I wonder if I can change my addict, if I’m at it
Another character I need to give attention
And I wonder if he’s been the one preventing
He’s been so focused on who I need to please
That I’ve forgotten to plant the seeds
And water my own flowers, through His power
And I’ve allowed myself to be so bothered
That I denied either of us any water
So I just might, make him an addict to light
Addicted to the Bible as the scribe of
God, the message man to the One above
I wonder if I can take joy in the things I deploy
And if it turns this addict into the scribe

Out To Sea - Track 4

((These are songs about growing up))

I cannot see, I cannot breathe
I cannot write, what I can’t perceive
It’s like life is an illusion and we’re all living in it
Just sit down and write and put a pin in it
Maybe it will help the confusion, to put a pen to it
Time is gaining momentum
Each moment that we’re living it
Momentarily living it

Remember the moment
You have a thought inside your head
A thought so clear you can hardly control it
You get up and hold it but write it down instead
But you can hardly find the paper and pen
So the moment you go to use it
Is the moment you lose it
The thought is lost so you try to find it again
Maybe you shoulda held it in your head
And now I’m trying to find it in something I’ve read

This is it, bringing us all to the edge of our seats
It gives the hero and the enemy meaning
Held from a string, I’m singing
The screen warps our thought
Growing and molding in plot
But I’m still not, I’m caught
In-between the conflict and the driving plot
Caught between playing the hero and the enemy
I don’t know which is me, or who I’d rather be
Because what I choose to do is not what I desire to
Caught in the brain game, it’s just a daydream
No one thinks to think about the endgame
Beg the question, who will loose, I know but who will I choose
Do you ever ask these questions? Have you ever been sincere?
Do you ever look into your reflection? Do you know why you’re here?

Out To Sea - Track 3

(((Early age, I barely remember this stage
When I started to face, but I looked away)))

What I’m trying to say is...
I’ve been waiting, for a thought to come to mind
A thought so good, one that I can make a storyline
‘Cause all I can seem to think is, how much I want to write
So I sit, pen in hand
And I write as much as I can
But still by the end of it, I’m lost
I can’t keep up with my thoughts
And I’m awful, ‘cause I had this dream when I was a kid
But these things are disappearing with the older I get
I’ve been sitting as the ink drips and my mind slips—going dull
So perhaps I should just go back to using the pencil
Foraging in the origins, in the roots to see what grew

More things get in the way, day by day
And I just can’t write, and I don’t know why
I don’t have time and when I do I sigh
I present this stuff to God because I cry
And I know He hears, even though I don’t really talk to Him
I just write, and expect Him to take them
But I hold onto these notes and don’t listen
And maybe that’s a problem—better yet, it is
I know it is but I always lose thought
Of the hope I have
And I go back to writing
And it doesn’t make sense
And I start all over again.
So here I am
I’m writing this song
To just explain to you in a way
That I’m crazy

I don’t know what the next songs hold
And I know you probably won’t get them
But it’s the prologue I never told
If you’re here to hear, just keep trying
It’s fine if you don’t understand
It’s not part of the plan
Only few comprehend
Don’t try to keep me congregated
I’ve done that for long enough
And now my thoughts are complicated
I like it this way, it’s for your own good
It comes out the wrong way
So keep back because you really should

Out To Sea - Track 2

I begin to hear screams
Coming from my dreams
They come from underneath
The come from beneath—what?

Worth
A thought worth mentioning
Is a thought worth depicting
But the thoughts I have, make me feel insane
People call me crazy, and I begin to hate my brain
Thoughts
They keep coming
They won’t stop
They take over my body
Until I feel what’s left of me
And what’s left of me I can’t explain
Dreams
They come at certain moments
Momentarily you know it
Make you rethink your life
Want to relive your life, right
Reality
But then it ends
You hit your bed and your morning begins
You hold onto what is left
Barely there, but left on the tip of your breath
You search hard, unable to remember
Unable to decide if it’s reality
Or if you’re just a dreamer

As a kid it was different
They were all happy dreams with happy things
But now it seems the picture’s different than we dreamed
You start to grow up and you start to do things
And your dreams change from happy thoughts
To those who haunt your past
To the things you thought you forgot
And reminds you of the task
It’s not fun anymore, is it?
No, not at all
You just want to fall
Down, down, down
Out of this dream, onto your bed
Up from the floor, before your dreams were dead
Out of this thing
Where nothing seems to seem
Right anymore
Youth out the door

Nothing really stays the same
Between the dreams and the nightmares
You forgot why you came
Unprepared and unaware
But the message I’m portraying
Is not what I’m saying
I forgot why I’m here
Am I even near
To what you want to hear
Oh please, oh dear
It’s not music to please your ear
It’s to show you that we all live in fear
So give me a chance to speak my thoughts
No, don’t keep me in a box
My insight unlocked
But I fear that it’s not...

See, I write these songs
But how am I suppose to record
The beat that’s in my head
Braindead
I rather keep it stored
Take a walk inside my head
Can’t you hear it, can’t you feel it?
I was pronounced braindead
So leave it

((This is my prologue. I hope you enjoyed.))

Out To Sea - Track 1

Verse 1
I was up all night
I can’t explain why
Just sitting here thinking
Gazing at the sky
...But you know that’s a lie
What I’m really trying to say is I was staring at the ceiling
Pondering the word “why”
Am I sitting here or am I just dreaming

I guess I’m just a little stir crazy tonight

Chorus
Why’m I still scared in the morning?
I feel my steps have been stalling
Oh I’m falling, oh I’m falling, down
Why’m I so lost in the evening?
I’m afraid to slow my heart’s beating
Still You’re calling, still you’re calling
Telling me to slow, down
Down, down, down, down

Verse 2
The stars they pass by
In the darkness of the night
I walk outside, down the street, until I stop my feet
With steps piled up, crying, miles behind me
I begin my decent
Down a spiral decline
And find myself somewhere
Where I cannot define

I guess I’m just a little stir crazy tonight!

Chorus
Why’m I still scared in the morning?
I feel my steps have been stalling
Oh I’m falling, oh I’m falling, down
Why’m I so lost in the evening?
I’m afraid to slow my heart’s beating
Still You’re calling, still you’re calling
Telling me to slow, down
Down, down, down, down

Verse 3
Every day I overdo it
Just yesterday I was through it
Focused on the windowsill
My life at ease and chill
But with the thump of roadkill
I look back through the rierview mirror
And see the things I feared

I guess I’m just a little stir crazy tonight!

I’m scared when I finally have to drive
I fear that my mind will take a ride
I can feel that I’ve been too thoughtful
In a way that’s bad an harmful
My parents want me to have a car
But I know my mind will stray too far
It’s just another room for my mind
Trapped in a moving vessel I’ll get lost inside
Claustrophobic yet my mind won’t abide
I’m scared that I’ll lose control
My demons take the wheel and overthrow

These new boxes are stressing me
Maybe I need to unlock my first one first
Then see where God is leading me
So many lines backed up in my mind
Should I cut ties and let them die?
Is it all just in my mind? I hope to not find
Use this dump for the bump, this lump I cup?
Rappin to uncap, tap if you’re at it

Tower of Silence - Track 14

Verse 1
The blind can’t learn to see
By opening their eyes
I can’t abolish the gloom
By putting putting in a disguise
But through faith and obedience
I can find my Lord
I will remain in prayer to Him
And abide in His Word
They live by faith, not by sight
Live in the dark, but step in the light
Guided by our noise, follow the path of His voice
The blind dance in step to what they hear
They walk in the fog, but their path is clear

Chorus
Oh
You save my life and pay my crime
So take my life and use this rhyme
To praise my name and not my line
Father I want it to be You that I praise
And through my craze, they see Your face
Hope they see that though we’re flawed
Still we’re called into Your endless grace
So I hope these words are testimony
To what You save and what You’ve shown me

Verse 2
Gulping down the morphine
Except it didn’t stop the bleeding
My emotions seeping out of me
Left feeling like a zombie—paralyzed
Because rolling down the windows only works for so far
Until I debate rolling out of the car
Found a new drug to help me sanitize
Maybe even help my polarize
Here lately it’s been chlorine
In hopes to keep me clean
But it does well to keep on killing
Now I might just need adderall
That’s why I like darkness and take cold showers
I stand up on high places to give me the power
I’ve had too much coffee, and I think way too deeply
Should have bought decaf, but I did it again
Got it black and cold to reflect my soul within
I want it all but now I’m relapsed
In an effort to take back the reigns
Of the One who overcomes the thoughts and pain
I’m thankful that my God continues to intercede
Because I’d be dead if I chose to proceed
I know it’s a lot of metaphors
But take a look at your source
And I hope it helps direct your course

Chorus
Oh
You save my life and pay my crime
So take my life and use this rhyme
To praise my name and not my line
Father I want it to be You that I praise
And through my craze, they see Your face
Hope they see that though we’re flawed
Still we’re called into Your endless grace
So I hope these words are testimony
To what You save and what You’ve shown me

Break
Oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh

Verse 3
How many times must I take it into my own hands
To accept the test of seasons of sand
Thinking I can manage it empty handed
Wondering where He is every time I panic
I pry at the terrain, clawing at my brain
To throw my mind inside like Moses decided
But the hole in my soil is far too shallow
I’ve killed a man then denied it
I’m on the run, dying and prying
So when the night comes and the rain falls I’m feeling hallow
Why don’t I turn—I don’t have to run back to
I look down at my palms, what I’ve written in these songs
Thought I was flying straight, until I take a step back to dilate
And I find my ****** bones have resurfaced
And my mind it surges
Do I not see how I walking’s urgent?
Do I not know His love is enduring?
Am I writing what’s pertinent?
Why have I not laid down my shovel and given it over
When Christ has already etched in His tombstone
That His love overflows and my sin is dead
But I like the company of what’s in my head
And I rather my heart be led than His Spirit lead me free
I can’t avoid the night
I can’t outrun the rains
But I can give my sight
To the one who sustains
And send all my thoughts and sin His way

Break
Oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh

Verse 4
So I hope you can take a rhythm
Use these shadowed songs and listen
Because not everything’s exactly bright
And there’s a blur between what’s wrong a right
Because Satan twists the picture
Using the fine lines of Scripture
Because it’s a fair question—is it enough?
Can we still have these thoughts and claim that we’re in love?
Well, without darkness what else could we write?
There would be no delivery to day from night
So I encourage you to take these raw emotions
And offer it to the God who restores the erosion
Because we have a Father by our side
The All-Knowing who guides the blind
So there are those who choose to see the apocalypse
But if you take His rest you’ll step in the glimpses
I pray you can take my graves
And see the path that I pave
Take this stone He has rolled away for your own
Dig deeper and know He has shone for your soul
Because I serve the God of transformation
And I want that to be your destination
So what do I want written on my grave?
I don’t want the fame, I won’t be a slave, so please don’t praise this stage
No I don’t like my name, I wouldn’t have this face if it wasn’t for His grace
Because God works everything our beautifully
For our good and for His glory
For those who obey lovingly
In His perfect timing, be patient and see
For He is the Lord of Sovereignty
Let that be my eulogy

Bridge
Oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh

Outro
So I will fall inside
Of You
And fill up all my wounds
In my hands
Revive all the graves
Within my mind
I give You all my plans