My thoughts are saboteurs
Prowling on all fours
Wreaking havoc
Like bedsores
Eyesores
Trapdoors
To a subfloor
Know more
Know more
Like waiting for the rapture
Take a picture
Before and After
Like waiting for Godot
Hello, hello

Scratch the above
Scratch the below
No place to hide
No place to go.


Was it all a lie
I told myself
Lies implied
Lies to assuage
The emptiness
You feel inside.
Lies the media told you
How to live
How to survive
Fine lies
Wrinkles
In the landscape of time
Lies to make you
Lose control
Of your body and mind.

Rage, rage, rage

On a crowded stage
Lies bowed
To a divided crowd
Filled with vitriol
And rage.

Looking for truth
Easy in your youth
However
We got it all wrong
All the while
Listening to a song
Yearning for playfulness
And innocence
That enveloped our youthfulness

But, it's gone
Bygone
Yet still
They tell me
The truth
Shall set you free.

Binding on WHO?
I'm not listening to you
You can create all your
Agendas, policies, and
Mandates
I'll see you in hell
Before I agree to your
Dictates.

A frustrated populist
Crewmates, cellmates
Bedmates and ingrates
Dire straits and
Who hates
A world erupts in vitriol and narrates.
Fire up the rhetoric
Propagandized media
Stirring confusion
Creating illusion
Then
Came
Nothing
Nothing
Nothing
The sounds of silence

A quiet came
Came the
Calm before the storm
Before the calm came
Confusion
Chaos
See you in the playhouse
Before the final scene.

Coups and boos
And how- do-you dos
Choose a side
Please
Choose, choose, choose
Pray for those
You hope will lose


2024
Never a year to ignore
WW III on the horizon
It wasn’t a lovely sunset
But a thundercloud arising

Anger everywhere
Dark, abandoned underbelly
No way out
No turn about
A straight route

To hell and
All deniers, liars, vampires
For hire
Denizens of the night
Seeing no evil
Hearing no evil
Look for the devil
In the details
Could be lethal
Medieval
Adrenal

(a nation reborn
Reawakened to itself
Relieved of the shackles
Holding us down
For so long.
A new dawn?)

Who will come
To save the day?
Superman is how we got this way
No way out
Say some
Trust the plan
Some say
Trust the plan
Like a broken dam
I say

(At least I’m not having a bad hair day.)

Are the good guys playing both sides
Which brings me to the question of sides
Well sides are all you eat
If you’ve given up meat
I digress
It’s a mess
Excuse the confusion
The Cognitive
Disillusion
Or is it self-delusion
Can’t tell

How can we be winning
If we’re losing?

Oh Poetry
You duplicitous liar
You hide behind
Your window dressing
And ire.
Seasons change the
Ever-changing view
Sometimes it’s old
Sometimes it’s new
Your model attire
Dressed to the nines
Spilt onto a blank page
Goblets of not-so-fine wine

Aries, you indomitable fighter
Throw down your gauntlet
Of wronger and righter.

Love is found
In the fire
A rising phoenix
Of unknown desire.

The old made new
The untrue true
Secrets concealed
Revealed
Not just for
The privileged few.

Devolution
Evolution
Coming round the bend
Is this the beginning
Or the beginning of an inning
Or something
That may never end.

Arm and arm
Along with the setting sun
Sometimes they come
On a tightrope,
they’re strung
A feathery line up
An avian crime syndicate
A dusk who did it?
Feathers up
Buttercup

I see you spy
With your open eye
All the while
You deny
All the while
You lie
Then you fly
Away

Don’t cling to me, Baby
Even if we’re birds of a feather
And you’re very cleaver
What note will you end on
Depend on
Thoughts fly by
So do i
Just a passing thought
Sitting on
A bough in life
So rock a bye baby
When the bough breaks
So do i

You sometimes hear me cry

Please don’t tell me you care
Those are words I don’t think I can bear
Distance has always been
Your calling card
And intimacy so hard.

Who is the greater pretender?
Baby, you practically cut down the tree
Now you’re begging for mercy
That’s the way I see it
Mr. Nit-Picki
Forget it.

Left pieces of her
Along life’s crooked path
To the witch’s abode
she happily strode
But let me backtrack
If she’d had  
A Mercedes
she would have happily rode
Instead
Walking a dirt path
Broke, clinging to hope
she found herself
Where she never thought she’d find herself
There for the grace of god
And all that
That being said
Nope
What a dope
She wrote
Because it rhymed
Which rhymed
With defined
Which she did
Looking for a destination
Conversation
Liberation
Cessation
Of frustration
Each stop along the way
Only temporary
She was wary
Looking for Jesus
The prince of peace

She thought
At Last

At last
Shouted back
So much reality
******* up mentality

Give me a hammock
And a worry-free
Sunday
The kind
And sweet
And neat
You get the picture
she conjectured
Never too sure
Not wanting to lecture

It’s all in good fun
Excuse any pun
Always trying to make you laugh
It’s no laughing matter

Always filling her head
With chatter, chatter, chatter

While the currency fumbles
And society stumbles
Injections of green vile
All the while
Daggers of doom
No man on the moon
Rods of god
And boom, boom, boom
Murderous intent
To increase the bottom line
How many are compromised
To drink of the finest wine
Be it poison on the vine
At last
Dastardly demons
Living on loosch
Dressed in frilly dresses
Breaking their truce.
Justice be done.
And
God has won.

See what I mean?

Where are you, God?
Takes me back to chapels I visited
When I was young.
There was God
And here was I
I didn’t know we were one
I didn’t know  
God Had already won.

Wars and rumors of wars

Trials and tribulations

Soldiers dying on a battlefield of

Glory and gore and jubilation

The tanks are entering Gaza

False flags are everywhere

Death is not a PR failure

Are anons the only ones who care

Taking our money

Taking our weapons

Taking our children

Was the last straw

Ritter says

Russia does not bluff

Nuclear war is on the horizon

Commander Thor says that will never happen

And well

He’s the light worker’s captain.



Waves of panic in DC

If you can believe the alternative media

Soldiers trained to ****

Mercilessly

Sold out to the highest bidder.



God have mercy

On all the sinners





Open border wreaking havoc

Anti-semitisim on the rise

Humiliate the president

To save your hide

Derelicts everywhere you look

The fractured population

on the hook.



Solar flares taking out the grid

Ostensibly

Don’t believe the narrative

EMPs are  a strong possibility



Civil war is what they’re aiming for



Liars, liars,  

Is the truth for hire?

While Maui burns

From a ferocious fire

Game on

Wise guy



Veteran’s all over

fighting for your vote

when the lights go out

people

don’t lose hope.



Merlin waved his magic wand

Druidic symbols all over the town



Humanoids that fly

Weird phenomenon in the sky

Assassination attempts that fail

Why is nobody going to jail?

Thugs in a tie
Feeding you lies
Delivered
On a golden platter
Heaps and heaps of
Propaganda n chatter
Eat up
Eat up
They cried
The more you digest
The more they lied

Some logo
Said go
it must be true, no
Believe what you must though
To keep you alive
Sometimes I think
“ Get me outta this dive”

Nevertheless
what broke the camels’ back
Lack of trust
Betrayal
Not having your back
Survival
More n more
Crys of war
People flood the streets
Looking for justice
They seek
Their hands red
With the blood of the dead

Infidels they said
Is this part of God's plan?
Maybe we’re all
Living in hell
Nowhere to go
Nothing to tell

Does anyone know what time it is?
Does anyone care?
Where are the peacemakers
Who used to be there?
Information
Hasn’t kept you safe-
Neither has that armor plate
You wear.

No use to hate
It won’t get you far
Neither has love worked
At least
Not so far.

I would cry me a river.
With all the cliches
I deliver.
But. That’s not the point.
Pass me a joint.

I could end it here.
Call it a rap!
Will it ever be over?
Not until we get back.
To Love

Ah, Love

Today O.J.  passed away.

She
The greater mind
Speaks in a whisper
Hear
What she had to say
Softly
Sister, sister, sister
You had better listen
Excuse my summations!
Your histrionic rages
Are getting old
Maybe you should read the Sages
Learn to disconnect.
From all that you think you own
Read between the lines of life
All that you think you know
Maybe a small part
Of a larger picture
Learn to let go
From all that you think you are
Or
You can rage on
Till the bitter end
Then
Don’t ask for a happy ending
Because
That’s all depending
On how much you learn to love
Ah, love

She
Only she gave you life

When did you lose your innocence?
When did you learn to not trust
Throwing intuition
Out the window
When you learned
to see the difference
in us

But Darlings
You must learn to trust
or it will be
The End
of Us.
Once again.

Someday you'll fall down on your knees
and say a Hail Mary to she.
For all the beliefs
To which you wed
The prison bars
That kept you fed
But you're dead
Like the force-fed lies
you cannot shed
like the frozen fish
you refuse to eat
Maybe it's the meat of a ferocious tiger
You need the heat
Exposing the atrocities
devouring the monstrosities
inside.

Say hail to Mary
Hail to the chief
Hail to those the shed
the imaginary bars that bind
Hail to those
Left behind
Hail to those
That hitch a ride
on a star.
for just a while
and
Just idle.


While all the while
the ridgosities abound
And there's no way around
The mounds and mounds of
Institutionalized
Idiocrasies
Idiosyncracies
That cling on
Like Clingon
To all
the inside
Lies
Lies
Lies

Do you, Dear Sam
At times goes so far inside of you
That the landscape appears as magical
Carved of Imagination
Against the angst of uncertainty
And consternation
It has to be this way, Sam
For a song
A poem
A painting
To choose, to create

The multiverse cast
A *** pourri past
With a mind so vast
Yet

Yet
Yet
From my seat
On the coach, Sam
Where I imagined
That you liked me
And it was magical
We talked
What a strange conversation we had
I know
You said what you really believe.
Stranger still
I know.
I answered with unpracticed honesty.
Can this be so?
Or is it
Only imagination
I know.
Sam.

Never mind, never mind
I’ve forgotten to think
Maybe I never knew how
What kind of thought is that
Can one take a thought back?
Oh never mind
But since I’m very kind
Take it back
I said to no one there
Sure hope it’s a white rabbit hole I went down
And not black
Don’t think I can deal with that
Take me back
To home on the range
For the insane
Where I learned to survive
In order to stay alive
Now I’m only looking for kind
So never mind, never mind
Nostalgia is maudlin
You felt like a pawn in
A game of chess
Let me guess
Your greatest fear come true
Someone who understands you
So many pens
Don’t get hung up on the words
And none of them work
You’re such a ****
But I still like you
Who?
Oh, never mind, never mind
I like who I am
So Play it Again Sam.

So you, 're a materialist
Who wants to be a spiritualist
Who thinks she's a linguist
When she's not thinking of
Being kissed
I'm ******
What am I?
Do I even exist?

The Queen has died

London Bridge has fallen

A fairytale has ended

No longer can we

Cling to naiveite

There’s simply a day

That separates yesterday

From today

I’m sorry

What did you say

I’ve narrated this way

For so long

How can we say goodbye

To childhood

It was a great ride.

We’ve arrived

And the Queen died

And I can’t say I cried

Twas only a fairytale anyway

However grim the end

But we go on and on

Someday

I’ll tell you a new tale

With a different ending

Till then

Stay out of reach

Let them reach out to you

No skin off your back

Playing devils’ advocate

It’s what you’re good at

Mysterious aloof

That beauty surrounds you

Is proof

You’ve come so far

Only to find

You’re back at the start

Wherever you are.



Fairytales come and go

But we go on and on

I’ll tell you a new tale

Someday

In a fairytale world without end

Amen.

You sealed my fate
With your being
Destiny was never my friend
With such a sweet beginning
Broke
Came to an abrupt end.
Wrote to you
The truest words I knew
Whilst
My words always
Seemed to miss the mark
With you.
Persuaded to make them
Truer and truer
You cast me in the role of  wrong doer
Truth in the eyes of the viewer
Neither saint
Nor evil doer.
Am I.

Where do I go from here?
Perhaps eternity awaits in a song
Perhaps destiny rewrites all wrongs
If I’m wrong
I’m lost
Don’t want to be found
If I’m wrong
I’m lost
As long as you are not around.

Alone in the dark
Waiting for you
A 15-year-old puppy
My only companion
Apart
The photo of you
I carried for so long
Has vanished
It’s true
Searched through all the familiar places
In vain
Packed away in
Some dusty old bin
I’m moving once again
Along the hallway
Two tired stacked
Bins and bins of memories
Like sardines, I packed

I can’t let go
I’ve lost you I know
Yet I can’t let go

Oh, there you are
I’ll someday say
As if a million years
Had not passed away.

Funny how things turned out  
We’ll say
This time, I think you’ll stay
Please stay

Till then
I’m alone in the dark
Without you
I’ll find you someday
Suddenly
Unexpectedly
Isn’t that always the way.

(this is not a sad goodbye but a cheerful moment not yet lived)

Call me delusional
If you must
My imagination
A much-needed respite
Then this world of disgust.

Time it heals all wounds
So they say
Yet, there are lazy afternoons
Where all I can do is pray

A fervid prayer
For your return
Left me a basketcase
Of slash and burn
Slash and burn

Yesterday but a memory
We frolicked, we loved
We're children at play
N tiptoed away the youth
Of our day
Day after day

Love, oh love
Where have you gone
Do you think of me still
In the silent reverie of dawn
Time it heals all wounds
So, they say
Yet the line that connects time
Could never feel this way

Where are you now, love
Someday
Somehow love
Will you ever again
Walk through my door
That way
The way you did before

Day after day
I pray
For your return
A basketcase
Of slash and burn.
Slash and burn

What widows’ peek
A boo
Went into hiding
Too
Terrifying storms
A brew
The gods of change
Ushered in
And came anew

The rolling seas
Crash against a rocky shore
Many have been there before.
The unfamiliar shores a wreck
With the flotsam of yesterday
Some memories strewn
Sweet n sour shells
In the unremitting serfdom
Of play

Each wave
A world in a bottle
In a single moment
A single ‘I love you”
Till the day I die.

A single wave
Washed away
My world.

Does your conventional mindset
Upset yet comfort you
Your constraint
A mental constraint
Stronger than….
Our man of steel
Who came to us
From another galaxy
Outside the solar system
And landing on planet earth
Stoically foretold
Of dire warnings
And consequences to come
For all dastardly misdeeds
Misinformed misanthropes
Past heroes of misfortune
And misdirection.
Have you met your doomsday?
Scenario
Take off the shackles of the past.
Extraordinario.
Superman Of the future
You are here now.
And now is all there is.

Don’t you know
If you go down in the battle
We all go down
You fall
I fall
We all fall down.
And London bridges too.

Spooky night, spooky night
Sometimes I feel good enough
To write.
A song
Tonight
Sometimes
If you don’t disturb the sleeping giant
-Yikes-
You disturb the night.

Putting the censor to sleep
Go to sleep, go to sleep
Spooky night
Sleep tight

Sleep the unveiling
Of what
Nots
Necessarily right
But true
Can you
Lie in your sleep
As you lie in your sleep
Do you
Know wrong from right
In your sleep
Oh spooky night
You can but
-Not lie-

So what if
I made you up
You are a muse after all
(How many there are
I can’t recall)
So, what
If you ever read fiction?
You know
There needs to be some friction
So, I thickened the plot
Like it or not
Just my imagination

Didn’t do any harm
Just me being me
Always
Imagining.

So, what’s up
Was I
Too abrupt
Too you
Too me
Oh god
How can this be

I think I need to throw up
What a spooky night of love.

Hived robotic masses
Hypnotic msm watching mind-altered
Scripted minions of
False and fake truth
Wake up
Wake up
Wake up

The war is real
Know it how it’s felt

Truth is real
Know it how it’s felt

The cameras are pointing at you
Please don’t pose and take a selfie

Oblivious to the creepy crawlers,
Bug-eyed, bug-sized and
Detonated.

Shoot them when they’re not looking
Don’t get me started on
Those that pose
For the camera
(Not You)

Neurotic synapses missing a few
Beats-projectiles
Looking for connections everywhere
Everywhere
Finding a few.

1.
My socks always find a match
Since you’re gone
And I seemed to have inherited a few odd pairs
Not mine
From inside the broken washing machine
Stacked but not old
(Wish I could say the same for me)
Five years to be exact
That’s from Dave
Who manages my cranky rental
The only home we never share in 35 years
It’s been nine months
Since I found you there
Lying on your bed
Your mobile phone still in your hand
Your knee bent skyward
The soft warm blanket
I laid on you
Kicked to the foot of the bed

Were you dialing heaven honey?
Ahead of your arrival

You didn’t respond to my screams
Although you may have heard them
From some heavenly realm

Since you’re gone
I’ve been through
Too many to count
Boxes of tissues
From the dollar store.

You remember it as the dollar store
But Honey did you know
It’s now a dollar twenty-five  
The cost of inflation
And it hasn’t been that long
Since you’re gone.

It may all make sense to you now
Not to me
We were supposed to grow old together
Really old
You would be ninety-five before the unthinkable happens
But life had other plans
Best laid
I couldn’t say

What do I do from here?
Where do I go
What can I say
You did it all
Work
Shop
Cook
Clean

You never gave up the reins
You never could
And I
Clinging on for dear life

Since you’re gone
My scrambled eggs taste flat
Thank God for microwaves and salsa
I don’t buy those small cupcakes
That you and I shared over morning coffee
You know the tasty ones from Publix
With loads of icing
Piled high
That sticks to the roof of your mouth
Like peanut butter.
And I only have one jar of garlic
In the spice cabinet
Not ten like we used to
No, the cranky rental didn’t come with a spice cabinet
I’m good with salt and pepper
Occasionally garlic

Casper lives with me now
He snores as you did
Sometimes in the night
I think the poor dog is you
Comforting to hear his soft doggy sounds
Funny
Little things mean so much to me now.
2.
Just the other day
A dragonfly
Passed so nearby
And you are so far away
Can anyone know why
A butterfly flapped her wings
In search of an appetite
She’ll never have
Can anyone tell me why
He had to die.

Some say
We lost our way
When it was
This or that way
I say
We lost our way
When we forgot
It was all a play
When the flower
I painted blue
Lost her pedals
Turned into an abstract *****
And I was ok with you
But you forgot how to play
And that is why
My stars are twinkling
And yours are fading away.
Doesn't have to be that way
But that's the way it is
Some say.

You romanticize glamour
and wear it like armor
It's a tight fit
You really should quit.
Like I did.

She said laughingly.

Do I have your attention
Darling
Can I shake you
Till I wake you

Have you lived up to
All your impossible dreams
get rich quick schemes

Have you landed on the moon
In the middle of a monsoon
swept up in moondust
lover of gold dust.

Watched the flame
Flicker in shadow
Against the blacked-out tv screen
Thought about duality
Are we more reflection or flame
or
Is that the problem
Forever wanting to give it a name
Define it
Refine it
Sign it
Dissect to understand it

Remember when
Darling
I remember
there was wholeness
and funness
I'm an old-fashioned stance
I remember romance
I remember you.

Does the weather know its' winter
the chill came promptly
on the winter solstice
breezy in your face
not yet cold
tissue paper blue and gold
threatened to fly away
I sat that day
contemplating nothing
in shades of blue and gold
and green
I mean
you always need a little green
contemplated the meaning of green
light green
is that what I mean
what do I mean
who's asking.

Waiting for a song
beyond right or wrong
where are the notes
where is the song
there is a song
of this I am certainly right
there
make a little space baby
go into the liquid night

doesn't have to be me
doesn't change much for me
just make a little space
put your head down
take off your imaginary crown
let it all fall down
let it hit the ground
where it's soft and round
you won't die baby
maybe beyond right or wrong
why are you kissing me waiting
for a song
that never comes?

Need a clean brake
why do they always try to put me
in my place
what is this status madness
life's not measured in
increments and fancy wines
donut holes and dollar signs
don't package me up
with your morning cup
caffeine adrenalin junkies
morning rush
morning hush, hush
i'll see what you mean
if you mean to be seen
or not
so let it out
scream and shout
all the hurt you feel
searching for what's real

have i come to a mission
missionary of light
who determine's
what's wrong or right
god is closer to you in the night

hush, hush
little baby
momma was always there for you
always tried to care for you
my ways are mysterious
but i'm not delirious
now i'm furious
need to get back to kindness.

so to you too
always you too
too, too, too, too
too many twos
what about duets
and too toos
i stray
not like that brat
Slide one
how to get to you
never was a way
there was
of this i was sure
could i find
an open door
whats behind the green door
i get it
you didn't want to go for a ride
around the block
was all i asked
and whats behind
whats behind
behind that
i,m such a nut
tracing you back
to before
you were you
Dead Wood
be a friend to you
if only i could
***
haven't even gotten to slide two
and i'm *******
Slide Two
Tracing you back to me
Somehow I thought i could
you slammed every door in my face
what did i ever do to you
to deserve
this
how could you do this to me
Slide three
someday i'll be found
wandering aimlessly around
then i'll say
leave me alone
i'm going home
and don't want to be found
for my home is far away
and this is just a temporary stay
Slide Four

Yes, I wanted it to be
Flowery and sweet
Stars fell from Alabama
and all that
It could have been sweet
Sweetheart
I'm trying
So sorry
I'm this way
Whatever way
That makes you hate me so
I'm sorry
I'm such an idiot
I know
Why can't I just let things go?

Get out of the way
Get out of the way
Hear what I say
Get out of your way
Wayward child
Wild child
Give up the fight
Child of delight
Get out of your way
Child of light.

You chase your shadow
Thinking it real
You adore your title
Like an armor of steel
You crush your opponent
Like a good soldier should

Get out of your way
If only you could.

Who is the one
You seek to defend
To the bitter end?

Sweeten the ***
It's not asking a lot.

Try to trust a guru
of nothing much.

You choose.
Determinism or free will?
Are you an orange clock?
Destiny or not.
Many choices collapse
Then there were two.
I saw through the looking glass
Reflections there
Only were you.  
Could it be any other way?
I don’t know.
Can’t say
If it was
It wouldn’t be a choice.
And it was
Just because.
You chose.

I have contemplated the meaning of life
As if contemplation imparts meaning or depth
As if meaning imparts meaning
or depth.

Then in linguistic merriment
I leapt
Ad Infinitum
Ad nauseum
Ad lib
Ad absurdum
Life as a language
Ad verbum
And round and round I went
Always Looping back to myself
Then in one grand sweeping motion
I deferred to you
Life
Where and then
I came to rest
Always different
Yet always the same

I have contemplated the meaning of life
As if there were somewhere to be
Someplace to go
A vagabond’s journey
How funny
A lesson learned
A righteous rule
A digital ballroom
A barroom brawl
Y’ all
A loveall.
And I have contemplated the meaningless of life
Just something to do
Perhaps better than nothing  
Nowhere to go
No roadmap to get there
Except
Here where
You are
Life
Love
I am.

What poison-tipped arrow of fate
Tempted, toasted, and toppled
Life’s plotting midwife
The denouement of my life
Life
Neither laudable nor laughable
Naughty or nice
Happy or sad
Virtue or vice
Scripted yes scripted
Ghostly ancestral scribes
A lineage of lifetimes
The rules you live by
To get by
To die by
Tick, tick, tick
Your imprint on momma duck
Tick, tick, tick
They wind you up
And let you go
The rules in tow
And at the final unwind
They want to know
What did you learn?
What do you know?
I ****** to move through
the density of doing
Oculists all of them
Why then
Do I grieve you so
Rest in peace
Darling dead
There is no peace on earth
And nothing to be said
There is nothing to know
But, remembering makes it so.

Sam, I don’t know when
You got your degree
But it wasn’t able to keep you free.
I threw away the key
Myself
You know Sam
The finite
Just ain’t right
What did you find
Behind
Those alabaster walls
You so carefully adorned
Wait, no wait Sam
Why am I asking you anyway?
That’s not it
Yes, that’s it
What did you forsake
What did you fake
Why do you hate?
For God’s sake
Sam
Tell the judge
This is not a date
And it can wait
No, wait
Here comes the chorus
Sam, you thought I’d say, judge
But you know Sam
I’m not that cliched
For God's sake.
But wait
Anyway Sam
They all have an opinion
On you.
And that’s something you hate.
Maybe we should go out on a date
But wait
You hate me
Too
But why?
You must mistake me
For someone else
Maybe you

So, Sam
Forget the whole **** thing
This is the thing
It certainly can wait
Because Sam
I have nothing to say
To hate?

God picked up a pitchfork
Jabbing me in the gut
All the while shouting
Get out of your rut

Startled, I said
God you’re supposed to be
Gentle and loving
Said God
“You’re right.
If you think this bad
Wait till you see what’s coming.”

“What, what, what,”
I stammered.

Pointing his finger at me, he said
“You’re not through
I have other plans for you.”

The Almighty was so irreverent
It was hard to tell
He was Heaven sent.

And
That’s the way the story goes
Sometimes he’s nice
Sometimes he’s not
Try to remember
What you might have forgot

God always shows mercy to his flock.

I didn’t know
You could love someone like this
I didn’t know
You could squeeze the life
Out of the ones you love
I didn’t know
I wish I had known
I’d of let it go
A long time ago
I just
Didn’t know

I’m letting it go. My love
It’s for another time
When the past catches up to the future
You’re home free
Arrive as destiny
A time when
When you’ve slain your demons
Traced them back to the very first baby hurt
A time when
It was all play
I was you
And you were me
Inseparably
I’m letting it go.

The canvas is even emptier
Then before
A blaring blanket of white
Even emptier than
The paper on which you write
No lines for boundaries
No direction
No guidance
Does it define us?
We keep on writing
Creating
To fill the emptiness
With prettiness
That denies us.

Standing naked before creation
Close to the rugged, shadowed edge
Where “Metaphor and “What’s it all for”
Made a pledge
They agreed to disagree
It was just as well
They came from opposite sides of the fence
Foretell
There were times when it got pretty intense
And it wasn’t always romance

Embracing the edge
Is the only sensible thing to do
Cliff hangers are not for cereal killers
Who take their cereal without a crunch
Who don’t play well with others
I’m going on a hunch

“You talk in sugar-coated sentiments”
Said, “What’s it all for?”
“What’s more
I have no idea what you’re talking about”
And followed him out the door.

The baby still cries
But she’s much wiser now
She ran home
Pounded on the door
Please let me in
I live here
Where you are
The rest
Just an empty quest
For nothing at all.

Rebel
You can’t get out of this intact
Your perpetual power machine
Leaves you feeling so dissatisfied
And out of whack
You think you’ve lost her
Your ship of self-discovery
Your dependent tendencies
Create propensities for freedom
But you fear the formless
Itinerary
Honey, you’re going down with the ship
Hook, line, and sinker
Never mess with a free thinker
You push everything to the limit
Feed your soul black goo
That sticks to you
Fooling yourself with self-deception is cruel
You ignite the fight
In your fright
And all your misinterpretations
Reminds me of all the conversations
Never had
Doesn’t matter to you
Doesn’t matter to me
How very zen of me
Excuse me
What did you say
I know all the sides
And none of the entrees
So you can call me
A know-it-all
Or don’t
Call me at all

You judged me through
Your own craziness
So tell them all you lied
Tell your sister
Brother
And all the others
Tell them
You were trying to rescue you
From you
And you
Didn’t know what to do
That guilt trip you took
Down distortion way
Had you down on your hands and knees
To pray.
Pray
Those lies you told
Don’t soil your soul.

Except for the hunger you feel
You know this is dead
Thinking instead.
You made it all up
In your head.

Thoughts
Conditioned as an old leather glove
Fitting as an endless search of love
Jammed together as knots on a rope
Sliding a slippery *****
Me as Misanthrope
Lover of hope
Hater of nope
Dope.
Some smooth as a quiet summer eve
Chaotic as a garbage heap
Wrapped in twilight sleep
To haunt your night
With barely a peep

Hey there.
Over here.
Where oh where
have you come from?

A heavenly abode?
Where here is there
And there is anywhere.
Where thoughts play their part
Playfully
Awareness got its start
Necessarily

As you
As me
Speaking
Subjectively
Must we rethink
Objectively
Or is it the other way around
Chasing the thought down
Into the silent part of town
I have booked a reservation.
Into divine silence
A less traveled designation.

Seems so random
Yet orchestrated by a great hand
Could it be
Like as puppet master
Some ephemeral higher self
Prodding and poking
Pointing to directions
You dared not go
Pinched by pain
You don’t want to know.

Do you feel the push and pull
Of an authoritative hand
A gentle guiding
A silent light
And the pulsing prism
Through which you know
Yourself.
If the light seems to dim
Know it’s only a momentary respite
A letting go
A rabbit hole
One needed to go down
Something one needed to retrieve
Before another go around
  
To the sender of this thought
If you dwell in the shared silence
of connection
Two ends
An invisible cord
One of perfection
The other
Reflection
How to be sure of
Anything?
Only an uncertain knowing of  
A certain direction
Is showing.

Some thoughts
I would send back  
If I could, love
But never the feeling
For I am
The colors with which I paint joyfully
The words with which I speak lawfully
The chair on which I sit hardly
I was what you wanted me to be
To please
But that was never me
But a part of me

Just as well
For if every story tells a lie
How to know, how to tell
Truth be told:
Some would say
There is no truth.
Nonsense I say
If that is true
Thinking it through
Proves truth
If a lie
Proves truth still
Some tell tall tales
Some tell short stories
Some leave breadcrumbs
Along the way
Some ***** monuments
Signatories
For another day

I am
is  
Gods mighty vessel
Might you dwell there?
In the house of the seventh abode
Where the choice and the chooser are one
And on the coattails of god you rode
For awhile
As you
As me
As
Infinity.

To choose from
A potpourri of probabilities.
A thought repository.
A heavenly quarry
With a penchant for fair
A warehouse of prayer
And
When received
Then perceived
Leaving an indelible imprint
On the blackboard of spacetime
By a lofty stenographer
Replayed
To ones’ utter amazement
On judgment day

Awareness
as a field
of flowers
a ground to surround
Vivid colors all around
Shapes and sizes
Never seen
No in-between
No upside
Downside
Take no sides
Only a fire
To express desire

You are the dreamer
And the dream
Lost in a dream
Of yourself
You believe
You can be what you want to be
Royalty, celebrity, scoundrel, rat
Queen bee
Gnat
Sometimes the queen loses her head
Plays dead
What a sight
All in a daydreamers’ night

Dare you know peace  
But for only a moment
The dreams a momentary forgetting
From the shackles of separation
Have you awaken as me
Is this your dream too
Have I
Awakened as you

Infinity
To know you as me
To be free and in love
Kneeling down to your knowing.
Thoughts are the clothes you wear
The outer bank
A personal think tank
A familial thought bin
To recycle them?
To trace every thought back
Looping all the way back
To the start
Before thought
Before you
Before me
To the first shared feeling.
Love
Perhaps
Love
Then.
Like an evening prayer
You are always there.
Always
hiding behind
The clothes you wear.

I would tell you
If I could
How
Just how
Neurotic this life could be
Why the whole world is in a state of PTSD.
Of the worst kind
Between you and me
An alien invasion
Would seem a social occasion
These days
Will Phoenix rise from the ashes?
Are we all going to hell
In a handbasket?
Wondering what creative works will arise
Out of the ashes of humanity
Some forged in the fires of hell
Some catapulted into a brothel of insanity
Some say we’ll get through this
Some lost in the 3d matrix

Baby wants to go swimming
How neurotic can this life be
So at the end of the day
With thick bolts of lighting
Streaking fury
Across the night sky
Not a night to go swimming, but
Baby always gets her way

She is never where you are
Except even you, I regret
Can be an invasion of sorts
Like one trying to get out of ones’ own head
Here where she thought she’d share it all with you
Instead

Whether or not
You wanted to hear
What she wanted to say
I’d say not
It only matters that
Baby gets her way
And at that
she’s so good
Reasonable
Sensible
Demanding
Annoying
And somewhat cute
She pouts and sighs
And cries, cries, cries
Pity. Pity, pity
Oh pity me
Baby nurtures her pity
Like a fine cup of tea

How many permissions does she need?
We all have our boundaries
Trespassers all
Yours suffocate me
You pounded on middle c
Choked on conventionality
Exalted banality
never acknowledged egality
You doused the fire
Put out desire
How unreasonable of me
To think
We could ever be
Like a lion and a canary
And a cage to come home to
I really didn’t know you.

You apologized to everyone but me
Oh baby
Please forgive me  
I was wrong and
I promise
You believe me
Please don’t leave me.
I’m down on my hands and knees
Begging you, please.

You can
Cry me a river
If you can’t forgive her
Then serve one master, sir
I defer  
let it be her

Don’t cry for me Argentina
If I’m not leanin
your way

You’re quite pathetic
But don’t let it
Get in your way
Baby.

How neurotic can this life be?
These were all parts of her
Some she wasn’t so proud of
But what of it
We’ve all been there
Except for the saints before us
Whose halos get a little tarnished
From all the lies they’ve garnished
What of it, even
God doesn’t go around with a halo
On his head
Or does she?

Just a story
You don’t have to believe it
But. I know you do
Because it’s true

And that was her story
And now that’s his story.

The Queen Bee
Who does she think she is?
Sam, I tell you
If you give her an inch
She wants a yard
Not just a yard
The whole nine yards.
Sam
She said
If I questioned her authority
She’d bite off my head
Get over yourself I said
I’m dead to your threats
Get diva down
She said she’d turned the corner
And was headed down the home stretch
Home free
Was she?
We’ll see.

Here is how I see it, Sam
You only have authority over yourself
At the risk of repeating myself
Get over yourself
Am I right Sam?
And by virtue of the authority
Invested in me by Me  
I declare myself a sovereign something
A sober sometime
A soulful somebody
With a song in my heart
That only you can hear.
When we’re apart.

Is it true Sam?
That the known
Can never know the Knower.
And while they’re one and the same
It’s such a shame
That control is the name of the game
It’s no mystery
This has been known
Throughout history.

Between you and me Sam
We see the world for what it is.
While we see the world
For what it could be.
Perfect harmony
-Perhaps-
Sam
If you’re a bit bored
Throw in a little discord
To fight the ire
Or fuel the fire
Throw in a little red
To never be bitter
Throw in a little glitter
Because oh
We are so fancy
Yes, we are.
We are.

Sam
Who does she think she is?
But wait,
Sam
Could she be me
From the point of view
Of Infinity?

Morning shower was wonderful  
Although I always shower alone
Who is the one who follows me there
Where I lay restless my thoughts bare
Live streaming rivulets crystal clear
Lost in a watery mist
With whomever I dare
My reluctant nakedness  
Bringing thoughts of you near
  
What safety here
What denied demon deity
Are you
What vampire warmth *******
Shadow dancing
Dumb down daring
Lives here
Am I waking from the dream
Is it all it seems
My body
My soul
Lay bare
Perhaps if true
That I have always showered alone
Till I found you there


Who is the you
Of whom I speak
Pieces of the whole
Yanked from my soul
Incomplete  

You hide in a shower of lies
Whoever you are
Masquerading as truth
Though truth be subjective
I’m told
Take off the blindfold
You have been here so long
The waters turned cold

Would  
Washing away the lies
Lies there
Hope
Dreams
Plans and schemes
Try to stay alive  
Lazy mantra
No work
For you.

For me
An emotional confessional
For the cleansed of perfection
I thought-
Of the sequence of events
That led to you leaving
The madness of mania
Reaching a fevered pitch
A fire of despair
Contagious as it draws near
From bed to bed it jumped
Unconscious
Retaliation of
Of outrage and contempt
Inoculations against the lie
Of feeble fallibility
And all sensibility
Was gone
I was aflame
And you the fire.

Alas the fire has died
  
Chiefs
All of them
What was it the chief said
Hold on to what you believe
Even if it’s a tree.
A tree
That stands alone.

Trees that stood alone.
All of them
All three
Trees that stood alone
Branches rigid like stone
Arthritic roots digging deep
Olive branches
To cover the shame shifters
Name game blamers
Who left the house
Through the back door
Metaphor
Expressing only what they want you to see
O pinnacles of propriety
You lied to me
Worse
I believed the lies
And could not see
I
Sometimes delving deep
Into the craziness
Of a felt connection
Screaming in silence
For you have
For you
Whoever you are
My reason for living
My fury at dying
My anger at the lies
My hurt that won’t heal
My life a disguise


I reject the madness of projection
Take back the parts that were never mine
Take your sad story
You need it
To stay alive

It’s only
A good detective show.
Searched for the missing pieces
And
Didn’t want to say
I told you so.

Aries are like that
Ruled by Mars
And fiery.
Headstrong
And wise
With the moon and the sun in Gemini
As of this writing
Truth-seeking Aries
Will never tell you a lie
Competitive but not in a mean way
But blunt
Sometimes
Blunt


Three chiefs in a room
Was definitely a crowd
What’s more
There were actually
Four or more
You couldn’t see them though
For they were lying low
Parasitic opinions
Prodding for advantage
Plotting
Punishing
Ghosts
Of Christmas past
Present and future
Specters of possibilities
Probabilities
Imagined
Some nightmarishly so
Threatening your very existence
With things you do not know

Time equally
Spent
Between and betwixt
Not seeming to take sides
Lest it seems a trick

Looked you in the eye
Casual enough
Look away
With a casual sigh
Timing is everything
Not to mention the conversation
Lost in the looking
Nothing really lost
Nothing really found
What did you say?
And can you repeat that
I was just wondering
Daydreaming to be truthful
Why should I listen to you
and
Why did you wear blue  
It’s a funny question
I know.
And can you please repeat what you just said
I was trying to read your expression
instead
I know I must sound an idiot
Isn’t funny how I wore blue too.
Between him and him and you
I wrote three hymns
And a hallelujah too
Maybe it all played out as it should have
With no could of or
Would of
A natural softening of the boundaries
Perhaps a dissolution of egos
Led me into your inner chamber
Like Mars
The god of war
Destroyed what was not real
And then receded
You pleaded
For me to go
Quickly.
Three was always a crowd,
A necessary triangulation
A supply chamber
For those who wore a shroud

Now heard you say
Now go away
Loud and clear
Why so loud and why so clear
Did you think me hard to hear
Could you not have whispered low
Softly to go
Bt no
Then
It was a literal death toll
For you too
I could not say
You could not stay
There was nothing left to do

You picked up what you could
And leftover me.
Bereft
Stepped over me
And left
Nevertheless
What’s in the conquest?
What did you get?
Missing soul piece

Did you get what you wanted
Was it a success?
Then
In the end, it was all worth it
It seems
The Machiavellian end justified the means
I’m not really sure if this is what I mean.
My words seem so inadequate.
Perhaps the best defense is an offense.
In any event
I’m off the fence.
But
Still in search
Of some pieces
I might have missed
Along the way.

An unmoved silence fell
Palpable and surreal,
empty swept streets
of billowy notes
frightful notes
making no comforting sound
pestilent in part and unfamiliar
the worst part.
part earth
part mystery
part necessity
part curious destiny

From up above
the birds had
momentarily had
mad had
stopped.


Then had
Wild with a fabulous fury
Unfurled a hurried
Frilly crescendo
a thrilling rage
a medley  
a melody
a harmony
a coming of age
Released cage fury outrage.
A warning whistle
To take flight
I have Felix insight
We all have our nemesis.
The chorus continued.
Then quiet.

The dawning of a new age
A warble in the fabric of time
A fluttering in the unflappable
Felt for and across time
You couldn’t put your finger on it
It was untenable yet real
As if
Time had collapsed
Like a wave function
Like you had flatlined
Like a thousand deaths and counting
Somehow still existing
but existing somehow still.
In the silence.
Of the now.  

Listening
To the unsung silence
Somehow.

The morning woke
The world woke
The sun woke
He, she, they
We all woke
Conjugating the morning
Even the shapeshifters woke
Are we all not shapeshifters?
In the legacy of time
Spiraling ever faster
Destinations unknown
Extinction or resurrection
No one knew
Maybe a prescient few
They weren’t saying

I remember mama
Those were the days
Do you remember mama
The days before
Gloves and masks and social distancing
A coronation of germs
Belied a nation of fears
Staying at home
Masking the tears

Do not come near
Printed on the masked faces
A grocery cart
Wiped clean of degradation
Marking the space
Keeping us
Seemingly safe
An aisle of suspicion
Grabbing a tissue
To weep
Or
Wipe away yesterday’s
Issue
The goofy man
Standing at the gate
With newfound authority
Barking out orders
The new rules of late
Exchanging amused glances
With the shopper behind me
Has it come down to this
Somethings amiss.

The kind got kinder
The mean got meaner

Do you remember, mama?
Those were the days
How I wish I could say
good old days

Every generation
Had its trials and tribulations
A fight for liberation
From all the masks
That shaped  
Inspiration.

I didn’t understand yours
Do you understand mine?

I’m staying at home, Mama
It’s where you wanted me to be
To allay all the fears
You never discussed with me.

Are we all not shapeshifters
Of the third kind?
Masking the wounds
Of another time?
Looking for liberation
In all the wrong places
Where all you had to do
Was look inside of you
If you dared

I remember Mama
And I think I understand  
Now.

Let me tell you a story
Not so long ago and faraway
In a verdant land of doers
The doers were you and me
And just about everyone you see
The doers did the same thing every day
They did, they did, they did
The doers who did, who didn’t know better
They named the land freedom
The doers in this green freedom land
Were suddenly forced to stop doing
They looked everywhere for something to do
Everything had already been done
There was nothing for all the doers to do
What to do?
What to do?
They lamented
If we can’t do this or that
What, then, is there to do
To the doers doing was everything
So, they did
The only thing left to do
They did nothing at all
And then something magical happened
You guessed it.
They found what they were looking for
It was everything!
It was always there
Hiding in nothing

The last place they thought to look
Stunned
The doers looked at one another
Was it even possible?
How is that possible?
When the doers thought about it
It was always staring them right in the face
Of course
Of course,
they thought
It was so obvious
The doers found
What they didn’t even know they were looking for
It was nothing at all
It was just something to do
And to the doers
That was everything.
LOL

Remaining in a state of suspended animation
While life goes on before me
But I, like the thinker
That stonecold
Untouchable
Nobody
That resides
In the stonecold
Emptiness of nothingness
Strangely where it all began
Void of my happiness
And touchiness
A nothingness
That knows itself as everything
Who are you?
You pretend to be God
All knowingness
Then you pretend to be me
All neediness
Who are you?
I have pled
And I have pleaded
And beseeched your help
You kept the mirror held up
I didn't fall in love
With me

So, I’m asking you, God
They tell
Do tell
You tell me
To love me
You love me
Till I love me
We can never be
Then why God did you create me?
For company?
Please answer me.

I am that I am
Not what I am not

Just the same
Looking down &
Flying low
The angel of intention
Wants you to know
Of all the millions,
Trillions of stars in the sky
You are the lone star
That knows why
You prayed for a reason
It wasn’t the season
As reason is the long way home
And you’ve been so long alone,
And
You see the why for and the how
And the love that is now.
The season of reason has come and gone
No abstract equation
Tome of persuasion
Looking for answers
Out there occasion
Can be found.

To be
The love that is now
That knows no limits
Eternal and limitless
Somehow
How forgiveness is meaningless
Your innocence is all that I see
Into the green, some scene somewhere
I’m never alone
Without you
I think I’ll go on living
What for?
Is life worth living?
Down to the bitter end
An illusion or metaphor?
Each day worth waiting for
I know not what
Have no answers,  
Only questions.

Love
Can I call you mine?
Are you a force?
A river that can’t be stepped into twice
Never the same
But, glorious
  
I hope you forgive me my sins, then
As I know there are many
If only I knew
What to do
Believe me, I’d do it
  
A kernel of truth offended
Upended you
I never meant to hurt you.
I’m trying to be more like you.
I put on my man shirt
And man pants
Refused to dance
And didn’t say a thing
Will that do?
Perhaps you’ll say
What’s gotten into you
Mirror on the wall
This isn’t like you at all
I know, I know
I just don’t know what to do
I’m a little lost
Without you.

  
I’m grappling in the dark
With multiplicity
Shattered pieces of my broken reflection
Sugar-coated intention?
Angels are creatures of invention.
I thought you knew
A treaded needle
To sew the discord
A recurrent chord to please
Amplifies my ardor
And then I want to kick you
Into kingdom come
Wishing it over and done

Crowds of chaos and
Cranial confusion
Contusions of caked-on batter
A battering ram
Aimed at my head
I’m dead
To all the illusion
Stuffed in a too-small space
And all the other ones
Like counting crumbs
Coming home
Labeling all the soup cans
On the pantry shelf
For future reference
Bringing the outdoors in
Where windows of light
Singe the demons of the dark
Conspiring to keep apart
My hopeless heart
Hurts
Although I know
We’re all one
Why do I feel so separate and alone
One mind creating fairytales
Out of pixie dust
Out of stone
Will my time ever come?
Are you still on the run?

It doesn’t seem to matter anymore.