Everywhere I go, I put on a mask
Nothing but fake smiles and laughs
To everyone that I pass, I do this so
My true emotions won’t show
Sometimes I forget the only task that I had
And leave my mask back at the pad
Revealing to everyone my apathetic tone
I tend to push people away
Not listening to what they may have to say
I dont let no one get to close, because I
Know when you do, that’s how they’ll hurt you the most

for some reason I’ve had her
on my mind lately
it was weird to see her like my pics
kinda figured she would hate me
i couldn’t really blame her if she did
i guess i shouldn’t have hid who
i truly am, a broken man with no plan
she told me to get my **** together
i should have tried to listen better
now i’m stuck just reminiscin’
over that glisten in her eye
i feel like i kinda did it
to myself on purpose
but it really wasn’t worth this
feeling of regret
i don’t think i can ever forget that
feeling i got when i made her smile
i swear its been a while since
i felt that way for someone
but i can’t change the things i have done
if i could, i would’ve done things different
maybe could have tried to let my feelings
leave a bigger imprint
in all honesty, i felt my pain and
stress a bit less when i
was with her
i don’t know, I guess what
I’m trying to say is,
I kinda miss her

I am beginning to notice my self
Destructive tendencies
I try to pretend to be okay with
How things are in my life
But gimme a second, and
Imam tell you what it’s really like
I’ve noticed my level of happiness
Constantly changes seasons like
Earth’s climate
I usually keep this private, but now
That the truth is alive, it
Has no reason to hide
Summer
Everything is cool everything is fine
My friends hit me up and I’m down to ride
At this time I’m even doing good in school
I’m motivate and driven, my
Spirit has surprisingly risen and
Ascends for the months to come
Fall
my motivation is slowly declining
I start finding things to complain about
I’m losing sight of the silver lining
I started to become lazy
I wont clean my room, or the dishes
I even notice my memory becoming hazy
Winter
Everything has fallen apart
I stopped taking care of myself
I don’t even know where to start
I feel so hopeless, and ashamed
Of what I’ve become
I feel like there’s nothing that can be done
Spring
I’m trying to turn things around
I believe I found a way
I’m no longer feeling astray
I’m starting to notice a change
In myself, no reason to complain
I realize I’m the god of my own domain
But right now I’m stuck between
Two different seasons. I’m in
the middle of winter & spring
I’m having a hard time finding
A single thing pleasin’
I’ve felt so numb to everything
Going on for so long
Now my emotions are in overdrive
They’re like a loose cannon
Ready to pulverize anything in it’s way
As my thoughts continue to
Spray and speed up, it’s almost
Impossible for me to even keep up

Do i belong?
Do i fit in?
What is going on?
Do people like me?
Do they despise me?
What am i doing wrong?
Should i have done this?
Should i have said that?
Am i coming off too strong?
Could there have been another way?
Why can't i feel at ease?
When will i start to move on?

i have spent too much time
stranded at home, i’ve realized
the more that i am alone
i lose touch with reality.
off in my own zone i can’t
distinguish daydreams and actuality
with no one around me, i’m left
with only my thoughts to keep me
company. but what’s going on isn’t
that healthy. I’ve noticed i’m talking
to myself, it’s like i’m going crazy, or
maybe, i’m already there. i’’ll have
a full on conversation with nothing
but an empty chair. then i realize
what i’m doing, and am left sitting
there with an empty stare, hoping
this will soon end. it’s almost like
i pretend to be talking with someone
else, or just let out a quiet shout
just to break the silence about
i feel my paranoia increasing, feels like
everyone is conspiring against me
i can feel my sanity expiring immensely

i cant help it, i feel i’ve gone mental
the decline is exponential
its hard to believe what its turned into
can’t really say what i’ve been through
can only explain it through a pencil
but all i’ve overcome is monumental
typically keep my thoughts confidential
but im laying my insecurities out
and slicing em’ up with a ginsu

I want to be happy but i cant take
the steps to get there. it seems like
im only comfortable in the midst of despair