
Even the shapeshifters woke
Are we all not shapeshifters?
In the legacy of time
Spiraling ever faster
Destinations unknown
Extinction or resurrection
No one knew
Maybe a prescient few
They weren’t saying

I remember mama
Those were the days
Do you remember mama
The days before
Gloves and masks and social distancing
A coronation of germs
Belied a nation of fears
Staying at home
Masking the tears

Do not come near
Printed on the masked faces
A grocery cart
Wiped clean of degradation
Marking the space
Keeping us
Seemingly safe
An aisle of suspicion
Grabbing a tissue
To weep
Or
Wipe away yesterday’s
Issue
The goofy man
Standing at the gate
With newfound authority
Barking out orders
The new rules of late
Exchanging amused glances
With the shopper behind me
Has it come down to this
Somethings amiss.

The kind got kinder
The mean got meaner

Do you remember, mama?
Those were the days
How I wish I could say
good old days

Every generation
Had its trials and tribulations
A fight for liberation
From all the masks
That shaped  
Inspiration.

I didn’t understand yours
Do you understand mine?

I’m staying at home, Mama
It’s where you wanted me to be
To allay all the fears
You never discussed with me.

Are we all not shapeshifters
Of the third kind?
Masking the wounds
Of another time?
Looking for liberation
In all the wrong places
Where all you had to do
Was look inside of you
If you dared

I remember Mama
And I think I understand  
Now.

Do I have your attention
Darling
Can I shake you
Till I wake you

Have you lived up to
All your impossible dreams
get rich quick schemes

Have you landed on the moon
In the middle of a monsoon
swept up in moondust
lover of gold dust.

Watched the flame
Flicker in shadow
Against the blacked-out tv screen
Thought about duality
Are we more reflection or flame
or
Is that the problem
Forever wanting to give it a name
Define it
Refine it
Sign it
Dissect to understand it

Remember when
Darling
I remember
there was wholeness
and funness
I'm an old-fashioned stance
I remember romance
I remember you.

Met you first at the edge of town
Where parallel lives converge
Too close to see the reality
Too close to see the merge
Entrained & double stranded
Twice abandoned
Forged in fire
Etched in stone,
Dressed in a serious tone

Divide:
The divine definition
Served over coffee, wine, and repetition
The overhead sign flashed
Standby Alert

Never one to heed the warning
You were looking straight ahead
On an outward bound,
Dopplered red
Journey

The local doesn’t stop there anymore.

The stranger that you were seeing
Detached from all-mighty reason
Feeling tracts of the weatherworn
Like leather shorn
Shattered by resistance  
Battered by time and insistence
A legacy of perfectionism
Bestowed on you by dogmatism
Stirred by criticism
Seen through a prism schism
From standing on your head
Judging yourself upside down
Perspective’s reflection
Ism prison
Makes perfect sense
A hole in groundism


Storied teller without a soundism
Rhythm or such
Downtown, cafed, solitary lunch bunch
Saying no to this, no to that
So comfortable
When there’s something to defend
And there always something to defend

The exonerated accused of insanity
Righteous indignation abomination nation
To the guilty acquitted by reason of sanity
For strategizing one side
Side Lies
Channel changing and codified


The chips are played and unafraid
Free-floating on a reclining cloud
Hovering above the unavowed
Unbuckled crowd
Without blame or explanation


The hand that binds, rewinds
Will eventually set you free


The tracks began to dance
A lazy sideways glance
Carving a figure eight
Keeping time
With a measured gate
Pausing as they crossed
Hand over hand
In infinity seeing speck
An aspect
Dancing on ice
They spin
So without
So within
Pirouette going around and around
Everyone stepped aside
Later they all took a side

“Never saw it coming.

You know, he never should have left.

Yes but, how do you know it was him?

I heard she was bereft.”

The moment was tenuous
Always slipping from grasp
Always a handout for help
Always a mask
The mask it
Fell from where it was hanging and
Broke in half              
You were off autopilot
Without a staff


Yes, to whatever you say
I’m that way
You must first introduce yourself
Forgive yourself
For all the isms’
They were never ever you
The isms aren’t all bad
They just embody the essence
Of all that is had.

Ivory Tower

I was raised in an ivory tower
Above a thunderous cloud
Kept far away,  
Far from the maddening crowd
For your own protection, they avowed
If you care to know why I cower,
I’ll tell you why I do
(And when I speak of me
I hope you will see
It could be you, too.)
It was a time of herbal scents
and flower power
I experienced it from aloft,
It wasn’t love and peace I knew
But a stained-glass window
Covered in frost.

When at last there was a clearing
And I saw my chance to run
I grabbed what I could to survive
And headed for some fun
With someone, anyone
It didn’t much matter
I was out of the tower
Away from the clatter


Here’s where the tale gets a little twisted
I soon found myself back where I started
Only this time I was a Mrs.
A new me
A new you
This is what I thought
But it was only a new tower
And not the freedom that I sought.

None of this was known to me  
As I think you might have guessed
Reality being what it is
It all went unexpressed.

The cycle kept going
Round and round
Until pain was all I felt
Then,
Something must have happened to me
Something came undone
The only way to explain it
Everything was fun

It shocked my hapless heart
And stunned my tired soul
Laughter was all I knew
Laughter left me whole

I laughed everywhere I went
I must have looked quite mad
I saw the humor in everything
And that really isn’t bad

So

What to do?
How many prisons have we created
To find the freedom we’ve forsaken
I couldn’t see
I was counting on you
When it was always me.

Distracting yourself with all the things of your doing
Little time left for beauty  
The people, the places, the problems,
The gardens below the deep blue sea
What next,
What to do
But not me
God spoke to you your divine mission
But you had other plans
Prophesizing was not your ambition
Accused of sedition
Your shipmates up roared
Threw you overboard
For refusing to obey the lord
Jonah in the whale chasing his own tail
Swallowed whole
It was a dark night of the soul
Dark nights don’t last forever
I’m hoping
The whale took pity
Spit you from nit-picky
Onto a sandy shore
It was there you saw her
A damsel in distress
Rapunzel in a Versace dress
You are in
Survival a la mode

Tell me
What is real
What fantasy

Danger lurking in your own backyard
Disguised as femininity
You swing from to and fro and
When push comes to show
All the things you know
While you row upstream
Adrenalin coursing like rain
Tendrils rooted in pain
You’re a ******
Just the same
Chemically constructed
but that
Keeps you on the safe track.

Bam* Bam
Boom Boom*
Fort Nite
just ain't right
what are we teaching
our youth
shoot em up
like John Wilks Boothe
****** horned demons
swarm the subliminal screen
legions of red ants
marching rants
screaming


shoot em up
scaredy pants
what do you have to lose
bring em down to the ground
with bullets and *****
inbound
watch out
red hawk down

another round
anyone/

Someday you'll fall down on your knees
and say a Hail Mary to she.
For all the beliefs
To which you wed
The prison bars
That kept you fed
But you're dead
Like the force-fed lies
you cannot shed
like the frozen fish
you refuse to eat
Maybe it's the meat of a ferocious tiger
You need the heat
Exposing the atrocities
devouring the monstrosities
inside.

Say hail to Mary
Hail to the chief
Hail to those the shed
the imaginary bars that bind
Hail to those
Left behind
Hail to those
That hitch a ride
on a star.
for just a while
and
Just idle.


While all the while
the ridgosities abound
And there's no way around
The mounds and mounds of
Institutionalized
Idiocrasies
Idiosyncracies
That cling on
Like Clingon
To all
the inside
Lies
Lies
Lies

With your back to these walls, Grace
You can maybe find what you’re looking for
Yourself, that is
Leaning forward to where you’re going
On such a strong-man structure
To lean on
Tell me why then, Grace
Are you still lost?
You say
No, prissy blabbering
Emotionally soaked
Out of control
Tendencied impresario
However forward leaning
Grabbed your pathetic existence
Straight shots stilled from your
Continuous frame of reference
In high definition modality
Captivating you and you and you and you
Completing the picture perfectly
Until there was you.

Yes, so true, but
Would you mind
Standing a little to the left
Of what’s left of me
The light just isn’t right
It doesn’t flatter from that
Angle of circular momentum


Your designer jacket and collection of silk scarves
Complete me
Darling, don’t you look so swell beside me
I should stay
And make you pay
For all that you have done to me
And if it weren’t for **** there wouldn’t be tats
Or tots
Babe
And if it weren’t for feet
There wouldn’t be boots
Maybe that’s what I am.

Hush
Leave me alone
I’m processing
How hard it is
To maintain a closet full of designer clothes
And you can see how they’re so me
And they keep
Me & My Walls safe
From being naked in front of you.

I’m dying and you won’t talk
I’m dying
And you won’t play
I’m dying
And you won’t fight
And I’m dying
And you want to remain a victim

Shot calling
Control freaking
Maniacal
Meanness.

Me & My Walls
Are putting up
Patterned wallpaper
Firstly
Meandering among the waves and tiles
Grace prefers ginghams
I’m thinking herringbone
With a splash.
For distance
And visual acuity
So, go away and you will know
True control.

I passed through hell
On this dizzying journey
And hell, well
The fires there
Shed profuse light
On the darkest parts of my soul
It was quite a trip
Illuminated by contrast
I saw the devil brake-dancing
With an angel on high
The angel had just
Come from an AA meeting
With God
Where God bestowed the title
The devil was quite a rascal
He had fallen from Grace
Grace was not who he was looking for
Disillusionments abound
On this end of town
As it turned out
She’s perfectly fine
A chiseled china doll
But Grace doesn’t live here anymore
Grace is an open door
And yours is shut down tight.
The shows over.
Say Goodnight Grace.
Goodnight Grace.
It’s time to go.

The Buddhists Teach
There is a door
Between the conscious and the unconscious
On the threshold of awareness
Where, from this sleepy place
Mind-door takes in space
A snap-shot of what’s around
The shapes and the sounds
Be it red, blue or brown
Sensory fed and felt and judged
A conceptual conclusion
Based on memory and illusion
Served up ofttimes with a bit of confusion
The sixth sense of inclusion
Transcending time and allusion.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
The unaware
From where?
Memory Lane
What a pain
Insane and mundane
Tainted and sainted
Familiar and unfamiliar
It’s the object and the flavor
It only makes sense
To bring in the other scents

Can you feel it  
Through my poetry?
Because I have no other way  
  
I’m sending you the sweetest berry
In bloom
And tea scented perfume
For some lazy afternoon.

Starting out so poetic
Descended into the prosaic
I’d like to stay in those high-minded places
Between the sheets of my faces
I’m at peace and war with myself
No one else.

I know I shouldn’t get attached
Shrug it off with panache
When I think about impermanence
Makes me cringe and  
create another circumstance
A twirling happenstance
A devil’s dance
A devilish lance

It’s getting better
Like frankincense
Then it fades
Like the past tense

How does one let go
When clinging’s become a way of life?
A hunting knife couldn’t pry
My pathetic fingers lose
Holding on to
A hangman’s noose
I’d scream and rail
Holding on
To the nail
That pierced my travail
As life stomped and pounded
grounded me down
But, I wouldn’t let go.
Oh no, not me
Fool that I am

Was it a question of pride?
A fear of the night
The ego chasing its’ tale
Personal blackmail?
A forgotten memory
A mishmash
Lack of mindfulness
A Pandora's box?
Nonetheless,
I confess
A little bit of everything.

I tell myself
Baby steps
Baby steps
Baby’s need to let go
And fall and get up
Or they won’t learn to walk
Or talk or grow up
It’s baby talk
And baby steps

Knock, knock
Who’s there
No one

Then come on in
Naked and all alone  
Rest on the threshold of time
Rest on the threshold of awareness
But, In all fairness
Don’t expect it to last
Such is the nature of impermanence

Only the bliss shall remain.
You can find it once again.

When you learn to let go.
But,
Don’t listen to my advice
As you can see
I’m still holding on for dear life.

Morning shower was wonderful  
Although I always shower alone
Who is the one who follows me there
Where I lay restless my thoughts bare
Live streaming rivulets crystal clear
Lost in a watery mist
With whomever I dare
My reluctant nakedness  
Bringing thoughts of you near
  
What safety here
What denied demon deity
Are you
What vampire warmth *******
Shadow dancing
Dumb down daring
Lives here
Am I waking from the dream
Is it all it seems
My body
My soul
Lay bare
Perhaps if true
That I have always showered alone
Till I found you there


Who is the you
Of whom I speak
Pieces of the whole
Yanked from my soul
Incomplete  

You hide in a shower of lies
Whoever you are
Masquerading as truth
Though truth be subjective
I’m told
Take off the blindfold
You have been here so long
The waters turned cold

Would  
Washing away the lies
Lies there
Hope
Dreams
Plans and schemes
Try to stay alive  
Lazy mantra
No work
For you.

For me
An emotional confessional
For the cleansed of perfection
I thought-
Of the sequence of events
That led to you leaving
The madness of mania
Reaching a fevered pitch
A fire of despair
Contagious as it draws near
From bed to bed it jumped
Unconscious
Retaliation of
Of outrage and contempt
Inoculations against the lie
Of feeble fallibility
And all sensibility
Was gone
I was aflame
And you the fire.

Alas the fire has died
  
Chiefs
All of them
What was it the chief said
Hold on to what you believe
Even if it’s a tree.
A tree
That stands alone.

Trees that stood alone.
All of them
All three
Trees that stood alone
Branches rigid like stone
Arthritic roots digging deep
Olive branches
To cover the shame shifters
Name game blamers
Who left the house
Through the back door
Metaphor
Expressing only what they want you to see
O pinnacles of propriety
You lied to me
Worse
I believed the lies
And could not see
I
Sometimes delving deep
Into the craziness
Of a felt connection
Screaming in silence
For you have
For you
Whoever you are
My reason for living
My fury at dying
My anger at the lies
My hurt that won’t heal
My life a disguise


I reject the madness of projection
Take back the parts that were never mine
Take your sad story
You need it
To stay alive

It’s only
A good detective show.
Searched for the missing pieces
And
Didn’t want to say
I told you so.

Aries are like that
Ruled by Mars
And fiery.
Headstrong
And wise
With the moon and the sun in Gemini
As of this writing
Truth-seeking Aries
Will never tell you a lie
Competitive but not in a mean way
But blunt
Sometimes
Blunt


Three chiefs in a room
Was definitely a crowd
What’s more
There were actually
Four or more
You couldn’t see them though
For they were lying low
Parasitic opinions
Prodding for advantage
Plotting
Punishing
Ghosts
Of Christmas past
Present and future
Specters of possibilities
Probabilities
Imagined
Some nightmarishly so
Threatening your very existence
With things you do not know

Time equally
Spent
Between and betwixt
Not seeming to take sides
Lest it seems a trick

Looked you in the eye
Casual enough
Look away
With a casual sigh
Timing is everything
Not to mention the conversation
Lost in the looking
Nothing really lost
Nothing really found
What did you say?
And can you repeat that
I was just wondering
Daydreaming to be truthful
Why should I listen to you
and
Why did you wear blue  
It’s a funny question
I know.
And can you please repeat what you just said
I was trying to read your expression
instead
I know I must sound an idiot
Isn’t funny how I wore blue too.
Between him and him and you
I wrote three hymns
And a hallelujah too
Maybe it all played out as it should have
With no could of or
Would of
A natural softening of the boundaries
Perhaps a dissolution of egos
Led me into your inner chamber
Like Mars
The god of war
Destroyed what was not real
And then receded
You pleaded
For me to go
Quickly.
Three was always a crowd,
A necessary triangulation
A supply chamber
For those who wore a shroud

Now heard you say
Now go away
Loud and clear
Why so loud and why so clear
Did you think me hard to hear
Could you not have whispered low
Softly to go
Bt no
Then
It was a literal death toll
For you too
I could not say
You could not stay
There was nothing left to do

You picked up what you could
And leftover me.
Bereft
Stepped over me
And left
Nevertheless
What’s in the conquest?
What did you get?
Missing soul piece

Did you get what you wanted
Was it a success?
Then
In the end, it was all worth it
It seems
The Machiavellian end justified the means
I’m not really sure if this is what I mean.
My words seem so inadequate.
Perhaps the best defense is an offense.
In any event
I’m off the fence.
But
Still in search
Of some pieces
I might have missed
Along the way.

Do you still believe your lies
The story you told
Is ages old
So, if truth be told
I’m growing old
Waiting for you to wake up
And makeup
Up, up, up
Do you still give a ****
Isn’t it as much about the cooktop
As getting to the up top
Mountaintop
Dress shop
Island hop
Photo opt
Lollipop

You had better pay up or shut up
Don’t even think for a split second
That that’s my mantra
Said the pieman to the cow
You’re such a monkey mind
With your mixed-up metaphors
And sky-blue pedicures
Did you hear me when I said
Shut up monkey
Reference never mind
Do you ever mind that I so
Casually include you in every line
If you didn’t make an appearance so sweet
No poem would ever be complete.

So Hey
Monkey mind
Did you ever notice how
All the self-proclaimed gurus of love and light

Nothing wrong with love and light
Said girl interrupted
I know, I know
But I’m talking about
The shadow side
Because every good story needs a protagonist.

Getting back to
Me guru
Me thinks
Me right
Yeah well that’s right
Those downloads came straight from heaven
Yep from heaven to earth
They flew
Straight into their guru lap
Excuse me, laptop
Because that’s where they stored
Space permitting
All their wayward followers
like a ladder submitting
Skyward

Hey, guys, I’m back
And I came straight from the light
With a brand-new insight
And I love you so much
Monkeys
Yes, I do
Even if
All you ever do is
Hang upside down from your monkey tail
Telling yourself tall tales
You’re so mixed up monkey
Won’t you ever make up your mind?
Why do I always have to read between the lies?

Didn’t have time to pack a suitcase
News of your arrival
For those supposedly
Seeking  your survival
Unexpectedly came too soon
They called ‘code blue’
‘code blue’
Usurpers of free will
Moving in for the mourning ****
How dare you
How dare you.

What conformity belies the truth of your aggression?
What sadistic urges your imperious suppression?
Monsters in blue
What did I do to you?
How dare you
How dare you

Five came guns blazing
While I sat happily sun gazing
They threw you into the backseat of their cruiser
Shackled and tackled
And black and blue
Bam, bam, bam mame
Now do you understand
Monsters in blue
What did I do to you?
How dare you
How dare you

I don’t play by your rules
Because you’re fools

It was early spring
Barely a mist
Pisces you old daydreamer
They labeled you a fall risk
Isn’t it the season of renewal?
Was there something that I missed?
A sledgehammer to crack a nut
Sometimes I get really, really ******.
If it’s a broken tread
So be it.

An orange bracelet
Separates us from them.
The walking condemned
Who march to their own beat
Hey, monsters in blue
Mad as a hatter
Are you
I’m pointing the finger at you

My loathing I can hardly contain
You think me insane
My clarity is so beyond your ability to see
I don’t play by your rules
Because you’re all fools
Your conformity is a deformity in this crazy world
Excuse me if I’m barking mad
And a trifle sad
This baptism by fire
Stirred my ire
You asked no questions, no need
Never asked how I plead
You took his word, unquestionably
Would you have done the same
If he were a she?

By just what authority
Do you throw out democracy?
Ball and chain
Is the name of your game
Monsters in blue
What did I do to you..

My anger quite soothing
Someone brings me a smoothie

Didn’t want to end on a sour note
But if I ever get my hands on your throat
I might squeeze
So, I'm down on my knees
Praying for deliverance
From you
Monster in blue.

Remaining in a state of suspended animation
While life goes on before me
But I, like the thinker
That stonecold
Untouchable
Nobody
That resides
In the stonecold
Emptiness of nothingness
Strangely where it all began
Void of my happiness
And touchiness
A nothingness
That knows itself as everything
Who are you?
You pretend to be God
All knowingness
Then you pretend to be me
All neediness
Who are you?
I have pled
And I have pleaded
And beseeched your help
You kept the mirror held up
I didn't fall in love
With me

So, I’m asking you, God
They tell
Do tell
You tell me
To love me
You love me
Till I love me
We can never be
Then why God did you create me?
For company?
Please answer me.

so to you too
always you too
too, too, too, too
too many twos
what about duets
and too toos
i stray
not like that brat
Slide one
how to get to you
never was a way
there was
of this i was sure
could i find
an open door
whats behind the green door
i get it
you didn't want to go for a ride
around the block
was all i asked
and whats behind
whats behind
behind that
i,m such a nut
tracing you back
to before
you were you
Dead Wood
be a friend to you
if only i could
***
haven't even gotten to slide two
and i'm *******
Slide Two
Tracing you back to me
Somehow I thought i could
you slammed every door in my face
what did i ever do to you
to deserve
this
how could you do this to me
Slide three
someday i'll be found
wandering aimlessly around
then i'll say
leave me alone
i'm going home
and don't want to be found
for my home is far away
and this is just a temporary stay
Slide Four

I’m addicted to pain
Seems my epiphanius moment
Came a little late in the game
Just the same
What have I to gain
masochistically maintaining
Perpetual pain
Let’s see
I shut out out out everyone
Comforting like rain
Alone with my pain
Only I remain
Wrapped in the insane
Or is it just colorful choosing
Sorrowful musing so amusing
Drowning in pity
So pithy
Doesn’t do it justice
Poor, poor pitiful me
It’s plain to see
Nobody likes me
So I
Cry, cry, cry
Why
I remembered last night
The reason why
You’re going to die
The reason why
Is because
Crying said I with a sigh
always got me what I wanted
what a surprise
Guess, you guessed that
I said a little flat
So I continue to cry
And wonder why
Why isn’t this ******* working
Always worked in the past
And it was such a blast
What a shame
I’m such a crybaby
This is so personal
I think I’ll reversanal
Sounds like a pill
I’ll have two or three
Between you and me
If you know what I mean
My transparency’s my screen
Once I’ve said it
I can forget it
Put it down on paper
And it disappears
Inhaled vapor
Vapor paper
So, if you saw it
Or read it
I’ve already forgotten it
close to the cutting-edge
stretched out on a pledge
allegiance to who be
doobie, doobie do be
I’ll never fall over
That edge that I spoke of
Just a thought that I thought of
I’m no more attached to it
Than I’m attached to you
I know you believe me
Because only you see me
Through all my disguises
My mental gymnastics
Exercises
Only you see me
The lies and the *******
If you want to believe it
Go right ahead
You’ve ignored the warning signs
The tracks converged
And there’s danger up ahead
Only if you believe it
I saw the ending and I saw the beginning
Still can’t tell if I’m losing or winning.
I’m stuck, stuck, stuck
Seems only right that I repeat it
Since you can’t be stuck
If you don’t repeat it

It’s only a game if you think it is

Wishing something extreme
Before I scream
I need a push.
Who the **** am I talking to
Because nobody’s listening
But that doesn’t deter me
I see you before me
You know who you are
Anyone I want you to be
Doesn’t matter if you’re real
Only matters how I feel
You can’t stop me from loving you
Even if you don’t love me
I’ve been so alone
I rather like it like that
No mundane chitchat
******* will **** you
So if that’s what you’re offering
Better stay away
But god
I pray
May that day
Never come
And this is my prayer
That you’re real
Because until then
I can’t feel
Amen.

Let us put a few pages between us
Unread, unsaid, unshed
Unsoiled if it could be said
Likened as if they would stay
Empty as the newborn day
Unruffled as a Sunday afternoon

Too many flavors have spoiled the cook
Shape-shifting constituents of exactitude
Aplomb with certitude
Straight as an arrow
Smooth as certainty
Singular as perfect pursuit
Agaze are you, blue hue
Cobalt true and blue
Cerulean sometimes soft
and clouding
Metallic pallet surrounding
Hard as steel,
Warm as a cold day in May

Where analysis paralysis
Has you curious
Doubting and dubious
Calculous and carefulness
Left you immaculately scandleless

Does it sometimes get so lonely
Between the devil and the deep blue sea
Have you ever not looked before you leap
Do you ever gurgle goo goo’s
Before you go go
Running in place
Going nowhere
Never too close
Never too base

Was it ever not intentional
Wrought by incompleteness
Messy this neatness
Red hot chili sweetness
Intense with meetness
Hurt and heat compete
Will you ever admit defeat

This can’t go on
I’m ending it here now
This is the end
My pretend friend
I tore up the recipe
I’m going to make you over again
A pinch of friendly less pretense
A dash of vulnerabilities
Stir to understanding consistency
Deep well cooker piquancy
Boil until bubbles break
Give and take
Friend
Skewer to hold shape
Then lift with a circular motion
More kneading
Less bias
Low and slow
Until tender
More me
Less you
This I can do
And so can you

I’ve made you anew

Some say
We lost our way
When it was
This or that way
I say
We lost our way
When we forgot
It was all a play
When the flower
I painted blue
Lost her pedals
Turned into an abstract *****
And I was ok with you
But you forgot how to play
And that is why
My stars are twinkling
And yours are fading away.
Doesn't have to be that way
But that's the way it is
Some say.

You romanticize glamour
and wear it like armor
It's a tight fit
You really should quit.
Like I did.

She said laughingly.

Wars and rumors of wars

Trials and tribulations

Soldiers dying on a battlefield of

Glory and gore and jubilation

The tanks are entering Gaza

False flags are everywhere

Death is not a PR failure

Are anons the only ones who care

Taking our money

Taking our weapons

Taking our children

Was the last straw

Ritter says

Russia does not bluff

Nuclear war is on the horizon

Commander Thor says that will never happen

And well

He’s the light worker’s captain.



Waves of panic in DC

If you can believe the alternative media

Soldiers trained to ****

Mercilessly

Sold out to the highest bidder.



God have mercy

On all the sinners





Open border wreaking havoc

Anti-semitisim on the rise

Humiliate the president

To save your hide

Derelicts everywhere you look

The fractured population

on the hook.



Solar flares taking out the grid

Ostensibly

Don’t believe the narrative

EMPs are  a strong possibility



Civil war is what they’re aiming for



Liars, liars,  

Is the truth for hire?

While Maui burns

From a ferocious fire

Game on

Wise guy



Veteran’s all over

fighting for your vote

when the lights go out

people

don’t lose hope.



Merlin waved his magic wand

Druidic symbols all over the town



Humanoids that fly

Weird phenomenon in the sky

Assassination attempts that fail

Why is nobody going to jail?

Never mind
Never mind
You’ve been a friend of mine
And I’ve listened to you
Since I was two
And all you ever do is tell me what to do
Don’t you think it’s time
I made up my own Mind
My god, how could I have been so mindless
It would have been a huge kindness
If someone would have severed the connection
Instead of making a collection
Of every niggly thing I ever did
I would have been just as happy to be a pig
Nevermind
Nevermind
You’ve been more than kind
But I’m falling back
Into my higher mind
So shut the **** up
I know you have something to say
I listen to you every day
And all you do is tell me what to do
There I think I’ve said that before
So there’s nothing left to do
But shut the door


If you say this
Someone gets ******
You say that
You’re a hard hat
Fat cat
Brasshat
Doormat
So ******* brat.
Save your judgments for judgment day
I did the best I could do
If it wasn’t good enough for you
I don’t know what to say
Maybe we’re through.
Oh you can still have your say
But it won’t always be your way.
Save it for a rainy day.

You know you can’t please everyone
And that’s what you’ve been trying to do
How did that work out for you
Quite an undertaking
If not impossible to do

Boo hoo
Boo hoo
That’s all I ever hear from you
So cry me a river
River rat
You’re not always up to bat.

Has love taken a back seat
To je ne sais quoi
How shall I say this?
How I say this
My poem of economy
Somewhat gossipy
Always honesty
Let it be twisted
Or sordid
Perplexing complexing
Say ultra-expressing
Let it be newly and lonely
Never a phony
Let it have rhythm and rhyme
And turn on a dime
Let it live a life
That’s never been lived before
Never been thrown across the dance floor
Never met a matador
Never wanted to
The bull an unwitting ambassador
What revelation, new sensation
Unique oration
Bow down imagination
This poem, this poem
Can it stand alone
Proud among giants
That cut to the bone
Better-known
With wit and gritstone
Birthing a milestone
Scripting a headstone
Will it leave a legacy?
For posterity
Or passions’ peculiarity
Who knows,

I have loved
So, have many other
If love has lost its’ meaning
No lovely line matters
Petitioning God on hands and knees
Just chatter
What revelatory point of view
Are you
If love has lost its meaning
No pretty poem will do.

The morning unclutched
Its clenched claw opened
The violet flame transmuted
Yesterday’s debris fueled the fire
Leaving space
For desire.
Pressing a memory foamed mind
To the edge of the bed
Elusively remembering the night
The depression you sank into
Worn without regret
Worn familiar from
Many nights before
Foam caging the day
Like clay.

New feet  
New hands to show the way
You are the way-shower
I will follow you
If you show me the way.

Sam, I don’t know when
You got your degree
But it wasn’t able to keep you free.
I threw away the key
Myself
You know Sam
The finite
Just ain’t right
What did you find
Behind
Those alabaster walls
You so carefully adorned
Wait, no wait Sam
Why am I asking you anyway?
That’s not it
Yes, that’s it
What did you forsake
What did you fake
Why do you hate?
For God’s sake
Sam
Tell the judge
This is not a date
And it can wait
No, wait
Here comes the chorus
Sam, you thought I’d say, judge
But you know Sam
I’m not that cliched
For God's sake.
But wait
Anyway Sam
They all have an opinion
On you.
And that’s something you hate.
Maybe we should go out on a date
But wait
You hate me
Too
But why?
You must mistake me
For someone else
Maybe you

So, Sam
Forget the whole **** thing
This is the thing
It certainly can wait
Because Sam
I have nothing to say
To hate?

It was bad enough when opinionated white men were the only ones
You saw them when you opened your set
Haven’t processed it yet
Gave bert my last four dollars
Fear I may live in squalor
If I screamed and hollered
Would it help
It was bad enough when opinionated white men were the only ones
Merrily followed by
opinionated white women
Black men
Black women
The Asians
The Haitians
Good gracious
The whole gang
A whole gaggle of them
Each one more opinionated than the other
A chorus that roars of
Incredible bores
Tuned into the conversation next door
It too was a bore
Everyone’s hysterical
If it weren’t so serious
Would almost be comical
The what if demons
Threaten to demean us
What am I going to do
I have no money
You think this is funny
I could go hungry
See what I mean
Why should I care
Money will appear from somewhere
If I only can believe it
It was bad enough when opinionated white men
My pill popping hon
Busted in on my fun
He’s out of pills
I’ll see what I can do
I’m out of them too
My appointment’s on Monday
I know it’s not even Sunday
It’s the best I can too
I'm out of them too
And then opinionated white women
What of it
He twists and turns
Thinks something is wrong with him
They examined all over him
No one’s yet uncovered
Discovered his apparent rigidity  
Stupidity, in moments near to him
Rigidity can be good or bad
Happy or sad
Depends if your frozen or fried
Broiled or foiled
Sautéed or filleted
Or nicely done hon
What was I saying
Yeah, rigidity’s a *****.
Always on the hook
You play it by the book
You’re ready to defend
Opinionated white men
Seeking some advantage
Prowling for an entrant
Doesn’t matter
I’m not a contestant
I play by the book
Which book are you looking for
They change by the season
They change by the reason
They change by the color
They change by the number
They change by the thunder
They change by the why
They change by the hi(gh)
They change by the sigh
They change by the discipline
It took to get here
I need a break from this exchange
Dear
Finally, they’re gone
Glorious alone-time
My mind can roam-time
Away from the beehive
Mind-hive project set.
Are you ready set
It’s bad enough when opinionated white men were the only ones
Were the whole set, subset, sweat set upset
Not yet set
Yet set
Ready set
Go set
Maybe set
Maybe no set
Rap set
Whoa set
She said set
I’ll get back to you on that set
But not yet set
I need a rest set
For god’s sake
Let me think about it
It’s only been nine years
Nine months
Nine days
nine minutes
Nine seconds
A split sec
Compared to an eternity set
It was bad enough when opinionated white men were the only ones
You saw them when you opened your set
Haven’t processed it yet
Must be hiding way out on the net set
My God, how can I talk about rigidity
But I’ve changed my mindset
Ok?
But, not yet.

Never mind, never mind
I’ve forgotten to think
Maybe I never knew how
What kind of thought is that
Can one take a thought back?
Oh never mind
But since I’m very kind
Take it back
I said to no one there
Sure hope it’s a white rabbit hole I went down
And not black
Don’t think I can deal with that
Take me back
To home on the range
For the insane
Where I learned to survive
In order to stay alive
Now I’m only looking for kind
So never mind, never mind
Nostalgia is maudlin
You felt like a pawn in
A game of chess
Let me guess
Your greatest fear come true
Someone who understands you
So many pens
Don’t get hung up on the words
And none of them work
You’re such a ****
But I still like you
Who?
Oh, never mind, never mind
I like who I am
So Play it Again Sam.

Seasons are quickening
Redshifting streaking  an ebony sky
Hurling meteoric handballs
Through the space of no time
Someone’s shuffling the deck of days
Reading the hearts and spades as they play
One turning into the other
The other turning into one
Diamond heart of antiquity
Crisp-clear seeds piercing crystal clouds
Torrents of thinking tears falling
Heaven's warehouse of available thought
Flooding the worn weary  
Seeking shelter
From themselves
Speeding down the highway of no time
Chasing summer
Chasing spring
Summer’s silence shouts from an empty rooftop
You’re an orphan now
‘How can this be’
You cry out
An echo reverberates
‘What was that you said’
Old man winter slugs through
The showy season heavy
Looking for the one that got away.
One doesn’t necessarily follow the other
Measured thought collapses onto itself
He doesn’t know it
And is okay
It’s warp speed
And a slow grind
At the same time
Summer was wrong
You’re destiny’s child.

Rebel
You can’t get out of this intact
Your perpetual power machine
Leaves you feeling so dissatisfied
And out of whack
You think you’ve lost her
Your ship of self-discovery
Your dependent tendencies
Create propensities for freedom
But you fear the formless
Itinerary
Honey, you’re going down with the ship
Hook, line, and sinker
Never mess with a free thinker
You push everything to the limit
Feed your soul black goo
That sticks to you
Fooling yourself with self-deception is cruel
You ignite the fight
In your fright
And all your misinterpretations
Reminds me of all the conversations
Never had
Doesn’t matter to you
Doesn’t matter to me
How very zen of me
Excuse me
What did you say
I know all the sides
And none of the entrees
So you can call me
A know-it-all
Or don’t
Call me at all

You judged me through
Your own craziness
So tell them all you lied
Tell your sister
Brother
And all the others
Tell them
You were trying to rescue you
From you
And you
Didn’t know what to do
That guilt trip you took
Down distortion way
Had you down on your hands and knees
To pray.
Pray
Those lies you told
Don’t soil your soul.

Except for the hunger you feel
You know this is dead
Thinking instead.
You made it all up
In your head.

Binding on WHO?
I'm not listening to you
You can create all your
Agendas, policies, and
Mandates
I'll see you in hell
Before I agree to your
Dictates.

A frustrated populist
Crewmates, cellmates
Bedmates and ingrates
Dire straits and
Who hates
A world erupts in vitriol and narrates.
Fire up the rhetoric
Propagandized media
Stirring confusion
Creating illusion
Then
Came
Nothing
Nothing
Nothing
The sounds of silence

A quiet came
Came the
Calm before the storm
Before the calm came
Confusion
Chaos
See you in the playhouse
Before the final scene.

Laughter and rueful tears
Welcome to the party of pity  
Where all is not, not as it appears
Where there, come as you are
And not as you appear to be
The child is clinging to you
Warmed by the fire of your fears
I have felt the chill
In your stone-cold eyes
Telling me
Not to come near
But nay
Pass the event horizon
A confluence of consciousness
Beckons me there
Like vapid air
Felt the nothingness there
Swept without resistance
Where the fires of love’s ardor
Threaten your very existence
While the abyss of your lair
Laid bare
Loves insistence
The coat closet of your don’t-mind
Where there
Is no room there
To let
Nothing to know
Nothing to let go.

A cosmic joke or masterstroke?

Squeezed between now and forever
A rosary of pearly nows
Denizens of now
Needless
Of refection, reflect
Somehow
Lost in the dark abyss of nothingness
You find your way out
Somehow.

You choose.
Determinism or free will?
Are you an orange clock?
Destiny or not.
Many choices collapse
Then there were two.
I saw through the looking glass
Reflections there
Only were you.  
Could it be any other way?
I don’t know.
Can’t say
If it was
It wouldn’t be a choice.
And it was
Just because.
You chose.

My thoughts are saboteurs
Prowling on all fours
Wreaking havoc
Like bedsores
Eyesores
Trapdoors
To a subfloor
Know more
Know more
Like waiting for the rapture
Take a picture
Before and After
Like waiting for Godot
Hello, hello

Scratch the above
Scratch the below
No place to hide
No place to go.


Was it all a lie
I told myself
Lies implied
Lies to assuage
The emptiness
You feel inside.
Lies the media told you
How to live
How to survive
Fine lies
Wrinkles
In the landscape of time
Lies to make you
Lose control
Of your body and mind.

Rage, rage, rage

On a crowded stage
Lies bowed
To a divided crowd
Filled with vitriol
And rage.

Looking for truth
Easy in your youth
However
We got it all wrong
All the while
Listening to a song
Yearning for playfulness
And innocence
That enveloped our youthfulness

But, it's gone
Bygone
Yet still
They tell me
The truth
Shall set you free.

The Queen Bee
Who does she think she is?
Sam, I tell you
If you give her an inch
She wants a yard
Not just a yard
The whole nine yards.
Sam
She said
If I questioned her authority
She’d bite off my head
Get over yourself I said
I’m dead to your threats
Get diva down
She said she’d turned the corner
And was headed down the home stretch
Home free
Was she?
We’ll see.

Here is how I see it, Sam
You only have authority over yourself
At the risk of repeating myself
Get over yourself
Am I right Sam?
And by virtue of the authority
Invested in me by Me  
I declare myself a sovereign something
A sober sometime
A soulful somebody
With a song in my heart
That only you can hear.
When we’re apart.

Is it true Sam?
That the known
Can never know the Knower.
And while they’re one and the same
It’s such a shame
That control is the name of the game
It’s no mystery
This has been known
Throughout history.

Between you and me Sam
We see the world for what it is.
While we see the world
For what it could be.
Perfect harmony
-Perhaps-
Sam
If you’re a bit bored
Throw in a little discord
To fight the ire
Or fuel the fire
Throw in a little red
To never be bitter
Throw in a little glitter
Because oh
We are so fancy
Yes, we are.
We are.

Sam
Who does she think she is?
But wait,
Sam
Could she be me
From the point of view
Of Infinity?

Say what
Say what was that you said?
So glib, so sure, so true.
Sweet talking you.
Hey, money talks
Ted Talks
Pep talks
Heart Talks
Talk, talk, talk
He talks strategic arms
And limitations talks
He talks the talk
And walks the walk
She’ll talk strategic arms
And limitations talks
If you want to
If it pleases you
If it keeps you safe
Makes you comfortable
She knows  
He knows
Well, no one quite knows what he knows

Say what?
What was that you just said
Between strategic arms and limitation talks
I heard you say

“The preliminary party of your subsequent and diplomatic arrangement of the nuclear accord.”

“Say what?
What was that you just said”
He continued with the thread.

“the inspirational and endless table talk of the North Korean faction is out of their minds”

“Say what?
What was that you just said.”
Oh!
Between you and me
I completely agree
As preposterous as that can be
Let’s call an ace an ace
And get out of the race
No argument from me
I completely agree.
Encouraged he continued.

“Yeah, well the weekly fourth coming and regular meeting of the extraordinary bicentennial convenes.”

You don’t say
They’ll likely have it their way.
But, I don’t quite understand.
Do you think you could elaborate on the plan?

He continued:
“The unemployment rate is up and production is down, but we're about to turn everything around.”

Say What?
Is that what you mean?
He continued to be explainful.
But it was so painful
That I tuned him out
Losing my cool
And began to shout.

Say what
Say what the ****
What does it all mean.
I began to scream


Nothing, nothing at all
But congratulations
You said it so well
That no one could tell
What more do you need
It was pretty indeed
And you said it so well.
That no one could tell.

Nattering **** head of negativity
Birdbrain, half-wit *****
Can’t count on to get on
Ever a nerd twerp blockhead
Braindead- can’t follow a single thread
Instead
Dance to the strings of your puppet poodle
You’re boring attempts are feudal
You’re as appetizing as a ten-day-old strudel
Square head, *******, yoyo, bozo
Backhoe cargo
Exciting as bread dough
Rising
Not surprising
That I’m so despising
You’re constant attempts at upstaging
Left me
Utterly disengaging
Your raging
Left me
Utterly disengaging
Your blaming
Left me
Utterly disengaging
Your constant contradictions left me
With a drug addiction
I’m not blaming
Just saying
Praying for the end
But wait
Why all the hate?
What hate?

Isn’t the mirror
Reflecting the interior
Can anyone save me from my nightmare?
Scared
That must be it
I mean me.

Hey delirious
Don’t take yourself so seriously
The darkest hour is always before the dawn
The way-shower is here to help you along
So, please excuse me while I kiss this guy
Don’t ask me why
Don’t ask me why


Hey serious
Don’t take yourself so seriously
The darkest hour is always before the dawn
The way-shower is here to help you along
So, please excuse me while I kiss this guy
Don’t ask me why
Don’t ask me why

Touch down
Come down,
Get down
Bring down
The house
Give it a chance, baby
Make some romance, baby
Come back to me,  
Because for me
It isn’t over  

Doom and gloom
Just toil your head
While I wax poetic
You walk a plank
While you wax lyrical
I’m satirical
Somewhat hysterical
When it’s not for me
Not for me
Not for me

So, get down off your high horse
Learn to start a discourse
Say what you think
Don’t overthink
And don’t take yourself so seriously
It’s hilariously funny
Darling
Why do you take yourself so seriously?
Get down off your high horse
And learn to start a discourse

How are you ever going to be a writer?
When you can’t even see yourself
Reveal yourself
Be yourself
You seriously expect too much from yourself
Because you’re delirious

So, get down off your high horse
Learn to start a discourse
And excuse me while I kiss this guy
Don't ask me why
Don't ask me why

Continuous competition
Has left me without ammunition
And a lack of ambition
Without any friction

You’re so wound up
You need to wind down
Before you can make-up
Before you break up
Before you can bring down the house
Oh, did you think
You were the casual one
Quite a revelation, read
St John’s station
To learn it was you all along
So, let go of the reins
You might have something to gain

And get down off your high horse
Learn to start a discourse
And excuse me while I kiss this guy
Kiss this guy
Kiss this guy
Don't ask me why

Touch down
Come down,
Get down
Bring down
The house
Give it a chance, baby
Make some romance, baby
Come back to me,  
Because for me
It isn’t over  

Seriously
Deliriously
Deluded.

She
The greater mind
Speaks in a whisper
Hear
What she had to say
Softly
Sister, sister, sister
You had better listen
Excuse my summations!
Your histrionic rages
Are getting old
Maybe you should read the Sages
Learn to disconnect.
From all that you think you own
Read between the lines of life
All that you think you know
Maybe a small part
Of a larger picture
Learn to let go
From all that you think you are
Or
You can rage on
Till the bitter end
Then
Don’t ask for a happy ending
Because
That’s all depending
On how much you learn to love
Ah, love

She
Only she gave you life

Hotshot
Potshot
Fool shot
Cool shot
No shot
Yo shot
Shot, shot, shot, shot
Hey hotshot
Can you tell me who’s the shot caller
You’re lookin pretty dreamy
Didn’t mean to be a meany
Some things come so naturally
Shots are ringing from your balcony
So come on Romeo
Take a *** shot
Hotshot
And
Please tell me if I have a
Shot, shot, shot, shot
Hotshot
You’re such a cool shot
Badass
You can call the shots
You can shoot the shots
You got the elevated status
But, you ain’t got no action
You always know what's going down
You nowhere to be found
Because you're the shot caller
And I don’t have a shot
Shot, shot, shot, shot
Do i
Do I
Do I
Hey, hotshot
Can you see
I’m down on my knees
Beggin you please
For a
Shot, shot, shot, shot
Hotshot
You know I’m such a cool shot
And this is so out of character for me
Can’t you see
I can see
You’re laughing at me
For being a fool shot
Please tell me if I have a
Shot, shot, shot, shot
Hotshot
Will I ever see you at my door
Is this it
Nothing more
Looking pretty dreamy
This time, promise
Not to be a meany
Please tell me if I have a
Shot, shot, shot, shot
Dale had a friend
His name was shot
Because he was
Shot, shot, shot, shot
Who lives and who dies
Doesn’t matter when you’re a lifer
You run the prison
Make the decision
That’s not, not, not, not what I mean
Didn’t mean to be mean
So please
Won’t you tell me if I have a
Shot, shot, shot, shot
I’m down on my knees
Beggin you please
For a
Shot, shot, shot, shot
What I really mean is
Who’s the shot caller
What I really mean is
Well I know I’m unrehearsed
But quite well versed
I think you’ll agree
Always with me
I’m never home alone
Don’t pathologize
Just Apologize
For being such a ****, ****, ****
I know I don’t know how
But I’ll hold your hand
And you can show me how
Then I’ll quickly get off stage
Before it goes to my head
And all I want to do
Is be a deadhead
I mean it quite literally
Always looking for meaning
And that’s what I’m trying to say
My reflection seems to inspire perfection
And that’s not what I mean
Seems I’m always ******* off everyone  
With my off the cuff remarks
That set off sparks
And I think it’s quite a lark
But, I’m the only one laughing
So please tell me if I have a
Shot, shot, shot, shot
Before I’m
Dead, dead, dead, dead
Yo shot

1.
My socks always find a match
Since you’re gone
And I seemed to have inherited a few odd pairs
Not mine
From inside the broken washing machine
Stacked but not old
(Wish I could say the same for me)
Five years to be exact
That’s from Dave
Who manages my cranky rental
The only home we never share in 35 years
It’s been nine months
Since I found you there
Lying on your bed
Your mobile phone still in your hand
Your knee bent skyward
The soft warm blanket
I laid on you
Kicked to the foot of the bed

Were you dialing heaven honey?
Ahead of your arrival

You didn’t respond to my screams
Although you may have heard them
From some heavenly realm

Since you’re gone
I’ve been through
Too many to count
Boxes of tissues
From the dollar store.

You remember it as the dollar store
But Honey did you know
It’s now a dollar twenty-five  
The cost of inflation
And it hasn’t been that long
Since you’re gone.

It may all make sense to you now
Not to me
We were supposed to grow old together
Really old
You would be ninety-five before the unthinkable happens
But life had other plans
Best laid
I couldn’t say

What do I do from here?
Where do I go
What can I say
You did it all
Work
Shop
Cook
Clean

You never gave up the reins
You never could
And I
Clinging on for dear life

Since you’re gone
My scrambled eggs taste flat
Thank God for microwaves and salsa
I don’t buy those small cupcakes
That you and I shared over morning coffee
You know the tasty ones from Publix
With loads of icing
Piled high
That sticks to the roof of your mouth
Like peanut butter.
And I only have one jar of garlic
In the spice cabinet
Not ten like we used to
No, the cranky rental didn’t come with a spice cabinet
I’m good with salt and pepper
Occasionally garlic

Casper lives with me now
He snores as you did
Sometimes in the night
I think the poor dog is you
Comforting to hear his soft doggy sounds
Funny
Little things mean so much to me now.
2.
Just the other day
A dragonfly
Passed so nearby
And you are so far away
Can anyone know why
A butterfly flapped her wings
In search of an appetite
She’ll never have
Can anyone tell me why
He had to die.

God picked up a pitchfork
Jabbing me in the gut
All the while shouting
Get out of your rut

Startled, I said
God you’re supposed to be
Gentle and loving
Said God
“You’re right.
If you think this bad
Wait till you see what’s coming.”

“What, what, what,”
I stammered.

Pointing his finger at me, he said
“You’re not through
I have other plans for you.”

The Almighty was so irreverent
It was hard to tell
He was Heaven sent.

And
That’s the way the story goes
Sometimes he’s nice
Sometimes he’s not
Try to remember
What you might have forgot

God always shows mercy to his flock.

Andrea, here’s the update

Snow-white has run off with Happy after the Charming Prince to jail he went for kissing the girl without consent.

Wicked stepmother has cleared her name. The apple was a honey crisp, ate it herself, she couldn’t resist.
  
They rushed her to the ER. Pumped her stomach, sent her home in an Uber car.

Andrea Remember

how we rode our bicycles to the park on warm summer days. Mine a dull shade of green, clunky with fat tires. I think my father paid five dollars for it. You with a sleeker younger model. Didn’t matter. We were young, hopeful and complete with the moment.

how long has it been since we walked those hollowed high school halls, poofed hair, poofed pride, poofed egos? We thought we were something back then. The age of innocence, incense, and nonsense.

remember how we dutifully attended religious instruction every Thursday afternoon at Corpus Christi Church. Funny how some things stay with you and some things are on the fence.

remember the crowded lunchroom where our little clique met regularly at 11. I ate ice cream sandwiches every single day. I was size 9, you maybe no size at all, maybe zero or four.

remember the guy on the radio would say “especially you size nine.” No way would he get away with that today.  

you were always impeccably dressed.  A fashionista before anyone had ever heard the word. I especially remember that soft orange sweater you wore that looked so adorable on you.

Andrea Remember

all the boys we loved and left.

all the boys who left and broke our hearts. I remember you crying in the backseat of the car.

will we ever forget?

I remember the day you told me he had gotten her pregnant and they were getting married. Years later I met his son and he looked so much like him. Years later I met him, but it wasn’t the same.

we made a great team, you and me. You outgoing, gregarious and fun. Me quiet and shy. You were Penn and I was Teller. You always led the way and I always followed. I perhaps wanted to be you and you perhaps wanted to be me.

I almost didn’t pick up the day you called, not because I didn’t still love you. But a lifetime has happened since. How was I to fill you in, where was I to begin?

like a treasured yet comfortable keepsake, I had tucked you away. Distant memories flashed a do not disturb sign in my unsettled mind.

a snapshot, you were frozen frames in the reel of life. Young, long black hair flowing, petite and always from frame to frame in perpetual motion.

you often returned to me in dreams like the words to some lost but once favorite song.

we believed in fairytales then. We believed in love stories and happy endings. We believed we’d find our Prince Charming one day and live happily ever after.

perhaps my hesitation was a refusal to accept life’s changing seasons. You belonged to the spring not winter, the past not the future. Perhaps something more. Perhaps I knew in a split second my life would be changed forever.

perhaps I knew I would need to tell you how fairytales don’t always come true and you would need to tell me too.

Sometimes you need
a touch of whimsey
to ward off the
demons of depression
of which
there are many
like an overgrown garden
growing wild and free
filled with daffodils
and peonies
any which way
they will
a whipperwill.

-nature orders
structure and desire
desire the unfulfilled womb
for whom-

Whimsy
where are you
soon
and lightness
to guide me
through the darkness
so repugnant
to me.

I turn to you whimsey
to your unchartered fancy
where angels dance
on marshmallow clouds
out of harm's way
someday
so shall I
someday

Spooky night, spooky night
Sometimes I feel good enough
To write.
A song
Tonight
Sometimes
If you don’t disturb the sleeping giant
-Yikes-
You disturb the night.

Putting the censor to sleep
Go to sleep, go to sleep
Spooky night
Sleep tight

Sleep the unveiling
Of what
Nots
Necessarily right
But true
Can you
Lie in your sleep
As you lie in your sleep
Do you
Know wrong from right
In your sleep
Oh spooky night
You can but
-Not lie-

So what if
I made you up
You are a muse after all
(How many there are
I can’t recall)
So, what
If you ever read fiction?
You know
There needs to be some friction
So, I thickened the plot
Like it or not
Just my imagination

Didn’t do any harm
Just me being me
Always
Imagining.

So, what’s up
Was I
Too abrupt
Too you
Too me
Oh god
How can this be

I think I need to throw up
What a spooky night of love.

Stale Cupcake  
                            
Appearances can be so deceiving    
When your believing
Perceiving
That it’s all true

“Dive right in”
She said
The water’s fine
The icing’s sweet
A personal treat
I made it just for you.

It’s somewhat stale
But hey
You can’t succeed
Unless you’re willing to fail.

You’re my muse
How amusing
Everything you are not
Is what I want- yet
If that’s true
Why then do I want you?

Like negative numbers
You count in the wrong direction
Spurning my every affection.  
Wooed with an air of perfection.
Courting your familiarity
Secure in your sanctuary

This is the last poem I write for you
I’m through
But hey,
I may write for me
Perhaps to see
Clarity

So, dive right in
Anytime you’re ready
I’ve prepared a cocktail
To go with your coattail
It’s the flavor you like
A recipe I discovered, uncovered  
Mothered and smothered
My childlike
Nature,

lover

At the heart of the matter
There’s an empty core
That only you can fill

You are the space that fills my dreams
The dreams that fill my nights
Ticklish afternoon delights
Butterflies and roses
Champaign mimosas
Overexposed prose
That never discloses

My sweet and sour song
An order of egg foo yong
I tried
I really tried

Lover

Don’t wait too long
The cupcakes gone.
Stale.
And nobody loves a stale cupcake.

It was the coldest day of the year.
We welcomed the return of cooler weather,
Fellow followers of the southern sun.
Winter had almost begun.
Delicious cool breezes uplifted our spirits.
Inspired these awesome(?) lyrics
There was a luminescence to the light.
It sparkled with the dearest delight.
The days were shorter.
The nights' longer.
The seasons were changing.
Change was in the air..
Change was everywhere.

Southern change is slow and steady.
Unlike the north where one must always be ready
The mass migration from the north was still underway.
Hordes and hordes of high blood pressure,
Scoliosis afflicted octogenarians invaded our state.
We who bore the brunt of the brutal summers,
Felt like we belonged to a sunny exclusive club.
Entitled to space, the roads, the sunshine.  
Now we must share with the worst drivers of vehicular crime
Accidents galore.
Everywhere you go.
Someone overran the barricade,
Cars totaled
Cars mangled
Twisted and tangled
Cars flipped & chipped  
A road detours
In the land of the aged & mature
Mature, I say, only in age
Otherwise, it would be an absolute outrage.
And it is.

People meeting people in the most unfortunate way.
I tell you it tests your mettle,
It tests your patience,
It tests your good nature,
Not to mention the nomenclature
of your exclusivity.  
Better rethink civility.
Better rethink senility.
Better rethink livability
In the south
In the wintertime
  
Missing you had become a pastime of mine...
Seeing you and Robert in the coffee shop that day-
Delighted me.  
So that I completely forgot to order tea.
I knew I would see you soon,
As fate would have it.
Not being in the habit
Of that particular time
That particular coffee shop
That day,
Anyway
Unplanned as this was.
That is to say
Not planned in the usual way.
Did the afternoon gods align?
Should I take it as a sign
Or is it pure coincidence
I know you agree with the ladder
It doesn’t much matter
Coincidence and me don’t agree
Nothing is accidental
No, I’m not mental
If you agree with me.
I admit it’s a hard nut to swallow,
Unless you’re in the habit of swallowing hard nuts,
Which most, I think, are not
Although I’ve never actually inquired
For the usual reasons
Excuse the nut reference
If you have a hard nut allergy
In which case you should stay away  
It’s not a bad thing,
More hard nuts for the rascal squirrels,
No hard nuts for the hard nut adverse.
How nutty is this verse?

I digress
As you can see
My thoughts always take me back to thee
Thought I’d get a little fancy.
Back to the Day in question
Referenced by me in this digression
If I thought something interesting was about to unfold
Oh no, oh no
It was the same old, same old
After the polite amount of time
You picked up your phone
It was a sign
Business as usual
Or is it you hiding behind
Some kind of some kind  
I don’t know what
I such a nut
Stale coffee sits in the microwave
It pings its readiness
Forget my forgetfulness
One more round
The coffee’s cold
Like you
Still
I take it out
Drink it anyway
While I wait
Still
The coffee’s cold
And so are you
That’s all I have to say
And that’s why
Without thinking
I grabbed the phone that day
While you were busy texting
Hey, I wasn’t getting in the boxing ring
You knew that

Robert was rather overreactive
It was only me being me
I’ll meet your cold
And up the ante
Are you all in
Do I win
I was only playing, all along
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t write me a love song
Two for her
One for me
I think you’ll agree
It’s quite unfair
And you want to be fair
Don’t you
This isn't optional
Even rational
Or actionable
*******
My phantom love
I get it.
Still
I’m missing you.
Do you miss me too?