Down, down, down I went
Like Alice on the rebound
Perchance, said I
Down, down, down I wept
Like Lucy in the sky
NoTime to think about it
NoTime to ask why
Is there even a shred of love
Lost?
A LostLove  alibi
Quite honestly,
I’ve NoTime to cry
And if I’m being quite honest
Which I don’t know if I am
It was quite a rush, but hush
It wasn’t a wabbit I chased
Or a well into which I fell
But a feeling that I have never, ever felt
While tumbling down the back stairs
Out of a dream, it seems
I kept falling
Deeper and deeper  
I fell
Where and then and there
I thought
How unfamiliar
How dreamlike, it was
Then I paused in mid-flight
Waiting for a hammer to strike
We were so alike
Would I find
Would I find myself
On the shelf
Besides
A jar of disembodied hearts
Teetering on the high
Impossible to deny
Up there and then
a talking, out of character story
Perhaps the mad hatter
or simply mad as a hatter
am I
Which of course couldn’t be me, you see
I suppose it could be I?
Could be or not
Maybe my lie is a lie.
How much deeper could I fall
Where and then and there
Would I
How to know you know
How much deeper
Did the NotWell
go?

Go, go, go
Said I
Before I died.
Not sure my words
Like bad little soldiers
Complied.
Staying true to the moment
In time.
Means NoTime at all.
I may be the sanest person I know.
Yes, I believe that’s
True
Even if it’s a lie
If the shoe fits
I may have found my prince
(At the ball)
And it may not be
You.
After all.

As much as you’d like to make light
Of the subject.
And I mean that
Always in a good way.
It still
Freaks me out.
In its stillness
Yes, I’m friggen
freaked out. No doubt
Too much clarity makes me
Wish I was blind. And I
Immediately take it back.
I know you don’t mind
Because I’m so **** superstitious,
and yet
Totally practiced
I’m writing on now
Paper-thin and one-sided
Without my glasses,
blurry and a bit lopsided.
With or without-
On a pale horse
I see you approaching.
And yet
I’m totally freaked out.
And yet,
Sometimes I feel
might it be-
a more comfortable
alternative?
And yet, adlibbing
How long will I be?
Freaked out
By the living.

The day dripping
Melting
Towards its final demise
The night uncovered/discovered
A cover for all the nights’ disguise
Either way
Making way
For the ticktock busyness of the fray
Time to dress/undress
Do/undo
Whatever’s underway
Such a lonesome stay
Either way
It’s ok
The where is neither here nor there
She said
She was
A crepuscular creature
Of neither night nor day
A potpourri of either way.
Revealing simply what she wants to say.
A reconciliation of either way.

Instant enlightenment
That is, is it
All a lie
Are you, am I
Dressed to the nines
In trendy design
With no place to go
And nothing to mind
You read it here first
For better or worst
A modern-day phenomenon
Packaged perfect to know
Just add water
You’re good to go
Generational gibberish view
Who spurned the denim devils
In you
Bluejean blueprints
Attached to the past  
Of patterns and hues
Sleeve Sloppy revealing
Dribble drool feeling
Seer suckered
Taube tuckered
Unrealing

Take your patchwork punch
Take my cameo role
Handheld scroll
Gently
Poked in a fire of woe
Battle wounded warrior
Drowning to
Federations of fear
Leagues of sometime,
Somewhere
Donuts of denigration
Looking through the whole
Of integration
On a scout mission
Wizards of wondering why
Epiphanies abound.
And in the morning light
Silence is the only sound around
Why wait to get it right?

Oh, preachy poser
Pedantically put
But please just shut-up
If you can’t walk the walk
Don’t talk the talk
  
Up a crazy lazy river
Without a paddle or clue-
And who
Like instant pudding, I do
Instant coffee, too
Instant cake in a cup,
Microwave ready
Brew

Fear I’ve left something out
And nothing will ever do
The instant never needs  
To make-up to something new
And you who
Instantly knew
  
Don’t believe the story.
It’s all a lie
Even if it’s true
Makes a good story
But none of it’s you
Story characters in drag
In a romance novel or two
Only love is real
Or so I’ve been told
Playing a part
That never gets old
Address the unaddressed
Storied mess
Behold

Shakespeare in a silk shirt
Romeo is such a flirt
Juliet’s without regret
And yet
While  
Lost in a speeding train of thought
Took the window seat I bought
Watching the living loving world
Pass by

And I
See waving at me
Michael with a golden sword
Protection from the lord.
Up high
How can this be?

Terrible, terrible low-down lying lizard
Am I
What of it?
Pop-ups  
Worse than infomercials
Role-playing rehearsals
Characters complaining
Insanely blaming
Always trying to please
Never at ease
Never understanding
But, I do
But I lie.
Commas go
Commas die
And
Always a busy but.

I know I should
But, I won’t
I know I could
But I don’t
So, go away with your stuck-up sail
It really is to no avail

Have you seen the broken bandage?
Wrapped around your battered finger
Bleeding
******* breaking
Bad blood oozing
From your packaged refusing
Never mind it was a nice story but was it true  
I never lied to you
I never lied to you
I never would
    
I conjured you
Like genie in a bottle of *****
Intoxicated by a vision of you
  
I know you aren’t doing well
Do tell
You won’t let anyone help
Don’t balk in blue
Think it true
Because you think you are
Only you
Because you are
Scared of what might be
Scared the story might be true
You could be me
Or I could be you  
  
Because the story and the storyteller are one
An Escher drawing
Drawing itself
In two
Two peas in a prissy pod
Pleasing

Have you reconciled your fiction?
Or is this an addiction
Affliction come true
  
Your magical silver moon swaying
Your chalice of still stars staying
Cups of fantasy flowing
Sun spraying days
Tiptoeing
Ways
Neither
Friend nor foe
I’ll never know

Remember the story  
Do you remember
I remember
Nothing’s changed
Tempestuous tweets
Trilling thoughts of verses sweet
For better or worse
If you follow me forever
I will follow you. +-
Forever
Feels like a tall story
It’s a leap of faith
Not a leap off a ten-foot story

Better wait till the morning
Light.

Now
Sugar and a little cream
Palliative potion of comfort
Elixir of coffered considerations.
Contemplated and envisaged
Morning brews,
Propositioning sunsoothes
Particles.
Helios sweeping mightlight across
The metallic movingmorn
Undulating nightlight.
Topaz infused
Daydreaming muse
Stirs the digested amnesic night  
Drinks to
  
Apollo offline
Drinks to
The empty holy grail of evening,
While Helios slept.
Hallucinating prophecies of fleeting images,
Succulent hopes of happinesses
Drunken inhaled trippy
Folktales
Of lore
And lay.
Oracled god of prophecy
God of healing
God of poetry
Healing lyrical music medicine
Hear my poemprayer
Hear my prayerpoem
Drink to
Elixir of life
Elixir of love lost.
Drink to
The elixir of a childless day.

Met you first at the edge of town
Where parallel lives converge
Too close to see the reality
Too close to see the merge
Entrained & double stranded
Twice abandoned
Forged in fire
Etched in stone,
Dressed in a serious tone

Divide:
The divine definition
Served over coffee, wine, and repetition
The overhead sign flashed
Standby Alert

Never one to heed the warning
You were looking straight ahead
On an outward bound,
Dopplered red
Journey

The local doesn’t stop there anymore.

The stranger that you were seeing
Detached from all-mighty reason
Feeling tracts of the weatherworn
Like leather shorn
Shattered by resistance  
Battered by time and insistence
A legacy of perfectionism
Bestowed on you by dogmatism
Stirred by criticism
Seen through a prism schism
From standing on your head
Judging yourself upside down
Perspective’s reflection
Ism prison
Makes perfect sense
A hole in groundism


Storied teller without a soundism
Rhythm or such
Downtown, cafed, solitary lunch bunch
Saying no to this, no to that
So comfortable
When there’s something to defend
And there always something to defend

The exonerated accused of insanity
Righteous indignation abomination nation
To the guilty acquitted by reason of sanity
For strategizing one side
Side Lies
Channel changing and codified


The chips are played and unafraid
Free-floating on a reclining cloud
Hovering above the unavowed
Unbuckled crowd
Without blame or explanation


The hand that binds, rewinds
Will eventually set you free


The tracks began to dance
A lazy sideways glance
Carving a figure eight
Keeping time
With a measured gate
Pausing as they crossed
Hand over hand
In infinity seeing speck
An aspect
Dancing on ice
They spin
So without
So within
Pirouette going around and around
Everyone stepped aside
Later they all took a side

“Never saw it coming.

You know, he never should have left.

Yes but, how do you know it was him?

I heard she was bereft.”

The moment was tenuous
Always slipping from grasp
Always a handout for help
Always a mask
The mask it
Fell from where it was hanging and
Broke in half              
You were off autopilot
Without a staff


Yes, to whatever you say
I’m that way
You must first introduce yourself
Forgive yourself
For all the isms’
They were never ever you
The isms aren’t all bad
They just embody the essence
Of all that is had.

Distracting yourself with all the things of your doing
Little time left for beauty  
The people, the places, the problems,
The gardens below the deep blue sea
What next,
What to do
But not me
God spoke to you your divine mission
But you had other plans
Prophesizing was not your ambition
Accused of sedition
Your shipmates up roared
Threw you overboard
For refusing to obey the lord
Jonah in the whale chasing his own tail
Swallowed whole
It was a dark night of the soul
Dark nights don’t last forever
I’m hoping
The whale took pity
Spit you from nit-picky
Onto a sandy shore
It was there you saw her
A damsel in distress
Rapunzel in a Versace dress
You are in
Survival a la mode

Tell me
What is real
What fantasy

Danger lurking in your own backyard
Disguised as femininity
You swing from to and fro and
When push comes to show
All the things you know
While you row upstream
Adrenalin coursing like rain
Tendrils rooted in pain
You’re a ******
Just the same
Chemically constructed
but that
Keeps you on the safe track.

You’ve come a long way
Some would say full circle
Where endings are beginnings
Beginnings endings
Never endings
Never beginnings

Before
Birth to Mother Earth
Before
There was a thought to come
Before
Staging had begun
Before
The veiled curtain parted
Where you danced as one
then departed

Destinations gleamed
Slates wiped clean
A lot going on behind the scene

Spiraling in hyper-space
Crash landing
Somewhere in time-space
It didn’t quite fit
It was
A loosely knit counterfeit

You
They named you
Cloaked you in shrink-wrap
Sheltered you in familiarity
Bagged and boxed you in
Taught you what they knew
Until you believed it to

You
Wanderer of the dichotomous night
Was It black before it was white?
Was it dark before the light?
Was it doubt before insight?
Have we come to reconcile the night?
Or for the sheer afternoon delight?

Chance is an orchestrated dance
Like puppets on a string unseen
Strung and scripted
Playing parts unrehearsed
Puppeteers will cheer
When you come undone
To yourself

Who is it about perfection?
That requires us to sow
Seeds of imperfection
A baptism by fire
Until all that is left
Is emptiness
And experience
You.

Standing naked before your creation
Too close to the ragged and shadowy edge
Where Metaphor and What the Hell is it All For
Made a ceremonial pledge

Not to Tell

“Embracing the edge is the only sensible thing to do.
Cliff hangers are not for cereal killers
Who take their cereal without a crunch.
Captain, you don’t play well with others.
I’m going on a hunch.”

“I have no idea what the hell your talking about, replied What the Hell is it All For” You talk in riddles and followed him out the door.

Why does the night cry?
Beneath a char colored marshmallow sky
Perfectly fitting the black-tied blind eyed
Soireed
Night by
Bye and bye

As an angry sky decried
Stratified and moody clouds pass by
They ask you to
Not ask why
Knowing you need to cry
Saw you hunch your shoulders
You were so very tense
You started to roar
Electric fly-by outcry

Then you tensely
Cocked your head to one side
Felt as empty as summer days
Where the light was so bright
You thought you would vanish
In a summer haze
Eminently either a flood or a roar
Helplessly, unpredictably more and more
And nothing more.  
And then-
It happened
It started to pour.

And  
As morning dawned
You understood why.
But it was too late
To reinstate
Bye and bye.

Once upon a time
On a fence in a garden somewhere
Worse than Mary’s lamb lost in the woods
She hasn’t slaughtered the poor lamb
And fed it to the wolves
As she’s been rumored to
I lied when I said
Fairytales don’t come true
Why would Mary be so cruel
To make them eat gruel
If my poem doesn’t rhyme
Must be a bad sign
Because my hearts on the line
Because you left me behind
I need to read between the lines
But all I think about is you
So, in the same way they shoot horses
Tell me it’s not true
Save me from playing the fool
Because I’ve never been here before
And I don’t know what to do
Without you.

This must be a fantasy
Because I no longer need you to be
I made you real
Carved you out of wood
I’m a master carver
I love what I do
I love my creations
You can fill in the last line
If you want to.

Don’t believe what I say
Because I’m still on the fence
Telling Lies
It’s not true
This is me pouring my heart out
First, it’s yes
Then it’s no
Then go away
Then stay

Now wouldn’t it be so unlike Mary
To slaughter the poor lamb
She’s not that cruel

I know I’m waffling
The fence is narrow
And I can’t stay here forever
But don’t send the sirens just yet
I only meant
I’m coming down from the fence
The end.

Andrea, here’s the update

Snow-white has run off with Happy after the Charming Prince to jail he went for kissing the girl without consent.

Wicked stepmother has cleared her name. The apple was a honey crisp, ate it herself, she couldn’t resist.
  
They rushed her to the ER. Pumped her stomach, sent her home in an Uber car.

Andrea Remember

how we rode our bicycles to the park on warm summer days. Mine a dull shade of green, clunky with fat tires. I think my father paid five dollars for it. You with a sleeker younger model. Didn’t matter. We were young, hopeful and complete with the moment.

how long has it been since we walked those hollowed high school halls, poofed hair, poofed pride, poofed egos? We thought we were something back then. The age of innocence, incense, and nonsense.

remember how we dutifully attended religious instruction every Thursday afternoon at Corpus Christi Church. Funny how some things stay with you and some things are on the fence.

remember the crowded lunchroom where our little clique met regularly at 11. I ate ice cream sandwiches every single day. I was size 9, you maybe no size at all, maybe zero or four.

remember the guy on the radio would say “especially you size nine.” No way would he get away with that today.  

you were always impeccably dressed.  A fashionista before anyone had ever heard the word. I especially remember that soft orange sweater you wore that looked so adorable on you.

Andrea Remember

all the boys we loved and left.

all the boys who left and broke our hearts. I remember you crying in the backseat of the car.

will we ever forget?

I remember the day you told me he had gotten her pregnant and they were getting married. Years later I met his son and he looked so much like him. Years later I met him, but it wasn’t the same.

we made a great team, you and me. You outgoing, gregarious and fun. Me quiet and shy. You were Penn and I was Teller. You always led the way and I always followed. I perhaps wanted to be you and you perhaps wanted to be me.

I almost didn’t pick up the day you called, not because I didn’t still love you. But a lifetime has happened since. How was I to fill you in, where was I to begin?

like a treasured yet comfortable keepsake, I had tucked you away. Distant memories flashed a do not disturb sign in my unsettled mind.

a snapshot, you were frozen frames in the reel of life. Young, long black hair flowing, petite and always from frame to frame in perpetual motion.

you often returned to me in dreams like the words to some lost but once favorite song.

we believed in fairytales then. We believed in love stories and happy endings. We believed we’d find our Prince Charming one day and live happily ever after.

perhaps my hesitation was a refusal to accept life’s changing seasons. You belonged to the spring not winter, the past not the future. Perhaps something more. Perhaps I knew in a split second my life would be changed forever.

perhaps I knew I would need to tell you how fairytales don’t always come true and you would need to tell me too.

I am an artist
I am not
Painting with oils and with words
Painting arranging itself on a blank canvas
Words stumble and fall into calligraphed stanzas
I am only an artist when I am not
Words, dare I say my
If I’m lucky and don’t try
Favorite colors falling from a rainbow sky.

Seasons are quickening
Redshifting streaking  an ebony sky
Hurling meteoric handballs
Through the space of no time
Someone’s shuffling the deck of days
Reading the hearts and spades as they play
One turning into the other
The other turning into one
Diamond heart of antiquity
Crisp-clear seeds piercing crystal clouds
Torrents of thinking tears falling
Heaven's warehouse of available thought
Flooding the worn weary  
Seeking shelter
From themselves
Speeding down the highway of no time
Chasing summer
Chasing spring
Summer’s silence shouts from an empty rooftop
You’re an orphan now
‘How can this be’
You cry out
An echo reverberates
‘What was that you said’
Old man winter slugs through
The showy season heavy
Looking for the one that got away.
One doesn’t necessarily follow the other
Measured thought collapses onto itself
He doesn’t know it
And is okay
It’s warp speed
And a slow grind
At the same time
Summer was wrong
You’re destiny’s child.

Didn’t have time to pack a suitcase
News of your arrival
For those supposedly
Seeking  your survival
Unexpectedly came too soon
They called ‘code blue’
‘code blue’
Usurpers of free will
Moving in for the mourning ****
How dare you
How dare you.

What conformity belies the truth of your aggression?
What sadistic urges your imperious suppression?
Monsters in blue
What did I do to you?
How dare you
How dare you

Five came guns blazing
While I sat happily sun gazing
They threw you into the backseat of their cruiser
Shackled and tackled
And black and blue
Bam, bam, bam mame
Now do you understand
Monsters in blue
What did I do to you?
How dare you
How dare you

I don’t play by your rules
Because you’re fools

It was early spring
Barely a mist
Pisces you old daydreamer
They labeled you a fall risk
Isn’t it the season of renewal?
Was there something that I missed?
A sledgehammer to crack a nut
Sometimes I get really, really ******.
If it’s a broken tread
So be it.

An orange bracelet
Separates us from them.
The walking condemned
Who march to their own beat
Hey, monsters in blue
Mad as a hatter
Are you
I’m pointing the finger at you

My loathing I can hardly contain
You think me insane
My clarity is so beyond your ability to see
I don’t play by your rules
Because you’re all fools
Your conformity is a deformity in this crazy world
Excuse me if I’m barking mad
And a trifle sad
This baptism by fire
Stirred my ire
You asked no questions, no need
Never asked how I plead
You took his word, unquestionably
Would you have done the same
If he were a she?

By just what authority
Do you throw out democracy?
Ball and chain
Is the name of your game
Monsters in blue
What did I do to you..

My anger quite soothing
Someone brings me a smoothie

Didn’t want to end on a sour note
But if I ever get my hands on your throat
I might squeeze
So, I'm down on my knees
Praying for deliverance
From you
Monster in blue.

Funny how the feeling comes and goes
Could it be, you’ll stop haunting me soon
You know some days I think just like a loon
But, in the end, give me one good reason
To stay,  
The hanged man
Broke loose from his noose
The castles in peril
The queens mean
And the subject sterile
So,
Down dog down,
Don’t make me scream and holler
I swear I won’t put you in a collar
And walk you around like a puppy dog.
I only wanted to keep you close to me
Hopelessly, I see for wanting a dialogue

Do one and one make two?
Am I still a friend to you?
If not, please tell me what I did or didn’t do
Because I was always trying to be a friend to you
Was I overbearing in my caring?
Did I say too much or not enough?
I know you hated my gushing and mushing and my leaning on you
But you know, if truth be told
I know you don’t really care
It’s true
If I said you act like this because you don’t really care
You tell me it’s not true
But breakthrough, it is true
You don’t really care for much.
It’s not really a lack of sufficiency
But it could be
More like a chosen, frozen stringency contingency
**** it, don’t we see in everyone else
What we don’t see in ourselves.
Because you know the highs and lows
Is that why the feeling comes and goes
It could be true of me as well

Why do I have to follow protocol?
It’s your call, you know
Slayer of untruth
Wreaker  of havoc
Assassin unfastened
I’m knee deep in denial
The jury has declared a mistrial
Don’t know what’s ahead
Maybe my deathbed
No magical carpet ride, try instead
Ossified, petrified, vilified
Rider of the dark night
Looking for a guiding light
Frozen, chosen neophyte
On the backside of truth
Cockeyed seeker of
A fountain of youth
Found it in a bottle of vermouth
It was short-lived
Started to fizz
That is
What I’m trying to say
Do you understand now
If you do, please tell me
There’s nothing I can do
I’m me and you’re you
If you understand
If you do, please tell me
Do one and one make two
Or is it a roadmap
Am I a doormat?
Have I
Forsaken myself
For the love of a lover
Or is it just a cover
For not liking me.

Artists are always trying to configure the landscape with invisible ink. So, it seems. The kind you can't see at first (a thought, a wish, a desire)  and with an incredible thirst for life. Maybe survival may be because they're afraid, maybe afraid to be swallowed up by some demonic invisible force. No filter to tune out all the little things you see.  You're fed up with all the analysis. You need to purge. Uh- such an ugly word. Well, I guess that’s one way to put it. Try purify, justify, express, clean up, cleanse. remove, sanitize, vent, erase. On and on.  Morph it, whatever it may be, into some form of art. Some of it splatters, some of it matters, some of it doesn’t.  Not art for art's sake. Too difficult. Too contrived. Too much work, but mostly the art of necessity. A flow or a push, whatever the case may be. An inexorable need, a hunger, a vacuous perpetual emptiness that cries out for needing.  The expression of something lacking in me. Oh, poor, poor pitiful me.  Control was never the issue. No issues were ever released before they're time.

Such a need to get in touch with my possessive adjectives or am I just possessive. So how does this relate to you? Everything does but you like me. I could leave it there. I won't. You like me don't like some parts of you. Yes, that's it.

Try it on for a fit.

Does it fit?
It should fit because I feel it fits and then moments come.

They're excruciating.

They’re despairing

They’re painful.

They hurt.

They drive me to my knees.

I think I'm possessed.

I hide.

I hide behind my invisible ink, with you.

Yet I am never alone.
I know you're not there but really does it matter.
You always have something to do, somewhere to be and then something else to do, to be, to do, to be, inexorably. Why do I use this word continuously?
You have turned your moments of reverie into a painting, a song, a poem, a dialogue, a whatever and ever. Never and never to just let it be. I scream but no one hears.

Can anyone tell me why I wrote this terrible scenario?
I thought I was the authorship of me, of my life, my script.
Can anyone tell me why I can’t write you back into my life?
Someone has sabotaged my authorship.
Not to sound paranoid, but I think negative entities have taken up residence in me.
I have cast them out invisibly with prayer and intention, but if nothing changes, I’ll know it was me.
I’ll post this now just to see if anyone can relate.
I don’t want to be all alone - with a poem I can’t write.
I don’t want to be all alone with just me.
I miss my doggy.
She loved me unconditionally.

Fringe seekers, yearning for truth
How alienated and alone are you
What vacuum of truth are you seeking?
What expression of you are you speaking
You have fallen into a bottomless well
Where safety is the only hell
Down you go
Like Alice
Down and down
It’s a wonderland of your own making
Backbreaking, Earthshaking. Heartbreaking
Painstaking undertaking
While the Queen yells
Off with her head
You lay dead
In the place where
Angels fear to thread
And they pour happiness molecules
into your head
Fools jewels
Because you are stubborn as a mule
And it all seems so cruel
And won’t learn your lesson
I told you it’s you
You, you, you
And there’s nothing I can do
It’s just a fantasy
Of your own making
The curious come to seek the keys
Keys to the kingdom
The doors are too small
The keys are too big
And nothing seems to fit

Pardon moi, si vous plait
Do you happen to know the way?
Qui mademoiselle
The way, quite simply, is anyway
It’s all just play
Play, play, play
I would like to play
Then why do I feel this way?

So baby,
Would you like to see?
Angry me
Well, ok here it is
I’ll tell you now
How it’s going to be
You listen to me
Agree or disagree
It doesn’t matter to me
Here’s the good news
You’ll never get the blues
The blues are so old news to me
I scream
I cry
I shake my head why
Then deny that this could ever be
Don’t get me wrong
I just want to die to what is
You must listen to me
Because I’m your muse
Only with me will you be free
And only I allow you to see
Agree or disagree
It means nothing to me
You lie
You deceive
You pretend to be
Something you’re not
You need to get down on your hands and knees
And pray to be
The you, you need to be
My truth is tainted with anger
But my anger is always the truth
Agree or disagree
It really doesn’t matter to me
You have nothing to say
So, you might as well pray

Because I’m not writing you a love song
I don’t have it in me
But I can see more clearly
Than I ever did before and
All the disparate parts of me
Their all part of a whole
And not some disassociated part of me

I’m so sad to not love you anymore
But there will always be a part of me
So, baby
You need to get down on your hands and knees
Because you have nothing to say
You might as well pray
Because I’m not writing you a love song
I don’t have it in me
Because you don’t see
What’s right in front of your eyes
You tell lies
And you don’t listen to me anyway.

I’ve heard goodbye before
When you slammed the proverbial door
This time I think I really mean it.

Hey delirious
Don’t take yourself so seriously
The darkest hour is always before the dawn
The way-shower is here to help you along
So, please excuse me while I kiss this guy
Don’t ask me why
Don’t ask me why


Hey serious
Don’t take yourself so seriously
The darkest hour is always before the dawn
The way-shower is here to help you along
So, please excuse me while I kiss this guy
Don’t ask me why
Don’t ask me why

Touch down
Come down,
Get down
Bring down
The house
Give it a chance, baby
Make some romance, baby
Come back to me,  
Because for me
It isn’t over  

Doom and gloom
Just toil your head
While I wax poetic
You walk a plank
While you wax lyrical
I’m satirical
Somewhat hysterical
When it’s not for me
Not for me
Not for me

So, get down off your high horse
Learn to start a discourse
Say what you think
Don’t overthink
And don’t take yourself so seriously
It’s hilariously funny
Darling
Why do you take yourself so seriously?
Get down off your high horse
And learn to start a discourse

How are you ever going to be a writer?
When you can’t even see yourself
Reveal yourself
Be yourself
You seriously expect too much from yourself
Because you’re delirious

So, get down off your high horse
Learn to start a discourse
And excuse me while I kiss this guy
Don't ask me why
Don't ask me why

Continuous competition
Has left me without ammunition
And a lack of ambition
Without any friction

You’re so wound up
You need to wind down
Before you can make-up
Before you break up
Before you can bring down the house
Oh, did you think
You were the casual one
Quite a revelation, read
St John’s station
To learn it was you all along
So, let go of the reins
You might have something to gain

And get down off your high horse
Learn to start a discourse
And excuse me while I kiss this guy
Kiss this guy
Kiss this guy
Don't ask me why

Touch down
Come down,
Get down
Bring down
The house
Give it a chance, baby
Make some romance, baby
Come back to me,  
Because for me
It isn’t over  

Seriously
Deliriously
Deluded.

Who needs company?
Not me
You see
I’m sitting here by myself
I have given my self away
All of my life
I have walked my self
Down the aisle of discontent
I have made vows
I can’t keep
Hung only from boughs
Within my reach
All my life
I’m taking my self back
My solo status intact
My backs to the wall
Lover, you’re fading
Like a dying sunset
Then you’re back  
Then gone
Ephemeral like a dream
My mind is broken
Shards of disbelief
My heart is barely there
Heartbroken and
Mindbroken
Alone and frozen
Only the frozen can shatter
Only the frozen crave the warmth
Who needs company?
When you’re a soloist
Lover, you’re fading
I have had to shut you down
As I have shut them all  
One by one, each alone room
I have turned off all the lights
It’s a dark house
Then as now
A haunting by hurting
Day and endless nights
I have braved the hollowed halls
There where
Scary monsters live  
One by one I turned away
Shut them down
I’m a soloist
Who needs company?
Who knows that better than you
Not many live there
You forced my hand
You’re my alter ego
I have knelt in your darkness
Your coldness
Your distance
For too long
As now
As then
You want a little warmth
Then look around you
They have left you
Alone
What could be better for a soloist like you
You can’t always have it your way
Hubris you say
You work so hard
For moments like these
They have left you
Because you have left them
In the same way
You have left me
So, I’m turning off the lights
It’s quite uncomplicated
You left
So I left
I’m not leftovers
If you want leftovers
Save last night’s dinner
Nothing like leftover- whatever
You’re a soloist, too
I get it
Monsters live in you too
I get it, but
Should you be alone in the dark
With all those inner demons
Tell you what
They’re not so scary
If you stand up to them
Just say boo like you mean it
They scare too
I’m a soloist like you
You scare so easily
Scaredy cat
Cats too are alone  
Except in some needy feline moment
Rare but they’re there
Now as then
You’re fading
Soon you’ll be gone
And I’ll be all alone
Soloist don’t hang with the flock
So
Bye, bye birdie
Where do all the dead birds go
No rhyme
No reason
No time
No season
Bye, bye birdie
My flights about to take off
I’ve overcome my fear of flying
So, I’ll go it alone

I'm going into Delray
Where anonymity is thy name
Poets & Truth seekers- your words
have reached into the deepest part of me
with your honesty, integrity
That stretches into eternity
Straddling the limitless &
Could care less
With synchronistic simplicity
Where you have reconciled
The Infidel
Duplicity

Shall I continue
without you
can't go on this way.
I’m dying to be reborn
A sweet surrender is it
where pain
doesn’t gain
the upper hand.
dying
pure
silent
alone
gone
change
peace
love
living is too hard.
Did I mention how hurt I am
By your duplicity
How I had to hug the hurt
Till it no longer hurt
So bad
and then
The hurt is hugging me back
In gratitude
Duplicity
till I live and love and hurt
and die and with
a hurt unremembered
am I reborn?
  
I must go now
Yet, there is nowhere to go
And no one to go there with.
I find a picturesque parking spot
It will do
With a pond and an occasional duck
I should remember to bring some crackers.

Hang there for a while
Like some significant solo meeting
The company has requested your company
But,
I’m very busy and cannot attend
I’m feeding the ducks
I’ve studied quackery
Enjoyed the scenery
On my way to the winery
the meeting will convene without me
or
let it be

Friendly and intoxicating
with lots of bubbles bursting
Smart and stupid silly bubbles
Spacious with ducks
And dogs
And squirrels
music
And Laughter
And love
That’s where I want to be
With me.

Seems so obvious
When I think about it
That I’ve been operating from the wrong end
Surely that would explain why
So many cautious Cartesian carts
Are leading their stupid stubborn mules
Down a hard rock road
Yes, you like it
When I lose control and balk and kick
Call you names
Act insane
Act like a fool
You can feel the pain, feed the pain
Better than feeling nothing at all
How do I separate from you
Is it even possible to do
Being such an essential, as backward ingredient
In vain are you
So I talk to you
As if you were real, here, mine
It’s the law of assumption
I assume
Do I assume too much of you
This isn’t what I set out to do
Everyone has taken everything from me
I had to set some boundaries because some have none
Their machinations
Aren’t so obvious
Thieves and robbers without guns and masks
Is one better than the other
Or are they the same
They take and take and take and take
Till there’s nothing left
And when the supply has run dry
They disregard
I hate to think
You did the same
Because you enjoy the pain
Just not yours
Balk all you want
Then pause your balking
And your nice talking
Your nonsense
Your rationalizations
Abounding
You want the truth
I want the truth
That’s it
You are the tip of some frozen iceberg
I’ve joked and choked on your lies
Try again
In some other life
This time, if you can
Let’s be truthful
I may be hiding in a poem
But you’ve disguised yourself so well
In your own song
That you don’t even recognize you
Am I being mean to you baby
Maybe is all I can say
When you graduate from kindergarten
If you’re a good boy
If you behave yourself
And stop lying to yourself
Take off your mask
Turn in your guns
Walk back, talk back
Come back
As you are
Or just stay away


Did you know you have to own a white colored car
To order from the Starbucks drive-thru in Boca
It’s true
They made a corporate decision
If you want to run with the A crowd
It’s ok if you do
But, you had better trade in your many shades of grey
They’re so not you
You, you’re so true
Through and through
Don’t ask what did you do
You did nothing
Nothing.
Nothing at all

You’re as hard as a rock
Stubborn as a mule
And I’m tired of being a fool

If you’re so smart
Why do you tell so many lies?
Why the disguise.
I feel you balking.
Balk you too.

There I feel better.

When you see, seer
The perfection in it all, bang
You’ve lost a point of view
Then are you utterly alone
Like the clown
All around the three ring
Circus-goers
Laugh at the absurd thing
Never suspecting how utterly profound.
Is the life of a clown.

How many bangs have birthed you then
Imprisoned primordial bangs
Bursting the unsuspecting cosmos
What a long childhood you’ve had,
While god watched
From his bang, bang launch pad
Millions of light years went by
Bang, bang
Billions of light tears he cried
Eventually, bang you appear
After
A lustful specialty bang  
Sped spermful and hopeful
To an ultimate conclusion
Destinies union.
You then,
Orchestrating bang-bang moments of between
Beautiful verdant in bloom bangs
Hang from your spring and summer tree
Of your budding truth
Of your hopeful youth
Time capsuled shutter flutter
Contemplative baby bangs soothing
The Epiphanius bang of instant recognition
Bangs so soft
They're hardly bangs at all
Being more like a soft bubble bursting
A quiescent sound
Infinite in its stillness.
Nothing to forgiveness

Then came
The bangs of the winter of your discontent
Explosive in its silent rage
Shattering the iron of its irony
The rage in its engage
The fury in its fleeing
Blind-sighted by seeing
Justified in its sage rage

Follow the bang gang
Puerile and untouched
In its rarest invisible form
Placated and felted
Velvet experiencer
Must touch.
Must taste
Must be seen
Must be to be to be.

Without the sacrificial lamb
You stand
Alone
Neither prey nor predator
Merely a spectator
To a dictator.
You’ve known all along

And frown at the clown
That was only trying to make you laugh.

Prodigal love of lore and loss
What lore of late-what
Digital dialogue debate
Declares
That in letting go of you
I find me
In finding me
I find you
Who has declared
Two halves do not make a whole
One and one are not two.
What fabricating god has declared it not true
What fabricating god do they hope to make
In the land of milk and money
Silk and gummy
Ilk and rummy
Is it not funny
Honey, are you  
Raw and everlasting-
What does the honey bee know
To make something so sweet, so true
To worship their Queen
Like no other being
Could
I can see clearly now
Doesn’t mean I like what I see
Except for the absurdity of the certainty
That this was meant to be
And the fear that you disagree.

Beautiful St Bridget
Inaccessible are you
Unbroken and unspoken
Your safety net has loosened
Aflutter are your offspring translucent.
Stray just a little
From the comfort of your brides’ bed
Safety brings you home
Safety has left you utterly not
Free to roam
You’re in free fall
Without a prayer shawl
Without your safety net
God gives and God takes away
Who are we to say


What to do with the wild blue yonder
Ponder this crazy blue moon day


Words are a poor substitute
There all I have left
I will miss
The softness of your kiss
That I have never known
Except in some dream
I took home.
Where I’m chained to the bed
Alive and dead
With needle, with thread
Stitch after boring stitch
Sewing ferociously
The pieces of my torn net
To bring back the safety
Of my upset.

Some stories are more true than others
This may be one of them
Or it may be another
Some bend the line
Between fiction and fact
I detract……
Believe it or not,  
Back before the world began
Before you were you
And I was me
We created the world
The way
We wanted it to be
So don’t be so proud of all your degrees
Because you created you
The way I wanted you to be
You decided where you would live
What you would do
All the experiences you would go through
I’d tell you this is a fable
And that’s one reality
If you were only able
To understand
You’re under an umbrella
Of insanity
Or could that be me
Fear not, Sir Lancelot
Your truth lancer
Is just a fantasy dancer
She’s never coming for you
Is that what you want her to do
You should never believe a fantasy dancer
Did you ever hear the riddle
Or was it a conundrum
About the two brothers
One always told the truth
And one always told a lie
How to tell the difference
It really wasn’t necessary
I’ll tell you why
hmmm
I forget the point I was going to make
Something about what is true
And what is fake
Yes, I think that was it.
So while you were planning
To do everything right
I was escaping into the night
The streets were lit in incandescent light
Nocturnal prowlers of the twilight
We too were hoping to get it right
Living under the shroud of night
Rising as the sun is setting
Bed wetting
Corset letting
Underground abetting
Courter’s of midnight insights

But in the end
Even the darkness was so bright
One gets tired of the artificiality
Self-imposed marginality
And decides to come into the light.

Do you still believe your lies
The story you told
Is ages old
So, if truth be told
I’m growing old
Waiting for you to wake up
And makeup
Up, up, up
Do you still give a ****
Isn’t it as much about the cooktop
As getting to the up top
Mountaintop
Dress shop
Island hop
Photo opt
Lollipop

You had better pay up or shut up
Don’t even think for a split second
That that’s my mantra
Said the pieman to the cow
You’re such a monkey mind
With your mixed-up metaphors
And sky-blue pedicures
Did you hear me when I said
Shut up monkey
Reference never mind
Do you ever mind that I so
Casually include you in every line
If you didn’t make an appearance so sweet
No poem would ever be complete.

So Hey
Monkey mind
Did you ever notice how
All the self-proclaimed gurus of love and light

Nothing wrong with love and light
Said girl interrupted
I know, I know
But I’m talking about
The shadow side
Because every good story needs a protagonist.

Getting back to
Me guru
Me thinks
Me right
Yeah well that’s right
Those downloads came straight from heaven
Yep from heaven to earth
They flew
Straight into their guru lap
Excuse me, laptop
Because that’s where they stored
Space permitting
All their wayward followers
like a ladder submitting
Skyward

Hey, guys, I’m back
And I came straight from the light
With a brand-new insight
And I love you so much
Monkeys
Yes, I do
Even if
All you ever do is
Hang upside down from your monkey tail
Telling yourself tall tales
You’re so mixed up monkey
Won’t you ever make up your mind?
Why do I always have to read between the lies?

Crepuscular creatures of comfort
Ensconced in your distant corner seat
With your paper folded and neat
Existential and conventional are you
Criss Crossing boxes of clues
Pigeonholed decoder of choose
Or not
Looking only for the clues that fit
Make it or break it or quit

I take my tea and sit
next to him
With a mischievous grin
I begin
I hope I’m not disturbing you
Which is exactly what I hope to do
Well not in a mean way
I was just hoping that I too could play
But this isn’t a game for two
I clearly haven’t a clue

Let’s approach it from another angle
Which is not exactly horizontal
Or vertical
But rather hysterically versatile
Or farcically upended and perhaps juvenile
Not the approach you should take
With one who is filling in boxes
Looking not
Not to make a mistake

Do you always finish your puzzles?
Say I
Oh yes says he
Perhaps with a spark of glee
Their numbered by degree of difficulty
You see
Oh really, say I, I didn’t know that
What number are you completing
This one is four
They change by the day.
Doesn’t everything
I think  
But, don’t say.

I play to keep my mind active
He offers.
Your talking to the horizontally damaged
Vertically challenged
I think
He continues
To keep things interesting
There are some days I only do the down boxes
Wow, I think
That’s really interesting
So god ****** interesting
That’s so interesting
I think I could choke on my tea
But excuse me
I think I have to ***.
Maybe the joke was on me.

My take away
If you want to complete the puzzle
Don’t look for someone who does the down boxes
On your up days
You’ll never be on the same page.

I can deal with aging
don’t mind how it slows you down
Even as if
Every step could be your last.

As an aside, while driving
How many truths are revealed
In the mind field concealed
As your driving

Passing an old man with a cane
Who stopped to spit on the sidewalk
Don’t judge, I tell myself,
Sometimes, if I’m being truthful
I hate aging and the aged
Present company included

And that is why Jane Fonda is my hero

Who really knows what goes on in anyone’s mind
I think while I’m driving.

My friend has early Alzheimer’s
Can’t even spell the word
So I think I’ll text her a joke today
I think better of it
My joke goes like this
Maybe you’ve heard it.
Betty White said it.
“My mother always said.
You don’t get older.
You just get better.
Unless, of course, you’re a banana”
Ha, ha
Yeah, then I think
Is it possible she’ll think
I’m calling her a banana.
Makes me wonder
Would I ever call anyone a banana
I don’t know
Maybe, if it fits
Could I be accused of yellow journalism
By some banana loving lunatic
Who thinks I’m sick, sick, sick

I had an ex-mother-in-law
Who passed over a while ago
While she was here
The very epitome of decorum
If it were a different age
She wouldn’t have married
She’d be home at nine
Do what your told, behave
See where I’m going
So proper, so refined
So tell me why
At the end of her life
She spewed the most egregious slurs
To make the most prudent
Sunday school teacher blush.
Maybe she was a secret lush.

What pretty dirt
Is swept under that
Pretty Persian rug
What silk coat does righteousness wear
I swear
What does purity dismiss

And that’s why Jane Fonda is my hero
Will somebody please turn up the heat
It’s like subzero
In here.

Never mind
Never mind
You’ve been a friend of mine
And I’ve listened to you
Since I was two
And all you ever do is tell me what to do
Don’t you think it’s time
I made up my own Mind
My god, how could I have been so mindless
It would have been a huge kindness
If someone would have severed the connection
Instead of making a collection
Of every niggly thing I ever did
I would have been just as happy to be a pig
Nevermind
Nevermind
You’ve been more than kind
But I’m falling back
Into my higher mind
So shut the **** up
I know you have something to say
I listen to you every day
And all you do is tell me what to do
There I think I’ve said that before
So there’s nothing left to do
But shut the door


If you say this
Someone gets ******
You say that
You’re a hard hat
Fat cat
Brasshat
Doormat
So ******* brat.
Save your judgments for judgment day
I did the best I could do
If it wasn’t good enough for you
I don’t know what to say
Maybe we’re through.
Oh you can still have your say
But it won’t always be your way.
Save it for a rainy day.

You know you can’t please everyone
And that’s what you’ve been trying to do
How did that work out for you
Quite an undertaking
If not impossible to do

Boo hoo
Boo hoo
That’s all I ever hear from you
So cry me a river
River rat
You’re not always up to bat.

Although God is the reputedly the great, I Am
Now here’s my thinking on the subject
If I can, keep reading
If God wanted you to be just like her
Why did he create you
Maybe, just maybe, consider ok maybe
It’s not true
He wanted you to be just like you
She wanted to create something new
Then he’d have something to do
And company too.
Confusing  
Not really
Consider I’m God
Hard to, I know
But humor me
Consider I clone me
And every one of my honeyclones
Looks just like me
Too bee said to me
thinks just like me
walks just like me
talks just like me
loves and hates just like me
(must be a duck, what)
but mostly stings
just like me
You’d get bored very easily-
We all like the very same everything
We all had the very same good and bad day
We all wore our hair in the very same
Good and bad way  
Part to the left
Stay to the right-
You get the analogy.
We all ate the same thing for breakfast
How was your breakfast of champions dear
Same as yours, I fear.
We’re all incredible bores
And on that we all agreed
So she created diversity.

And that’s why I am something
To be the thing that God is not,
And that he can never bee.
And that can never bee
I am, also included in something that I am
And the something that I am not.
Now I think I’m going around in circles
like a mad logistion.
Not really a twirl
But something like that
More like a swirl
More like a girl
And you are not
And exactly like you
And I do
Because
(break cadence)
When
All the honeyclones crossed the bridge together
The bridge collapsed.
Oops

Let us put a few pages between us
Unread, unsaid, unshed
Unsoiled if it could be said
Likened as if they would stay
Empty as the newborn day
Unruffled as a Sunday afternoon

Too many flavors have spoiled the cook
Shape-shifting constituents of exactitude
Aplomb with certitude
Straight as an arrow
Smooth as certainty
Singular as perfect pursuit
Agaze are you, blue hue
Cobalt true and blue
Cerulean sometimes soft
and clouding
Metallic pallet surrounding
Hard as steel,
Warm as a cold day in May

Where analysis paralysis
Has you curious
Doubting and dubious
Calculous and carefulness
Left you immaculately scandleless

Does it sometimes get so lonely
Between the devil and the deep blue sea
Have you ever not looked before you leap
Do you ever gurgle goo goo’s
Before you go go
Running in place
Going nowhere
Never too close
Never too base

Was it ever not intentional
Wrought by incompleteness
Messy this neatness
Red hot chili sweetness
Intense with meetness
Hurt and heat compete
Will you ever admit defeat

This can’t go on
I’m ending it here now
This is the end
My pretend friend
I tore up the recipe
I’m going to make you over again
A pinch of friendly less pretense
A dash of vulnerabilities
Stir to understanding consistency
Deep well cooker piquancy
Boil until bubbles break
Give and take
Friend
Skewer to hold shape
Then lift with a circular motion
More kneading
Less bias
Low and slow
Until tender
More me
Less you
This I can do
And so can you

I’ve made you anew

Yes, I think I did it
Didn’t I do it
I mean, you saw me do it
Yes, you did
You saw me do
What I’ve never been able to do
Which was to say
Love you
Love me
It was nothing
Nothing at all
Nothing to do
Was it even true

I stare into space
Implacable clockface
Worn-out bookcase
All the knowing I stuffed
Shelved, just in case
Ornamental armament
Bounded & staged
Dialectical argument

I did nothing
Who did nothing
You did
No, I didn’t
Who are you talking to
Who’s asking
Don’t answer a question with a question
Don’t tell me what to do
Relax we’re only talking
Don’t patronize
Don’t criticize  
Well that’s what I mean
Was I doing Nothing,  
Or Something?
What did I do?

I mean
Was it Nothing
Or
Was it Something
Tell me
Was Nothing Something
or
Was Something the Nothing I did
or
Nothing the Something I did
I’m an Escher painting
One hand painting the other
Thing is
I don’t know
But that is the very thing I know

Talking to a friend today
She says
I got to go
My daughters calling me
Thing is
She doesn’t have a daughter
Or does she

Thing is
I know
She wanted to talk about her thing
And I wanted to talk about my thing

I know
How this looks to you
But here’s what you need to know
I’ve listened and listened and listened
I’ve been a listening machine
So shut the **** up
I’m not your therapist
This I’ll only do for my daughter
You mean our daughter.
Whatever

But, here’s the real thing
A think thing
You don’t have to say anything  
But’ it’s better if you do  
Because I need you to
But not like this
So maybe it’s better if you don’t
But, that’s not the real thing
Maybe It’s better if you do
Or don’t
Then Don’t
Then Do
Don’t
Do
Don’t
Do
Then Don’t
Then Do
Please Do
I think I’m thru with you!
But wait
I have to think this through
Where have I heard that before
Not from me.

The other day
They made me part of the coffee crowd
For once, I didn’t object
Choosing sides was never my thing
Sitting on fences was my usual go to
The single dad by my side
Whose children are all grown
The proctologist who thinks too much
I must have broken the ice when I said
He works from both ends
He watches CNN in the morning
And Fox at night
So he has a balanced point of view, hmm
Guess he’s sitting on fences too
Who knows maybe the joke was on me

The other day
What was it I was thinking
That you could possibly be my friend
When you thought I was so unkind
You would respond so quickly then
You were comfortable in that role
But I didn’t want to be that person
I didn’t want to critique you
I didn’t want to be arrogant
Sanctimonious, pretentious
I didn’t feel comfortable in that role
I wanted to drop all the pretenses
You wouldn’t let me
You wouldn’t let me get that close
It was all arranged so well
Nothing was out of place
Nothing to embrace
Displace,
Deface
Everything so neatly aligned
Everything accounted for
Every dollar, nickel, and dime
But someone left the cake out in the rain
I can’t remember who sang it
Time to hang it
Out to cry

The Other Day
Waiting for a message that never came
The phone a *** that never boils
But is that true
Isn’t silence your answer
It’s true
Messages come through
We just refuse to see them
No problem
They’ll be no hissing sound
Of the *** that never comes around
I’m a shipwreck
That’s run around
A digital dingbat
For a screen that screams
Wakeup
It’s time to wake up
Dingbat

The other day

Until Now

You have taken the words from my own
You are the pedals in my poem
A riddle wrapped in a rose
Cherry pie a la mode
A garden of poppy prose
Poppy I have waited for so long
Followed the primrose path
Running along to your song
Swung from the branches of your stanzas
Hidden in honeysuckle extravaganza
Picadillos and innuendos
Abound
Words sprung from fertile ground
Budding images messing  
A delicate balance
A lover’s dalliance
A vineyard
Of the triggered and the inward
Thickets of thorny morning glories
Questing bouquets of lily days
Where daffodils
Are dressed to ****
And a single rose grows
Inviolate
Yet
Stem to stern
I have felt the male fern
And the grass burn
And the willow cry
And the dragonfly fly by
In the blink of an eye
But I have never ever felt you.
Until now.

Nattering **** head of negativity
Birdbrain, half-wit *****
Can’t count on to get on
Ever a nerd twerp blockhead
Braindead- can’t follow a single thread
Instead
Dance to the strings of your puppet poodle
You’re boring attempts are feudal
You’re as appetizing as a ten-day-old strudel
Square head, *******, yoyo, bozo
Backhoe cargo
Exciting as bread dough
Rising
Not surprising
That I’m so despising
You’re constant attempts at upstaging
Left me
Utterly disengaging
Your raging
Left me
Utterly disengaging
Your blaming
Left me
Utterly disengaging
Your constant contradictions left me
With a drug addiction
I’m not blaming
Just saying
Praying for the end
But wait
Why all the hate?
What hate?

Isn’t the mirror
Reflecting the interior
Can anyone save me from my nightmare?
Scared
That must be it
I mean me.

My hair is braided, I swear
Somedays I wear it like a crown
And somedays a crown of thorns
Creditors keep calling
I don’t answer
Friends reach out
Reluctantly I engage
Engagement like a minimum-security prison
Hush, the weak have arisen
That’s some days
I long for, crave for
Nothing
Answers
Fulfillment
Peace
Emptiness
Apple pie?
French Fries
With loads of ketchup
Presence
Yes, That’s it
The present-perfect moment
Wrapped in gift gold
A pen that doesn’t skip
Except down the street
A pen that writes what it wants
Not what it’s told
Without regards to you
A totally naked pen
Unselfconsciously naked pen
A pen without permission
A pen without presumption
A pen without proper purpose
A pen without a penchant for perfection
(excuse the alliteration)
Without politeness or uptightness
A pen that flip-flops
A pen that hides under the covers when you’re around
A pen that doesn’t stop
Even after it runs out of ink
Pink Ink
Think ink
Until I get tired of pink think ink
A pen that doesn’t get bored so easily
Like you
Maybe I do  
And maybe I don’t
Maybe we’re two pens in a pod.
Oh, fickle pen
That’s so like you
Yup’ the pen made me do it
I’m a slave to the pen
What’s up with you?

I continue to suffer, God
Separate from Your Infinite Awareness
Fetal and curled up inside myself
I continue the battle outside myself
Having not the honesty to face
What’s felt inside myself
Love, you have so long eluded me
Love tell me where you hide from me.
Intermittently you return to me
You are always felt like another
While I struggle to find you inside of me
Why is it only with another that I find me?
Peace and tranquility apart from me
So, God, if I ask these questions
And if I am you
So, must you too.
Is that why you created me
And the others I see
Could it be, ***
That I created you and
That you were lonely too?
Could we be
The ultimate entertainment for you
Or for me
Like characters on a moving screen
You gave us names
You gave us roles
You gave us means
But you forgot to tell us
It was only a game
You designed
To keep us entertained
That would be too cruel
So, I may have to overrule
That scenario, however
You really are the ultimate Lothario
Looking for love
In all the wrong places
Looking for love
In the crawl spaces of your mind
While you were dishing it out
You left some of us out
A Brahmin once said
Cease to cling to yourself
Who should you cling to when no one is there
I know I’ve misconstrued the point
It’s true and
If that is true and I am you
It is true for you too
So, you should cease to cling to me
Pretend if you can that you are me
And no one was there
What would you do?
Probably cling to you, too.
And I know there are more important things to say
But I’m just writing what comes up for me  
For God’s sake
Maybe it’s not pretty
Maybe it’s nitpicky
Who’s to say
And who are you anyway?
No disrespect intended
Covering my bases
Just in case
She turns out to be a he
With an ax to grind
Oh, nevermind!

Tell me why, if
We’re all I
In a Charlie Brown Pumpkin pie
Patch in the sky I
Each a small piece of the pie I
Some a flaming cherry pie
Some a Georgia peach or
Perfect plum pudding pie
Perhaps a strawberry  
Sweet potato or crumbled apple pie I
You a poached peach pie
Together-
we’re a mixed metaphor
whatever for
Pie.

All sharing the same awareness
In all fairness
No one can define this thing called awareness.
Is Awareness the isness of you
Is isness the business of God
Is God in the business of defining
A color by number world
Too much blue in the sky pie
A little less green in the scene  
please

Could Awareness exist
To let you decide
What kind of I-pie
To die pie
To be a pie guy
Or a gal pie
Or pie gal
Goldie locks or Goldie Hawn
big bad wolf  
Or Genghis Khan

Now hear me out
If you were God
What would you do with infinity?

Got it!
Without a doubt
Better bake a pie
This proves God is a woman.
But you already knew that.
My explanation quite reasonable
My logic unarguable
Once again
The proof is in the pudding pie
You should never argue with a woman.
Guy!
But,
God reserves the right
To change her mind
So next time around
She could make a different pie
Bigger pie, better pie
Or perhaps
no pie at all.
She’ll bake a cake.
Or build a boat
For God’s sake.

A friend and I were texting the other day
He always writes the nicest things
It caused me to think
Maybe we could plan a future
Incarnation-
And off went the link
Without the slightest-
Hesitation
Mentioned it to Slick
Being the usual ****
He said You said
What!
What an absurd thing to say
For the smallest sec, I thought
Maybe I said something
I naught
Then came to my senses
Knowing he was building more fences-
As usual.

Don’t let yourself get pulled in
By the delusional
It was only meant to amuse
I said to defuse
The firestorm of confusion
About to begin
Let it go
Said my better half
Later you can laugh
At the boundaries that surround
The bottomless judgments that abound
The absurd who all know better
And follow to the letter
Caged by their supposed wisdom
Impaled by their royal kingdom
Their uncontested knowing
Their perception deception
Pathological psychological garbology
Can’t take a joke
Diabology
Maybe you take yourself too seriously
Deliriously deluded polluted
Raging and crazily concluded
Me only filter
Is this a rant?

Several days later I get Tyler’s reply
Hehe says he
That place sounds lovely! I’m in
We’re probably experiencing it somewhere.

Yes, said I
In multi-dimensional lives.

What is you?
What is me?
What do you hope to see?
Said he
How about now.
It’s an ever-changing mystery.

The aforementioned place
Being an exotic planet somewhere in hyperspace
With two moons, purple sunsets and no war.
And I
Wondering starry-eyed
Are there other Me’s?
And what could I be up to?
Hehe
Haha
Hoho
Only God knows.
Whoever she may be.

It was the coldest day of the year.
We welcomed the return of cooler weather,
Fellow followers of the southern sun.
Winter had almost begun.
Delicious cool breezes uplifted our spirits.
Inspired these awesome(?) lyrics
There was a luminescence to the light.
It sparkled with the dearest delight.
The days were shorter.
The nights' longer.
The seasons were changing.
Change was in the air..
Change was everywhere.

Southern change is slow and steady.
Unlike the north where one must always be ready
The mass migration from the north was still underway.
Hordes and hordes of high blood pressure,
Scoliosis afflicted octogenarians invaded our state.
We who bore the brunt of the brutal summers,
Felt like we belonged to a sunny exclusive club.
Entitled to space, the roads, the sunshine.  
Now we must share with the worst drivers of vehicular crime
Accidents galore.
Everywhere you go.
Someone overran the barricade,
Cars totaled
Cars mangled
Twisted and tangled
Cars flipped & chipped  
A road detours
In the land of the aged & mature
Mature, I say, only in age
Otherwise, it would be an absolute outrage.
And it is.

People meeting people in the most unfortunate way.
I tell you it tests your mettle,
It tests your patience,
It tests your good nature,
Not to mention the nomenclature
of your exclusivity.  
Better rethink civility.
Better rethink senility.
Better rethink livability
In the south
In the wintertime
  
Missing you had become a pastime of mine...
Seeing you and Robert in the coffee shop that day-
Delighted me.  
So that I completely forgot to order tea.
I knew I would see you soon,
As fate would have it.
Not being in the habit
Of that particular time
That particular coffee shop
That day,
Anyway
Unplanned as this was.
That is to say
Not planned in the usual way.
Did the afternoon gods align?
Should I take it as a sign
Or is it pure coincidence
I know you agree with the ladder
It doesn’t much matter
Coincidence and me don’t agree
Nothing is accidental
No, I’m not mental
If you agree with me.
I admit it’s a hard nut to swallow,
Unless you’re in the habit of swallowing hard nuts,
Which most, I think, are not
Although I’ve never actually inquired
For the usual reasons
Excuse the nut reference
If you have a hard nut allergy
In which case you should stay away  
It’s not a bad thing,
More hard nuts for the rascal squirrels,
No hard nuts for the hard nut adverse.
How nutty is this verse?

I digress
As you can see
My thoughts always take me back to thee
Thought I’d get a little fancy.
Back to the Day in question
Referenced by me in this digression
If I thought something interesting was about to unfold
Oh no, oh no
It was the same old, same old
After the polite amount of time
You picked up your phone
It was a sign
Business as usual
Or is it you hiding behind
Some kind of some kind  
I don’t know what
I such a nut
Stale coffee sits in the microwave
It pings its readiness
Forget my forgetfulness
One more round
The coffee’s cold
Like you
Still
I take it out
Drink it anyway
While I wait
Still
The coffee’s cold
And so are you
That’s all I have to say
And that’s why
Without thinking
I grabbed the phone that day
While you were busy texting
Hey, I wasn’t getting in the boxing ring
You knew that

Robert was rather overreactive
It was only me being me
I’ll meet your cold
And up the ante
Are you all in
Do I win
I was only playing, all along
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t write me a love song
Two for her
One for me
I think you’ll agree
It’s quite unfair
And you want to be fair
Don’t you
This isn't optional
Even rational
Or actionable
*******
My phantom love
I get it.
Still
I’m missing you.
Do you miss me too?

Hey you
Yes you
I mean all of you
Who think you know
Right from wrong
Left from right
Who ignites the inner light
Have you forgot about the law of one
Have you forgotten where you come from
Put away your noxious gasses
Put away your fighting passes
Let the mommy’s in with babies
Have we all gone ******* crazy?

Doesn’t humanity trump insanity
Doesn’t compassion trump political fashion
Doesn’t magnanimity trump calamity
Doesn’t loving kindness trump color blindness

Is this who we are?
Not by far.

I’m a vindictive *****
And I know it
Revengeful, self-referential
Must I settle each perceived injury
Not done to me
Why can’t I let it go
I know it’s not personal
Maybe this is terminal
Till death do us part
Married to my Swinehart
But I’ll be ******
Whenever I get the chance
I’ll settle the score
At a glance
If my confessional is not very professional
If this is the spiritual path
Must have taken a wrong turn
Into a wrath bath
Bathed in bloodbath
My embers stoked
I go up in smoke
Why do I spew venom
Wrong way to heaven
This way to hell
Do tell
Of my own making
No use faking
I want to be in awareness
Then my demon mind takes command
And Demands
Vengeance.
Yes, I fancy myself some evolved person
While I’m cursing the driver
That just cut me off
I try to be like Eckert Tolle
Instead, I’m Ebenezer Scrooge
**** I thought I left it all behind
Said whatever came to mind
No matter how unkind
What is wrong with me
What ******* road am I on
I’m sure I’m the princess I imagined myself to be
Must in a parallel reality that I see
Or my insane mind sabotaging me
I tried blaming it on my parents for hundreds of years
Had the backing of my siblings
They often brought to tears
Nothing like a gang mentality
To bolster your insanity
That didn’t work
When I realized
I was the only ****
I choose the whole ******* thing
What was I thinking
Totally lost on a one way
Going the wrong way
I’m sure I’ll see the light soon
But it won’t be white light
Right light
Red light instead
Sirens of insanity
Barons of humanity
Come to right the wrong
While my slightly out of tune song
Blares obliviously
Unconsciously
Along.
When will the anger be gone?

Superman, caped
Superhero of your childhood
Who but you stood for good.
Kryptonite did you right, but
You know
******’s the new Niagara
Mightiness the new flightiness
Vulnerability the new civility
So, tell me why Superman,  
You are so supersensitive
Touchy and defensive less
Couldn’t you see my pain
That I tried so hard in vain
To hide
Hey, Superman
What kind of girl
Do you think I am
I’m not a damsel in distress
But, for God’s sake
Let me know
Is it no
Or is it
yes

Never trust a man in a cape
Says Jake
Never trust a man in disguise
Said I
Never trust a man who flies
Or denies his lies
Never trust a man who doesn’t cry
Never trust a man who can’t get down on his knees
To please, hey
****? Maybe
Prayerful always
  
Superman doesn’t know what he needs
He only knows what he thinks, thinks
Too much thinking, thinking
Cerebration celebrating
Mentation, mentation
Marching to mental notes
Of what to do
If I were you
Judge nation integration
He’ll keep you hanging  
Upside down, downside up
***
He’s a man of deeds
Indeed
All I can say is:
Where will you find inspiration
Never having to ask for help
Help!
Do you think it can be found
In the iteration of your vocation
The kinship of your friendship
The censorship of your feeling self
The pathological need to give
To be liked.

Stop
Superman
your s is shrinking
rip off your shirt shrieking
Pound your chest like an ape man
Modern man, caveman
Crazy man
Here’s my unsolicited advice
Stop being so nice
(Present company excluded)
Let go of the wounds
The controls
The potholes
The foxholes
Free yourself from yourself

Just don’t resist
Resist resistance
Is that an oxymoron
Or am I just a *****

Superman, can you do that
Lois Lane can’t wait much longer
She’s getting much stronger
And she’ll leave you alone
And you won’t have a clue
As to what to do
And she’ll ask you why
You’ll tell her a lie
It’s not really a lie
You simply don’t know why
Superman could never be lonely

You see
Don’t you,  
It was always about you
And it still is
From the time I was five
And you weren’t even alive
It was you
From the beginning
You see
Don’t you, darling
You were always my superhero.

Echo, Wood nymph of folklore
Punished by Goddess Hera
Hated, there was no choice
Fated, deprived of her voice
Repeating words you hear
Punishment for a puppeteer
You fell in love
so you thought
With Narcissus
But he got caught
Looking at his own reflection
Turned him into a flower
Not his finest hour
Leaving Echo lonely and sad

For all the cads that
Never met a mirror they didn’t like
Who’s self-absorbed refection
Removes any trace of reflection
A thought can be misleading
Even if informed by a feeling
Don’t think
Because you think it it’s true
Consider others point of view
Don’t think because I disagree
There’s something wrong with me
Don’t always refer to you
Your grandiose style
Is just a grandiose denial
And while you deny that it’s true
Only an echo believes in you
Must I echo your words
How utterly absurd
This I can’t do
Even if it displeases you
Nothing moves you
Except for the powerless, you occasionally feel
Let’s you know you’re real
And yes
The rage is real
Hidden so well
That no one can tell
As you covertly hide from yourself
Your histrionics are first rate
Always out of date
A recording from the past
You’d think, you’d have worn out the grooves
Of the characters you cast

At last
There’s never an end
To the people I meet

All the friends you absorbed
Into the persona that’s you
Each has a name
But there nameless to you
I say
I know where you got that from
You say
There’s nothing new under the sun
I say
What about originality
You say
Plausible deniability
I say
I really, really need to get away
I say
Then, why do you stay?

I’m in search of my voice
I left it behind
In another time
I need it
Have you seen it
It could be
Anywhere
Under the couch
In the closet
Under the bed

You’re looking in the wrong places
The world’s a reflection
Of the spaces
Between the thoughts
Of your stasis.

It’s true
I’m never alone when I’m with you
Like living in a zoo
Forgive my sarcasm
Lack of enthusiasm
That’s what it feels like
Being with you.
First, you’re uncle Fester
Then you’re Grandma Ester
Who are you really
You don’t know
Do You

You never looked that far
Skin deep
Go that deep
Take a look
What do you see
It isn’t me

I’m not the object of your hatred
I’m not your scapegoat
Forgive the diatribe
For I am a scribe
Looking for her voice.
I am Echo no more

Tis the day of walking dead
Zombie look at me
Look at me
Do I appear to be
Among the living
It may seem that way
Going about my business
Greeting the day
In a polite conversational way
If you look closely you will see
That I see
What I see
Means nothing to me
That I hear
What I hear
Means nothing to me
Such is the mind of the walking dead
Scooped out meaningness
A hollow and vacant cadaver
A brown paper wrapper
I gaze out the window
A little red bird, restfully
Perched on a chain link fence, then
What non-thought moves you  
Branch to unsteady branch
Are their other little red birds nearby
With which, with whom you can fly
Please tell me why
For I am lost to my flock
My concrete view is filtered
Through shades of green and gray
Is that gray with an e or an a
Never mind
While motion stills my mind
Cars of steel fly by
Framing the sill
Leaving thought things behind

Tis the day of the walking dead
The dead don’t try
They just die
And keep walking
Unshakable and unbreakable
Perhaps numbing death
Leaving behind
The unkind
Tendencies
Of one kind or another
Perhaps one of many
Perhaps painful
Perhaps slow and steady
A prayer and a song
You’re wrong
  
My breathing is shallow
Thoughts keep repeating themselves
Synaptic electric mantras
Chemical fueled and fused
Electra orchestra
Shades of Zarathustra

(ok, forget it
you don’t mean it
ok, you meant it
eat mush for breakfast every single day
day after boring day
eat mush today because
you ate mush yesterday
and the day before
and the day before
the day before
mush, mush, mush
such maudlin sentiments
stirred up my resentment
because
well I happen to love mush
you really must
will you please
save some mush
for me
because I happen to love mush
the way I do
and understand it
the way I do
and can’t stand it
the way I do
that your mush is not for me
and I’m seeing red
but it’s not a bird
and it’s not perched peacefully
on a fence)  

That you have made room for mush
Is so sweet
So sensible

For someone else
So, crybaby
You were somewhere in the woods
Crouched down
Behind yourself
Standing
I waved to yourself standing
To move
Then threw a ticking clock at your head
Crouching down
No symbolism intended

I meant it to hurt
And hope that it did
So you can be among the walking DEAD.
Then I woke up
So satisfied
What's wrong with me?

Well, that was one hell of a poem
That will never see the light of day
I’ll just hide it away
In a folder on my laptop
Marked
Not to be read
Unless I am dead
The curious will surely want to read it then

You need to separate the wheat from the chaff
The boys from the men
You need to separate the uncensored
From the censored
The undone from the done
You thought it
You wrote it
You spoke
There must be something you liked about it
If there is I don’t know what it is
I’ll return to it in the morning
When I’m mourning my awakening

There is nothing I like about it
There are no words I care about
There are no seasons that shine
Reasons that rhyme
No rhymes sublime
I have left it all behind
In the gloom of my mind

All the sparks have been extinguished
I think and think and think
It’s brought me to the brink
Where have I gone wrong
I reach down deep inside of me
But, can’t seem to find the way in me
I’ve lost my muse
I’m not amused, but I am
Without my inspiration
The emptiness screams at me
Exasperating my damnation

I can’t seem to take another step
The heaviness deflates me
That’s not me you see
On the floor
Please just ignore what you see
Step over me
Go around me
Let me be
Let me wallow in my pity
Pity, please
I can still be the witness to
My woundedness

In the solitude of my loneliness
Diving into my emptiness
The depressive blob finds me there
It spreads like the black plaque
Where ever it goes
Filling every crevasse
With what isn’t me
Phlegmatic globs of stickiness
Yet I can’t seem to separate from
it’s grasping crusty tentacles

it is me
it isn’t me
does it matter
when you’ve lost your inspiration
and you’re as low as you can go
and nothing seems to matter
the world spins on slow
you know it’s just a cycle
you’ll come back around
and you’ll land with
your feet on the ground
but, not now.

Have I given away my power
Why can’t I be the one
Who inspires me
Why am I not enough
Am I playing too tough
Too rough
You can be rough and tumble
Still, stumble and fall
I said
To no one at all

You like everything you are
Even when you’re subpar
Who’s to be the judge
Have you heard
No what
The judge retired from the bench
That’s not true
I knew he was lying
I have my spies
Who do the spying
Really
Yes really
That’s quite silly
I feel the fog lifting
I fear it’s lifting
Because it was so comforting
Like an old blanket
That’s so familiar
And that’s even sillier
I feel the fog lifting
Time to put my head
Under the blanket
And go on another mind junket

Hotshot
Potshot
Fool shot
Cool shot
No shot
Yo shot
Shot, shot, shot, shot
Hey hotshot
Can you tell me who’s the shot caller
You’re lookin pretty dreamy
Didn’t mean to be a meany
Some things come so naturally
Shots are ringing from your balcony
So come on Romeo
Take a *** shot
Hotshot
And
Please tell me if I have a
Shot, shot, shot, shot
Hotshot
You’re such a cool shot
Badass
You can call the shots
You can shoot the shots
You got the elevated status
But, you ain’t got no action
You always know what's going down
You nowhere to be found
Because you're the shot caller
And I don’t have a shot
Shot, shot, shot, shot
Do i
Do I
Do I
Hey, hotshot
Can you see
I’m down on my knees
Beggin you please
For a
Shot, shot, shot, shot
Hotshot
You know I’m such a cool shot
And this is so out of character for me
Can’t you see
I can see
You’re laughing at me
For being a fool shot
Please tell me if I have a
Shot, shot, shot, shot
Hotshot
Will I ever see you at my door
Is this it
Nothing more
Looking pretty dreamy
This time, promise
Not to be a meany
Please tell me if I have a
Shot, shot, shot, shot
Dale had a friend
His name was shot
Because he was
Shot, shot, shot, shot
Who lives and who dies
Doesn’t matter when you’re a lifer
You run the prison
Make the decision
That’s not, not, not, not what I mean
Didn’t mean to be mean
So please
Won’t you tell me if I have a
Shot, shot, shot, shot
I’m down on my knees
Beggin you please
For a
Shot, shot, shot, shot
What I really mean is
Who’s the shot caller
What I really mean is
Well I know I’m unrehearsed
But quite well versed
I think you’ll agree
Always with me
I’m never home alone
Don’t pathologize
Just Apologize
For being such a ****, ****, ****
I know I don’t know how
But I’ll hold your hand
And you can show me how
Then I’ll quickly get off stage
Before it goes to my head
And all I want to do
Is be a deadhead
I mean it quite literally
Always looking for meaning
And that’s what I’m trying to say
My reflection seems to inspire perfection
And that’s not what I mean
Seems I’m always ******* off everyone  
With my off the cuff remarks
That set off sparks
And I think it’s quite a lark
But, I’m the only one laughing
So please tell me if I have a
Shot, shot, shot, shot
Before I’m
Dead, dead, dead, dead
Yo shot

It was bad enough when opinionated white men were the only ones
You saw them when you opened your set
Haven’t processed it yet
Gave bert my last four dollars
Fear I may live in squalor
If I screamed and hollered
Would it help
It was bad enough when opinionated white men were the only ones
Merrily followed by
opinionated white women
Black men
Black women
The Asians
The Haitians
Good gracious
The whole gang
A whole gaggle of them
Each one more opinionated than the other
A chorus that roars of
Incredible bores
Tuned into the conversation next door
It too was a bore
Everyone’s hysterical
If it weren’t so serious
Would almost be comical
The what if demons
Threaten to demean us
What am I going to do
I have no money
You think this is funny
I could go hungry
See what I mean
Why should I care
Money will appear from somewhere
If I only can believe it
It was bad enough when opinionated white men
My pill popping hon
Busted in on my fun
He’s out of pills
I’ll see what I can do
I’m out of them too
My appointment’s on Monday
I know it’s not even Sunday
It’s the best I can too
I'm out of them too
And then opinionated white women
What of it
He twists and turns
Thinks something is wrong with him
They examined all over him
No one’s yet uncovered
Discovered his apparent rigidity  
Stupidity, in moments near to him
Rigidity can be good or bad
Happy or sad
Depends if your frozen or fried
Broiled or foiled
Sautéed or filleted
Or nicely done hon
What was I saying
Yeah, rigidity’s a *****.
Always on the hook
You play it by the book
You’re ready to defend
Opinionated white men
Seeking some advantage
Prowling for an entrant
Doesn’t matter
I’m not a contestant
I play by the book
Which book are you looking for
They change by the season
They change by the reason
They change by the color
They change by the number
They change by the thunder
They change by the why
They change by the hi(gh)
They change by the sigh
They change by the discipline
It took to get here
I need a break from this exchange
Dear
Finally, they’re gone
Glorious alone-time
My mind can roam-time
Away from the beehive
Mind-hive project set.
Are you ready set
It’s bad enough when opinionated white men were the only ones
Were the whole set, subset, sweat set upset
Not yet set
Yet set
Ready set
Go set
Maybe set
Maybe no set
Rap set
Whoa set
She said set
I’ll get back to you on that set
But not yet set
I need a rest set
For god’s sake
Let me think about it
It’s only been nine years
Nine months
Nine days
nine minutes
Nine seconds
A split sec
Compared to an eternity set
It was bad enough when opinionated white men were the only ones
You saw them when you opened your set
Haven’t processed it yet
Must be hiding way out on the net set
My God, how can I talk about rigidity
But I’ve changed my mindset
Ok?
But, not yet.